Continuing with the tradition, it’s now Day Five in our 12 Days of Christmas: Last Minute Gift Ideas for Liberals campaign. We’re here to help you get your left-tilted shopping done and time is running out.
Today’s Gift? SIMON! ABU GHRAIB SIGNATURE EDITION!
Passing the time away in a detention center can be rough. Sometimes your meals aren’t cooked just right. Sometimes the staff doesn’t give your prayer rugs the cleanings you’re accustomed to. Other times, the staff is busy flushing your favorite holy book down the crapper. Sometimes you’re not even allowed to garden, write poetry or eat bran muffins.
Heck, it’s almost as bad as the Soviet Gulags down at Gitmo!
How does Simon: Abu Ghraib Edition work? Glad you asked.
Not only is the new Simon: Abu Ghraib Edition fun, but it sharpens your short-term memory, your manual dexterity and your ability to take increasing jolts of high-voltage electric shocks. But don’t worry, you won’t get enough amps to kill you – just enough to help out when we need that extra tidbit of information – we know you’ve got it, and we need it.
Critics agree – if you only buy one gift for the lefties on your list this year, let it be Simon: Abu Ghraib!
“I love it! This is an excellent blend of recreation and interrogation. I wish I’d thought of it first. This is no longer one of those Known Unknowns. The secret is out!” – Donald Rumsfeld
“This is one of the most absolutely horrific and inhumane gift items I have ever seen. I am completely against this recreational device and will work to have it banned. I will also have the discussion of it banned. As well as any other form of political speech or insulting language that I find horrific and inhumane. Wait…. what were we talking about?” – John “Maverick” McCain
“I had no idea that having John McCain’s nutsack in my mouth would feel so natural AND be so flavorful!” – President Junior
Hey, fellas, practice all you want, but it
gets a little harder when it’s the real thing!