New Missile Shield Solution

Those filthy Canucks north of the border have come out and said that they want no part of the U.S. missile defense program.

TORONTO (AP) – Prime Minister Paul Martin said Thursday that Canada would not join the contentious U.S. missile defense program, a decision that will further strain brittle relations between the neighbors but please Canadians who fear it could lead to an international arms race.

Gasp! An international arms race!?!? Egad! Been there, won that.

I have a solution for those faux-Frenchies in Moosehead land – and an improvement to our country’s own strategic defense shield. It’s called the Super Missile Misdirection Magnet.

I haven’t completed the scientific, or effectiveness, portion of the system’s development, but I have completed the initial design. This supermagnet will simply re-direct all incoming missiles towards Canadian territories. As pictured in this helpful diagram:

I’ve already submitted the system to my high-level government contacts, so stand by for news in the mainstream press about this new groundbreaking system. For the time being, we’ll just keep it between you and me.


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  2. If I’m not mistaken, hasn’t the plan always been to try and detonate them over Canada?? ; ) But, um, where is China in all this. And what direction will those be coming from?

  3. I like it, I like it. It seem feasible, we just have to put our best minds on it.

    Also, I don’t think this is mutually exclusive of my plan to just annex through eminent domain the good parts of Canada like Banff. We would just have to direct the missiles farther east into phrenchie territory.

  4. Oh, but why should they join the program? They know we’ll protect them, as usual–until we deploy The Magnetâ„¢, that is… :mrgreen: Excellent proposal, I must say.

  5. As far as I’m concerned the whole country is French. From Vancouver (former home of the NASL’s Whitecaps!) to Nova Scotia! Nothing but a bunch of damn faux French bastards. I would like to aim the missiles away from former members of the Kids in the Hall though. And John Candy’s grave.

  6. That is hilarious. Maybe you could aim the magnet a little bit east though. That way if it happens to still hit any part of United States, it will only take out the Northeast. We don’t need any part of it hitting good old Jesusland.

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  8. Good idea. We can have an arms race with canada.
    Let me see now…their navy is what? Three canoes and a bass boat?
    Got it covered.

    Air force?
    Two of those planes that take tourists fishing WAAAAAYYYY up north and land on water. Good to go against that.

    Army? Guys in red coats and funny hats with horses? Nope, thats the RCMP.
    So again…Army? Uuummm…I imagine they are like the MacKenzie Bros…eating donuts and drinking beer…at the same time, you hosers.

    Marines? They don’t have them. You have top be tough to be a marine, and the toughest guys in canada are the hockey players right? Oh, and a few of those bronc riders in Calgary.

    Yeah, we can have an arms race with canada.

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  10. actually, i must say i’m rather impressed with canada and the way the canadian government has thought this through, about not joining. Beth is right, why would they join? if they joined it would mean they would have to dish out money, and for what? who’s pissed at canada? who would bomb them? AND they do know we’ll protect their asses; in fear of “looking bad”. besides, those poor bastards can’t afford it. what, with paying for welfare and “free” medical and all.

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