Month: May 2006

Sweet Georgia Brown, No!

Not the porn! Leave the porn alone for the love of criminy!

WALDO, FL — Evidence teams plan to put on protective gear and seal the room as they search for any clues left behind on a contraption that investigators are calling a “weapon of mass destruction.”

Technicians will be looking for fingerprints and any other evidence that may have been left on the device, which was pumping a mix of water and a caustic chemical into a sex shop when neighbors found it Sunday morning, detectives said.

What did those dildos ever do to you? Or is it what they didn’t do to you that’s got you ticked, Mr. or Mrs. Sex Shop Terrorist?

WTW: D&D Style in the Dirty South

Back when I lived in Nashville, we used to live at The Grove apartments on Elmington Avenue. We would often drive by the park there at Elmington and West End, where we would see scenes like these:

The wife (then fiancee) and I would say to one another, oh my, what a throwback to the days of yore…, then we’d head down to Baja Burrito for a big fat chicken burrito.

Anyway, the Tennessean, known nationwide for its cutting-edge journalism, reminded me of these bloated battlers with a feature this week.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a war going on in Elmington Park.

Scads of people clad in medieval garb descend on the grassy park in Nashville most Sunday afternoons to flail, stab, hack and skewer each other with foam-covered swords, axes and spears, much to the amusement and confusion of passing motorists. Nearby there’s usually a crowd of onlookers smirking and saying, “What are these geeks doing? Do they think this is Middle Earth or something?”

Well, that’s the thing. Many of them do.

The combat occurs under the auspices of Dur-Demarion, a local nonprofit whose aim is to re-create medieval combat with a healthy dose of “Lord of the Rings” fantasy and safety foam thrown in. Part contact sport and part role-playing game, the weekly battles the group hosts aren’t just for Tolkien fans; many of the cloaked participants are mild-mannered folks who enjoy a good escape from the daily grind, and a few others are meatheads who simply like to hit people.

I never got the whole D&D thing or Lord of the Rings, so maybe I’m just too uneducated to really appreciate this group’s brand of absurd ritual. But, I suppose it is like pretty much any other sporting event, as long said sporting event uses a Nerf™ brand sport ball.

“It’s very athletic,” says Yvonne Agostinho, a Dur-Demarion member and administrator since 1995 who goes by the fantasy name “Ora.” “It gets your adrenaline going because you get a good feeling about yourself while you’re doing it. It’s a game, like any other kind of sporting kind of thing.”

I find the whole “very athletic” thing odd, because when we would come upon these Ogre battles, it was often a mix of morbidly-obese and pencil-thin combatants, moving in a grotesque ballet of flying foam swords and cellulite. On the other hand, they did wear the heavy costumes in the heat of summer, which has to help shed the pounds.

I’ll go ahead and save Brittney the trouble and make this point: at least it’s better than real war!

Here are your White Trash Wednesday bloggers….

Smack Attack

Today’s Lesson: Know your heroin.

Another person died from a probable drug overdose, Wayne County health officials reported Monday, bringing the toll to 48 people who have died since May 19.

Even though the number was dropping from the multiple deaths per day, health officials aren’t ready to say the deadly overdose spurt is tapering off.

Toxicology results won’t be available for several weeks, but health officials say they believe the deaths have been caused by a dangerous combination of heroin or cocaine and the painkiller fentanyl.

If we’d only legalized smack, we wouldn’t have had to suffer the not-so-tragic-loss of 48 drug addicts in the last 10 days.

Good News from Gaza

(via LGF)

I love starting the day off with good news. Four paleswinians were wiped out as they set up to fire rockets into Israel, under the watchful (and sympathetic) eye of the Anti-American Associated Press.

IDF Special Forces operated deep inside the Gaza Strip late Monday night in the first ground operation there since this past summer’s disengagement, killing four Islamic Jihad operatives on their way to fire Kassam rockets at Israeli targets. In West Bank violence, three Palestinians were killed in clashes with IDF troops.

The military force laid ambush later Monday night for terrorists in the northern Gaza village of Beit Lahyia. Backed up by IAF helicopter fire, the ground troops opened fire at a terror cell they spotted on its way to launch Kassams and killed four while wounding an additional eight.

Palestinian security officials said the IDF Special Forces were joined at one point by a naval diving unit and that the fierce fighting lasted about five hours, ending just before dawn.

I wonder if Bilal Hussein was in the area. Would have been nice to have taken him out at the same time. Oh well. The least the AP photographer could have done was jump in front of some of those IDF bullets – that’s the only real way to demonstrate genuine solidarity. Lighting the fuse and running is nice, but show some stones, journalists!

Tragedy? No, Progress.

Bring Out Yer Dead

From the New York Times’ editorial pages:

Florida recently reached a new low when it actually bullied the League of Women Voters into stopping its voter registration efforts in the state. The Legislature did this by adopting a law that seems intended to scare away anyone who wants to run a voter registration drive. Since registration drives are particularly important for bringing illegal immigrants1, dead people2 and felons3 into the process, the law appears to be designed to keep such people from voting.

Can you believe the nerve? Well actually, they were on their Republicans-and-other-racists-would-stop-you-from-voting tear. The actual words they used are below. Sadly the only hint of keeping elections honest is this qualifier, “Protecting the integrity of voting is important, but”

1. minority groups
2. poor people
3. less educated voters

The Dog Ate My Memo

Two of the most confusing editorials from Today’s Wall Street Journal. When Scaife told me not to cash my current check till Friday, I thought he was kidding – but now, my phone isn’t ringing at all. What gives ya’ll?

John Fund is trying to smuggle a solution across the border for our current immigration woes with a Dylan-esque “give me shelter from the storm”:

That’s why it’s good news that the glimmer of a workable compromise surfaced this week, courtesy of Rep. Mike Pence of Indiana, (who) […] says the only bill that can pass in this year’s hothouse environment may have to be one that couples stiffer border enforcement with a no-amnesty guest-worker program.

His proposal (which can be found here) would have the U.S. government contract with gold-standard private employment agencies such as Kelly Services to establish offices called Ellis Island Centers in countries that supply the most illegal alien labor today. The centers would provide an incentive for illegals to leave the country and apply for guest-worker visas in the U.S. that would be granted within a week by matching workers with jobs employers can’t fill with American workers.

How do we know these are jobs “Americans don’t want to do?” Were they ever advertised? This is an attempt to make illegal labor not conform to US labor laws while granting legitimacy to companies to violate US labor laws. How does the American worker compete with that?

Preternaturally, Lindsey Graham, the answer to the question no one asked, offers his unwanted opinion as he is yet another “finger on the pulse” kind of guy. And his other hand is on Hillary’s, eh, let’s go with leg:

As for the politics, South Carolina’s Sen. Lindsey Graham told the Los Angeles Times that if congressional Republicans can’t get a bill passed, “we will do to Bush on immigration what Democrats did to him on Social Security. It would be a signal to the country at large that we as Republicans, who own the whole government, can’t solve hard problems.

(ed. – Now who’s making threats and stomping their feet?)

For all its limitations, Rep. Pence’s proposal is an innovative idea that can be used as a platform on which to build upon in the future. In the current political storm, it may be a port worth seeking shelter near.

Given that assessment, we’re looking more like a Blonde on Blonde solution – Most Likely You Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine. Take this brilliant “compromise” as you wish.

Then the feature editorial is in William Jefferson’s Defense!


For The Real Swifties

He just couldn’t leave it alone. Nope. John Kerry, without a trace of shame, embarassment or evidence goes back to asserting his war story.


Just One Minute has an excellent point-by-point analysis of the NYT group grope.

Let me seize on just one detail – this relates to Kerry’s controversial first Purple Heart:

But he can also barely resist prosecuting a case against the group that his friends now refer to as “the bad guys.” “Bill Schachte was not on that skimmer,” Mr. Kerry says firmly. “He was not on that skimmer. It is a lie to suggest that he was out there on that skimmer.”

He shows a photograph of the skimmer being towed behind his Swift boat, insisting that it could barely fit three people, himself and two others.

“The three guys who in fact were in the boat all say he wasn’t there and will tell you he wasn’t there. We know he wasn’t there, and we have all kinds of ways of proving it.”

Fine – here is a link to the Schachte story, here are my questions about that incident, and here are my two suggestions for resolving it:

(1) Show us Kerry’s diary, aka the “War Notes”. Surely his first combat and first medal merited a contemporaneous account, yes? But that has never been made public, and Brinkley does not refer to Kerry’s notes for that portion of his Kerry biography.

(2) Show us the paperwork backing the first Purple Heart – it should include a witness statement of the circumstances surrounding his wound; Kerry never released that during the campaign.

For all the heated election-year blustering about the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and whether they were paid Rove operatives, the truth remains that the Vietnam veterans were screwed over by this opportunistic young politician.

The vets waited many years for the opportunity to hold Kerry accountable for his many despicable actions – actions which never held repercussions for Sen. Kerry.

I’m glad they had that opportunity and hope they received closure when Kerry lost the election.


Happy Memorial Day.

(Sirloin Tip – Ace)

Hide The Wheat Thins!

The Anti-American Associated Press reports that 75 inmates at the Gitmo chicken coops are staging hunger strikes.

The number of Guantanamo Bay detainees staging a hunger strike has grown from three to 75, the U.S. military said Monday, reflecting increasing defiance among men who have been held for up to 4 1/2 years, most without charges and with little contact with the outside world.

Navy Cmdr. Robert Durand said the ballooning number of hunger strikers was an “attention-getting” move that may be related to a May 18 clash between 10 detainees and 10 U.S. military guards in which six detainees were injured. The same day, two detainees also overdosed on anti-depressant drugs they had been hoarding. They have since regained consciousness.

“The hunger strike technique is consistent with al-Qaida practice and reflects detainee attempts to elicit media attention to bring international pressure on the United States to release them back to the battlefield,” Durand said from the base.

As a sign of respect for these brave soldiers, I recommend we help them with their mission. Hide the Gummi Bears, peanut butter sandwiches and beef jerky. Send ’em on their way… straight to their 72 goats.

Google Current Controversy

Gore Goggles Controversy
Google Current Controversy – one of many

Maybe sponsoring 5 discussion threads for why Al Gore should run for President and who can get me a screening to “An Inconvenient Truth” really is what the kids are talking about these days. Did I say 5? I meant 20. Or that Bin Laden is a CIA Operative. Or having Global Warming as the only True Religion. Or post-modern colonialism as it relates to Hurricane Katrina.

Al Gore’s Google Current TV message board makes the Democratic Underground look like the McNeil-Lehr News Hour.

Of course Gore, and subsequently Google, coddling the Chi-coms is nothing new but isn’t it time Google had a marked drop off in users? (re: Insty)

Google [Jonah Goldberg]

It’s kind of sad. They change their homepage logo for all sorts of holidays and occasions. Just last week they paid tribute to Arthur Conan Doyle’s birthday. But Memorial Day doesn’t seem to rate anything at all.

Update: A reader sends this along:

It’s worse than you think. Google doesn’t always do logos for the same days every year, but they’ve never changed their logo for Memorial Day.

Google Holiday Logos

Earth Day gets a logo but Memorial Day doesn’t? Burning Man, La Fête de la Musique, Andy Warhol, International Women’s Day, the Indian Festival – Holi have all made the grade. Not once, have they ever had one for Christmas either.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Given how rich Google is helping to make an enemy of this country, what search engines are the best alternatives to Google?

Set your home pages accordingly.

Corruption Casserole

A couple of hum-dingers regarding this week’s Jefferson – Hastert – Pelosi corruption investigation.

Cold Fury:

You might need to register to read that. In short, anonymous federal law enforcement sources stated to the Post that Alberto Gonzales, Robert Mueller and Paul McNulty (the DAG, or Deputy Attorney General) all threatened to resign if President Bush orders the Jefferson papers returned to Congress. That’s a Saturday Night Massacre level-threat, over the WH reluctance to push a case relating to a #Democratic# member of Congress. If you found that puzzling, you weren’t the only one.

It seems to me that were this an ordinary corruption case, they wouldn’t threaten such draconian action. I am with Insty, who thinks that the Feebs may have stumbled into public corruption on a scale that… that is grand enough that even Republicans are running scared and willing to jump to the defense of William Jefferson. My liberal friends insist that it’s a Republican culture of corruption, my Republican friends insist it’s a Democratic Culture of Corruption, and my conservative and libertarian friends tend to agree with me that it’s a centralized government culture of corruption. I guess we’ll know more within a couple months, and if the corruption is widespread and bi-partisan, you can expect to see a voter revolt this fall.

Two things that are truly bi-partisan in Congress are the eternal quest for greater power and the almost romantic love of the greenback.

Also, the Rottweiler:

If you’re wondering what on Earth possessed the president to jump to the rescue of Rep. “Money Bags” Jefferson and why on Earth every single member of the House jumped up to defend him as well, you’re not the only one.

Something strongly suggests to us that the entire legislative branch, with the support of the C-in-C, are busy covering something up that they really don’t want us to hear about and, considering these latest developments, it looks like the FBI have their hands on stuff that will blow the lid off of their collective cash-laden freezers if they’re allowed to continue doing their jobs.

But it’s really easy to settle this once and for all:

If the Congresscritters and Bush will just get off the FBI’s back and allow them to finish their investigation and quit obstructing justice, then we’re all a lot more likely to find out what’s really going on, aren’t we?

After all, if this is all just tinfoil stuff and they have nothing to hide, then they have nothing to fear either, do they?

So why don’t they want us to know for sure?

How Not To Spend Memorial Day

(via the Interdictor)

There is a group of malcontents down in NOLA who have come up with a rather unique way to mark Memorial Day.

Join us on Memorial Day Morning:

WHERE: Old Hammond Highway Bridge over the 17th Street Canal

WHEN: May 29, at 9:45 am – the moment the 17th St. Canal breached

WHY: The 30 minute ceremony will highlight the federal government’s central role in causing the metro New Orleans Flood. We will remember the 1577 men and women whose lives were lost and we will focus attention to this American Tragedy.

On this Memorial Day, we will encourage the citizens of New Orleans and South Louisiana to pay homage to the men and women here who gave their lives defending America. When the rest of the nation needed us, we were there. Now we need the rest of the nation to help rebuild New Orleans and South Louisiana.

The ceremony will cap a 7-day campaign urging citizens drape their flooded homes with a flag sending a message to the nation that we are Americans, too.

Sandy Rosenthal
Founder, Levees.Org

I can think of no better way to celebrate Memorial Day than to pay homage to the thousands of dependents that Daddy Government didn’t come and save during Katrina. Let’s memorialize their complete lack of personal responsibility for their own fate.

And, by all means, take this opportunity to join Levees.Org – because when you live well below sea-level, surrounded by water, why should you be to blame for riding out the storm?

When I think of Memorial Day, I think of free big-screen TVs, truckloads of free Nikes and community covered-dish suppers at the Superdome. I’m sure you feel the same way.

Amnesty Lights Need A Surgeon General’s Warning

Honestly, I can quit any time I want…

Admitting that your special interests are addicted to cheap labor is the first step. Only then, can the healing begin.

Illegal immigration is not like getting a speeding ticket. However, it is a lot closer to second hand smoke and can be hazardous to your political health.

I’ll go ahead and kick things off with this little diddy:

6MB readers are encouraged to do a “Save As” and submit their own Surgeon’s General Warnings for Amnesty Lights(tm) to I’ll be taking entries for this thread throughout Memorial Day (29/5/06) Weekend, in honor of trying to remember why I voted Republican.


(Non-6MB readers are encouraged to become ones.)

Anonymous Drivel is the C. Everett Koop of the INS:


michel produced a note from his doctor to verify this warning. So, you know it has to be true:


Wild Bill is even considering a change to his active lifestyle:


Mac majored in Pre-Med but he skipped Sensitivity Training 411. That’s why he points and laughs at a bad case of “E.D.” (Electoral Dysfunction) when he sees it:

Look Impotent - Be Impotent

Team Swap is still upset that Chris Daughtry lost:

Team Swap

UPDATE: THANKS TO EVERYBODY PARTICIPATING IN OUR LITTLE EXERCISE THIS WEEKEND. Maybe one day before November the Self-Anointed Arbiters of Conservative Conscience will come down from on high and explain why we’re supposed to bend over and take this one for the team without so much of the namecalling.

John Derbyshire absolutely nails it:


Citizen Journalists Get Their P.I.E. (Pre Impeachment Era)

As the world’s most degenerative body concluded it’s national monologue on illegal immigration, it is now up to House Republicans to halt two years worth of impeachment investigations and proceedings which are going to begin the moment Donks take a one vote majority in either the House or the Senate.

WASHINGTON – Senators are challenging House Republicans to give ground on their enforcement-only fix for the country’s immigration problems and consider offering citizenship to millions of immigrants illegally in the U.S.

A message to House Republicans: DO NOT RELENT. If House Republicans kill this bill, it will be you in the Senate in a few years rather than the bought off and paid for hacks who have sold our national security for a cheap bag of oranges.

From the President:

“It is a moment that millions of families have been hoping for. This is the moment that millions of people have been working for,” he said Thursday in an address to a joint session of the California Legislature. “Today’s historic vote is a monumental step forward, but we recognize that there is more debate ahead.”

Millions of people who are not voting U.S. Citizens, that is. This does nothing to help those millions of families. I meant to say that quote was from President Fox of Mexico. It’s so hard to tell the difference these days.

From the desk of Tugboat Teddy:

“First, to our leaders, to Senator Frist and Senator Reid: We wouldn’t be here this evening with this extraordinary coming together of the United States Senate and really an expression of the desire of the American people without the leadership in the United States that we have had, leadership in our committee with Senator Specter, Senator Leahy.

I pay tribute to my colleague and friend, Senator McCain, who we’ve worked with for three years in the development of this legislation; with our colleagues here, members of the Judiciary Committee and a band of brothers, Republican and Democrat alike, who saw the importance of the passage of this legislation, saw that America needed to relight the golden lamp.

Relight the lamp? What?

Maybe you don’t know it buster, but nobody can see the golden lamp because we’ve got illegals surrounding it like moths to a flame. Not because it’s gone out.

When Teddy’s happy, you know it’s wrong for America. Leaky and Spekter do not represent us and never will.

With this vote, McCain is throwing away his shot at the Presidency. With Frist’s complicity, he’s trying to jump Al Gore’s spot in line for least popular Tennessee politician who can’t carry his home state.

A sad day for the people of this country and if this bill reaches Junior’s desk it will mark the beginning of the Pre-Impeachment Era.

I’m not wavering over Iraq. Everyone had the same intelligence for a decade and Bush’s remarks are the same as his predecessors. They are interchangeable.

But if you want to go after him on this issue. Feel free. I won’t complain. He’s abdicated his Constitutional responsibility to protect the country. The same goes for everyone who supports this bill.

Maybe then one of these smart guys can explain under oath how you can look at somebody and tell whether they’ve been in the country illegally less than 2 years, between 2 & 5 years, or over 5 years. By just looking at them. Disgraceful.

KOOL-AID HAPPY HOUR UPDATE: As if anyone needed any further evidence that the kool-aid drinkers have moved on to 80 proof margaritas and still don’t get it, Drudge is running a line at the top about Tony Snow comparing illegal immigration to a traffic ticket:

“If you had a traffic ticket and you paid it, you’re not forever a speeder, are you?” White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said in response to questions from The Examiner.

“So the fact is, you have paid your debt to society,” he added. “And we have come up with a way to make sure that the debt to society gets paid. Then you move forward.”

House Republicans better step up to the plate and shut down the Snow Job before he pipes up again.

Good Riddance

“You can’t lie to shareholders, you can’t put yourselves in front of your employees’ interests. No matter how rich and powerful you are, you have to play by the rules,”

Because for the system to work, all participants have to have confidence in it. That confidence is maintained through integrity.


Urgent Report From The Coast

Whilst convalescing in the Sunshine State, we have been horrified to hear all the stories of gator attacks. Needless to say, it’s made us a little jumpy.

Luckily, this constant state of controlled panic meant that we were on our guard when we were jumped by this gator…

…and we were able to escape unharmed.

What we were not prepared for, however, was a brutal attack from this dragon…

…which nearly tore us limb-from-limb.

The attacks haven’t all been terrestrial, though. We witnessed an attack on one unfortunate vacationer by a bloodthirsty mammoth butterfly. The flying carnivore – undoubtedly mutated as a result of Jeb Bush’s pollution-spewing energy policies – ripped the poor man’s face clean off, then flew back up to rest in this palm tree, chewing on the man’s severed facial tissue like so much Big League Chew™…

The butterflies aren’t the only mutated creatures down here, we’ve noticed. In fact, some inanimate objects have come to life and climed high atop other fixed structures to gain a better view of the perimeter, in order to formulate a plan of attack which will result in maximum bloodshed.

No, no, something’s not right down here. Something’s gone terribly wrong…

The Axis of Bueno – Caracas, Castro and Commie Christ

What Would Jesús Guevara Do?

“Our Bolivarian revolution is very Christian and I have a friend who isn’t Christian, but lately has said he is a Christian in the social aspect: his name is Fidel Castro,” Chávez announced. “I talk to [Castro] a lot about Christ each time we see each other, and he told me recently, ‘Chávez, I’m Christian in the social sense.'”

Chávez calls Jesus Christ a socialist and a revolutionary. And that’s the kind of Christ he wants to follow. It is not clear how much the Pope was persuaded. The Vatican has criticized efforts by Chávez’s revolutionary government to curtail the influence of the Catholic Church in Venezuela. Chávez has called the Catholic Church’s hierarchy a “tumor,” while Venezuelan Cardinal Rosalio Castillo Lara has accused Chávez of aspiring towards a dictatorship.

It will be no surprise if we soon see left-wing American clerics investing Chávez with a mystical reverence previously reserved for the likes of Fidel Castro and, during the 1980s, Sandinista honcho Daniel Ortega. Indeed, the canonization of Chávez in some quarters has already begun.


The devil may be able to quote scripture but I don’t remember the verse where Commie Christ imprisoned all the journalists before nationalizing all of Rome’s natural resources, stealing foreign assets, presided over a skyrocketing murder rate, planned to sell military hardware to rogue nations and siding with other megalomaniacal dictators to blackmail the world.

Perhaps Comrade Christ has had a change of heart and come to the realization that it’s good to be King.

(h/t Lee @ digital nicotine)