Terror Threat Against Subway

Details are still sketchy, but apparently there has been a credible terror threat against Subway.

I’ve been talking to some folks who should be concerned about this threat, but they seem to be completely unaware of the threat.

“We ain’t heard shit about that.”
“You’re stupid.”

After a little more research, I found out that the threat is specifically against New York Subways. So I contacted these Rochester women.

“The only threat here, sir, is the threat of a low-fat,
calorie-conscious meal. Would you like
to try the new Chicken Parmesan?”

For some reason, this is a tough story to get information about at this time. I’ll update when I’m able to do more research and provide you, the reader, with more fake, but accurate, details.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”


  1. Preston, I don’t believe for one second that al-Quiznos would be behind this purported Subway attack. Remember that the leader of al-Quiznos won the Nobel Peace Prize a few years back for creating the peaceful sense of satisfaction in millions of consumers with warm, savory sandwiches?

    I think you just apologize to everyone who is an al-Quiznos supporter…not all al-Quiznos workers are terrorists, ya know? Most are peaceful sandwich artists who just want to overcome the giant, powerful grip of Subway BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY…like toasting their sandwich bread, for example.

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