The Twelve Days of Christmas – DAY SEVEN

Still shopping for that hard-to-please Liberal friend? Never fear, Six Meat Buffet proudly presents our seventh last minute gift idea – this one is especially for the ladies…

Introducing the convenient Six Meat Buffet Ten-Pac ™ Abortion gift certificate!

Why should abortion be such a drag? Why can’t terminating an nuisance pregnancy be as easy and responsibility-free as getting pregnant in the first place?

IT SHOULDN’T!

Give the gift that makes it easy! No parents, no responsibility, NO PROBLEM!!

Check out these glowing testimonies from our satisfied customers:

Sarah, 23, says it never occurred to her to use birth control, though she has been sexually active for six years. When she became pregnant this fall, Sarah, who works in real estate, was in the midst of planning her wedding. “I don’t think my dress would have fit with a baby in there,” she says.

32-year-old college student named Stephanie, has had four abortions in the last 12 years. She keeps forgetting to take her birth control pills. Abortion “is a bummer,” she says, “but no big stress.”

And how about this testimonial from superstar feminist Amy Richards after her live-in dared question her desire to exterminate dismiss two of her three triplets:

On the subway, Peter asked, “Shouldn’t we consider having triplets?” And I had this adverse reaction: “This is why they say it’s the woman’s choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That’s easy for you to say, but I’d have to give up my life.” Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn’t be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It’s not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I’m going to have to move to Staten Island. I’ll never leave my house because I’ll have to care for these children. I’ll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don’t think that deep down I was ever considering it.

I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying.

We know, honey. The real terrorists are those who would take away your right to make such responsible choices. I mean, shopping at Costco with the rest of red-state Amerikkka? No freakin’ way! Since Amy is an advice columnist herself, I’m sure she won’t have any trouble explaining to her only son which dumpster his brother and sister call home.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: I am Womyn’s Studies major and, as such, don’t expect pregnancy to be an issue, are Six Meat Buffet Abortion Ten-Pac™ certificates for me?

A: Why not! Remember, it’s not about a baby, it’s all about your rights. Show the Patriarchy who’s boss and give these certificates to your friends.

Q: I hate hate HATE the Religious Right. Can I purchase the Six Meat Buffet Abortion Ten-Pac™ just to piss them off?

A: Are you kidding? Nothing tells ’em you’ve had it with their “personal responsibility” bull more than these awesome gift certificates!

Special Founder’s Offer!

(happy abortion doctor image shamelessly stolen from INDC Journal)

PREVIOUSLY:

24 comments

  1. Pingback: The LLama Butchers
  2. OUCH!

    You know, this would be a great gift for guys too…

    What says ‘Merry Christmas’ more than giving that brother/father/boyfriend coupons he can have on hand to give to that one night stand who (accidentally, of course) became *gasp* pregnant?

    He can pass them out all over town, ensuring that no one will carry his seed to fruitition, because the chick won’t have to worry about the “hard” part, which is the money needed for this “life saving” procedure!

    I’m gonna get a 12 pack for my brother! He’s already got one kid, and God knows he’s gonna have another if he doesn’t have these coupons at his disposal to give to the strippers in the club!

    Dare the young man go without sex? Dare he get married? Aw, hell naw!

  3. As the father of identical twin daughters, you could NEVER persuade or convince me that eliminating any of the embryos/fetuses in a multiple pregnancy would be acceptable under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!! I would love the opportunity to confront this cum dumpster, Amy Richards and tell her what a sub-human twit she truly is.

  4. With a scant ten coupons in a pack, shouldn’t this be called the Six Meat Buffet Ten-Pac â„¢ Abortion Gift Certificate, Jr.?

    I mean, I suppose I could give this to my liberal friends’ kids, but it’s hardly more than an appetizer for a full-grown feminist.

    Nice try, Cranky, but until these come in case quantities, or maybe “The Cube”, this just isn’t quite cutting it.

  5. The best belated holiday gift in 1973 was the legalization of abortion to ensure it is safe and legal. What a shame that your mothers didn’t save the world by reducing ignorance and practiced their freedom of choice.

    God bless the findings of Roe v. Wade!

  6. Vinnie, Preston, don’t give this whiner the satisfaction of a response.

    He thinks he’s stickin’ it to us by saying “God”. Come on. That is equivilant to a 14 yr. old who just got a rush the first time he dropped the F-bomb to his parents. Yawn.

    Oh, and rumor has it that his interest in abortion is purely academic as Sparky couldn’t get action with $400 stapled to his forehead in Times Square.

  7. Yeah, thank God abortion is legal. God forbid any woman have to keep her legs closed!

    Hey general, 6MB takes cash, check, American Express and Discover.

    This is a better deal than the price you’d pay at the clinic!

    But, you better get ’em fast! The offer is only good while supplies last.

  8. see, now wonderboob is just talking crazy talk, beauty of abortion birth control. do you think it’s legal for their mother to knock them off in a really-late-term abortion?

  9. Don’t try to ask Wonderbra actual questions.

    He/she has already demonstrated a high level of mental illness by using the term “beauty of abortion birth control”.

    If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the dumb fuck is simply being absurd for absurdity’s sake.

    If not, he/she would serve humanity far better by leaping headlong from the roof of the nearest 10-story building.

  10. Too bad that we are forbidden from teaching proper condom use in sex education in public schools. If men used condoms without shame then their wouldn’t be a need for most abortions, I’d bet. That doesn’t mean that I agree at all with pro-lifers, just that we should step up to the plate, men, and admit that it takes a penis to inseminate someone. If every woman magically got pregnant every time she “opened her legs” there’d be babies everywhere.

    What you are truly objecting to, by objecting to abortion, is a woman’s ability to make a moral decision. Clearly, you all seem to think that you know exactly how all women should act in any situation. However, given the juvenile nature of the prior comments and the post itself, I would hesitate to let make a moral decision involving a jellyfish, let alone a human life.

  11. Chuckles:
    That doesn’t mean that I agree at all with pro-lifers, just that we should step up to the plate, men, and admit that it takes a penis to inseminate someone.

    No argument there. But I think you may have missed the point of the post to make a rather cliched point.

    What you are truly objecting to, by objecting to abortion, is a woman’s ability to make a moral decision.

    No, the point of the post was that abortion, whether your for it or against it, is not a decision that should be taken as lightly as purchasing clothing.

    Say, do you think I should be trusted to make any moral decision?

    Why can’t I summarily execute someone caught knocking off a grocery store? I’m not trusted with that moral decision. And that is good.

    Although many people on both sides of the fence differ on when life begins, abortion is killing a human life. Do you think there ought to be at least some legal limitation? Or does it all fall into one of your clever catch-all phrases?

  12. Dear Chuckles,

    Wow, you’re wrong on every point about me. Congrats!

    Ms. Sanger believed that if women were allowed birth control, they would not have to get abortions. I find it ironic that she was ever so ever wrong about that. Women didn’t stop abortions after being given birth control, at all. I am a supporter of birth control, big fan of it. No problem buying it. I just found amazing that a woman who, at her time, pushed for the use of birth control to prevent abortions, did no such thing . Instead, women use birth control incorrectly, are still getting pregnant, and instead of taking responsibility (and guys too) they are doing what Ms. Sanger said would stop.

    I am pro-life. I do not believe a women has the right to kill an unborn child just cause that baby can not fight back -well, they do try to fight back, while being sucked into a vacuum and into a garbage bag, but really, who can win against a vacuum. So, Mr. Chuckles, you can take your congrats and shove it. I would never want the likes of someone you, who thinks murdering a baby is okay, giving me a congrats for thinking I believe in same thing. Ick. Now I feel dirty and must go shower.

  13. Cranky say: No, the point of the post was that abortion, whether your for it or against it, is not a decision that should be taken as lightly as purchasing clothing.

    What in all of creation makes you think any woman anywhere takes abortion lightly? After all the flak a person takes just getting into a clinic, what makes you think she would just say, yeah, screw that little bastard, it’ll just screw up my partying! You still have not refuted my point. You are making a declaration that your(notice the possessive) morality is better than anyone who might even consider an abortion. Your(still possessive) statement that people do have flippant(look it up) attitudes toward abortion states that their attitudes are foolish and yours are serious and well-grounded because you regard the issue as serious.

    Condoms are, if used correctly, 99% effective in preventing pregnancy and without birth control roughly 80% of copulations(that means sex, children) will produce a pregnancy. If abortion kills a baby, as cranky says, then aren’t condoms also killing babies by preventing 79.2 babies being conceived in 100 copulations? Why are condoms acceptable? They prevent the baby from even having a chance of being conceived! Holy crap! It is preventative abortion! Just like Bush and his preventative wars!

    In all honesty, cranky, I would not trust you with any moral decision. However, that is a personal opinion and not based on any empirical evidence. Given the anonymous nature of the internet, I give you the benefit of doubt.

    Canuck, on the other hand, clearly you went to a far superior high school than I did. Sex ed at my high school consisted of telling us the methods of birth control but there were no props of even pictures of any birth control technique other than Norplant and abstinence. Man, if only I had actually seen a condom before college and known how to use one and not been ashamed to buy one, my girlfriend would not have had to get a morning after pill. We drove around for hours to find a pharmacy that would give us a prescription and it tore me up inside with the decision. Sure, I loved her and I would have raised any child, but I would never have been able to provide for that baby like I could now. So go point you fucking fingers at someone else, you pathetic schmuck. That decision was the hardest one I was ever a part of so go fuck yourself, get pregnant and then see what you would do you sad sack of shit.

  14. Dear Chuckles,

    The truth comes out, you’re full of self-loathing.

    And just to help educate you, cause I’m nice that way, there are reasons people believe women find abortion “flippant” and literally do say, “it’ll screw up my partying”; I give you Amy Richards. She aborted two out of three children because it was beneath her to shop at Costco and she would have to be on bed rest. Oh, and she’s suppose to be a prominent “feminist”.

    Oh, and I have gotten pregnant. Twice. Two beautiful children. And just so you know. children don’t care about big houses, fancy cars or multiple tv’s, that’s a real lame excuse to murder an unborn child.

    So, my suggestion to you is this, ask God for forgiveness for driving your girlfriend to find that abortion pill and stop preaching about how great abortion is. Maybe then you’ll find some peace within yourself.

Comments are closed.