Month: August 2006


Yes, I know this is in incredibly poor taste. It also shows how petty, vindictive and downright childish I can be when it comes to criticizing politics I don’t agree with.

But hey, it couldn’t be more offensive than this.

UPDATE: Oh yes. Forgot to mention that I’m only insinuating that failed liberal policies bring about horrific consequences to those who espouse them in order to provoke dialogue.

UPDATE II: I can’t BEEE-LEEEVE I forgot to mention this; The movie most definitely is an even-handed treatment of the issues surrounding the disastrous Welfare State.

6MB – We’re Big On Reservations


Hell, we’re big everywhere. But what the fuck? Carrottop gets billed ahead of us???

Speaking of Carrottop and hell, there’s a religious/philosophical question I’ve sometimes wondered about. Let’s say the devil starts thinking that there isn’t enough comedy in hell. Whom does he recruit? I say the top prospects would be either Gallagher, Pauly Shore, or Carrottop.

Carrottop has the hair for it, and he’s annoyingly unfunny.

Pauly Shore would be easy to recruit. Any one of his moves would earn him a ticket to the lowest circle of hell. And he’s annoyingly unfunny.

And while Gallagher can sometimes make me laugh, I put him on the list because he just bugs me for some reason.

Microsoft Feminists

Oy. Check this out from Microsoft’s online help. For your geeks, it is the Microsoft Developer’s Network (MSDN) reference – Select Nodes Using XPath Navigation.


<?xml version='1.0'?>
<bookstore xmlns="urn:newbooks-schema">
  <book genre="novel" style="hardcover">
    <title>The Handmaid's Tale</title>
  <book genre="novel" style="other">
    <title>The Poisonwood Bible</title>

The Handmaid’s Tale

The Poisonwood Bible

Please note the choice of books. Who let the dogs in?

Technology lesson to be learned here; Once you run this XML document through Microsoft’s .NET XMLReader parser you get liberal trash.

Or in non-technical parlance; Garbage in, garbage out.

Set Your Phasers on Bitchin’!

Great news for you aging Trekkies:

Star Trek purists, take a deep breath! On Sept. 16, the iconic ‘60s series will return to syndication for the first time since 1990, but with a startling difference: All 79 episodes are being digitally remastered with computer-generated effects not possible when Gene Roddenberry created the show 40 years ago.

Yep, they’re going to go back and adding CGI in place of Sixties FX and a shoestring budget. Remember how every class “M” planet (except for those exactly like 20th century earth) had a flat red atmosphere? Gone.

“The exterior of the ship now has depth and detail, and it will fly more dynamically.” Painted backdrops will also be brought to life: Once-empty star bases will have CGI people milling about, while static alien landscapes have been given slow-moving clouds and shimmering water. Okuda notes that a view of Earth in the 1966 episode “Miri” has been “replaced with a more accurate image, now that we’ve gone into deep space and looked back at ourselves.”

And here is the best part; it seems like the cheesy Desilu theme music will be kept but improved upon.

Trek’s opening theme is also getting an overhaul: The music has been re-recorded in stereo with a bigger orchestra, and a new singer has been hired to wail those famous but wordless vocals.

No word yet whether the da-ta-da-da-da-da-DA-dot-tot-DA-da hand to hand combat music will be affected.

I have been missing the Original episodes in recent years. When they series was finally taken out of syndication in 1990, I really didn’t care much having seen every episode Eleventy Jillion times. It will be interesting to see them now through the lens of four spin-off series and a buttload of movies.

My only hope is that the stations carrying it wont cut the crap out of the episodes. Remember when only UHF channels would carry it and they would increasingly take out bigger chunks for commerical breaks? Let’s hope the fan base will not stand for that.

Mr. Sulu, take us into orbit.

Liveblogging a Mug of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Well, not really live blogging it, since I just finished it. I could, however, liveblog it as it moves on through the digestive process and eventually works its way out. But I won’t do that to you. I have too much respeck for you, dawg.

I’m actually liveblogging doing some work-related work from home and watching some U.S. Open coverage. Looks like Roddick/Pless is headed to a 2nd-set tiebreak at this point. Holy shit, is this shaping up to be a tedious post. Anyway, on with the news of the day and what I think about it. Because that’s what matters.


Gas Prices, Make Up Your Mind!

Looks like these troublesome high gas prices may be on the downturn.

Gasoline prices are falling fast and could keep dropping for months.

“The only place they have to go is down,” says Fred Rozell, gasoline analyst at the Oil Price Information Service (OPIS). “We’ll be closer to $2 than $3 come Thanksgiving.”

Travel organization AAA foresees prices 10 cents a gallon lower by the end of next week. It reported a nationwide average of $2.84 Tuesday, the lowest since April 20.

Of course, this is good news. But what’s behind it?

•The end of summer. Driving slows, reducing demand for gasoline. And federal requirements for clean air, summer-blend gasoline end next month, making gasoline cheaper to refine and import.

•Sluggish demand. Gasoline use in the first eight months of the year is up 1% vs. a year ago, less than the 1.5% to 2% growth that’s typical, says Michael Morris, analyst at the U.S. Energy Information Administration. “Wholesalers are trying to get rid of product. The growth in demand for gasoline has really tapered off,” he says.

Wholesale prices are falling faster than retail gasoline prices, meaning stations are making more money than when prices were $3. Wholesale prices Tuesday ranged from $1.77 to $1.79 a gallon, well below the $2-plus prices typical until recently.

•Petroleum traders, worried that prices are too high to last, are selling their holdings. That pushes prices down. They also believe hurricanes won’t disrupt Gulf of Mexico production, OPIS senior analyst Tom Kloza says.

In addition to all this, I heard an interesting tidbit from a co-worker last week about how China’s demand for oil is eventually going to decrease as they upgrade and repair their own electrical infrastructure. Apparently, part of the reason behind their gobbling up of so much world oil (in addition to more cars & trucks) is that they need to fuel diesel-powered generators that are being used to fill in where their electrical grid often fails.

Though most reports over the summer have been that China is gulping down oil at a record pace, my source is pretty reliable and I hope he turns out to be correct. Nothing eases oil prices like too much supply.

Should’ve Used Goatse

There is a talentless twat (who will remain nameless and unlinked) who runs a worthless blog that’s only content is railing against the work of the Blogfather. He is one of many horrible lefty bloggers who have absolutely no creativity and have nothing to add to the public debate. Worse yet, he’s a hotlinker.

Earlier today, the dumbass hotlinked one of our images. Just like a good liberal, he expects to make his way by living off the work of others – whether it’s his pathetic blog “content”, stealing bandwidth or suckling at the teet of the taxpayer, this guy is a classic pants-shitting socialist no-talent ass clown.

Surprisingly, he was wise enough to take down the hotlinked image that I’d changed just for him and upload the original pic to his own server. But not before I saved a screenshot.

I should have used Goatse. Next time I will.

Remembering Katrina, Vol. 4

No Spike, I didn’t say Whitey Coyote, I said Wile E. Coyote.



Spike Lee: “Exactly. It’s not far-fetched. And also I would like to say it’s not necessarily blow it up. But, the residents of that ward, they believe it, there was a Hurricane Betsy in ’65, the same that happened where a choice had to be made, one neighborhood got to save another neighborhood and flood another ‘hood, flood another neighborhood.

Lee: “Presidents have been assassinated. So why is that so far-fetched?”

Martin: “Because it would require, because it would require no white person in the government to have a moral compass. It would require no black person to have a spine and I think that’s a very hard case to make.”

Lee: “Let me ask you a question: Do you think that election in 2000 was fair? You don’t think that was rigged?” [audience applause]

Martin: “It’s not a question of not being fair, it’s a question of-”

Lee: “If they can rig an election, they can do anything!”



via Newsbusters

Remembering Katrina, Vol. 3

When I think about the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina, my heart is warmed-over like so much stew at the thought of the scores of concerned celebrities who came out of the woodwork to help the afflicted. Whether it was Sean Penn in his rowboat, rescuing people from rooftops, or Kwame West and his telethonic mumblings, never before have so few done so little for so many.

Most of all, I am again moved by Celine Dion, who so generously offered for hurricane victims to touch her things.

I’m waking up in the morning. I’m having a coffee. I barely can swallow it. I come here at Caesar’s Palace every night to perform. I barely can sing. But for respect the people who come I am still singing. When I come home at night, my son is waiting for me. I watch television.

Yes, we gave $1 million but what we expect, what I want to look like the rest of the world, I open the television there’s people still there waiting to be rescued and for me it’s not acceptable. I know there’s reasons for it. I’m sorry to say I’m being rude but I don’t want to hear those reasons.

You know, some people are stealing and they’re making a big deal out of it. Oh, they’re stealing 20 pair of jeans or they’re stealing television sets. Who cares? They’re not going to go too far with it. Maybe those people are so poor, some of the people who do that they’re so poor they’ve never touched anything in their lives. Let them touch those things for once!

Aaaaah… sweet memories.

U.S. Open Update

Nicole Vaidisova – just one more good reason to tune into the U.S. Open this week.


Click to embiggen


And one big reason NOT to watch:


Agassi came back to beat Pavel in 4 sets late last night. I fell asleep in the 2nd set tiebreaker, though I did try to stay awake. Unfortunately, Agassi will not make it past the second round, as his next match is against Marcos Baghdatis, who will likely pound Agassi’s eyes shut.

One more comment on last night’s tennis “action” on the USA network. I am one of those people who tuned in to actually watch tennis, but instead got an hour and a half of self-congratulatory bullshit as the tennis establishment – yet again – patted itself on the back as they named the USTA National Tennis Center after Billie Jean King, their collective lord and savior. There is no bigger bunch of politically-correct, leftist narcissists than the powers-that-be that run U.S. tennis.

They simply can’t tell you enough times about all the lily-white, heterosexual, patriarchal barriers they’ve knocked down for black athletes, female athletes, gay female athletes, aids-infected athletes, one-legged amputee athletes, half-man-half-horse athletes and every other political special-interest group they can come up with. If they could find a way to bring three-time Masters champion Casey Martin (yeah, I know, who’s he?) over from the golf community, they’d collectively cream their jeans.

Hey, tennis establishment, shut your fucking self-congratulatory, leftist pieholes and let us watch some tennis. Pricks.

Toad Blogging

In my day to day life I am often asked, “Cranky, what should I do if I’m attacked by a toad?”

Very patiently I explain that they should not feel humiliated as this happens more often than the MSM would let on. Then I’ll take about 20 minutes to explain the important and potentially life-saving actions one must take to survive a full-on toad attack.

Reproduced for your convenience is the Toad Attack Survival Guide.


Toads are known for the ability to put animals larger than themselves into their mouths. If attacked, you shouldn’t panic, but you ought to – they’re vicious.

Toads will go for the throat in an effort to bring down a large animal. You must allow them to “size you up” as you remain motionless. Eventually even the greediest toad will realize that you’re too big to eat.


Nothing will cause to toad to lose interest in you faster than when it thinks you are dead. Toads eat only live prey.

Other helpful tips to prevent toad attacks:

  • Do not have any insects anywhere in your home. Toads are attracted to crickets, moths and other small insects.
  • Do not have any standing water within 100 yards of your home. Toads, like frogs will lay their eggs in just about any body of water. In a few short weeks, you will be dealing with hundreds if not a thousand young killers.
  • Do not, under any circumstances loan any money to toads. This will only encourage their behavior and bring them back your way soon.

More Toad Blogging:
Sean Gleeson finds another vicious toad.
Toad Blogging gallery.

Remembering Katrina, Vol. 2

It’s time again to look back at the hot-off-the-grill reporting that marinated in the midday sun of one of America’s worst natural disasters. As if we’re going to have a choice this week. In the pantheon of racist caricatures, few are more pernicious than those of cannibalism. More than a few forks were lowered at the dinner table when allegedly reputable race authority Randall Robinson, author of The Debt: What America Owes To Blacks, baked a tasty blood libel from scratch in the factually flexible Huffinglue Post:


It is reported that black hurricane victims in New Orleans have begun eating corpses to survive. Four days after the storm, thousands of blacks in New Orleans are dying like dogs. No-one has come to help them.
For those who’ve been caused to listen for a lifetime to America’s ceaseless hollow bleats about democracy.

My hand shakes with anger as I write. I, the formerly un-jaundiced human rights advocate, have finally come to see my country for what it really is. A monstrous fraud.

But what can I do but write about how I feel. How millions, black like me, must feel at this, the lowest moment in my country’s story.

Monstrous fraud is most certainly a way to describe Robinson. Self-confessed Castrophile, tire necklacing Jean-Bertrand Aristide acolyte and who once described white people as “little more than upper primates”. It is a well-seasoned irony that the charge of cannibalism would be cooked up by someone so accustomed to putting his own foot in his mouth.

Be sure to shakedown Zsa Zsa Huffinglue for your reparations first, Chomper.

Kidnapped Al-Jazeera Journalists Freed

Two Al-Jazeera News journalists were released Sunday, nearly two weeks after being seized by Christofascist militants, ending the 2nd longest-running drama involving foreign hostages in the Greater Nashville area. The longest running drama belongs to Kid Rock and chesty Canadian national Pamela Anderson (NSFW?).

Cameraman Mohammed Suleyman Hussein, 54, and correspondent Usama al-Zawahiri, 42, were dropped off at the Gaylord Entertainment Center early this morning. A tearful al-Zawahiri briefly embraced a goat in the lobby before rushing upstairs. Hussein walked into the lobby behind al-Zawahiri, briefly turned when someone offered him a King James bible and shouted “get off” before heading upstairs.

al-Zawahiri later told the BBC in a phone call from Nashville that during his capture, he was held at times face down in a dark honky tonk, forced to sit through session musicians performing covers of songs they swear to have played on, and that he and Hussein were forced at breastpoint to make statements, including that they had converted to Christianity and liked Mothership BBQ.

The journalists had been seized in Nashville on Aug. 14 by a previously unknown group calling itself the Holy Potluck Supper Brigades. However, senior Southern Baptist security officials said Sunday the name was a front for local militants, and that Southern Baptist authorities had known the identity of the kidnappers from the start.

Alleged Nashville Police Chief Ronal Serpas dismissed speculation that the kidnappers had ties to al-Abama groups. “The kidnappers have no link to al-Abama or any other organization or faction,” Serpas said. “Al-Abama as an organization does not exist in the Greater Nashville area.”

The Lifeway United Casserole Front, a baptist group, claimed Sunday it had helped mediate the release of the journalists.

On Sunday, before the journalists’ release, a new video was aired, showing Hussein shaking a tambourine and al-Zawahiri dressed in a Tony Alamo jacket. The kidnappers claimed both men had converted to Christianity.

Several hours later, the two men were dropped off at the GEC, wearing Country & Western-style clothing. Their captors had demanded tolerance for all Christians imprisoned in the Middle East by midnight Saturday in exchange for freeing the journalists.

Good News/Bad News Sunday

Fox News journalists Steve Centanni and Olaf Wiig have been released by their islamofascist captors in Gaza. This is particularly good news given the dark shadow cast over the situation by Dr. S just a few days ago. That’s the good news part.

The bad news is that a regional jet went down just after takeoff from Lexington, KY, killing all but one passenger. I’m sure details will be forthcoming, but doesn’t sound terror-related.

More bad news, Ernesto is now officially a hurricane and is steaming into the Gulf of Mexico. But never fear, Nawlins, Mayor Ray will get you out just like he did last time. Just sit there and wait for the government to take care of everything.

Curt Weldon For President

Well actually Curt Weldon for Congress; the seventh congressional district specifically.

In my many cyncial moments, I dismiss politicians as little more than folks who love to get their hands in the public trough. It is still my contention that that is the case when you are dealing with such politicos like Trent Lott and anyone with the last name of Clinton.

Then there is Curt Weldon. Congressman Weldon is a true conservative with a voting record to show it.

On of his defining traits is his fiscal conservatism. Even as a supporter of the WOT, he has this to say about the war spending:

Republican Representative Curt Weldon, vice chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, puts it, “have come to think that it’s politically embarrassing that they need more money to pay for this war.” To their credit, congressional Republicans like Weldon have pressed the White House to ask for more money up front.

After ten terms in the Congess, he is involved in a fierce political fight from the national Democratic party. The seventh congressional district is considered a battleground which Democrats have reasonable hopes to capture a seat in the Congress. His opponent, Joe Sestak is an outsider who has returned to the area after thirty six years.

Which brings us to today. Congressman Weldon held a meeting this morning which I had the pleasure of photoblogging.

Driving to the meeting – I know it’s around here somewhere… maybe another mile or so.


Yep, this is it. The Loyal Opposition is here!

Nice people actually, and very sincere. Their primary objection was on issues related to the Iraq war and funding of the contractors.

The ladies were happy to engage me. The gentleman was a little somber and probably couldn’t separate the “me” from the “neocon”. However, he was a very good sport.

I took a flyer from them, which very nearly got me tossed out when I dropped it and it was found by one of Weldon’s staffers. I sang, I danced and finally convinced them of my bonifides. Gawd, I’m such an idiot.

Weldon is deeply tied to his upbringing in working-class Marcus Hook and his time as a firefighter. The campaign staff wore firefighter themed t-shirts.

Into the lion’s den I went.

The man, the myth. Representative Curt Weldon

This man knows his constituency. In the few minutes he had, he identified the many communities in his district and cited many things he was able to do for them in Congress.

Interestingly, he can boast much bi-partisan support. Many of the unions endorse him as well as the Democratic mayor of a local town. He is truly a great representative to our region. Am I gushing? OK, I’ll stop.

So who is this guy?

This is Congressman Tom Reynolds. I was unclear on the exact nature of his role, but I believe his is the Republican strategist for Congress.

His job was to “whoop it up” and he delivered. His main point was that the Democrats were attacking from a national level on issues driven by groups like MoveOn. Even their choice of candidate shows the leveraging of the national unpopularity of the war rather than the regional politics.

From USAToday:

Joe Sestak, a retired Navy vice admiral, is trying to topple Rep. Curt Weldon, R-Pa., a senior member of the House Armed Services Committee, by depicting the 10-term incumbent as a “pseudo-secretary of State” who is out of touch with his constituents.

“I don’t think he’s working for the right issues” such as education and health care, Sestak said in a recent interview.

Weldon rejects that argument, noting that Sestak had been away in the Navy for 36 years before becoming a candidate.

“I’ve lived and breathed this district” during that time, Weldon says.

Despite his emphasis on domestic issues, Sestak addressed the war Saturday when he gave the Democratic response to Bush’s weekly radio address. “We must begin a phased redeployment of our forces” from Iraq, he said.

Afterwards, I mingled with the elite top 1% richest in the country.

Young volunteers. …get the heck away from me scary man with a camera

Here are the volunteers. I remember being a young adult. My entire life was go to school, go to the arcade, see movies, repeat. These young people are interested in local politics and active. It’s very encouraging to see them here. Sorry for freaking you out, dude.

Finally, the money shot, if you will.

Weldon: the things I gotta do…

Remembering Katrina, Vol. 1

reservoir tip: Yiddish Steel

A message to all you Instapundit cult members:

You know, last time you came by, you just popped in, used us and went on your way. Really, we felt like Christina Applegate after an afternoon in the 20th Century Fox parking lot in Studio Century City.

This time, why don’t you bookmark us? I mean, what have you got to lose but about 1K? We occasionally do some funny/offensive/interesting/stupid stuff. Sometimes there’s even some good writing here (that’s usually Smantix). Take a look at some of our “classics” down there on the lower right hand side to get a taste of some of our Grade-A quality blog backwash.

Let’s be frank – you always say you’ll call, but you never do. That hurts.

Also: Feel free to contribute your own Katrina: One Year Later memories. Smantix has started us off pretty well in the comments. I’ll throw another out: The Official Survivor: Katrina Board Game that we debuted last Christmas. That one’s chock full of Katrina memories – The Concentration Camp Causeway being just one of many.

FYI – If anyone knows who actually did the above photoshop that Yiddish Steel sent me, let me know so I can give proper credit…

UPDATE: At your service…

After suckin’ up like that, I’m feeling like Christina Applegate again.

Oh, speaking of her, if this site goes down due to the bandwidth crunch, we’ve got a backup –

UPDATE: YS tells me the photoshop was done by his co-worker Kurt. We may have to give him a full-time, unpaid internship with skills like that!

Criminally Negligent Mayor Shows Ass For 4,133rd Time

As if I needed another reminder that it’s a tragedy that the New Orleans mayor didn’t perish when the white folks blew up the levees.

On a tour of the decimated Ninth Ward, Nagin tells Pitts the city has removed most of the debris from public property and it’s mainly private land that’s still affected – areas that can’t be cleaned without the owners’ permission. But when Pitts points to flood-damaged cars in the street and a house washed partially into the street, the mayor shoots back. “That’s alright. You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.

I think this type of comment firmly cements Nagin as a leader in the black community alongside Sharpton, Jackson and the rest of the racepimps.