It’s Time To Take A Stand

A great American philosopher once said, “Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.”*




We’re gonna TAKE THE COUNTRY BACK! But we need your help!

Join the Insufferable Prick Party as we offer Americans a true alternative to government that serves its own interest.

Here is your chance! Help us define a platform, develop slogans and send Washington a message this November.

Please submit your ideas in the comments section.

Samples: “Tired of your representation? This year, you can stick a prick in there.” -Doug

A billboard ad. From Kevin

Thanks to Andrew Kaduk for the logo.

Thanks to Vinnie for leading by example.

Thanks to Sharpy for creating the original inspirational Republicrat logo.

Note to Little Miss Attila and Linda: Yes, you girls can be Insufferable Pricks too. You don’t have to be a pre-op tranny, post-op tranny, hermy or generic transgender to join the party. Chicks can be Pricks too (since it’s really metaphorical and all…).

Platform Positions

(Feel free to help us develop our platform)

Gay Rights

What makes you think we care where you stuff your man-yams? With the $700 million we won’t earmark to move railroad tracks, you will be able to buy a locking door. Go nuts.

Climate Change

There is nothing more sanctimonious or arrogant than a polar ice cap. We say bring back aerosol spray cans and freon so we can show the planet who’s boss.

Education Reform

Teachers must be capable of passing the same exams as the students.

We’ll leave behind “No Child Left Behind”.

Vouchers aplenty… and they can be used to escape inner-city hellholes.

Gitmo

A length of rope with every Koran and prayer rug.

Gun Control

Don’t make me shoot you.

Illegal Immigration

You wanna mow lawns for a living?

I did NOT say land mimes!

Death Penalty

Chair, needle or noose – pick one.

Firing squads are very appealing, and cheap.

Energy Policy

Enough windmills in Kennebunkport to make the Dutch blush.

Enough oil wells in ANWR to make the caribou mush.

More people died at Chappaquidick than Three Mile Island

War in Iraq

The Insufferable Pricks vow to end this PC war.
Our goal is to fight a real war.
Get the troops out of Iraq and Afganistan.
Invade Iran.

First Amendment Rights

This right must never be impinged upon, even in cases of flag desecration or “protesting” military funerals. In fact, we will extend the First Amendment to include administering a “beat down” on funeral protestors as a legitimate expression of free speech as well.

Chickweed

Definitely against.


Campaign Slogans

Insufferable Pricks: When all of the other pricks have gotten too soft for positions of power.

(Kevin has broken out his Jesse Jackson Rhyming Whiggity-Whack Box for the following):

*Welfare – Au Contraire!

*Taxed for dying – You must be lying!

*Judges can’t make laws – The Constitution contains no clause’
(plural, but it doesn’t rhyme well. This one should be primarily used at hippie drum circles because of the slant rhyme.)

*Close the borders – and break out the mortars, or We don’t want to whine – so line our borders with mines!

Insufferable Pricks: Pumping for oil in ANWR… and your mom.

The Insufferable Pricks- A Pig in every pot, and a Prick in every… District?

We have a hard-on for a common sense method of leading our country!

UPDATE: Join the Insufferable Pricks Party Blogroll!

* Parliament of Whores, P.J. O’Rourke

51 comments

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  3. I’m in. I got nothing better to do and I’m loaded right now anyways.

    How about a stance on alternative fuels?

    God didn’t kill the dinosaurs so we couldn’t use their remains to fuel our gaz guzzling SUV’s. When you see that soccer mom backing into a mailbox because she can’t see, remember – that’s an act of God. Driving a Hybrid will only assure your place in Hell.

    Too religious? Dunno. How about Illegal Immigration? That’s a tough one these days.

    What do you think is going to cost you more? Buying health insurance for your wetback dishwasher, or hiring some black guy instead, who will work half as fast, steal twice as much and then not show up to work?

    Or even simpler:

    You wanna mow lawns for a living?

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  5. Education reform (NCLB)

    Teachers must be capable of passing the same exams as the students.

    We’ll leave behind “No Child Left Behind”.

    Vouchers aplenty… and they can be used to escape inner-city hellholes.

  6. Woohoo, andti-chickweed! Finally a party that knows what’s important!

    Here’s some rhyming slogans for the IPP:

    *Welfare – Au Contraire!
    *Taxed for dying – You must be lying!
    *Judges can’t make laws – The Constitution contains no clause'(plural, but it doesn’t rhyme well. This one should be primarily used at hippie drum circles because of the slant rhyme.)
    *Close the borders – and break out the mortars, or We don’t want to whine – so line our borders with mines!

  7. I’ve been thinking, and there’s no way this is gonna go over as a slogan for a national party, but here it is anyway.

    The Insufferable Pricks- A Pig in every pot, and a Prick in every… District?

  8. Death Penalty
    Chair, needle, or noose. Pick one.

    Energy – Renewables
    Enough windmills in Kennebunkport to make the Dutch blush.

    Energy – Non-Renewables
    Enough oil wells in ANWR to make the caribou mush.

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  11. Death Row Appeals – Firing squads are very appealing, and cheap.

    Oil Exploration – the new 21st century front lawn jockey, hang a lantern on a oil well. Lube it with a caribou.

    Border Control – I did NOT say land mimes!

  12. Wood you all rise (with stiff drink in hand)as I toast the forthcoming emergence of the Insufferable Prick Party as a major political player. What a stroke of genius!

  13. foreign policy —
    Save money by combining the State Dept with the Defense Dept. no need for a Sec. of State.

    Agree and support the USA
    or be nuked till you glow and shot after dark.

  14. Amendment to the 1st Amendment-

    Any entertainers (i.e. Dixie Chicks)who use their platform (and high school GED) to enlighten us with their wisdom on foreign policy or the military shall be required to repeat such comments in front of an entire platoon of beered-up United States Marines.

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  18. Land mimes? Do you mean to have Shields and Yarnell patrol the Texas border, Marcel Marceau the Arizona? It’s crazy enough, it just might work!

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  20. Two Pary Politics

    The common and continual mischiefs of the spirit of party are sufficient to make it the interest and duty of a wise people to discourage and restrain it.
    ~George Washington~

    Welfare Reform
    We should make a welfare state, move everyone on welfare to that state, then sell it to Mexico on the cheap.

    War on Terror
    Lets make the biggest producers of oil in the world to the biggest producers of green glass.

    First Ammendment
    If you’re going to talk like an idiot just shut up, please.

  21. Its simple….

    I’m tired of supporting all the lazy bastards in this country. “If you don’t work then you don’t eat” End of story!!!!!

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