AP “Special Correspondent” Charles J. Hanley is living proof that the anti-American-Associated Press has finally reached maximum cranial density. Well, in reality, we should refer to him as very special correspondent Charles Hanley.
Charlie’s exhaustive article on how transcripts from Saddam’s governmental meetings clearly demonstrate that Iraq’s WMD programs were ended after 1991 is a masterpiece of mental illness. Let’s start with this admission – one that would have probably served Charlie better had he left it out:
Saddam’s regime extensively videotaped and audiotaped meetings and other events, both public and confidential. The dozen transcribed discussions about weapons inspections largely dealt with Iraq’s diplomatic strategies for getting the Security Council to confirm it had disarmed.
Simply put, the article can be summarized thusly: Saddam and his henchmen made extensive videos of all their meetings – during which they discuss how they have no WMDs and how instead their days are spent frolicking and dancing through the governmental gardens playing grab ass with one another underneath their faux-military garb.
Because Charlie the very special correspondent believes that the information exchanged in these meetings must be true, then Bush = Hitler. Pretty standard AP fare, the enemy can only tell the truth while Dick Cheney’s neo-nazi government can only fabricate. Since the entire article is based on this false premise, we’ll just provide a sample. (We only want you to throw up in your mouth a little – not a full on projectile spew out the nose and mouth.)
Even as the documents make clear Saddam’s regime had given up banned weapons, they also attest to its continued secretiveness: A 1997 document from Iraqi intelligence instructed agencies to keep confidential files away from U.N. teams, and to remove “any forbidden equipment.”
Since it’s now acknowledged the Iraqis had ended the arms programs by then, the directive may have been aimed at securing stray pieces of equipment, and preserving some secrets from Iraq’s 1980s work on chemical, biological and nuclear weapons.
Saddam’s inner circle entertained notions of reviving the programs someday, the newly released documents show. “The factories will remain in our brains,” one unidentified participant told Saddam at a meeting, apparently in the early 1990s.
At the same meeting, however, Saddam, who was deposed by the U.S. invasion in 2003 and is now on trial for crimes against humanity, led a discussion about converting chemical weapons factories to beneficial uses.
Beneficial uses? Perhaps a baby milk factory? Dick Cheney looooooooves blowing up baby milk factories – almost as much as he loves shootin’ lawyers.
One the members of our crack staff was able to get his paws on an unedited outtake from one of these videos. Here is a partial transcript:
Tariq Aziz: Achmed, did you get the boom mic for this week? I’m tired of having to shout through every one of these things!
Achmed the Key Grip: Yes sir. Came in from Moscow today with the anti-aircraft missiles and Ebola samples.
Saddam: We’re not rolling yet are we? God help me, we better not be rolling yet or you will be special guest at the rape room tonight, Achmed – you know damn well my boys don’t care if you’re a man or woman as long as you’ve got a hole.
Achmed: I know, Your Royalty. A million apologies. May allah strike me down should my tongue slip again.
Saddam: Let’s get this overwith. Remember – today….
Uday: We know, we know. Ended weapons program in 1991, baby milk factory, flowers, happy children playing… we know, we know.
Saddam: Okay, but today remember, we’re turning an abandoned Anthrax factory into a Chuck-E-Cheese. This will demonstrate to the West that we have learned to integrate their values and love of flashing lights into our culture.
Tariq: Brilliant idea, Your Highness.
Saddam: Shut up, you sycophantic midget.
Tariq: Yes, sir.
Mushad, Director of Photography: Okay, the betacam is rolling. 3… 2… 1… action!
hat tip Mrs. Holmes