Month: April 2005

Friday Procrastination

A few quickies as I dilly-dally instead of getting actual work done.

In one of the angriest posts I’ve seen in the ‘sphere lately, Wuzzadem goes off the rails with rage at the latest outrage and those bloggers who continue to beat the issue to death.

The Therapist discovers the medical secret behind the GOP’s weak-kneed lack of leadership.

Arianna Huffington’s celebrity blog is finally up and running – Gwynneth Paltrow is already off to a scintillating start.

Speaking of lefty media, don’t miss today’s Air America lineup.

Dan exposes the ugly truth behind a leftist extremist couple. No, it’s not a same-sex marraige, but might as well be.

Celebrate the holidays all year long with Esther Wilberforce-Packard.

Katie said “boobies”. [Insert Beavis & Butthead-style chortling here]

In Search of Utopia has had a catastrophic server crash and has hit the skids. David has set up a temporary blog here – – while he decides whether or not he’s going to try to resurrect the old blog. Yeah, I realize he has moonbat tendencies, but he’s a good guy and was one of the first “big boys” to throw me some linkage when I was just a 9th-tier blog instead of the 5th-tier blog I’ve become. Go give his new blog some love. (via the lovely Sadie)

Still a fan of our crippling two-party political system? Then you’ll love Sharpy’s new graphic:

As usual, he’s dead on – “Face it, the only difference is who’s in power.”

Last but certainly not least, a big Happy Birthday to the Wily Canuck! I got you a cake:



Something horrible has happened to me. I’ve been “tagged.” It’s like a chain letter but worse. I would like to add that the only reason I’m participating is because I am a poet at heart, though most of my best work was created during my angst-filled teenage years and I think I burned all those poems (thank God).

Here is the poem I’ve been directed to create (I’ve chosen e.e. cummings no-punctuation-style):

turd in a    punchbowl
milk  milk   lemonade
turd in a     punchbowl
round the corner fudge     is made

It was the evil William Teach who started this filth, so blame him.

CORRECTION: It was the doubly-evil Blog d’Elisson who actually started this whole thing. He has a chart of how the virus has spread. Impolite and evil!

Give This Man a Medal

Meet the St. Louis auto mechanic who jacked Saddam Hussein’s jaw.

“I was so angry,” says Samir, who immigrated to St. Louis eleven years ago after fleeing Iraq. “I began cussing at him, calling him a motherfucker, a son-of-a-bitch — you name it. I told him I was Shiite from the south and was part of the revolution against him in 1991. I said he murdered my uncles and cousins. He imprisoned my father.

“All these years of anger, I couldn’t stop. I tried to say the worst things I could. I told him if he were a real man he would have killed himself. I asked him: ‘Why are you living in that dirty little hole, you bastard? You are a rat. Your father is a rat.'”

In Arabic, Saddam told Samir to shut up. And when Saddam called him a traitor, an enraged Samir silenced his prisoner with a flurry of quick jabs to the face.

“I punched Saddam in the mouth.”

Samir’s extravagant story is difficult to believe — until he pulls out his laptop computer and rifles through the dozens of photographs he shot that night. There’s the photo of Samir posed next to the bodyguard who will ultimately lead U.S. forces to Saddam. There’s the photo of Samir standing behind the stack of $12 million in U.S. currency seized near Saddam’s hideout. And there’s the most riveting image of all: Samir kneeling behind the bruised and bloodied dictator just minutes after his inglorious capture.

The sad part of this story is that Sodomy Insane isn’t taking a savage beating every hour on the hour. Instead, we have the Red Crescent standing outside his cell making sure he’s getting his tea and crumpets and allowed to write his poetry. Assholes.

WTW: White Trash Protesters Successfully Foil Evil Bush Visit

Good-hearted mountain folk come out in a massive display of civil disobedience – successfully preventing President Junior from making a scheduled appearance at Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park last Friday*.

The local media spun the story in favor of the President – blaming the trip’s cancellation on sudden thunderstorms in the area, but the protesters know better – it was their tireless efforts that intimidated the President’s entourage to the point of calling off the appearance for the President’s own emotional safety. This forced the President to give his scheduled speech at a McGhee-Tyson Airport hangar instead of at Cades Cove, arguably the physical mainfestation of mother nature’s supple, nourishing breast.

TOWNSEND – The rain, they said, was a sign.

“Maybe God is sending a signal to George Bush,” 78-year-old Al Wiberley said late Friday morning, standing in the downpour at the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and protesting the president’s expected visit.

Maybe Old Man Wiberly didn’t get the DNC memo about Bush’s co-Presidency with the Creator himself. Wiberly needs to do some fact-checking on who has the Heavenly Hotline.

To the 40 or so protestors who gathered at the park, the end was fitting. They didn’t think the president belonged in the Smokies, home to the country’s most polluted national park, when he has not done enough to rid the skies of pollution or to address global warming.

“It’s a PR photo opportunity that he’s really an environmentalist of sorts. He isn’t,” said Wiberley, an Alcoa resident who has volunteered at the park for seven years.

The protestors, who mostly hailed from East Tennessee and North Carolina, also had complaints about where they were allowed to protest – 10 miles from where Bush was scheduled to speak.

I am appalled that as a U.S. citizen, I’m not allowed to get anywhere close to where the president is speaking,” said Patch Scott, who lives in the Mascot area.

Scott also added (off the record) that he is appalled that as a U.S. citizen, he was named “Patch” and vowed to get even with both his parents and Robin Williams, star of the horrendous waste of celluloid that was Patch Adams.

Next to the official sign designating the new ” ‘First Amendment’ Expression Area,” protestors displayed their own poster that read “FREE SPEECH GHETTO.”

Two freshmen from Western Carolina University, Tara Jones and Carmen Batchelor, were the first demonstrators to arrive. They tried to enter the designated protest area around 7 a.m., they said, but they were told to come back later to get a permit.

“We’re terrorists, as you can see,” Batchelor, 18, said sarcastically. “We hug trees; therefore, we’re evil.”

I thought the whole tree-hugging thing was a metaphor. I guess not.

Shortly after 8 a.m., however, the students were able to sign the agreement saying they would avoid using sound-amplification equipment and would pay for any damages they did.

Batchelor said she had another idea for a permit.

“I wish I had a copy of the Constitution,” she said, referring to the First Amendment right to peaceably assemble.

The students came to the event to represent their campus chapter of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, but both said they disagreed with Bush’s environmental record, specifically his Clear Skies initiative.

When a man passing by on a motorcycle shouted, “Bush rocks,” Batchelor barked back.

“I could run this country better, and I’m only 18,” she said.

Batchelor later admitted that she did try to actually read the constitution one time “in high school” but gave up after she couldn’t find the clause that specifically outlined a right to abortion and free health-care.

Bess Crider, a mother from Bryson City, N.C., had much in common with the other protestors, except for one minor detail. She voted for Bush, both times.

“I don’t think Bush is a bad guy,” she said. “I think he’s principled, and I don’t regret voting for him, but I wish he would change his environmental policies.”

Wearing a sign that read, “I am a Republican for Responsible Environmental Policies,” Crider explained: “I believe being a conservative means conserving our environment as well. I wish Bush believed that.

Is that right Bess? Well, I wish Bush was actually a conservative, but I’m out in the cold as well. I guess we should get together and commiserate over a big fat bong.

In the end, the protesters got their message across – and that message was something about cleaning smokestacks, more oil for blood and something about midgets. No matter, they were able to keep the evil BushHitler out of their prisitine skunk habitat and at the Airport where he belongs.

* – Article heavily excerpted due to site-required registration

Your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

More War News

If you missed the story of the downed helicopter last week, as usual, Rusty Shackleford is your best source for the details. Warning: graphic photos – proceed at your own risk.

The only good news about the downed helicopter and subsequent survivor execution is that the Blogs of War and In the Bullpen are both reporting that six suspects are in custody. It’s time for some Geneva-Convention-violating torture for these islamofascists.

Speaking of those who give aid and comfort to the enemy, you may recall the story of Marla Ruzicka, “peace activist” and victim of a roadside bomb a week ago.

Debbie Schlussel penned a great column last week titled “Treasonatrix Barbie: Meet the real Marla Ruzicka.” If you found yourself moved by the media’s attempted sainthood of Marla, you should read this column so that you will understand that Marla’s demise was more “poetic justice” than “tragedy.” A sample:

When The New York Times, “Nightline,� and CNN nominate a young blonde for sainthood ahead of the Pope, it’s time for a reality check.

Especially when that blonde, Marla Ruzicka’s sole purpose is to legitimize our enemies, cause problems for U.S. troops already in harms way, and morally equivocate dead terrorists with victims of 9/11.

Jane Fonda lite—but unfortunately without having been spat upon by right-thinking veterans.

The recent death of Ruzicka, an American “activist� in Iraq, elicited an orgy of gush—everywhere from Time Magazine to The Guardian of London to Al-Jazeera.

A 28-year-old San Franciscan, Ruzicka was in Iraq “to help the Iraqi people,� proclaim the multi-orgasmic mainstream media memorials to her. Even the Wall Street Journal’s normally excellent Robert Pollock mourned “Ambassador Marla� for being a less gnarly America-hater than the others.

Et tu, Robert?

With her cascading blonde hair and youthful looks, Ruzicka didn’t look like your average greasy-haired, pot-smoking, hackey-sack-playing, crunchy radical. And the media swooned over her, the newly-anointed Vanity Fair pin-up in Birkenstocks.

But looks are deceiving. Marla Ruzicka was nothing more than a traitor cross-dressing as a peace activist.

Read the whole damned thing.

Incidentally, Debbie Schlussel has been officially added to the Six Meat Crushes blogroll. Visit her often…

Sunday Night Poll

One week from tonight, Family Guy returns to prime-time television. It’s one of the funniest fucking shows of all time and you damn well know it. For those of you out of the loop, Family Guy was cancelled after only three unsuccessful seasons on Fox, only to be revived by a cult following who gobbled up the DVD collections and boosted the Cartoon Network’s late-night “Adult Swim” ratings by watching it in reruns. Brand new episodes start next week.

This got me thinking – what other cancelled/defunct animated prime-time shows should be dug up and brought back to life? You decide:

Poll is now closed. The Critic wins.

Also, last week’s poll is closed.

Apparently, you’re all buying guns, and as I see it – that’s GOOD FOR AMERICA. Thanks for participating in the poll and for buying firearms.

Wendy’s Finger Woman Locked Up

You may remember Anna Ayala, the litigious dingbat who claimed to have found a finger in her bowl of Wendy’s chili.

As I had hoped, she was arrested today on felony theft charges related to her chili caper.

Anna Ayala, who had threatened to sue Wendy’s after the incident at one of its San Jose, California, locations, is being held on suspicion of grand theft and attempted grand theft, San Jose police spokesman Nick Muyo said in an interview. Wendy’s offered a $100,000 reward for information on the finger’s source after sales at its area restaurants fell.

Ayala, 39, is a Las Vegas resident who was visiting relatives in San Jose when she reported biting into the finger March 22, according to press reports. Her claim set police and Wendy’s, the No. 3 U.S. hamburger chain, on a monthlong pursuit of how the 1 1/2-inch segment of a well-manicured finger got into an order of beef chili.

There are no other suspects in the case, Muyo said. Telephone calls to the home of an Anna Ayala in Las Vegas went unanswered. A police spokesman in Las Vegas had no information on whether Ayala has a lawyer representing her.

The San Jose police will hold a press conference at 1 p.m. California time. Ayala will be transferred at some point from Las Vegas to San Jose, Muyo said.

More details to follow, it appears. Her delightful mugshot from the Smoking Gun:


From the You Cannot Make This Shit Up Department: Last week, another Nevada resident said the finger was hers – she recognized it on television!

Forensic experts began running DNA tests on the finger, while authorities looked into Ms Ayala’s past after she suddenly dropped a lawsuit she had filed against Wendy’s.

The case took another bizarre twist last week, when a woman who keeps wild animals called police saying the finger was hers and that it had been ripped off in a leopard attack.

Sandy Allman, 59, who also lives near Las Vegas, said she recognised her finger on television.

My mama always told me, don’t keep leopards or you’ll be watching your fingers on TV one day.

UT QB Battle down to Two

Sophomore QB Brent Schaeffer shown the door at UT.

(KNOXVILLE) – Brent Schaeffer’s career at Tennessee is over.

The sophomore quarterback will no longer be a part of the program after meeting earlier today with Coach Phillip Fulmer. Schaeffer, who was competing for the starting quarterback job this spring, had already been indefinitely suspended by Fulmer following his arrest last week on assault charges.

Schaeffer’s latest run-in with Fulmer came after missing several classes despite being warned by Fulmer that any further incident would be the final straw.

Even Mr. Magoo saw this coming. On the down side, however, if The Great Pumpkin gets serious about cleaning house, we’ll be starting the 2005 season with about a dozen players suited up.

Pork Bellies

A quick round up of blogosphere items you may or may not have missed…

Little Green Footballs sullies its mouse by visiting the Daily Kock only to find more gloating over the deaths of civilian contractors today in Iraq. Those cockgobblers over at Kos are truly the absolute scum of the earth.

Vince from Eric Aut Morire demonstrates the proper way to squash a troll.

Wuzzadem samples Microsoft’s new blogging software with limited success.

Rusty’s hourly Pamela Anderson searches have finally paid offshe has a blog!

Chad Evans lets us in on a Homicide Bomber Debutante Ball in Iran.

Beautiful Atrocities: Celebrities outraged that new Pope is not muslim.

From the good cause department, Beth passes on the word about Soldiers’ Angels – an organization created by a military mom to help our fighting men and women overseas and their families. Visit their website for more information and donate if you have the means.

Last and also least, if you missed the Citizen Journalist Report today, you missed a good one. You can catch the replay for the next 23 hours or so at Right Talk Radio. Listen in to hear Michele Catalano fly off the rails as she is tormented by Jeff Goldstein.

Professional Panhandlers

Here in East Tennessee we’ve got the entrepreneurial spirit in our blood. It goes back generations – from our fathers to our fathers’ fathers to our fathers’ fathers’ fathers… well, you get it.

That spirit is not restricted to the wheelers and dealers of big business – it trickles down to the little man – or little woman – in the case of this story. Take the case of panhandler Paula Howard.

She can be seen regularly along highways in upper East Tennessee holding a sign that says “Disabled Widow, Broke & Hungry, Anything Will Help, God Bless.” However, at the bottom of the sign, you’ll see WWW.DISABLEDWIDOW.COM.

It seems that the 21st Century panhandler has gone all high-tech. Her website has some photos of her at her favorite panhandling locations as well as a list of her bills and the items that she needs, but can’t afford.

Now, I’m as kind-hearted as the next guy… okay, maybe not… however, this woman seems to have more than enough organizational skills to hold down a regular job. She says she’s disabled, yet she’s able to spend extended periods outside, on her feet, interacting with the general public. That takes physical endurance, so I don’t buy the whole “disability” thing. That probably makes me evil, but what else is new?

The fact that she has a website, whether she put it together or not, demonstrates at the very least a rudimentary knowledge of computer technology. Her website also provides a list of monthly expenses, which demonstrates financial and budgeting skills.

The website allows the visitor to “pick a bill to pay” and provides contact information for sending money. Because I’m a generous person, I’m going to help her get rid of one of her bills. She lists Direct TV as a $50 bill, which is overdue $345. CANCEL IT. Now wasn’t that easy?

Next time you’re at an intersection and a panhandler asks you for money, simply ask them for their website address. You will probably receive a blank stare or a string of expletives, but odds are the panhandler will probably want to move on to the next vehicle rather than continue discussing technology with you.

This has been another helpful hint from your friends at the Six Meat Buffet.

Cross-posted at Say Anything

WTW: Raggedy Ride Redux

This White Trash Wednesday, I’d like to pay tribute to those toothless backwoods MTV-watching gangsta wanna-bes who drive around in tricked-out Honda Civics. If you’ve ever visited small town America on a weekend night, you know the types I’m talking about.

Their only cultural frame of reference is MTV Jammmzzzzzzz and they spend all their minimum-wage money pimping their Geo Trackers and Ford Escorts and buying subwoofers so that when they go cruising past the local McDonalds, everyone will know that they listen exclusively to 50-cent and spend most of their spare time bustin’ caps in people’s asses and fighting the power.

They gather in shopping center parking lots and fast food restaurants on the town’s main drag and compare gangsta notes while scheduling fist fights for later in the evening. They drive up and down the same stretch of road demonstrating to all slack-jawed onlookers that they are indeed the pimpin’est daddies on the strip.

Well, in an attempt to be cool like them, I had my own raggedy ride tricked out recently and thought some of you might want to see it.


10 Years Gone

Ten years ago today, a network of conspirators blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

Sure, Tim McVeigh and Terry Nichols got nabbed, but there was a larger group with middle-eastern links that helped plan and execute the attack. For some reason the Feds didn’t want the investigation to go past their two militia patsies.

You want evidence? Read The Third Terrorist by Jayna Davis.

It’s incredible the amount of information she was able to dig up about the bombing – and even more incredible were the brick walls she kept running into courtesy of the Reno Justice Department. I read the book a while back and to say it’s eye-opening is a gigantic understatement. Every American should read this book – it will remind you that not only is the Federal government going to continue to struggle protecting us from islamofascist terrorists, but sometimes they even stand in the way of protecting us.

Others remembering the attack that killed 168 innocent men, women and children:

Mike’s Noise – remembering what it was like to be in Oklahoma City that day
Ace of Spades
Say Anything
Nixon’s Memoirs – remembering a friend lost in the bombing

Mr. & Ms. Amerikkka

Digger’s Realm reports that Stephen and Virginia Pearcy (a/k/a Mr. & Ms. Amerikkka) are now threatening certain bloggers with lawsuits over coverage of their anti-American soldier-hanging-in-effigy exploits.

Mark Butterworth looks to be the first victim of the Pearcy’s hurt feelings – read this post concerning a phone call he got from Mr. Pearcy not long ago. Understandably, this has pissed Mark off, and hopefully he will countersue for the emotional distress of receiving a phone call from a Marxist.

More on Stephen (“For the last time, I wasn’t in RATT!”) Pearcy and his bearded man-wife Hagatha here and here.


To clarify, which I think is necessary due to some of the comments here and at Digger’s place, I don’t support the whole “contact the employer” strategy. It’s not that different from Michael Rogers’ gay outing crusade against other bloggers by harassing the bloggers’ webhosts. Contacting employers may even be worse, since you’re going after someone’s livelihood. Is it illegal? Probably not. Is it a questionable tactic? Probably.

This caveat does not change the fact that I would still like a bear to shit in Steven and Virginia’s mouths while they sleep.