What if instead of renouncing his citizenship and moving to St. Kitts, Randall Robinson stayed in the USA and ordered a pizza from Domino’s

Robinson: They said that it would be here in 30 minutes or less. I’ve been sitting h’yere for foh-ty five minutes for my two large pepperoni and Canadian bacon thin crust. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.

I am a sixty four year old African American.

Of course, Domino’s gives money to the Republican Party so I shouldn’t be surprised that they don’t deliver to a black man. Probably spit on it and will give me a side order of cheesy bread with some extra sauce left over from the Tuskegee Experiment.

I am hopeless. I am sad. I should have called Papa John’s.

(hands shake)

(looks out the window)

Christ Almighty, this is the saddest moment in the history of this –

(ding dong)

Robinson: Who the hell is it?

Delivery Driver: Domino’s sir. You ordered two large thin crust . Pepperoni and Canadian bacon – that’ll be $16.45.

(opens door)

Robinson: I thought you were supposed to be here in 30 minutes or less or I get my pizzas free?

Delivery Driver: We don’t have that policy anymore. But I could give you a coupon for your next –

Robinson: Here’s a twenty. Now get off my porch you dumb cracker.

(closes door)

Robinson: Guess I told him.

(notices the cheesy bread missing)

Robinson: Sir?!? Oh, sir! You forgot my ch –

(delivery driver speeds off)

Robinson: It’s Selma all over again.

7 comments

  1. You’re an horse’s ass Red-neck – please leave my party, the GOP doesn’t allow white trash like you’re ass in, go back to the party of Byrd and Strom, please.

    Sincerely,
    White Mississippi Red-Neck Woman livin’ in NYC for a longtime…

  2. I’ve already left the GOP, sweetheart. Or, more accurately, the GOP left me when they demonstrated their inability to control spending and their inability to rise above political correctness and corruption-soaked politics as usual. The federal GOP is a joke.

    And don’t come in here preaching to us, dollface. I’m sorry you’re ashamed of your Mississippi upbringing, but keep your colonial shame off my blog.

  3. Hey Hate Lee,
    Ashamed of that Southern blood, aren’t you? Asshat. If you had actually READ Robinson’s ridiculous shit you’d get the point of this post. Just because someone calls out a total fucking moron that happens to be black, doesn’t put him in the racist category.

    Thanks for taking your redneck ass out of Mississippi to where people like you belong.

  4. Strom Thurmond died as a Republican you dumb fucking twat. He was 100 fucking years old. Chester Lott lost his Republican leadership seat because of comments at the aforementioned’s birthday party.

  5. WE GET RESULTS.

    In a candid moment of megalomania, I’ll take credit for Randy retracting the story that made my Sunday morning breakfast so memorable:

    Randy Robinson Update
    beep-be-beep-beep *cough, cough*

    RETRACTION: The claim in the first sentence in my post was incorrect. I had been told this was happening, but these claims have turned out to be unsubstantiated. I therefore retract them — but stand behind everything else I wrote without reservation.

    Chalk up one more victory for Fake But Accurate.

    But he goes on in this vein:
    “It is reported that black hurricane victims in New Orleans have begun eating corpses to survive.
    Four days after the storm, thousands of blacks in New Orleans are dying like dogs. No-one has come to help them.

    I am a sixty-four year old African-American. New Orleans marks the end of the America I strove for….”

    This is his “correction” as we gear up for another Tooey for Tuesday at the Huffinglue Post.

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