Month: November 2005

Ode To Cindy

UPDATE: I realize that “whore” is a poor choice of words. What I was thinking was something like “Jane, you ignorant slut” from SNL. Or if it was “Cindy you media whore” that would have worked too.

For the record, Cindy is a lot of things. Bad things. But whore is not one of them.

Finally, no disrepect was ever intended to Casey, her son who was killed in Iraq and probably took after his dad in every respect.

A Quick Self-Defense Lesson

Reason #13,514 why you should own a gun and learn how to use it.

SUNRISE, Fla. — Police say an 18-year-old Broward County woman used her cell phone to call 911 for help Monday night, but by the time officers arrived, she had been killed.

Sunrise police said when officer arrived at the apartment building at 5990 N.W. 19th St. just after midnight, Christine Myers was lying dead in a hallway.

Police arrested up 26-year-old Edward Mosie Howard on Tuesday.

Investigators said Myers and Howard knew each other, but investigators said they don’t know a motive for the killing.

Hate to tell you pants-shitting anti-gun zealots, but if Christine had the time to dial 911 on her cell phone, that time would have been better spent reaching for her Lady Smith & Wesson™, with which she could have blown Mr. Howard’s so-called brains out, after which she could have called 911 and a cleaning crew and whoever the hell else she felt like chatting with.

Now she has to wait in line to use the afterlife’s only payphone.

Defend yourself. As much as I respect our boys in blue, the cops are there to dust for fingerprints and take statements after you’re dead. That’s the sad reality.

Surprise! Hostages Blame U.S. For Their Troubles

(via The International House of Jawas)

A nugget from the official statement from the “Christian Peacemaker Teams” website:

BAGHDAD: We were very saddened to see the images of our loved ones on Al Jazeera television recently. We were disturbed by seeing the video and believe that repeated showing of it will endanger the lives of our friends. We are deeply disturbed by their abduction. We pray that those who hold them will be merciful and that they will be released soon. We want so much to see their faces in our home again, and we want them to know how much we love them, how much we miss them, and how anxious and concerned we are by what is happening to them.

We are angry because what has happened to our teammates is the result of the actions of the U.S. and U.K. governments due to the illegal attack on Iraq and the continuing occupation and oppression of its people. Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) has worked for the rights of Iraqi prisoners who have been illegally detained and abused by the U.S. government. We were the first people to publicly denounce the torture of Iraqi people at the hands of U.S. forces, long before the western media admitted what was happening at Abu Ghraib. We are some of the few internationals left in Iraq who are telling the truth about what is happening to the Iraqi people We hope that we can continue to do this work and we pray for the speedy release of our beloved teammates.

As Rusty appropriately points out, these hostages are – or at least it appears so at this point – “the victims of Islamist aggression,” and we do hope for their safe return. However, as Vinnie points out, the group has been in Iraq since 2002. If they were there as human shields, they didn’t do a very good job.

Hopefully they can wage peace against their captors, resulting in their swift release.

WTW: Television Told Me To

Nashville teen takes the eternal exit ramp by “car surfing”. What was his inspiration? Why, television of course!

The Nashville teen killed Saturday night after “surfing” on the roof of a car got the idea from the TV show Jackass, Metro police said yesterday.

Garrett Shawn Nipper, 16, of Bell Road, died after striking the pavement and a guardrail when he fell off the car, police said.

Joseph Waterman, 16, of Oak Forest Drive, was driving the Saturn SL2 sedan well above the posted 20 mph speed limit when Nipper fell from the car in Two Rivers Park at 10:15 p.m. Saturday, police said.

Police believe Nipper was lying on the roof when he fell. Waterman told police he didn’t immediately know Nipper had fallen off and continued driving for a short distance. He then turned around and came upon Nipper in the roadway. The car belonged to Waterman’s father.

A true friend would have said, “GET THE HELL OFF THE ROOF!” But, instead, we have yet another White Trash Wednesday™ Darwin Awards candidate.

Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

…also see Crazy Leo Oshkosh

Two For Tuesday

If you haven’t heard the news, a gigantic new blog-conglomerate has been formed. At least for today, they’re calling it “Flannels Media”.

It is a top-secret group of bloggers who will, through the strength of will-power alone, completely replace the mainstream media as you know it.

And, yes, the rumors are true – I have been approached by one of the agents for the new organization about joining. However, due to the complexity of the contract, my participation is on hold until my team of lawyers goes over the agreement with a fine-toothed comb. Plus, I can’t find a flannel shirt anywhere. I could have sworn I had one. Dammit.

Anyway, tonight marks the occasion of their first “Flogjam” – see if you can catch it before it’s over.


It’s Wuzzadem’s first blog-birthday. Happy blog-birthday to (quite possibly) the funniest blog in the sphere.

A Four-Pack of Hostages

As usual, Rusty is first on the scene with video and images of four hostages taken in Iraq.

The video shows American Thomas Fox of Clear Brook Virginia, Canadian Harmeet Singh Sooden, who resides in Auckland, New Zealand, British citizen Norman Kember, and some one who appears to identify himself as James Loni (last name unclear) of Canada.

Rusty has a good roundup of images from the video as well as a translation of the rambling nonsense that dribbled out of the mouths of the impotent captors.

Suitably Flip does a little more digging regarding the “Sword of Righteousness” mentioned in one of the translations. What he finds isn’t promising.

The only English language references to “Swords of Righteousness” I can find are to an episode of the cartoon Earthworm Jim (Episode 7), entitled “Bring me the Head of Earthworm Jim/Sword of Righteousness”.

Slightly chilling, given the context.

I’m always surprised at the complete lack of common sense shown by these “peacemakers” no matter how pure their intentions. And these four have already identified themselves as Christians. I guess if they were Jooooooos, they would have already been beheaded by now. So they’ve got that going for them.

One could always hold out hope for a Hallums-style rescue. You can count on Dr. Shackleford to stay on top of this one.

To Live and Die in L.A. (But Mainly Die)

“Sometimes I gets the menstrual cramps, real hard”

Much love for convicted multiple homicider and rap impresar…sorry. I’m just used to typing “rap impresario” after “convicted” and “homicide”. Beloved children’s novelist and Crips gang founder Tookie Williams is enjoying more attention than authentic Louis Vuitton bags at the Compton Swap Meet as the Governator ponders commuting his death sentence to a well-deserved life in prison sentence. As if I need to remind anyone that Tookie did not extend such leniency to the people he judged and executed.

Williams, now age 53, was convicted in 1981 of a dramatic retelling of Goodnight Moon, at point blank range, to 4 former Los Angeles residents.

Jack Dunphy, if that is indeed his real name, at NRO gives us the story:

Williams, armed with a sawed-off shotgun, forced Owens into a back storeroom. After ordering Owens to lie on the floor, Williams fired a shotgun blast into the store’s security monitor. Then, though Owens had offered no resistance at all, Williams fired two blasts into the prostrate man’s back, killing him. When an accomplice asked Williams why he had shot Owens, Williams explained that he didn’t want to leave any witnesses. The accomplice would also later testify that Williams told him he killed Owens “because he was white and he was killing all white people.”

Less than two weeks later, at about five in the morning on March 11, Williams went to the Brookhaven Motel at 10411 South Vermont Avenue, less than a ten-minute drive due east from Los Angeles International Airport. After breaking into the motel’s office, Williams shot and killed 76-year-old Yen-I Yang and his 63-year-old wife, Tsai-Shai Yang. Next he killed their daughter, 43-year-old Yee-Chen Lin. As in the Owens killing, the murder weapon was a 12-gauge shotgun. The take in this crime was about $100.

Last week rap star Snoop Dogg spoke at a rally at San Quentin prison saying Williams’s voice “needs to be heard”.

Like many things, me and Mr. Dogg agree. The exact ratio of Gin to Juice. Quantifying at what point we must break off some of that funky stuff. And so on.

But on the Tookie matter, it’s the finer points where we part. Mr. Williams’s voice does need to be heard, provided that those words are “Arrrrrrgh…Bzzzzt….Aarrggh….Bzzzt…gurgle”.

Global Warming Fails to Protect French Homeless

The global warming crisis is coming too little too late for the French homeless population. Latest winter chill kills five of France’s homeless population.

PARIS, Nov. 27 (Xinhuanet) — Five homeless people were killed in the latest winter chill in France, local reports said on Sunday.

The government has raised winter rescue plan to the second level, which is usually launched when the temperature falls to between -5 and -10 centigrade at night and is negative in daytime,by providing further shelters and strengthening rescue teams.

But never fear, Frenchies, the good muslims of your country are “racing” to help.

Racing to offer help and shelter to the homeless hit by the snow wave, the Islamic Relief has offered food aid to the victims.

French mosques were also quick to provide shelter to protect people from the elements, according to IOL correspondent.

He said many homeless people flock to nearby mosques after the `Isha’ (night) prayers to take shelter till morning.

Another way that French “youth” are helping out is that – instead of randomly burning cars on a nightly basis – they will begin a new program that targets cars which are used by the homeless as shelter. This new policy will guarantee that the French homeless will no longer freeze to death.

Bizarre Referrers, Vol 4

It’s time again for Fun With the Referral Logs! (This is that time when we browse the stats to see how people arrived at Six Meat and either mock or praise them, accordingly. This doesn’t mean we’re completely out of ideas, just mostly out of ideas.)

Let’s see what kind of search terms folks have used recently to unwittingly arrive at the Buffet… other than Debra Lafave, of course…


On The CNN Switchboard

“Hello. Is this CNN?”

“Yes Ma’am. How can we help you?”

“Well, I am just outraged that you people put those “X”s on Vice President Cheney’s face.”

“We did it just to make a point. Tell them to stop lying, Bush and Cheney. Bring our soldiers home.”

“That is outrageous! How can you claim to be an objective news source?”

“Was it not freedom of speech? Yes or No? If you don’t like it, don’t watch.”

“I liked you better when you had James Earl Jones saying, “This is CNN.”

Monday Link Madness

This is one of those posts that’s really only interesting if you’re (1) a blogger or (2) a frequent blog visitor who enjoys a good blog skirmish. The rest of you may not give a shit, which is completely understandable, so feel free to skip this one.

There is a blogspat going on right now going on between a group of bloggers known as the “Open Trackback Alliance” and N. Z. Bear, who runs the TTLB Ecosystem (the device by which blogs are ranked according to links and traffic). If that sentence didn’t bore you to tears – and by all rights, it should have – read on.


Why I Didn’t Go Shopping Today

Here’s a tip for all you 73-year-old women: Don’t join maniacal day-after-Thanksgiving shopping mobs — even if the savings are spectacular!

Old woman trampled by savings-mad mob in Ft. Lauderdale shopping rush. Received no super savings on ambulance ride to hospital.

The crowd of shoppers outside BrandsMart USA in Sawgrass Mills, angry at being forced to wait by security personnel, pushed their way under the security gate and down a hallway into the store, forcing dozens of people against the walls and trampling the woman.

“I was trying to get out of the way, but they knocked me down,” said Josephine Hoffman of Coconut Creek, who was standing immediately outside the gate as a human wave rushed inside, carrying her along.

“I hit my head on the floor, and people stepped on me,” said the woman, who was resting on a box of merchandise inside the store following the 7:30 a.m. incident. “I don’t understand why people do these things.”

Those South-Floridians ain’t much for figuring out butterfly ballots, but they sure know how to pinch a penny. Oh, and trample.

Things weren’t much better up in crime-ridden Orlando, where big savings came with a beat down at the Best Buy and a Wal-Mart sized ass-whoopin’.

ORLANDO, Fla. — Orlando police officers were called to break up some fights between shoppers early Friday as Central Floridians flocked to stores for one of the busiest shopping days of the year, according to Local 6 News.

Line jumpers at a Best Buy at the Fashion Square Mall apparently started a fight at around 11:30 p.m. Officers responded and there were no arrests.

However, one person may be arrested for starting a fight at a Wal-Mart in east Orange County early Friday.

Some shoppers waited for as long as seven hours to be the first in the doors for bargains.

Check out the video. I haven’t seen mob madness like that since they were handing out free government cheese at the City-County Building.

There is no savings on earth
worth sailing this sea of rank humanity.

Football Friday

It’s still a holiday weekend, but that doesn’t get me off the hook for Football Friday – even if no one actually reads it.

I was going to take an indepth look at the horrendous 2005 Tennessee football team the day before what is mercifully the last game of the season, but I spent my free time equity on making the official 2005 logo (above) instead. It really says it all. I just wish the Vandy player would have been patting one of our crappier players on the head. At least Foster was one of the kids who actually left it all out on the field this season.

The short version of the Vols this year:

  • A Head Coach who was just cashing a paycheck and little else.
  • A team without discipline – infected by of a bunch of dope-smoking, dime-store thugs running rampant due to the Head Coach’s lack of institutional control.
  • A fired Offensive Coordinator who was the fall guy for the Head Coach’s impotent offense.
  • A team divided – with some players actually sabotaging Eric Ainge so that Rick Clausen would get to start, simply because they don’t like Ainge.
  • A team that needs to fire the WR coach, OL coach and bring in some new blood to revamp the offense. With Cutcliffe coming in, that isn’t going to happen.

Will 2006 be more of the same? Probably. But hey, enjoy it, Fulmer sheep.

Tomorrow, Kentucky will provide an assisted suicide for the Vols’ 2005 season, winning 29-21.

Elsewhere in the NFL farm leagues (where I went 1/5 last week!):

  • Ole Miss 19 Miss St 10I’m only including this one because it’s called the Egg Bowl.
  • Notre Dame 31 Stanford 23This one could be close, but ND will win, and probably wind up in a BCS game.
  • Florida 21 Florida St 17This came is confusing because both teams pretty much suck.
  • Georgia 31 Georgia Tech 19A let-down for Tech after their big win last week over Miami.

Last week, I went 4/5 in the pros – not bad..

I would imagine the Titans wish the season could be over this weekend along with the Vols. They’ll pull out a win over San Fran, though, 28-20. I left a voice mail for Jeff Fisher to drop the rest of their games so that we could get the #1 pick in the draft, but he hasn’t called me back.


  • Philly 27 Pack 12Favre ought to think about retirement. Soon.
  • Pats 24 Chiefs 22Good game. It’s getting to be do-or-die time for the Pats.
  • Colts 35 Steelers 24Can the Steelers derail the perfect season? I don’t think so.
  • Seattle 30 NY Giants 21Eli’s luck runs out this week on the west coast. He’ll probably drink too much Starbucks coffee before the game and overthrow everything.


Please indulge me while I share what I’m especially thankful for this year.

As you might know, my nine-year-old son contracted Type I Diabetes. What we thought was the end of the world turned out to be an experience from which we’ve all grown stronger.

Many times I have reflected on just how fortunate we are to be alive in 2005 in the United States.

I am thankful that my son was born eighty years on the right side of history. Insulin was identified in 1921. Without it, we would have watched him die slowly.

I am thankful for greedy pharamceutical companies. Thanks to the profit motive, scientists have kept medical progress moving along at breakneck speeds.

I am thankful to be living in the United States where innovation is encouraged. In earlier generations, people would get insulin from animal pancreas’. Today, my son gets human insulin produced by nothing short of a technoligical miracle. Scientists create genetically altered E-coli bacteria that produce pure and safe insulin.

It is hard to imagine in decades past and in other parts of the world today, people accept the death of their children as a fact of life. That frame of mind is inconceivable to me. Imagine having seven children with the expectation that three might make it to adulthood.

Oh yeah. One other thing I’m thankful for – the guy who leaves the Wall Street Journal in the men’s room every day.

Happy Thankgiving!

UPDATE: Preston and I stepped on eachother’s posts again. Please continue reading below and help out as you can. Thanks!

Thanksgiving Bleggery

One of my favorite bloggers, Jen of Demure Thoughts, is spending this Thanksgiving in the hospital after one of her kids had surgery (in addition to a battery of tests to find out what was wrong with her). As any parent knows, there is nothing worse – especially at this time of year.

If you’ve got a few nickels and dimes laying around, you might consider dropping them in her paypal tipjar (in her left sidebar). They’ve got insurance, but as you know, that only goes so far. A little prayer wouldn’t hurt either.

I’m reminded once again how freakin’ lucky I am to have two healthy kids. I certainly don’t say enough thank yous for that continued blessing.

Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels to all you fine folks.

Even the trolls. Well, most of the trolls.

(tipped by Dave at Garfield Ridge)

The Snakehead Plisken Chronicles (From the “Escape from Memphis” Series)

A potential bombshell hits the Ford campaign this Holiday Weekend? I guess I know who’s giving Thanks. Considering how most people pay no attention to news that gets released on the afternoon they head out of town to visit with family, eat, and remember why they moved away in the first place – let me be the first to QUESTION THE TIMING.

The breaking news of an alleged, double-dealing Ford Family associate being under investigation for “perhaps” ushering terrorist suspects out of the country to be tortured has got to raise Jr.’s nose from his Starbucks. Better still – transporting poor, innocent victims of Bushitler hegemony out of the KKKountry for what I’m sure was brutal and culturally insensitive torture from the iniquitous hands of the CIA. Throttling the throat of a Free America no doubt.

At least that’s what the Looney Tunes would be impugning had Douglas R. Beaty been a contributor to say, Tom DeLay or some similarly “guilty until proven innocent” Repigletcan.

The Washington Post lays the suitcase nuke on Junior’s doorstep and gently walks away:

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — The law office of Douglas R. Beaty sits in a small business park near the city’s more prosperous suburbs. Nothing on the front door says anything about the CIA or airplanes.

But Beaty’s law office figures in an investigation into whether the CIA is secretly flying terrorism suspects to third countries for questioning and perhaps torture.


It is not uncommon to see Beaty’s name on records kept by the Tennessee secretary of state’s office. He is listed as a registered agent for more than 90 companies and has carried similar titles for more than 100 others that the state no longer considers active. More than 100 companies have shared his office address.

“All I do is real estate,” Beaty said when asked about his law practice.

He was also the incorporator and president of a small company, Tenn-Ford Inc., that figured in a Tennessee political scandal. Beaty and former Rep. Harold Ford Sr., a Memphis Democrat, were indicted on federal bank fraud charges in 1987 and acquitted in 1993 after two trials. The government argued unsuccessfully that Tenn-Ford was a shell company created to funnel payoffs to Ford from Tennessee bankers Jake and C.H. Butcher Jr.

If I am to believe, after all of this prior controversy and historical familiarity with the Fords, Douglas R. Beaty gave $250 to Junior in 1996 and gave $1,000 to him in 2001.

Was this the only connection between Ford Jr. and a man who was close enough to his family to be previously indicted for fraud with his Father for ripping off banks?


Looney Leo

Part-time troll, long-time Buchananite and adversary Leo Oshkosh has informed me that he’s started blogging. Turns out he’s a pretty good photoshopper.

Check out his maniacal post analyzing the things that liberals have in common with Adolf Hitler. A preview:

Hitler was a vegetarian. Beginning in 1931, Hitler began to shove carrots up his ass and continued to be a vegetarian for the remainder of his life. Even though this fact is well documented, vegetarians have tried to downplay his tendency to fondle broccoli in an effort to make you believe that all vegetarians are inherently good people. So what is the connection to liberalism? It is undeniably true that nearly all vegetarians are liberals who, in addition, lead the cause for animal rights.

Madness. You’ll find Crazy Leo Oshkosh in my Tennesseeans blogroll, for future reference.