Election Night Battle Royal

Bring your bullwhips, chairs and tables, baby. It’s election night. Does it really matter? Not really, but hey, it’s always fun to watch the results roll in. And it’s always fun to watch MKH on TV (even if it is CNN), so consider this a live blogging/open thread/no disqualification match. Join in via the comments if you want to share results, bitch, smacktalk, whatever.

Results so far? Only doddering old racist Robert Byrd has taken it to the house so far. Will he wear his hood during his acceptance speech? And who is that massive cow on CNN? Get her off of there and bring on MKH.

By cow, I was talking about the female, not Bill Bennett. I guess I’ll go back over and see what Fox is up to.

Gordon here.
Check out these real-time trackers. Right now, 0 precincts are reporting (duh)


To check your own state, just change the page abbreviation.

PTH here (8 pm)

The talking heads are telling me that a bunch of states will be reporting in a few minutes as polls close all over the place at 8. My prediction? Any democratic precincts will find a way to keep their polls open via judicial fiat, so don’t hold your breath. On another note, where are you, Smantix???

[Because this post was so long, we’ve closed it up. Click on Continue Reading to enjoy the entire thing.]

PTH here (8:15 pm)

I just flipped over and accidentally landed on Nancy Grace. There was a graphic with the words “Pit Bull” and I thought it was a subtitle about her. Turns out it was just a coincidence.

The dipshit hanging out with Paula Zahn on CNN was just talking about how voters in Florida told him what a great economy they had down there. Attention, dipshit: the economy is going gangbusters nationwide. You are a drooling idiot – you should be taken to a retirement home immediately. Even worse – they’re talking to Howard Dean now – have to change the channel ASAP.

PTH here (8:30 pm)

Fox is projecting that Amendment One, which Harold Fraud, Jr. fully supported, and which defines marriage as being between a man and a woman (shocking, I know) will pass. More on that later. Chalk one up for the Tennessee homophobes.



7:45 CST Hatemonger! Lou Dobbs is going to expose you for the Ku Klux Kleinheider that you are.

Just wait buddy. It’s coming.

We need the chat server. Or Efnet.

PTH here (8:45 pm ET)

I just flipped the channel and noticed that Gilmore Girls is on. Now I’ve got to go take care of something. Be back in a bit.

Gordon (getting Cranky) @ 8:50 pm EST
Some familiar names not doing too well

U.S. House – District 12 – 1 of 601 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Murtha, John (i) Dem 221 56.23
Irey, Diana GOP 172 43.77

U.S. House – District 13 – 1 of 509 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Schwartz, Allyson (i) Dem 794 71.21
Bhakta, Raj Peter GOP 321 28.79

Recall that Raj rode an elephant into the United States from Mexico

annika at 6:00 California time

Damn, fired again! I so wanted Raj to win.

PTH 9:05 PM

Polls closed at East London Holiness Church in Kentucky: poisonous snake 1, woman 0.

annika at 6:11 Collifornia time

Fox news projects Kinky Friedman went down in Texas? “Why the hell not?”

annika again 6:16 DiFi time

In the interest of being fair and balanced, I have to report that Ken Mehlman has one of the strangest looking heads I’ve ever seen.

annika 6:21 Ahhnold time

Steele went down in Maryland, according to Fox. I predicted that, but I was still hopeful. If there’s any Republican who deserved to win against the odds, it was Steele. He ran a classy campaign against a bunch of closet racist Democratic fucks.

Cranky (9:30 pm EST)

The Philly burbs fall. All formerly Republican districts. The dog I have in this fight, Weldon is getting whupped. Getting the Stoli out…

U.S. House – District 6 – 10 of 334 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Murphy, Lois Dem 1,717 56.63
Gerlach, Jim (i) GOP 1,315 43.37

U.S. House – District 7 – 70 of 447 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Sestak, Joe Dem 11,635 56.60
Weldon, Curt (i) GOP 8,920 43.40

U.S. House – District 8 – 3 of 350 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Murphy, Patrick Dem 1,150 61.07
Fitzpatrick, Michael (i) GOP 733 38.93

annika 6:30 Governator time

Link Chafee falls in Rhode Island. Good riddance, loser. Even in defeat, you were no fucking help to us.

PTH – 9:39 ET

Malkin on Fox. Uh oh. I have to go take care of something. Be back in a few.

annika 6:42 Jerry Brown time

eek Preston, I just got that joke.

Fox News’ graphic does not show who the incumbent is, which they should do. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a pick up or a loss without that key info.

annika 6:51 Barbra time

Mark Foley, even though he’s out of the race, is doing what he does best: “holding on.” If he wins, it will be a real “stroke” of luck for Negron in Florida’s 16th.

PTH 9:55 New Yawk Time

Well, Annika, I suppose I should have used an offensive Chinese accent and called this “Erection Night” liveblogging. On another note, I was just about to call the entire state of Maryland racist, but you beat me to it. Damn you and your California-style legs.

Cranky 10:01 EST

Santorum just conceded on CNN

Cranky 10:08 (EST)

This just in – Western Pennsylvanians officially batsh*t crazy:

U.S. House – District 12 – 248 of 601 Precincts Reporting
Name Party Votes Pct
Murtha, John (i) Dem 44,566 62.14
Irey, Diana GOP 27,156 37.86


Compare and contrast.

The FCC has just launched an investigation into the on-air mutual masturbation of Charlie Gibson and George Schizopottamus. Save it for Nightline After Dark, fellas.

When the Republican calls his millionaire Democrat opponent “out of touch”, Gibson taunts with a “well, Mr. Out of Touch is going to Congress” and when a different Republican millionaire wins in another state, Gibson complains about how much of his money he spent.


annika at 7:11 Pelosi time

Not to toot my own horn, but so far the Senate races are coming down exactly as I predicted. The only surprise to me is that Talent might win in Missouri, which I also admitted was a definite possibility. If things hold, we might stave off a turnover by one seat.

In Virginia, I continue to have faith. 85% of the precincts are in, and when Schumer was on tv earlier in the night, he said that the northern precincts (liberal) had not yet reported. Have they reported by now? And if so, does that mean Allen will hold?

PTH 10:30 PM

Alright folks, I’m done with this election business for the evening. I’ll leave it up to the experts (Cranky, Smantix, Annika) for the remainder of the evening. I’ll try to carve out some blogtime at work tomorrow if I can get away with it. Enjoy the slaughter!

annika at 7:38 McClintock time

Sleep well boss! And where’s Cranky and Smantix?

I heard Lieberman on the radio this afternoon. He tried to hide it, but I could tell there’s no love lost between him and the Democrats who abandoned him this year. If we lose the Senate by one, and we need him, would he stay Independent just to fuck the Dems?

Cranky 10:41 EST

OK kiddies, I’m cashing my chips in. Have a good night all. Thanks to all for participating.

annika at 7:46 Britney time

et tu Cranky?

Democrats are up to 8 out of the 15 they need in the House. 95% of Virginia counted and it’s still too close to call. They’re talking automatic recount now. Is it time to start drinking yet?

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

annika at 7:58 K-Fed time

Harry Reid on Fox now. He’s non-commital on the Senate, says there are a few states looking weak for the Dems. A small ray of hope there. He’s non-commital on whether there’d be investigations either. He calls it euphemistically, “congressional oversight.” That doesn’t sound good at all.

Smantix 10:10CST

It Came From the Referral Logs.

Chino, California. You came here looking to “Vote My Meat”.

Keep your meat off my ballot.

Nasty MacOSX users.

annika at 8:07 crack open a beer time

Okay, now Fox is projecting a Democrat switch in the House of about 30 seats. So who were the pollyannas that predicted a Republican hold in the House? Is it time to publicly humiliate them? What’s that you say? I was one of them.


Anyways, I’m fixin’ to write a strongly worded post-mortem on my own blog when this is all over.

annika at 8:14 hold the phones time

Steele is refusing to concede in Maryland!!! The Washington Post has pulled its Maryland projection!!!

annika at 8:19 Speaker Pelosi time

Escrow has closed. The House is now in Democratic hands. Hello impeachment. Goodbye tax cuts. Goodbye GDP.

Well at least those of us who work for minimum wage can look forward to a few bucks more per week in crack money.

annika at 8:40 Rosie O’Donnell time

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of tax dollars suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

annika at 8:47 no more Hastert time

I’m going away for a while to make the first post election bumper sticker for my CafePress shop. I’ll be back.

annika at 9:05 Pelosi-Botox time

Here it is, the first t-shirt and bumper sticker of the New Democratic World Order. Buy it before Chuck Rangel gets his hands on all your spare change.

I’m going to bed now, tomorrow will hopefully see the Senate still on our side. Goodnight everybody and thanks for the fun!


And barring a Mud City remake of Shaun of the Dead, Corkboy should be able to hold onto his 60,000 vote lead with 10% left to go. I’ll sleep with my pistol on the nightstand anyway and leave a screen up to order my high-capacity magazines from cheaperthandirt.com while I still can.

We’ll catch you crazy kids in the morning when we’re not burdened by the responsibility of running every single branch of government.


annika at 9:31 California time

Just checking in on this Tennessee based blog to celebrate Fox calling TN for Corker.



Yep. Ford’s conceding. Done in by a blonde bimbo.

Harolds End
image by way of the priceless despair.com

Happens to the best of us, Reverend Ford. I’m sure we can count on seeing you in church every Sunday unless you’re some kind of lying, conniving hypocrite who cravenly played to the Christian set for a few votes.


  1. I’m here. Mrs. Smantix was trying to poison me with her cooking.

    Another helping of Mashed Potato soup, please. With a side of rubbery brocolli and wash it all down with a cup of cold coffee.

    On the bright side, my fried chicken would make the Colonel slap Chris Rock’s fat ass mama.

  2. Hey, my very first OFFICIAL report.

    Republicans take an early lead among the cow-tippers! 2/421 precincts

    U.S. House – District 3 – 2 of 421 Precincts Reporting
    Name Party Votes Pct
    English, Phil (i) GOP 183 59.42
    Porter, Steven Dem 103 33.44
    Hagberg, Timothy CST 22 7.14

  3. We are waiting for Schree Pettigrew and Stacy Campfield to get in the ring for a loser leave town log chain match. That would be worth watching. Maybe Bill Williams could do play by play and have Robin Whilhot do ringside interviews while Dan Farcus over annunciates very word on the tellaprompter.

  4. Sorry for the Ktown focus PTH.

    On a national front it looks like Chucky S is ready to change direction already on Fox from DNC headquarters.

    Changing direction = code words for

    Low taxes being raised
    Good economy going south
    Medical choice = forced care
    Fair Tax = DOA
    Defense spending – down
    Iraq commitment = left behind

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  6. I’m a little strange perhaps, but my current…er…crushes are Rudi Bakhtiar and Megyn Kendall of Fox News.

    Already got my Megyn fix so I am good…

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  8. Kent Conrad won, Kay Bailey Hutchinson gets a win. Thomas wins in Wyoming (no surprise). Herb Kohl won. McCaskill up in Missouri, but is VERY VERY tight with early results. Corker seems up by 10% or more in TN. Lieberman winning as a Independent. Allen v Webb in VA is DEAD TIGHT!!! Steele vs Cardin is tight.

  9. If she does it tonight on CNN, I’ll switch over.

    Still no Michelle Malkin sighting on Fox.

    What the $%&# is The Duck talking about re: taxes? What a dick…

  10. Flipped by The Unit and makes me want President Palmer and Jack Bauer to be running things. Iraq, Iran, and N. Korea would all be resolved in three days and Nancy P / Harry Reid would be afraid to go near the White House.

  11. Malkin was on Fox. Looking pretty hot, though I admittedly have a thing for Asians. In my neck of the woods, Yarmuth is beating Northup by a point oar two for Louisville’s congressional seat with about 88% of precints in, which is bad, but survivable news. Good news is that the other two competitive KY seats seem to be staying GOP.

  12. Breaking Local News – Lafollette voted to change their city constituion in favor of snake handling instead of poison drinking on July 4th and Labor Day. Jacksboro and Caryville planning to contest final vote count.

    ** Real ** National News –

    Mehlman is still talking for a Republican hold in both houses. Time will tell if this is true or not. Mehlman says VA, MD, and MO are still close…NO DUH!!

  13. CRAP…Fox just called Maryland for Cardin.

    Any chance they are wrong?

    Smantix, I’ll see if the local Vons has Blue Moon…if so, look in your fridge in about 15 minutes…I have one of those magic beer portals.

  14. Liquor by the drink looking to go legal in Lafollette…guess that means that 15% of the liquor drunk in Campbell County will be legal. The revenuers are still looking for the other 85%.

    Corker ahead of Ford at the moment…still too close to call.

  15. Blogging from Northup’s district. There are jack asses actually setting off fireworks when Northup conceded, I kid you not. The local gloating will not be fun.

  16. Preston, Michelle WAS going to put 6MB up on the screen until she saw your comment (see her stammer briefly)…

    I think that just dropped the Buffet back to 3rd tier status…

  17. Hey folks.

    I work the night shift and have been asleep. Anything going on tonight?

    Also, remember this… “it ain’t over til it’s over”.

    I work with too any moonbats to lose either chamber. Plus I have a will to live.

    I’ll wait for the later results before updating my resume.

  18. Fox just rolled out some new graphics….looks like they are still working on how to use them. Maybe they can get the set manager from CNN where the mics ALWAYS stay open (even in the bathroom / makeup) during speechs for the fun of the audience.

  19. Damn Cranky…you called the Weldon loss before Fox did…

    As usual, your analysis is impeccable.

    And Irey is a total babe…what the hell are Western PA’s thinking?

    At least that’s how I vote…

  20. Now CNN is talking about how men due to football and women voted based on Iraq in VA…exit poll ask if George Webb respect women and if Allen respected minorities?

    Ned Lamont conceded at 10:15 EST…

  21. And Irey is a total babe…what the hell are Western PA’s thinking?

    You know, voters can handle a corrupt representative as long as he can bring home a little something for them.

    It’s either that or too much lead in the water. This is the Rust Belt after all.

  22. Symantix…good call on the Memphis voting of the walking dead. Still wondering if Elvis voted in Memphis or in Deerborne, MI where he is working the BK drive in.

    Democratic HQ feeling good about Penn and seeing sweep nationwide. All about failings in Washington. Bass loss in NH being blamed on Bush. Already talking about direct negotiations on prescription drugs.

  23. OK, John McCain has just listed all of the things that his “Conservative Base” will be looking toward in ’08.

    Not ONE WORD about “undocumented immigrants”.

    Wanna know why the Republicans are getting drilled tonight? Could they be more out of touch?

    I’m just sayin’

  24. Chris Wallace on Fox talking to Sen. McCain about the GOP loss after Watergate, and the ascension of Reagan, an outsider, a few years later, and then asked McCain point blank “Are you was part of the solution or part of the problem?”

    Kinda cool.

    But to his credit, McCain managed to neither wag his finger, accuse Wallace of smirking. Nor did he call him a monkey in a suit.

  25. On Fox, GA8 & GA12 both Democratic trending Republicans and as pick up for the GOP. Two GOP pick ups in the House could save them. This will be a 51 or 52 Senate and a House with +1 or +2 for either party.

  26. OK, perhaps we should be planning our next logical steps.

    Which one of you volunteers to threaten to move to Canada?

    Who wants to investigate Diebold?

    I volunteer to put on a large kettle of batsh*it crazy and start a Conservative Underground site where we will get to the Truth of the Great Election Scam of ’06.

  27. Sorry Swap…as much as I’d like to NOT wake up tomorrow to the horror of Speaker Pelosi, the die is cast.

    Praying the Dems are held off in the Senate…

  28. Billy … good call on the impact of immigration. Scariest of all is that if the GOP had not controlled the House we would have a Senate and Bush approved legalization of illegal aliens. Just saw my first Darfur ad on Fox.

  29. John Greene actually got 22% against Duncan that is AMAZING!!! Must be the idea of re-elect no one playing well to the disinfrancized as i do not see even the most pro war person voting for Greene over Duncan’s lack of support of Iraq.

  30. Terry Moron of ABC was fellating Barack Obama last night and showing him campaigning for McCaskill is the Show-Me State. I guess the Marvin Gaye soundtrack didn’t win them over.

  31. Liberman just said he approved of his election. That is the corn ball line of the night, but I am glad to see him win. I assume he will still sit with the Democrats though in the Senate, but at least he does not owe them as much now.

  32. Just contrasting the grown-up response to what the perennial losers have been saying.

    100% of us will wake up tomorrow and go to work.

    Re: McCain, I hope you’re wrong. But this should be our politician’s “get a clue” moment.

  33. You know Cranky, that’s a good point. I’ll be a bit bummed, then I’ll go on with my life. The crickets chirping when the GOP does not file recounts in losses they honestly loss will be loud compared to the Dem screaming the past three elections.

    We haven’t lost yet.

    But worst comes to worst, there will be few right-wing Kos Kids emulators out there, if you know what I mean.

  34. The are already talking recount in Virginia due to the law that allows for challenge if the win is 1% or less either way. Both sides have lawyers ready. Voter complaints at various places, but looks like VA and MO would be most likely to see suits.

  35. Lordy Lordy Candy Crowley looks scary at 11PM at night…or 11AM…

    Negron just conceded in FL in his attempt to hold Foley’s seat. It was REAL close though and that is amazing considering how late Negron got in the race and under the circumstances that he entered. Even with his consession CNN will not call it…that is funny. If Republicans lose by one Foley will get kicked some more in the press.

  36. Harry Reed is talking change of direction regardless of outcome of Senate race and how a one party town does not work…never heard that when the Democrats controlled both houses and the Oval office. Reed says he is a unifier and not a divider. Reed says no legislative branch for last six years and no oversight has occurred..interesting considering Bush has had so much trouble actually passing his bills, getting his judges in, etc…interesting….

  37. Harry wants to find out “what’s going on with Haliburton…”

    Glad to see he took his tin-foil hat off before his Fox appearance…

    One more thing…Steele is winning in Maryland with 55% of the vote in. Could everyone have goofed that?

  38. Tennessee marriage amendment and property tax amendment both won.

    Knoxville Sheriff pension plan is 50% / 50%.

    One early voting machine with 5000 votes from Down Towne West can not be acquired. They are there, but they can not be pulled out. So Knoxville totals will not be complete until AM when voting machince tech rep gets in.

  39. I am techically an “Independent”, though my ballot was about 90% Republican…

    But I will not do any of those childish things that liberals tend to do when they don’t get their way:

    1. Threaten a move to Canada
    2. Put a stupid bumper sticker on my car
    3. Be depressed
    4. File a lawsuit
    5. Whine for 2 years

  40. Democrats +2 at the moment…looks set though. Maryland getting REAL interesting again in the Senate. Tennessee Senate race is not over, but it is leaning strong Corker, but some of the precients that have not reported are heavily Democrat.

  41. Just got back from a chore I had to run a real quick away from the computer. Fox has the Dems with a 3 seat majority.

    Que sera. Hopefully the GOP learned a few lessons.

  42. Look for AT LEAST 18 months of revenge investigations, petty bullshit and general childish behavior from the Dems with their shiny new toy – political power.

    I’m scared for the safety of all Americans world-wide today. 🙁

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