Month: June 2005

Nine-One-One Are You Hearing Me? I am Speaking To You! Hello?

Lucky for you sick freaks, one of my Nashville sources was able to get his hands on a transcript from a recent 911 call from a hysterical muslim to the Nashville Metro Police Department after discovering a soiled copy of the quran at a Nashville apartment complex:

* Ring Ring *

Hysterical muslim: Where are you? Why don’t you answer? The pain is shooting out my eyes at what I am seeing with my own eyes!

* Ring *

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: 9-1-1 emergency. What is the problem?

Hysterical muslim: Praise allah that you’ve answered! Look at it! Just laying there. Excrementated!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir! Please slow down, I can barely hear you with the wailing in the background.

Hysterical muslim: Please! We are all wailing in pain and sorrow! Send someone quick! It’s just laying on the ground… lifeless. This is an act of barbaric aggression!!! I cry out to allah! Look at it! The butt stink of 1,000 infidels has besmirched the pages! The chapter and verse that commands me to slay the unbelievers is besmudged with fudge!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Sir – who is lifeless? Is someone injured? Has someone been attacked? Please help me by speaking clearly…

Hysterical muslim: My holy book – the book of which I dare not speak its name for fear of using improper enunciation and defiling it verbally! It has been defecated upon and rent asunder! This is an assault on all that is righteous and holy and sacred! Oy!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Your book is hurt? Are you serious? This is 9-1-1 – we don’t have time for stuff like this…

Hysterical muslim: Please do not belittle my religion with your hate speech! The holiest of holy books has been shat upon! This is not your “Peoples” magazine! This is not your precious Tom Cruise Television Guidebook! Send a policeman at once!!!

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Is this you, Randy? This has to be you, Randy….

Hysterical muslim: I will tell you one more time – send a law officer immediately or I will send you a fatwa so fast it will make your head spin! Well, maybe not spin, but fall off completely after your neck is sawed through with allah’s knife of social justice. Can you not see that I am serious! Can you do any less?

9-1-1 Emergency Dispatcher: Uh….. um….. allright… we’ll send an officer right over. Do not move the book, I repeat, do not move the book, or you could cause further injury.

* Click *

* Click*

Source material: Nashville muslim community angered at Nashville Metro Police Department’s response to defiled quran incident.

Hat tip: Leo Oshkosh

Remember Those Who Sacrifice

Froggy puts yesterday’s Afghanistan helicopter crash into serious perspective.

Froggy: One thing that I think is important to point out is the incredible bravery and heroism of the SOF operators involved here. Imagine being in a small group of operators reporting the activities of an enemy force 25 to 30 times your strength deep behind enemy lines. Well, our SOF operators don’t have to imagine it, they do that every day. Imagine going in to rescue your embattled recon team facing 100 or more enemy fighters in a helo with 7 to 10 other SEALs in a high mountain pass in the middle of nowhere probably at night. Well, that’s what my brothers were about to do when their aircraft took fire. Recognize that every one of these men know that if captured, they will be peeled like an onion by the savage heathen scumbags that it is their job to annihilate. Think about that.

I don’t know about you, but as I wrote that, a chill went up my spine. While this incident is a terrible tragedy, it underscores the deep commitment of the American fighting man to defend this nation, and the incredible intrepidy of our SOF operators. This Independence Day weekend, take a minute and hoist a cold one for our boys. Because it is these men serving our nation around the world for the past 229 years that have made your BBQ possible.

It can’t be said any better than that.

WTW: Morgan Spurlock, White Trash Filmmaker Bastard

A few months ago, when the new season of the Shield (the best show on television) started, FX started running incessant commercials for Morgan Spurlock’s upcoming “30 Days” prickumentary. This groundbreaking pile of shit was a tv-sized version of his idiotic movie Super Size Me.

If you’re not familiar with Spurlock’s movie, here’s the rundown. Spurlock restricted his diet to fast-food McDonalds™ brand fare for 30 days and became a fat ass and clogged his toilets with a river of grease-laden fecal matter. This lame-brained propaganda proved – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that McDonalds is singlehandedly responsible for America’s current obesity fad.

When I lashed out at the TV, which I have been known to do (big shock there…), the lovely Mrs. Holmes asked me, “why do you hate him?” My only answer was that he was a dime-store Michael Moore without the talent for effective propaganda. When I saw that one of the episodes of “30 Days” was going to demonstrate what it’s like to live for 30 days as a muslim in “today’s” America, I knew exactly what the show was about — more horseshit propaganda meant to demonstrate the intolerance and stupidity of Americans.

Thanks to Debbie Schlussel, I’ve got some evidence to back up my hatred for Spurlock. It seems that the producers of Spurlock’s prickumentary called Debbie for help with their 30 days as a muslim episode. She was interested, until it became clear that their only intention was to portray muslims as victims of today’s intolerant America – even before starting the filming of the bogus “reality” show.

A show summary sent to me before taping began said, “This process aims to deconstruct common misconceptions and stereotypes . . . . [O]ur character will learn firsthand about Islam and the daily issues that . . . Muslims in America face today. The viewers will witness our character emerge from the immersion situation with a deeper understanding and appreciation for the Muslim-American experience. . . . The potential is great for this program to enlighten a national television audience about the Muslim American experience and increase their compassion, understanding and support.”

I asked the show’s executive producers–all of whom worked for Michael Moore–how this could be a documentary when they’d already decided the outcome. Wasn’t it possible, I asked, that the subject of the program, Stacy, would come out seeing that there isn’t Islamophobia to the extent that the Muslim community claims? Might Stacy see that there is disturbingly strong support in the Detroit area Islamic community for terrorist groups Hamas and Hezbollah–a fact regularly documented in the normally pliant Detroit media?

To the fair-minded, thinking person, these questions are more than fair – and highly relevant. The answers, of course, were all too predictable.

No, producers told me. “Morgan wants the show to demonstrate to America that we are Islamophobic and that 9/11’s biggest victims are Muslims.” With this in mind, I agreed to be filmed only with final approval of my appearance, which I never gave.

Actually, Morgan, you drooling lackwit, 9/11’s biggest victims were the 3,000+ dead and their families and friends. You, on the other hand, like many liberals, are a victim of your own mental illness and biological chemical imbalances.

You should read Schulssel’s entire column to learn what scumbags and idiots are really behind Spurlock’s prickumentary.

Hans Bricks also notes that Spurlock is a super sized prick.

Your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

How Dare Ye!

(via the lovely Annika)

Former Iraqi hostage and pissed-off Swede Ulf Hjertstrom has hired bounty hunters to track down and kill those who held him and Australian Douglas Wood hostage. Sounds like we need to hire Ulf’s buddies for use against the insurgency.

The good news is, for $50,000, Ulf’s boys might just get the job done. However, all is not coming up roses Down Under.

Pants-shitting leftist editor-in-chief of Australia’s The Age newspaper, Andrew Jaspan, was appalled when recently-released hostage Douglas Wood used the horrific term asshole to describe his sub-human captors.

Said Jaspan: “I was, I have to say, shocked by Douglas Wood’s use of the a—hole word, if I can put it like that, which I just thought was coarse and very ill-thought through and I think demeans the man and is one of the reasons why people are slightly sceptical of his motives and everything else.

“The issue really is largely, speaking as I understand it, he was treated well there. He says he was fed every day, and as such to turn around and use that kind of language I think is just insensitive.”

I suppose people were very skeptical of Woods’ motives, considering he was a fucking hostage, waiting to have his head sawed off with a rusty knife in the name of the religion of peace. I question Woods’ motivation as well, I must say.

The best possible thing that could happen to Jaspan is to make his own trip to Iraq, and be taken hostage. I’m sure he’ll be treated well – he would be fed every day – perhaps they’ll make him a nice veggie falafel. I would just hope, in Jaspan’s case, that we wouldn’t waste any time or manpower in rescuing him. Because he and his mentally-deranged ilk aren’t worth rescuing. In fact, they’re not worth a shit.

Is President Junior Really That Dumb or Just a Masochist?

President Junior chips in to help turncoat RINO Senator Lincoln Chafee (RI) with his re-election bid.

Providence Journal: D.C. fundraiser for Chafee

All is well between Sen. Lincoln D. Chafee and the White House, to judge from the list of notables — including President Bush ‘s chief of staff — who are teaming up to raise money tonight for the Rhode Island Republican’s reelection.

Topping the bill at Charlie Palmer Steak House, suitably located on Constitution Avenue, between the Capitol and the White House, will be White House Chief of Staff Andrew H. Card Jr., the onetime Massachusetts legislator who has served both Presidents Bush.

Sponsors of the $1,000-a-head reception also include Ed Gillespie, former Republican National Committee chairman; Nick Calio, once Mr. Bush’s chief lobbyist on Capitol Hill, and Charlie Black, another political friend of the Bushes.

Chafee spokesman Stephen Hourahan said the organizers hope to raise $100,000 at the hour-long reception.

Sometimes it’s really damn hard to tell.

Damn Sharks

The bites keep coming. Another attack in Cape San Blas, near Port St. Joe (FL), has been reported this morning – not far from Saturday’s attack in SanDestin.

Fox News: PENSACOLA, Fla. — A shark attacked and critically injured a teenage boy off Florida’s Panhandle on Monday, two days after a 14-year-old Louisiana girl died after a shark bit her leg.

The boy, whose age and name wasn’t immediately released, was bitten off Cape San Blas and was taken to Bay Medical Center in Panama City on Monday morning, hospital spokeswoman Christa Hild said. The boy was listed in critical condition with severe injuries, but the nature of the injuries were not yet being released, Hild said.

Cape San Blas is a narrow spit of land protruding into the Gulf of Mexico from Gulf County, about 80 miles southwest of Tallahassee.

More info from local yokels at the Pensacola News-Journal forums. One commenter points out:

I agree – going into panic mode does nothing but cause further panic. No doubt there are always sharks, people just need to be careful. Even with the news of two recent attacks – your odds are much greater that you will die in a car accident on the way to the beach (locals know – 98 is a death trap) than getting bit by a shark while at the beach. Everyone be careful and watch out – it is their home not ours. If they start coming up on the beach and biting people then we can be upset.

If those damn sharks start feelin’ chompy and coming up on the beach, I’m taking my damn Glock down there this fall. It’s only a matter of time…

Sunday Night Poll

With the U.S. Supreme Court’s current session thankfully spiraling to a devastating end tomorrow, there is still time for more rulings that take away our personal liberties and drag us down further into a miasma of Socialism and greater wealth re-distribution.

Which of our freedoms will SCOTUS take away on the last day of their session tomorrow?

The right to publicly criticize U.S. Supreme Court decisions.

The freedom to choose between Coke and Pepsi.

The freedom to pimp your ride –
no more vehicle conversions allowed.

Sodomy is no longer merely protected by
the “right to privacy” – it’s mandatory.

The freedom to practice any religion other than islam –
the new official religion of the U.S. Government.

Freedom from looking at the hideous mug of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Ginsburg billboards everywhere effective NOW.

The freedom to masturbate outside of new government-prescribed guidelines in the Federally Approved
Self-Satisfaction Regulations Handbook.

Free polls from

Sharks are No Longer Funny

Back during our family vacation, I jokingly posted an entry titled “Sun, Sand and Sharks”.

I just got word from my sister, who is currently vacationing in SanDestin, FL, that a 14-year-old girl just had her leg taken off by a shark and died at the scene. I’m trying to find news online about it – this should no doubt be a national story. Shark sightings are relatively rare in the panhandle, and shark attacks even rarer, so this is rather unnerving. More info as it develops. If any of you Florida types hear anything, please share it.


Come to think of it, sharks were never really funny. Unless they eat someone like Al Sharpton. Then they’re a little bit funny. But, as a general rule, not funny.


Fox News Television has now reported the attack, but nothing is online as of yet. My sister added that the girl was on vacation with another family at the time. Horrible. She also reports that the shark was estimated to be 11-feet long.


I’ve found the first AP story here.

SANDESTIN, Fla. – A young person was killed Saturday in a shark attack near a campground on the Gulf of Mexico, authorities said.

“We have had a confirmed shark attack. The scene is still under investigation,” said Darlene Drury, spokeswoman for South Walton Fire-Rescue. Area beaches were closed to swimmers immediately afterward.

Details of the attack near Camping on the Gulf Holiday Travel Park in Walton County and the victim’s name were not immediately released. Coast Guard spokesman Shawn McGivern in Mobile, Ala., said authorities were trying to track down the victim’s relatives.

More on shark attacks.


Several more stories are available at this point:

Pensacola News Journal
CNN – also claims shark was 11 ft long
New Orleans news


Plenty more info out now on Saturday’s shark attack.

CBS News
Memphis Commerical Appeal – (video story)
Updated AP story

The victim, Jaime Daigle of Gonzales, LA:

Rove Nails It

The Donks are in tears again. No, not the usual tears of joy that they shed when things go wrong for our military in Iraq, but the tears they shed when they get their collective feelings hurt. Which, as you know, happens between 10-12 times a day for the average liberal.

It was bad enough that Karl Rove whipped their asses at the ballot box last November – granted, having full GOP control of Congress and the White House has proven to be absolutely useless to conservatives – but now he’s gone and pointed out the obvious about the liberals’ response to 9/11. The evil Rove:

“Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers,” Mr. Rove, the senior political adviser to President Bush, said at a fund-raiser in Midtown for the Conservative Party of New York State.

“I don’t know about you, but moderation and restraint is not what I felt when I watched the twin towers crumble to the ground, a side of the Pentagon destroyed, and almost 3,000 of our fellow citizens perish in flames and rubble.”

Mr. Rove also said American armed forces overseas were in more jeopardy as a result of remarks last week by Senator Richard J. Durbin, Democrat of Illinois, who compared American mistreatment of detainees to the acts of “Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime – Pol Pot or others.”

“Has there ever been a more revealing moment this year?” Mr. Rove asked. “Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the Mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.”

The hilariously predictable reactions from the progressives on the left:

Chuckie Schumer: “In New York, where everyone unified after 9/11, the last thing we need is somebody who seeks to divide us for political purposes.”

Nah, we wouldn’t want to ever divide people for political purposes, now would we, Chuckles?

The Marxist Hag™: “Karl Rove is not just another political operative … He sits in the White House, a few doors down from the president…” [Rumsfeld] should repudiate Rove’s “insulting comments”.

The day that Hitlery becomes our national moral compass for political commentary, we’re all doomed.

Harry Reid: Rove should apologize or resign – adds that Bush should “condemn Karl Rove’s desperate and divisive attempt to help the Republicans regain their political footing.”

Harry, just as soon as you and Dick Durbin apologize, we’ll take your comments into account. Until then, to quote Chris Farley, shut your big fat yapper!

John “Mr. Irrelevant” Querry: “Don’t dare question the patriotism of Americans who offer a better direction.”

How dare we question Kerry’s patriotism! Righteous indignation! Indeed! You’d think they would have dropped this act when it got their asses kicked last November. They never learn.

Hopefully, Rove will not backtrack and cave on his comments. It’s refreshing to hear some actual straight talk coming out of someone in the GOP. Let’s face it, the only good thing to come out of 9/11 was that liberalism was dead and buried for a few months. It didn’t take long for the usual suspects on the left to start showing their hatred for America by trying to “understand” those who killed 3,000+ of us, but for a few short months, brutal reality trumped the mental illness of the left. It’s too bad it couldn’t last. Maybe this will help:

More on SCOTUS’ Attack on Private Property Rights

I knew Boortz would come through with the goods this morning. Via Neal’s Nuze, here are a couple of good real-world examples of why yesterday’s SCOTUS decision is such an affront to any thinking American – on the left or right…

Let me give you a few real-life examples of just how politicians can now use this Supreme Court decision. In considering these examples, please remember one of the first rules of politics: There is absolutely no limit whatsoever to a politician’s desire for more tax money to spend.

First let’s consider our lovely Southern Belle producer Belinda. Belinda and her husband recently purchased a tract of land behind her new home. That tract of land contains one rather small and old house plus some empty acreage. Belinda will rent the home for just enough to cover her debt service and property taxes on the new purchase … maybe. Now, here comes a developer. He wants Belinda’s land because he can build at least three, maybe four new homes on that property. Belinda says no. She likes not having houses abutting her back yard and appreciates the investment value of the land she has purchased. So .. the developer wanders off to the Capitol to talk to some politicians. He tells them that he can increase the property being paid on that tract of land tenfold if he could just get in there and build some houses, but the owners just won’t sell the property to him. Under this Supreme court ruling the city can just seize the property from Belinda and hand it over to the developer to build those homes. Belinda has no way to stop this action. The city will have to play Belinda “just compensation,” but that compensation will never match what Belinda might have earned by selling the property herself. Besides … she didn’t want to sell in the first place. It was her property, and she wanted to keep it. Now it can be taken … just like that.

Another example. This time we’ll use me. About two years ago I brought a building lot in the Northeast Georgia mountains. It’s a lot in a mountain resort community. Before I bought the lot I made sure that there were no covenants or regulations that would require me to build a home on that lot before I was ready to do so. At present it is not my intention to build a home. I bought the lot as an investment. Now, since there is no home as of yet the property taxes are rather low. Along comes a developer. He wants to build a home on my lot. I tell him the lot is not for sale. He waltzes off to the local county commission to complain. He wants to build a house, I won’t sell him the land. If he could build the house the property taxes would jump on that parcel of land. The county commission then sends me a letter telling me that if I don’t sell my land to that developer to build that home they are going to seize the land and turn it over. Thanks to the Supreme Court, I’m screwed.

Now take the situation in New London. This is the case the court was considering. The targeted neighborhood is populated by middle class residents. The homes are old, but very well kept. One couple now slated to have their property seized is in their 80’s. They celebrated their wedding in that home. They raised their children in that home. They held their 50th wedding anniversary party in that home. Now they’re going to lose that home because a developer wants the property to build a hotel, some office buildings and a work out center. This is America. This shouldn’t happen in America. That couple shouldn’t be kicked out of their home just because a new development would pay more in property taxes.

There are also small businesses located on this tract of land. They’re history. The big boys are in town, and the big boys can use eminent domain to get your property.

Just go read the whole rant, as they say.

If you want to know why the majority of Americans are dimwitted, slack-jawed cretins, it’s because they’re glued to stories about Michael Jackson, Natalee Holloway and Crazy Eyes Wilbanks instead of news that actually has an impact on personal freedom, like SCOTUS’ rape of our right to own property. It’s times like these where I can relate to Michael Douglas’ character in Falling Down.


Another real-world example of eminent domain abuse from Wuzzadem: Jed Clampett loses his house.

Meanwhile, as We Fight for Freedom Abroad…

The tyrannical judiciary that runs our country continues to take away our freedoms at home.

SCOTUS ruled today that cities and other local municipalities may seize PRIVATE PERSONAL PROPERTY if that city or municipality decides that such a seizure serves a broadly defined “public use”.

I’m sure you’ve heard about eminent domain abuse – if you’ve listened to Neal Boortz for any time at all, you are probably familiar with several eminent domain abuse cases. SCOTUS ruled today on just such a case in New London, CT, effectively overturning the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution. A Constitutional refresher:

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

In the New London case, the owners of the homes who were getting driven out by the city weren’t interested in selling at any price.

A group of homeowners in New London’s Fort Trumbull area had fought the city’s attempt to impose eminent domain, arguing that their property could be seized only to serve a clear public use such as building roads or schools or to eliminate blight. The homeowners, some of whom had lived in their house for decades, also argued that the public would benefit from the proposed project only if it turned out to be successful, making the “public use” requirement subject to the eventual performance of the private business venture.

The Fifth Amendment also requires “just compensation” for the owners, but that was not an issue in the case decided today because the homeowners did not want to give up their property at any price.

So the message from the Low Court is “you don’t wanna sell, then we take anyway, get your asses off the property!”

And what was the “public use” that was so important that these people have to have their homes seized?

In a 5-4 decision, the court upheld the ability of New London, Conn., to seize people’s homes to make way for an office, residential and retail complex supporting a new $300 million research facility of the Pfizer pharmaceutical company. The city had argued that the project served a public use within the meaning of the Takings Clause of the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution because it would increase tax revenues, create jobs and improve the local economy.

So the bullies with the cash, in conjunction with a court that loves nothing more than complete governmental control of everything it can get its hands on, have been given the legal go-ahead to take a shit on these property owners.

At least Justice John Paul Stevens was willing to spell it out so that it’s exceedingly clear: cities who want more tax revenue are now legally allowed to take any property they wish, no matter who owns that property. If the city says $15,000 is a “fair” price for your $100,000 home, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, that’s what.

Stevens: “The City has carefully formulated an economic development plan that it believes will provide appreciable benefits to the community, including–but by no means limited to–new jobs and increased tax revenue.”

Surprisingly, Justice Sinead O’Connor landed on the right side of this one:

In a strongly worded dissenting opinion, O’Connor wrote that the majority’s decision overturns a long-held principle that eminent domain cannot be used simply to transfer property from one private owner to another.

“Today the Court abandons this long-held, basic limitation on government power,” she wrote. “Under the banner of economic development, all private property is now vulnerable to being taken and transferred to another private owner, so long as it might be upgraded — i.e., given to an owner who will use it in a way that the legislature deems more beneficial to the public — in the process.”

If you’re a big-government leftist who doesn’t mind losing the right to own private property, then bully for you. For the rest of us, this is a catastrophic attack on individual liberty by one of the biggest opponents of personal freedom we have today – the Supreme Court.


The Commissar has a good round up of reaction. It’s too early to tell whether or not the Commissar is chillin’ regarding this ruling – I will let you know as that news breaks.

A monster-sized roundup at Arguing With Signposts where they’ve been going at it all afternoon.


Developers use Eminent Domain to acquire White House, George and Laura to be evicted forthwith.

The Hillary Fix

Since Drudge wet his pants a week ago about the new Hillary & Bill rape revelations in the new anti-Hillary book by Ed Klein, I’ve been thinking to myself, so freaking what? It’s just another example of how Drudge has jumped the shark and is pulling out the re-runs to get a little cheap pop – just like when Jerry “The King” Lawler pulled down that strap when defeat seemed inevitable. Get the crowd going with the cheap – but predictable – stunt.

Dick Morris’ column yesterday in The Hill points out the obvious about the Klein story – that this attempted character assassination on the part of Klein is only going to hasten the Marxist Hag’s martyrdom and assist her in her run for the White House in 08. There is no need for this type of outrageous character assassination – she’s already provided all the ammo necessary to pound her eyes shut at the ballot box – why take that advantage away by making ridiculous – and over-the-top – claims such as these? Morris on the Marxist Hag’s already tarnished history:

Why can’t her critics confine their attacks to the relevant and the obvious: that she would not be a good president and has not been a good senator?

There is enough evidence of Hillary’s penchant for deception without having to dig through her private life. When she went on the “Today� show one week after Sept. 11 and pretended falsely that Chelsea was in danger on that day going for a jog around the World Trade Center towers, Hillary was revealing her true self. Why reach out of the bounds of public conduct to find ammunition to fire at her?

If Klein really, as he claims, wants to keep the Marxist Hag™ out of office, surely he knows that this is not the way to rally the troops to his side and against her candidacy. That’s why I smell a fix. I’m not usually one for wacky conspiracy theories, but I’m ready to believe that the Klein book is a carefully orchestrated plant to rally sympathy for the Marxist Hag™ – and it’s doing just that on both the left and the right.

If there is legal action taken against Klein by Hitlery & Co., then that will likely prove my conspiracy theory wrong. However, if there are only vague threats of legal action and none is actually taken, then you all owe me a beer because the fix was in. Make that two beers. Each. Good ones – not that Bud Light puke you try to pass off as drinkable.

For a Change

It’s nice to hear some good news for a change.

11-year-old boy scout found alive and in good shape after four days in the Utah wilderness.

KAMAS, Utah — Rescuers on Tuesday found an 11-year-old Boy Scout who disappeared four days ago in the Utah wilderness, a discovery scouting officials called a “modern-day miracle.”

Brennan Hawkins was located safe and sound with no major injuries. He was found just before noon near Lily Lake, about five miles northeast of the Boy Scout camp where he was last seen Friday, said Kay Godfrey, director of public relations for the Great Salt Lake Council.

In talking with Eric at V.A.M. recently, we had discussed how differently we look at stories like these now that we’re parents. The B.K. me (Before Kids) would have thought “how unfortunate, a missing young’un.” The A.K. (After Kids) me actually feels a small chunk of the physical illness that must overwhelm a parent in this type of situation. If only every missing child story could end this well.

Gitmo Solution

For all of you Durbinites who are gnashing your teeth about the “torture” going on at Gitmo, listen up. I’ve got a solution for you.

First of all, the resort staff at Gitmo needs to take each would-be-islamofascist-murderer and strap them in this chair:

Leave them strapped in until they’re ready to turn over some real information. Whether it takes a day, a week, a month, it doesn’t matter. Sure, they won’t be able to eat their rice pilaf or read their quran, but I’m sure they’ll welcome the break from their daily drudgery of fine dining and prayer rugs.

Once they turn over whatever information they’ve got, put them on a boat, take them several miles off the Cuban coast (it might not be a bad idea to drop them in a place where the waters have been chummed-up a bit) and take them for a swim. If they can make it back to the Gitmo Summer Camp without being eaten, then huzzah for them.

Once this process is complete for each of the murderers held at Gitmo, then we can shut it down and Carter, Clinton, Durbin and the rest of the mental midgets who’ve been bellyaching about it will be happy as a pig in shit.


Dr. Shackleford brings you a delightful Tuesday afternoon Religion-of-Peace™ roundup.

Sunday Night Poll

We were enjoying a delicious Father’s Day pizza this evening at the Mellow Mushroom when I noticed that one of their TVs was showing some type of hideous bass fishing program on ESPN. No offense to you bass fishermen, but the only thing worse than watching fishing on television is watching fishing in person. No offense of course.

Anyway, that got me to thinking. First I thought… should I have another black-and-tan? Then I thought – what the hell are they doing trying to pass this crap off as sports? Then I realized that this is the same network that actually shows hours upon hours of people playing cards and calls it “entertainment”. This all leads up to tonight’s Sunday Night Poll…

Which pile of unentertaining crap that ESPN tries to pass off as programming sucks the most?
PBA Bowling
Bass-O-Rama Tournament Fishing
Horse Racing
Cheerleading Competitions

Free polls from

Good News, Still Not Enough

U.S. House passes bill to slash funding to the United Nations.

WASHINGTON – Culminating years of frustration with the performance and behavior of the United Nations, the House voted Friday to slash U.S. contributions to the world body if it does not substantially change the way it operates.

The 221-184 vote, which came despite a Bush administration warning that such a move could actually sabotage reform efforts, was a strong signal from Congress that a policy of persuasion wasn’t enough to straighten out the U.N.

“We have had enough waivers, enough resolutions, enough statements,” said House International Relations Committee Chairman Henry Hyde, R-Ill., the author of the legislation. “It’s time we had some teeth in reform.”

I recommend that we continue slashing and slashing and slashing until we reach $0.00.