Football Friday: I’m Callin’ You Out, Mary Katherine Ham

It’s Georgia week. When I think of Georgia week, I think of all those sweet Georgia peaches – those Southern belles that can start a man to droolin’ lickety split. And if you find one of those Southern belles that loves football, then you’ve got yerself some fancy cookin’ there, sir.

There’s one particular Southern belle that just can’t shut up about the damn Georgia Bulldogs. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Ham. All you ever talk about is Georgia-this, Bulldog-that, UGA-UGA-UGA and things of that nature. Well, put your money where your mouth is, sister. If you think the Joe (Tereshinski) and Joe (Cox) show can pull it off Saturday night, let’s put something on the line. And not just pride in our Alma Maters.

Here’s a reminder of the type of character and decorum that is standard fare among the Bulldog faithful down yonder in Athens:


Yep, it’s all class down there, let me tell you. You’d never find such redneckery in East Tennessee – all you find at our tailgates are fine champagne, roast pheasant and expensive doilies.

My prediction? Tennessee 24 Georgia 14. And Georgia scores late to make it that close. Elsewhere in semi-pro ball…

  • LSU 30 Florida 17Overrated Florida will go down to LSU like Hollywood hooker on Hugh Grant. Mark Foley will perform the ceremonial coin-toss-off.
  • Texas 29 Oklahoma 17I think one will turn out to be far more boring than the usual UT/OU rivalry games of the past. Dunno why. It’s lost it’s sexiness these days.
  • Auburn 41 Arkansas 20Both coaches will try to cheat their way to victory, but only Tuberville will survive.
  • South Carolina 55 Kentucky 54There is no greater matchup of offensive minds than Spurrier vs. Sanders. Two geniuses whose teams will undoubtedly rack up well over 1,000 combined yards of total offense. I need to remember to Tivo this one!

On to the big leagues… what is there to really talk about in Titantown these days? Albert Haynesworth has demonstrated to the sports world that despite the P.R. spin that he’s a “changed” man, he’s still the same old thug he was at UT. And when you put him on the same team with Pac Man and the rest of the miscreants, you’ve got yourself a chaingang, not a football team. This is why this weekend, it will be Indianapolis 77 Titans 6. I just hope we can keep it that close. Elsewhere in the pros…

  • Dallas 33 Philly 21T.O. gets revenge on the team that “done him wrong” – that is, if he can keep from going on another Five Aspirin Suicide Trip between now and then.
  • Bears 35 Bills 22I’m a Grossman believer after sitting down and watching them last weekend. The Bears could very well be your 2006 Super Bowl Champs, childrens.
  • Denver 28 Baltimore 24This should be a good one. I’m hoping that the Ravens ultimately fail, though. I don’t care how many ex-Titans play for them, I’ll always hate the Ravens with all my little black heart.
  • Chargers 23 Steelers 18It’s not the same Steelers and it’s not the same Chargers, which should be good news for San Diego.

So, let’s hear it, Mary Katherine. Or do you just want to take the loss and mourn privately out of the glaring light of the blog paparazzi?

UPDATE:

Oh no she di’unt! MKH has responded.

Hate the game, not the player, Holmes.

All right, I’m layin’ it on the line. On the goal line. A line with which Tennessee will be none too familiar Saturday.

Yeah, that’s right. I talk smack using phrases like “with which.” I’m a hard mutha.

I am so hard and so sure that the Dawgs will treat the Vols like an Athens fire hydrant that I’m willing to teach Preston a thing or two about bold.

I’m ’bouts to wager the unthinkable. If the Vols manage to pull of an upset between the hedges, I will blog in a Tennessee Volunteers t-shirt for a day and document it with a photo on this blog.

Well, it appears I may have misunderestimated MKH. What to do in return in the unlikely event of a Georgia win? I will either go out and purchase some article of Georgia Bulldog clothing and document myself “blogging” in it – or I’ll post some type of massive blog tribute to the greatness of the Bulldog tradition. Either of these will make me wretch, so it will be an equal punishment either way.

Game on, Ham, game on.

UPDATE 2:

Ali Bubba says what all us males are secretly thinking. He ain’t one for being politically correct.

UPDATE 3:

Vols win, 51-33. Holy crap, that’s a lot of points. Whoever had the over on that, good for you.

So what size t-shirt should I send, MKH?

21 comments on “Football Friday: I’m Callin’ You Out, Mary Katherine Ham

  1. Damn, Preston, as an Arkansas alumni and Razorback(that’s pork to all you Muslims out there), I’m taking umbridge(is that how you spell it, after all, I said I was an Arkansas grad), yes, I’m highly upset with those accusations of cheating, even though it would take more than the usual amount of cheating for us to beat Auburn. Can you imagine a freshmen quarterback going against the Auburn defense? I’m going out on a limb here and predicting we’ll get 50(yards of total offense).

  2. It’s spelled “umbrage”, you dirty kuffar…

    And your infidel cockroaches MIGHT get 40 yards of offense, Allah willing…

  3. She’s got to be one of the only people from Durham with 1/2 decent sense, seeing how she isn’t pulling for Duke, UNC or NC State.

    She should have done the honorable thing though, and been a Pirate.

  4. South Carolina 55 Kentucky 54

    Sadly, with the way that Tubby has been running the offense at UK, that just might be the basketball score this upcoming season.

    ESPN.com has us ranked 27 preseason, right behind powerhouses Creighton, and Wichita State. Though it’s hard to hate a team whose mascot is The Shockers.

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  7. NICE win, JJ! Looks like y’all got that 50 yards of offense…as well as a spelling lesson from an Islamofacist…

    Preston, was that some ass-kicking you laid on Georgia? I saw none of it as I was at the Rose Bowl watching UCLA drub Arizona. When can we expect MK’s appearance in what we would call here “CalTrans Orange”?

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  10. That UT-UGA game was awesome! Sure, it’s just a proxy war between Hillbillies and Dirt Farmers, but still, awesome game. Georgia fans everywhere are falling on their pitchforks and plowshanks today.

    I wonder how many UT fans were struck by half-full beer bottles flung by the beligerent Georgia fans after that?

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  12. In fact, it’s depressing to witness the discredited lackeys of the dregs of the SEC spout such distressingly arrant nonsense. Envy is such a petty emotion.

    Auburn might be a different story, though…

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