The Twelve Days of Christmas: DAY EIGHT

It’s the Eighth Day of The 12 Days of Christmas: Last Minute Gift Ideas for Liberals here at the Buffet.

And on the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… THE OFFICIAL SURVIVOR KATRINA BOARD GAME!

From the mind of “Jihad Cindy” McKinney, it’s the Survivor: Katrina board game!

When you hear the news of a Cat 5 hurricane coming your way and you live well below sea level behind levees that can barely withstand a Cat 3, you may think it’s time to head for higher ground. Not so fast, smart guy. In this game, you’ve either decided to ride it out, or you don’t have the resources to hit the road.

You might think that the Mayor’s evacuation plan will get you out of town using city buses – think again! The Mayor’s busy taking a nap and ever since he stopped paying his cable bill, he hasn’t been able to watch the Weather Channel – and the repo man took Mayor McChump’s only TV!

So you’re shit-out-of-luck. Your only option is to roll the dice and see if your game piece can make it out alive! Will you become one of the bodies floating by or will you feast on them to stay alive? You won’t know until you roll the dice and discover your fate.

Check out these testimonials from actual Katrina survivors:

Patricia Thompson, New Orleans Evacuee*:

I know the police were scared, but they had no right to treat everyone like criminals. Being from New Orleans I know the police are quick to kill because there’s — they have done it so many times and nothing is ever done about it. You know, we live this on a daily basis. Okay? They can and have gotten away with criminal acts. I live across the street from a police substation and a lot of the crimes that are being blamed on citizens were actually committed by police and other city officials. I watched the police go into the substation with all kind of stolen goods. I watched the police and the escalades (ph). I watched the police do a lot that we got blamed for.

Landing on the “ask the police for help” space wasn’t quite the same as being there.

Don’t look to the cops for help in this game! They’re probably too busy looting copy paper from the local flooded Office Max.

And be careful or you’ll have to draw a card from the Survivor Hyperbole Deck™!

Survivor Leah Hodges talks* about having to draw from the Survivor Hyperbole Deck™:

First of all, I would like to offer condolences to the approximately 10,000 people who lost family members, and what certainly appears to me to be a mass act — an act of genocide and of ethnic cleansing. I would like to offer condolences to Ms. Gwendoline Stewart and her family who on December 10th will be burying four of their family members who drowned; a sister — her sister and her three nieces who drowned as a result of the city of New Orleans being abandoned by our very own government, from the very highest level to the very lowest.

Anyway, I’m chair of a committee called Causeway Concentration Camp. Causeway Concentration Camp arose directly from the harsh military treatment and the tensioned fascist style under the I10 in Jefferson Parish at the causeway exit.

The one person who was there to actually help people, he just vanished and we just never saw him again. The next morning all we saw was what appeared to be a bunch of hardened rednecks scowling and growling at us in military uniforms, just hostile, full of hatred, and pointing guns at us and treating us worse than prisoners of war. And in over 100 degree temperatures we were forced to stand out in that hot sun with a hundred percent humidity. We were exposed to skin cancer. We were tortured with sleep depravation. They created a garbage dump and they made us live on it and sleep on it and they flew helicopters over our heads and blew the garbage, the muck and the toxic mire back into our faces.

But, you know, I will answer questions but I will say this, we have been exposed to genocide by ethnic cleansing, the rights of our children have been violated, women’s rights against discrimination have been violated, our economic, social and cultural rights have been violated, our human rights have been violated, our rights against torture have been violated, our rights as prisoners of war within the scope and jurisdiction of the Geneva accords have been violated, migrant workers’ rights have been violated.

These and all other violations both expressed and implied arise directly from the failure of the United States’ government to eliminate apartheid practices and all other forms of oppressive government practices against poor and working poor citizens of the United States who are mostly African-Americans or otherwise people of color. These violations are historical and continuing. And this is a formal request that this situation being blamed on the hurricane be further investigated. This should never have happened any place, especially in America.

And some people are shocked to hear me say a concentration camp. But if you have ever seen any footage of the Hitler concentration camps of World War II, I assure you that is what happened to us at the very lowest level all the way up to the level of some people dying and pregnant women losing babies.

Playing this game was really nothing like that.

Uh oh! You’ve landed on the Mainstream Media square! Lookout! It’s Jerry Rivera and Shepard Smith!

Survivor Dyan French drew a card* from the Hyperbole Deck™ as well:

I didn’t go anywhere. Why? Because I didn’t have to. I live in America. I’m free. Does that sound strange to anybody in 2005? I hope not. Hurricanes. They’ve even had them named after me. I’m 60 — s-i-x-t-y — years on the earth. I’ve lived through I guess at this point thousands of hurricanes. Why are we so excited about hurricanes? Katrina didn’t do this. Let’s get very, very clear. Katrina didn’t do this. The isms of America, the isms that we’ve got to get rid of, including capitalism — i-s-m. It’s almost like the X at the end of prescriptions. It means poison.

We need more money. Where is the place? Around the corner? Please, somebody order up some more paper with ink on it and put the nominations on it. Is this really going to be about this? As I was told I was coming here, the neighbors started coming by with their comments and they want some answers. Hey bo’ how are you doing? God bless your heart for being here because I was looking for you. We’re girlfriends. Where are the rest of them? Don’t they know we’re still without all basic services? Would you let them know that for me, please?

My grandma says she made 50 cents a day, you all, and she bought the house I live in now. My last breath — my last breath. Five generations, it will take that. It’s not for sale. Please let whoever these people know, New Orleans is not for sale. We ain’t going nowhere. Roaches and black folk, they’ve been trying to exterminate, eliminate us. We’re still there. We plan to be there whatever it takes — tent city, no city, sleeping in cars, whatever we’ve got to do. And let me just share this at this point. My home without telephone, email, and Sheridan gave me one of those little crazy phones that I don’t know what to do with.

This game was completely lacking in -isms. I don’t recommend it.

Be careful and don’t roll snake eyes or the levees will be bombed by the white people in power and you’ll really have to hit the high ground fast!

So whether you wind up landing on the Causeway Concentration Camp, the Community Civic Center or the Superdome of horrors, your liberal friend or family member is in for hours of family fun and you can feel good about your gift giving this year.

And don’t worry, white people can play too.

*Actual quotes taken from the “Hearing of the Select Bipartisan Committee to Investigate the Preparation For and Response To Hurricane Katrina Subject: Hurricane Katrina: Voices from Inside the Storm.”



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