Month: January 2006

Random State-of-the-Union Thoughts

  • Hitlery Clinton = Real Life Applehead Doll
  • Sheila Jackson Lee = Circus Clown
  • I hadn’t noticed before, but President Junior has no lips. That must suck. Or not suck, due to not having lips with which to suck.
  • It was nice to see Alito and Roberts in their robes. And even nicer to see no Sandra Dee O’Connor fouling the proceedings.
  • Harry Reid = Sad Clown
  • I hope Smantix went to that “rally” and took some pix.
  • If you run for thirty minutes on the treadmill while watching the State of the Union, it seems like three-hundred minutes.


I can’t believe I forgot the best part of all – Cindy Sheehan in handcuffs. I hope they throw her under the jail.

Sweetness & Light has the story with pictures!

Alito Confirmed

That sound you hear is millions of women weeping as their rights are collectively taken away by Bushitler and his evil minions.

Sounds like sweet, sweet music to me.


I just had the pleasure of watching Monday’s Ted Kennedy meltdown – you can find some of the video at Malkin’s place – and it’s really good stuff. Especially if you enjoy self-righteous politicians unable to find a way to contain their outrage, resulting in a near-stroke.

I believe I can boil Kennedy’s protest down to the following statement: “If Judge Alito is confirmed, then all handicapped black women will have to drink from colored water fountains and will be pushed down the stairs while simultaneously applying for a job and getting an abortion while President Bush illegally listens in on their phone calls and denies them health care.”

I think that about covers it.

Lincoln Chafee Gives Gang-of-14 Mouth-to-Mouth

Today, liberal GOP Senator Lincoln Chafee became the first RINO to come out against Judge Alito’s SCOTUS confirmation, breathing a wee tiny itsy-bitsy bit of life into the Kerry/Kennedy axis of filibuster-evil (even though he says he’ll vote AGAINST a possible filibuster). We all know that GOP senators can’t be taken at their word.

WASHINGTON — U.S. Sen. Lincoln Chafee says he will vote against Judge Samuel Alito for the U.S. Supreme Court.

He’s the first Republican to say he’ll reject President Bush’s nominee.

Chafee said he’ll vote against a filibuster on the nomination. Republicans say they have enough votes for the nominee without Chafee.

“How are we going to get anything done if we can’t work together?” Chafee asked.

Chafee said recent information about warrantless wiretaps concerns him, and he thinks Alito might be willing to give too much power to the president. He’s also concern about Alito’s stance on abortion and environmental issues.

Chafee called himself a “pro-choice, pro-environment, pro-Bill of Rights Republican.”

Good for you, Lincoln. Your bravery has brought a solitary tear to my eye, and it has just rolled down my face and landed on the ragged copy of Hustler I’m trying to read, if you don’t mind, thank you very much.

More than likely, this is just a political stunt by Chafee, who sees that the confirmation writing is on the wall and needs the lefty street cred that an anti-Alito vote will give him against his GOP primary challenger, Cranston Mayor Stephen Laffey.

Now that’s Dan Rather-style Courage™ – bravely voting against something because you already know the end result. Typical politician.


Senate votes to end debate on Alito. Final Alito vote scheduled for Tuesday.

A Tokyo Rose By Any Other Name

via SayAnything by way of Wizbang!

Well, I suppose that’s one way to find out what Medea Benjamin tastes like.

I know that we are all supposed to grieve in our own special ways, but this has gone on long enough. The time to revoke Cindy Sheehan’s citizenship in the United States is at hand. When you disgrace the memory of your son and continually dig up his memory to use as rhetorical kevlar so you can coddle up to a despot and suggest the overthrow of the government in your home country while embracing a murderer’s wife whose husband was killed by the FBI 4 months ago for leading terrorist activities against the United States – you should not be allowed back in this country. (major h/t to the indispensable and indefatigable Sweetness & Light):

Cindy Sheehan Embraces Widow Of Terrorist

As we all know, professional peacenik Mother Sheehan is all for murder and mayhem for a good cause.

And a good cause for her is anything or anyone who is against the United States.


In this photo released by Venezuela’s Miraflores Press, Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez embraces visiting U.S. peace activist Cindy Sheehan, left, whose son was killed in Iraq, and Elma Beatriz Rosado, the widow of slain Puerto Rican nationalist Filiberto Ojeda Rios during his national broadcast ‘Hello President’ in Caracas, Venezuela, Sunday, Jan. 29, 2006. All three joined in condemning the government of U.S. President George W. Bush.

Making out with one of Latin America’s most brutal and notorious dictators who is bucking Syria for the recently coveted 3rd spot on the Axis of Evil. Exchanging hugs with the widow of a terrorist leader whose organization (lovingly known as The Machete Wielders) ambushed and killed several US Navy personnel, bombed banks, restaurants, and financial districts in Washington, D.C., New York and Chicago, killed a New York City police officer, and robbed a Connecticutt Wells Fargo for $7MM . Rios was also the head of the same terrorist group that had 16 members pardoned by Clinton to help Hillary get some more votes from the Puerto Rican community in New York.

St. Cindy is planning on protesting outside of the State of the Union address on Tuesday. Chavez has suggested that he come with her and “pitch a tent”. How long can we expect the media to keep portraying this traitor as just a “peace activist” whose “son died in Iraq” all the while ignoring the batshit that keeps coming out of her mouth? Or with the enemies who she consorts?

Is no one in the media ever going to ask? Or worse, will they dutifully keep whitewashing her comments.

UPDATE: Dutifully whitewash the batshit.

Bounced Czech


One of Prague’s prettiest pooters got thrown into Castro’s clink this last week for having the temerity to photograph any impoverished Havana youth not lucky enough to be named Elian Gonzalez:

CZECH supermodel Helena Houdova took a break from the catwalk to visit communist Cuba and was arrested for taking photographs in a slum, she said today.

The former Miss Czech Republic 1999 runs a foundation in New York that supports disadvantaged children in nine countries, and she wanted to see what she could do to help in Cuba.

Besides seductively unknotting your sarong to reveal an exposed and moistened derringer in your garter belt? Prior to lodging both hollow-point slugs into Castro’s catcher’s mitt of a face?

But on Monday, Cuban security police detained Houdova and her travel companion, Czech psychologist Mariana Kroftova, while they were taking photographs in the poor Havana neighbourhood of Arroyo Naranjo.

The two women were held overnight in police custody and not allowed to call the Czech Embassy.

They were released 11 hours later after signing a letter vowing not to engage in “counter-revolutionary” activities, the model said.


Police confiscated photographic film, but Houdova said she managed to hide the memory card from her digital camera in her bra.

“They screamed at us. We were afraid,” Houdova said. “We grew up under communism and know what it is like.”

Screaming at women and making them cry. Just who does Castro think he is? A ranking member of a US Senate Judiciary Committee?

They didn’t strip search her to find the missing memory card? Sorry Fidel, but you are now officially gay until proven innocent.


Then again, Comandante has been falling down on the job a lot lately.

Football Friday

Well, it’s only Football Friday in that I’m officially announcing that we’ll be opening up the brand new Six Meat Buffet™ Chat Room for the Super Bowl. We’ll also be live-blogging the blessed contest between the Browns and the Oilers – or whoever the hell is playing, I can’t remember.

Smantix, Cranky & Feisty were kind enough to test out the chat room last night, and I just hope Feisty is okay this morning.

So join us on Sunday, February 5 for some serious idiocy – right around kickoff. Smantix says he’ll be drunk by kickoff, so you may be able to temporarily out-wit him, so take advantage. The chat room will be open to whoever wants to jump in.

Australian Open Wrap-up

The Australian Open is just about done for this year.

In the men’s final, it’s the game’s best player, Roger Federer vs. crazy Cyprian*, Marcos Baghdatis. This one could be a blowout, but perhaps the 54-th-ranked Marcos can pull the upset. I would tune in just to see Marcos’ girlfriend, Camille Neviere, if you don’t give a crap about tennis.

On the ladies’ side, it’s Faux-Frenchie Justine Henin vs. Real-Frenchie Amelie Maurlesbo. If you’re having trouble sleeping, tape this one and use it as a sleep aid.

Now on to the real highlights from the week. First, we’ll start with Camille Neviere, the aforementioned girlfriend of mens’ finalist Marcos Baghdatis…

Next, Slovakia’s Daniela Hantuchova…

For more, keep on readin’.


Work At Home Day

These are the joys of working at home:

1. That’s a raging fire bay-bee! The only thing that comes close at the office is when I set my neighbor’s cubicle wall on fire.

2. Ratty sweatshirt. You think that’s cavalier? Well guess what? I’m not wearing pants.

3. Homicidal Maniac ™ unshaven face. Why is it that some people look great with the 5 o’clock shadow a la Don Johnson and others trigger calls to 911?

Sorry, but to protect my secret crime-fighting identity, I needed to block out the eyes. Do me a favor, if you do see me at a convenience store at 2:00am, please don’t call the cops, I’m buying half-and-half for the wife.

Scalito = Done Deal

It finally looks like we’re nearing the end of the confirmation process for Judge Scalito. Even better, it’s finally starting to look like you can write this one down in Sharpie™ Brand Permanent Marker.

Die-hard Democratic critics of Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito threatened on Thursday to block a vote on his confirmation, and Republicans countered with a move designed to force his approval by early next week.

“It is time to establish an end point” in the debate over President Bush’s selection to replace Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn.

Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., said he and other Democrats had refused to agree to a timetable for ending debate. “There’s some division in our caucus,” he conceded.

Democratic leader Harry Reid signaled as much in remarks on the Senate floor. He offered no support for Kennedy, John Kerry and others who are trying to block the vote with a filibuster in a last stand against Alito’s confirmation.

“There’s been adequate time for people to debate,” Reid said.

Alito, 55 and a 15-year veteran of the federal appeals court, has well over 50 votes for confirmation. He gained the support of Democrats Tim Johnson of South Dakota and Robert C. Byrd of West Virginia during the day, and has the backing of at least 52 of the Senate’s 55 Republicans.

When Long-Face Lurch phoned in a faux push for filibuster from a ski-lift in the Swiss alps, with the exception of the drunk-driving date-drowner from Massachusetts, even his own party wouldn’t accept the charges.

“Judge Alito will take America backward, especially when it comes to civil rights and discrimination laws,” Kerry said. “It’s our right and our responsibility to oppose him vigorously and to fight against this radical upending of the Supreme Court.”

Kennedy said Alito, 55, “does not share the values of equality and justice that make this country strong. He does not deserve a place on the highest court of the land.”

Fortunately for Long-Face, he doesn’t have to worry about Scalito’s impact on the court, because, as a French citizen, U.S. laws do not apply to him nor his manic-depressive wife. Neither will Scalito’s appointment have any impact on Jabba-the-Hut Kennedy, because anyone who can get away with submerging his date in an automobile operates well above any known U.S. law.

I will say that I was fully expecting a bigger fight over Scalito – and likely a defection from the Sellout Seven group of turncoat GOP Senators who spend so much time tonguing John McCain’s dumper that they can barely make time to campaign for their own re-elections. I had assumed that the Gang of 14 had surrendered on Judge Roberts so that they could save their bullets for preserving the “O’Connor Seat”. I assumed wrong.

It’s heartening to know that something that started out like such a nightmare – the ghastly Harriet Miers nomination and the Gang of 14 – has ended with such good results.

This rare moment of optimism was brought to you by Xanax™.

Welcome to Johnnie B. Cochran Middle School

In yet another shining example of America’s failing public schools, a middle school in Los Angeles has decided to “take failure up a notch” by naming itself after the ghost of world-famous attorney Johnnie Cochran.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Los Angeles has renamed a public school after Johnnie Cochran, the late criminal defense lawyer who helped clear “Trial of the Century” murder defendant O.J. Simpson.

School district officials voted unanimously for the name change on Tuesday, saying Cochran, who attended the former Mt. Vernon Middle School as a boy, was an “extraordinary, superb lawyer with movie-star celebrity status.”

But the sister of Simpson’s ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, whom the former star football player and actor was charged with stabbing and slashing to death, said she was stunned by the move.

“It’s in bad taste,” Denise Brown told Reuters. “Yeah, he was a great defense attorney. But what about your moral obligation to children and society?”

Cochran, who died last year of a brain tumor at age 67, was the lead attorney for Simpson. He accused Los Angeles police of framing his client because he was black and famously told the jury, “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” in reference to a bloody glove found at Simpson’s house.

In addition to Cochran’s status as a “superb lawyer with movie-star celebrity status,” school officials added that they were proud of Johnnie for “getting The Juice off for giving that cracker-ass whore and her greaseball what they had coming.”

School officials also urge students – for the hundredth time – to place their weapons and drug paraphernalia safely and securely in their locker upon entering the building.

There are currently negotations underway in several other greater Los Angeles-area school districts to have other elementary schools named after Harry Belofante, Oprah Winfrey, Tookie Williams, Eddie Murphy, Damian “Football” Williams and Whitney Houston’s Coke Spoon.

Johnnie Cochran’s ghost could not be reached for comment.

Palestinians Don’t Want Peace? Who’da Thunk It?

Well the people have spoken and democratically elected a terrorist party to govern Palestine.

Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas candidate who won election in the northern Gaza Strip, sent mixed signals about its plans. He said peace talks and recognition of Israel are “not on our agenda” but the group is ready for a partnership – presumably with Abbas.

You know, deep down I used to believe that the average person, the one who doesn’t show up for televized protests, just wants to live his lives in peace and be left alone. I’m not so sure now.

UPDATE: ViVi’s comment reminded by of this classic by Larry Miller:

Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country. Oops, just one more thing. No, they don’t. They could’ve had their own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out some way to make a living. That’s no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course–that’s where the real fun is–but mostly they want Israel.

Thursday Morning News Sausage Links

Just a few quick fatty fried news bites before I have to actually get some real work done.

WTW: The Head Gator’s Crocodile Tears

Jeremy Foley, the head of the Gainesville Gators Athletics Department and Trailer Park, is still crying like a colicky infant after the Vols kicked a mudhole in his basketball team and walked it dry Saturday night. Foley, a long-time thorn in Tennessee’s side, is using the fact that Vol fans rushed the court to launch an indignant attack on the school. Those in the know understand that Foley is simply lashing out wildly because he knows that Florida is about to begin a long period of being Tennessee’s roundball bitch.

Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi is only too happy to carry Foley’s water and hold him close as Foley continues to gently weep.

“Do we have to get somebody else paralyzed or killed before we start taking this seriously?” Foley says.

Foley created a controversy this week when he publicly complained about Tennessee doing nothing to stop fans from storming the court after Saturday’s victory over the undefeated Gators. Foley said a member of Tennessee’s operations staff approached UF officials before Saturday’s game in Knoxville and said that students would rush the court if Tennessee won and nothing could be done to stop it. This tacit endorsement of fan disobedience is why UT was fined $5,000 by the Southeastern Conference Tuesday for not enforcing a rule that forbids such postgame free-for-alls.

The fine should have been $500,000.

“The reason for the rule is safety,” Foley says. “Certainly, there are ways to prevent fans from coming on the court. Have a show of force, put policemen on the floor, arrest people, take away ticket privileges. You have to let fans know this won’t be tolerated.”


I’ve talked with several folks who were at the game and I’ve heard talk-radio reports from others who were there, and the consensus is that the celebration was orderly and anything but the “riot” it’s been described in the Gator press.

Jeremy Foley is not being a party pooper.

He’s being a lifesaver.

This reminds me of a classic line from The Jerk: “Hey! Don’t call that dog lifesaver. Call him… Shithead!”

Foley’s sudden concern for Tennessee fans is laughable, given the atmosphere Gator football fans have created over the years. I suppose the verbal assaults, the beatings, the obscenity barrages, the throwing of cups of urine on opposing fans, the assault on Phil Fulmer’s wife several years ago also caused Foley a bucketful of angst? Doubtful.

But wait – Bianchi wasn’t done with his estrogen-laden histrionics.

How many must get maimed before colleges stop putting their stamp of approval on postgame rioting? In what other sport do we actually encourage the formation of drunken mobs for the purpose of stampeding out of control and destroying property?

Tennessee administrators should know better. A few years ago during a football game at Georgia, fans stormed the field, tackled UT football Coach Phil Fulmer and trampled a sophomore coed so badly, she had to be hospitalized.

I must have missed that one. Can anyone provide any proof of Bianchi’s claim here? Or is it just more of the manufactured content that we’ve come to expect from the Old Media?

The only part of Bianchi’s column that I will agree with is that mobs rushing football fields and tearing down goalposts are a dangerous lot. However, I’ve always said – if you’re stupid enough to go down there, you get whatever you’ve got comin’. Just like the Missouri fan who took a forearm shiver from a Nebraska player a few years ago, if you’re worried about getting mauled or crushed by a goalpost, stay in the stands.

By all accounts, the post-Florida game celebration did not fall into the “dangerous” category. And while we’re on the subject, Foley, mind your own stinkin’ business and clean up your white-trash fan base before you try to clean up ours.

hat tip: Basilio

Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

The Ugly Truth About Joel Stein

I wasn’t going to post on Joel Stein’s anti-troops column in the L.A. Times yesterday – you know, the one that has the ‘sphere all a-twitter – that is, until I noticed that Joel Stein and Jimi Jamison of Survivor are actually the same person.

It’s no wonder his mullet-powered column was written with the Eye of the Tiger.


Michelle Malkin has 25 ways you can jab your thumb in the eye of the anti-war, anti-troops left by actually supporting the troops.

Red Whale Watering Can, Going Once, Going Twice…

The red watering can that rescuers used to try to save the dumb, dead whale that beached itself in London last week is now available to YOU – via e-Bay.

The whole operation, including costs to commercial companies such as the crane and barge operators, has been reported at around £100,000. It is not clear whether a body such as Port of London Authority will pick up the bill, or whether operators may have given their services for free. BDMLR’s costs are thought to have been in the region of £5000.

The organisation hopes for an increase in donations on the back of the publicity generated by the incident – and it looks as if it’s off to a good start. A red plastic watering can, used by one medic to pour water over the whale as it lay in its sling, is being auctioned on eBay until 1 February and, at 23 January, had gained a top bid of $10,000 (about £5600).

It is not clear whether that bidder is looking to exploit the purchase commercially, is simply a private buyer hooked by the can’s ‘fame’, or is a straightforward benefactor using the purchase as the vehicle for a donation.

Bid on it here, before it’s too late! It’s a symbol of hope, you know.

Hollywood Stars One More Step Closer to Homelessness

Hollywood studios, down in the dumps because redstate America isn’t swallowing the celluloid vomit they’re putting out, are delighted that some stars are willing to take pay cuts to ease the pain.

THE Da Vinci Code is one of the most eagerly anticipated films of the year but its significance to Hollywood may go deeper than mere box office success: Tom Hanks has delighted his studio bosses by accepting a pay cut for his role as the book’s art sleuth hero.

Facing declining cinema audiences, Hollywood is trying to persuade its top actors to set an example by cutting back a lucrative arrangement known as “first dollar”, under which the director, producer and stars receive a share of a film’s box office take regardless of whether the studio has covered its filming costs.

Hanks had been expected to share 40% of the takings of The Da Vinci Code — to be released in May — with Ron Howard, the director, and Brian Grazer, the producer, in addition to their own fees. Instead, they will reportedly settle for 25%. Studios hope this will become the industry standard, claiming that this will leave them with more money to spend on the films.

Tom Hanks isn’t the only one taking it in the shorts. MENSA member Cameron Diaz is also feeling the pinch and will be eating only Ramen noodles and pinto beans for a while.

Cameron Diaz, who is second only to Julia Roberts in the female stars’ pay scale but still earns on average half a top male star’s salary, is said to have agreed to forgo her “first dollar” deal to star in a romantic comedy called Holiday.

Sony, the studio, said it had no choice after a number of recent box office disappointments and promised to make it up to Diaz in the future. “Let’s not get too weepy here,” said a Sony executive. “Cameron Diaz is thinking of the future and she is still getting north of $10m (£5.7m) for the two months’ work.”

Personally, I won’t be satisfied until Kevin Costner, Johnny Depp and Jennifer Love Hewitt are all fighting over the same bowl of lukewarm potato soup at a South Central Los Angeles homeless shelter.