Bubba returns to save the day for W

With only a week to go until Election Day, America’s first black president returned to the political stage yesterday to help his party’s zombie-candidate Lurch. This is not good news for Lurch.

The Old Media is touting this as the second coming of Christ, but anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of recent history knows that Bubba has risen from the dead to sink Lurch’s ship on Hillary’s behalf. They were laying it on thick in Philly yesterday:

In a blizzard of confetti and a storm of cheers, Bill Clinton walked back onto the political stage in Philadelphia yesterday to tell Americans that good times will return if they give John Kerry his old job.

“From time to time I’ve been called the Comeback Kid,” Clinton said. “In eight days, John Kerry is going to make America the comeback country.”

Brilliant. It was truly a rock-star like scene as the drooling crowd tossed bras, panties and boxer shorts at the candidate and his impeached sidekick.

He was greeted with a roar from nearly 20,000 people passed through security into Philadelphia’s aptly named Love Park. Many thousands more – as many as 80,000, according to the fire marshal – packed the surrounding streets straining for a glimpse of Clinton and Kerry.

Clinton spoke with less vigor than usual and looked drawn – and was about 12 pounds lighter, according to aides – but he could not hide his joy at getting back into harness after being laid up for seven weeks following the surgery.

“If this isn’t good for my heart, I don’t know what is,” Clinton said, looking out on the sea of faces.

Bubba reminded them that he alone was responsible for their employment.

“In Pennsylvania alone, you’ve lost 70,000 jobs, as compared with the 219,000 you gained by this time when that last fellow was President – me,” Clinton said.

He also made sure to remind the crowd that he is far wealthier than they are.

He slammed Bush for giving tax cuts to “upper-income people like me” and running up the debt, “leaving the burden of the deficit for my tax cut on the children of this country.”

On the surface, this simply looks like an impeached ex-president rising from the ash heap of historical shame to help boost the candidacy of a wayward son. However, the Marxist Hag Hillary wants the decks cleared in 2008, which is why Bubba has appeared to Dukakize Lurch’s candidacy.

If you’ll think back to the mid-term elections during Bubba’s first term – after the failure of HillaryCare™ and the implementation of one of the largest tax hike in history – everywhere Bubba tried to help out a candidate, they went down in flames. This resulted in the GOP gaining control of the House for the first time in decades.

This pattern continued in 1998 and 2000 – wherever Bubba went, candidates went down (in some cases, the candidates had their interns go down on their behalf).

If you’ll recall, the relationship between Bubba and Al Gore was always tense – never moreso than during the 2000 election. One has to wonder whether or not that friction came from Gore wanting to keep Bubba the hell away from his campaign, or whether Gore was begging Bubba for help and Bubba refused. Only John Edwards’ hairdresser knows for sure.

In my opinion, Bubba’s resurrection seals the deal for a Bush win. We’ll know soon enough whether I’m right or wrong.