There has been minor buzz about this U.N. Bedtime Cautionary Tale for Children. It’s called Tore and the Town on Thin Ice.


The main character is a little Eskimo boy, Tore who loses a sledding race due to the thin ice caused by Global Warming.

That night, Tore is visited by Gaia’s version of the Ghost of Christmas Past, Sedna who sends him on a Peyote-free vision quest for eco-calamity and tales of dying animals.

The entire markup is here in pdf. Just do me a favor, don’t show it to your children.

I must have been a pretty anxious kid, because I was absolutely sure I would die by the time I was thirty. Remember, in the seventies, we were planning for the end of civilization due to overpopulation, pollution and nuclear war. Either that, or we were watching movies about the end of civilization.

I had elementary school teachers who sang songs about “where the flowers used to be” and paving paradise to put up a parking lot. I learned about the Monarch butterfly on a movie that also felt the need to show bulldozers tearing up the rainforests where they crossed the globe to nest.

While the teachers were building awareness, I was fostering a deep fear of life.

Obviously, the worldn’t didn’t fall apart and the doom mongers moved on to the next crisis. I’m thirty years older and much less anxious. I realized that people have been standing on the hilltops proclaiming that the end is nigh for a few thousand years. Maybe it is how we people are wired.

The problem now is that my daughter is too much like me. She asks about deforestation and endangered species. I see the concern in her little face and frankly, I’m pissed that her school is laying that burden on her.

We all have a responsibility to take care of what we have and be responsible, but please.

Stories like the one put out by the U.N. say, “Now sweetheart, I know that your one little person in this sometimes intimidating and big world. But you should know that you’re about to die and frankly as a twelve year old child, you are completely helpless to do anything about it.”

Maybe she will feel she can do something about it. Maybe she can fend off the impending holocaust by torching some Hummers. Well, not my daughter, but it’s this kind of hysteria that motiviates young people to join ELF.


  1. Cranky, my favorite of those types of songs(you know, like Paving Paradise and putting up a parking lot) was, “Where have all the toad frogs gone”, by PTH and the Froggies. The memories.(sigh)

  2. I wish i had been alive before the monarch butterflies went extinct because evil corporate monsters destroyed all their habitats. I bet they were beautiful. I’ve seen pictures.

    Oh wait, that wasn’t a picture, that was an actual monarch butterfly, which I saw flying outside my window just the other day.

    never mind.

  3. Heh. I heard about this UN shitsack on Boortz yesterday and had planned to do some research – thanks for taking care of it for me, Cranky.

    Annika, there was a Afterschool Special when I was a kid – I don’t remember what it was called – but I remember we watched it at school. The hero of the story was some kid named Duffy Moon who managed to overcome adversity through sheer will power. I learned soon thereafter that such a thing was not possible, but the “you can do it, duffy moon” slogan has stayed with me to this day.

  4. I forgot about them, Yid. BTW, this is the FIRST TIME EVER that I approved a comment with a link to “”.

    And don’t even think I’ll click on it here at the office. I like my current job.

  5. I’ve been forced to listen to that “Old Turtle” CD in the car while riding with their grandma. I asked her if I could please have the CD. My kids loved it. I hid it. I know where it is though just in case I can’t find the oil of ipecac in an emergency.

  6. Long before I was a boring suburban housewife, I was a lucky kid who got to stay out late and sing in nightclubs. My band opened for Toad the Wet Sprocket, I was 17 and it was 1989. Toad’s singer was 17 too…and married.

  7. Yuk, Yiddish! But we can turn this into a win. For a $25 donation to support the Insufferable Pricks Party, we could send them a can of whale, and an additional can of dolphin for our $50 donators.

    I’m salivating just thinking about it.

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