Doing a Lynndie

I just learned of this global phenomenon via the Cranky Neocon. I’m probably way behind on this one, but then again, no one really expects me to be cutting-edge anyway.

Surely you remember Lynndie England, one of the girls gone wild at Abu Ghraib? Well, her infamous pose – deftly dangling a cigarette from her hideous lips whilst pointing glibly towards naked Iraqi islamofascist genitalia – has become a cult classic and has been reproduced all over the globe. And how does one “Do a Lynndie?” There are specific instructions that must be followed, so memorize, memorize, memorize:

So what does doing a Lynndie involve? Here are the basic instructions:

1. Find a victim who deserves to be “Lynndied”.

2. Make sure you have a friend nearby with a camera ready to capture the “Lynndie”.

3. Stick a cigarette (or pen) in your mouth and allow it to hang slightly below the horizontal.

4. Face the camera, tilt your upper body slightly forward but lean back on your right leg.

5. Make a hitchhiking gesture with your right hand and extend your right arm so that it’s in roughly the same position as if you were holding a rifle.

6. Keeping your left arm slightly bent, point in the direction of the victim and smile.

Ideally, you should refrain from telling the victim what you’re about to do. Victims who are unaware, bemused or angry make for a Lynddie that is more in keeping with the original.

The victims are many…

Sleeping girlfriends have been Lynndied…

Fat moms have been Lynndied while trying to talk on the phone…

Snowmen have been Lynndied…

Alligators have been Lynndied…

Even some crustaceans have Lynndied one another…

Just go browse through the entire collection of Lynndies from around the globe. Prepare to wet your pants in utter hilarity. And Cranky, you may be chopped liver to some folks, but to me, YOU’RE THE REAL DEAL! STAY GOLD, CRANKY! STAY GOLD!

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