The sports world was rocked this morning as news of the bashful and introverted alleged Wide Receiver Terrell Owens was rushed to hospital after what authorities are calling “a suicide attempt”:
The friend, who is not identified in the report, “noticed that (his) prescription pain medication was empty and observed (Owens) putting two pills in his mouth,” the police report said.
The friend attempted to pry them out with her fingers, then was told by Owens that before this incident he’d taken only five of the 40 pain pills in the bottle he’d emptied. Owens was asked by rescue workers “if he was attempting to harm himself, at which time (he) stated, `Yes.'”
“Friend” = Random Skank #2 with an itchy 9-1-1 finger
What some kids will go through to get out of their contracts. I usually give The Tuna the benefit of the doubt when landing a carp like Owens but given the way T.O. ripped off San Fran and Philly this looks like a PR attempt for the most overrated receiver of the decade to make another couple of million without having to do his job.
5 pills does not a suicide attempt make T.O. Especially for someone so void of any traces of self-loathing. Some of us call that “any other night”. For your $25 Million (boohoo) contract, we’d be inclined to say every night.
Try running across the middle once in a while and I’ll start re-evaluating whether you have a death wish or not, Princess.
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. – Two miners whose jobs included watching for safety hazards inside the Sago Mine before the deadly explosion last January committed suicide in the past month.
Neither man had been blamed for the disaster that killed 12 of their comrades, and neither one’s family has definitively linked the suicides to the accident. But those who knew the men say there is little doubt the tragedy haunted them.
Not unlike the tragedy of being benched while collecting a fat bankroll.
RANDOM SKANK SNITCH UPDATE: Random Skank #2 has now been identified as his publicist.
Wow. Talk about getting your client good press. All this morning, co-workers of the female persuasion have been down on me because I don’t understand all of society’s pressures that are placed on poor T.O., that he was abused as a child (?), and that chirren from all over the world look up to him. For reasons other than his height. And I should not judge him until I’ve swam a lap in his Olympic size pool.
As Deion Sanders reports (didn’t see that coming didja?) – that Owens claims “man, that didn’t happen”. There’s going to be a press conference if anybody feels the urge to feed The Ego That Ate San Francisco.