Month: December 2006

Caught You Slippin’ (The Caliphate News Network)

Who could forget when CNN accidentally released that they had obituary graphics on standyby for pop and political-life’s most likely to be Dead Pool nominees?

Yea? Well, I did too for a minute.

What I didn’t understand is who was asleep at the wheel and didn’t queue this one up when the news hit.

This is the thanks he gets for leaving your Baghdad bureau open while he chopped up reporters and left them in trash bags on their family’s front porches? For shame, Eason. For shame.

Sodomy Insane No Longer Enjoying American Muffins and Cookies

Instead, he’s taking a dirt nap.

BAGHDAD, Iraq — Saddam Hussein, the former president of Iraq, was executed by hanging shortly before dawn on Saturday in Iraq, Arab media outlets reported.

The U.S. military and FOX News have not yet confirmed that the execution has taken place. Al Jazeera, Al Arabiya wire services and U.S.-backed TV station Al Hurrah reported his death.

The man dubbed the Butcher of Baghdad was convicted of crimes against humanity for the killing of 148 Shiite men and young boys after their failed assassination attempt in 1982 in the village of Dujail.

Hanging was far too good for the fucker. Katie Couric in tears… developing…

On the bright side, he lived long enough to see his wretched, blood-soaked spawn executed and dangled from the same rope as did many of his victims. Still, hanging was far too good.


The video* came out quicker than I expected. Now you can enjoy watching Hussein’s death in much the same way he enjoyed watching videos of the deaths of his own victims. Kind of provides a little closure for some, I would think.

*Scratch that – Liveleak has taken down the video. Oh well, it will appear somewhere else soon.


Video is back up.

Also at CNN. Thanks, Billy

UPDATE 3 (Cranky):

I’ve been reading around the ‘sphere today and don’t have too much to add. SeeDubya is blogging up a storm at Hot Air and has the expected looney left response round up. So does Annie Mayhem and Gateway Pundit.

This classic pic came from Theodore’s World. (h/t The Jawa Report, which has another good animation)


Mr. Lazy Blogger Gets An IPod

That’s right… thanks to a stroke of good fortune courtesy of Santa Claus, yours truly has entered the I-age. What does this mean? It means that, instead of going through the rigors of trial and error and research, I’m going to bleg my bevy of readers and fellow bloggers for assistance with this mysterious device.

You see, I’m just a cave man, and… well hell, let’s just get on with the questions.


Save Saddam

It’s not too early to seek clemency for Saddam! Already Human Rights Watch has condemned the verdict as the trial was “deeply flawed

New York-based Human Rights Watch said the Iraqi appeals court should have conducted a thorough legal review of the verdict.

The rights watchdog last month identified serious flaws in Saddam’s trial, describing the trial in a 97-page report as “marred by so many procedural and substantive flaws that the verdict is unsound.”

Human Rights Watch routinely opposes the use of the death penalty, describing the punishment as inherently inhumane.

This might be a good time to add that Saddam has more than redeemed himself. Since his capture, Hussein has dedicated himself to the cause of educating children. He has already authored several kiddies books including One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Here’s You’re Damn Oil Contract, Where’s My Kickback?, Goldilocks and the Three Friendly Members of the Security Council, Fun With Uday and Qusay and The Gassin’ Kurds Activity Book.

Why Adnan is a Democrat

Jimmy Carter wrote the foreword… case dismissed!

Seems Fitting for NOLA, Really

The combination of the Department of Federal Waste and Cajun-Gumbo-Corruption has created a mountain of waste that would rival Olympus.

WASHINGTON – The tally for Hurricane Katrina waste could top $2 billion next year because half of the lucrative government contracts valued at $500,000 or greater for cleanup work are being awarded without little competition.

Federal investigators have already determined the Bush administration squandered $1 billion on fraudulent disaster aid to individuals after the 2005 storm. Now they are shifting their attention to the multimillion dollar contracts to politically connected firms that critics have long said are a prime area for abuse.

The Bush administration wasting money!? I can’t believe it.

Earlier this month, the Government Accountability Office said its initial estimate of $1 billion in disaster aid waste was “likely understated,” citing continuing problems in which FEMA doled out tens of millions of dollars in fraudulent housing assistance.

We have a “Government Accountability Office”? Heh.

Well, at least all the debit cards and other handouts to con-artists bought President Junior and the GOP plenty of new votes in ’06. Oh wait, it didn’t? Crap.

h/t Interdictor

Plausibly Deniable Gift Idea For That Guy In Your Office You’re Not Quite Sure About

The award for “gayest sounding non-gay gift item” goes to Brazos Legends’ hot sauce sampler.

hot sauce

In case you can’t read the labels, this sampler offers the following varieties:

Texas Tongue Torch
Cowboy Cayenne
Butt Burner
Texas Tail Torcher
Fire In The Hole

This set would make a perfect gift for that special friend or acquaintance about whom you’ve always wondered. You know, the guy who always refers to his romantic attachments with ambiguous terms like “this person I’m seeing,” yet he never seems to bring a date to the holiday parties.

A gift like this might be the most tactfully tacky way to smoke that guy out of the closet, especially if you’re gay yourself. Give it with a wink, or two, and see what happens. You’ll either get a date out of it, or you might get slugged. Either way, your friend will end up with a pretty nice supply of condiments, with your compliments.

Also available at Cost Plus World Market.

The Twelve Days of Christmas – DAY FOUR

*** Christmas 2006 Update – Speaking of race-based politics, why not pull out this classic from last year’s 12 Days of Christmas Campaign? Play the Race Card this Christmas! Everybody’s doing it!***

Day Four and it’s been nothing but a White Christmas at The Buffet. But once you get past the hostess, the maitre d’ and three or four old honkies sipping cognac by the fireplace – we can inspect the kitchen to see what’s being cooked up for the hard to please liberals still on our to-do lists.

Ummm…smells like trouble.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… THE RACE CARD GAME!

click to embiggen

~~~You too can be a winner in the game of life…~~~

If we’re to believe what passes for black leadership in America, you already know that if you’re pigmentationally gifted that you won’t ever be a winner unless Life suddenly turns into a contest to see who can have the highest Cricket cellphone bill ever sent to Collections. We can’t help you win at Life – but by God, you’ll never run out of excuses for failure when you can play – The Race Card!

Need a little extra cash for your coalition? Just show up on Wall Street with your hat in your hand and remind those corporate fat cats who has the power of the media spectacle on their side.

Lookin’ to make a name for yourself in national politics? You might get lucky and draw the manufactured hate crime card and thrust yourself into the media spotlight! Just look out, because those riots can get nasty from time to time.

Need that little extra boost to get into the college of your choice? Then you already know how to play the Race Card Game without even reading the rules!

Angry that your candidate didn’t get elected? You may get lucky and get the voter intimidation card – or even better – you might be voting by butterfly ballots which we all know are very hard to read! Play the right card and you may have grounds for a very profitable lawsuit!

Whether you’re served the wrong airline food, been called a “water buffalo”, exposed to inclement weather, or forced to dress business casual while getting paid millions of dollars to watch a basketball game – no indiscretion is too small and no perceived insult is too slight when you can play the “Race Card” game!

Will you get elected Mayor of Detroit or re-elected to Mayor of Washington? Play ball for the 76ers or get played out by somebody else’s babymama? Be a convicted murderer in a hit HBO movie or will you be a convicted murder put to death by the State of California – you’ll never know until you play “Race Card”!

Experience the soft bigotry of no expectations this Kwanzaa.

Not available in Vermont


Just Because The Charges Is Dropped, Don’t Mean They Ain’t Guilty

The mixed-gender tag team of Stripper Whore and Out-of-Control D.A. lose this round.

Prosecutors dropped rape charges Friday against three Duke University lacrosse players accused of attacking a stripper at a team party, but the three still face kidnapping and sexual offense charges, a defense attorney said.
Joseph Cheshire and attorneys for the other players have said for months the woman told several different versions of the alleged assault.

Cheshire said Friday that the accuser now says she does not know if she was penetrated, which he said led District Attorney Mike Nifong to dismiss the rape charges.

Nifong did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

The accuser, a 28-year-old student at North Carolina Central University, has said three men raped her in a bathroom at a March 13 team party where she was hired to perform as a stripper.

The players _ Dave Evans, Collin Finnerty and Reade Seligmann _ all say they are innocent. Their attorneys have consistently said no sex occurred at the party and have cited a lack of DNA evidence in the case as proof of their clients’ innocence.

“It’s highly coincidental,” Cheshire said, that the charges are being dropped a week after the director of a private DNA testing lab acknowledged that he initially, with Nifong’s knowledge, withheld from the defense test results showing none of the players’ DNA was found on or in the accuser’s body.

Testing also showed that genetic material from several males was found in her undergarments and body.

Since the political-agenda-driven D.A. in this case takes the “victim’s” ever-mutating word as gold, the reason for the dropped charges has to be because she now doesn’t know whether or not she was penetrated. I guess when you’ve got Mammoth Cave between your legs with more customers than the Turkey Creek Target, it’s hard to tell if you’ve been penetrated unless another baby pops out 9 months later. Keep it up sister, and you’ll be giving Shirley Q. Liquor a run for her money before you know it.

And Duke players, don’t think you’re getting off (again) that easy – you’re still male, white and rich, which means you’re guilty beyond any reasonable doubt.

Beware Dragonnes

Do you remember back in the Eighties there was a successful fantasy movie called Clash of the Titans? Here’s a quick recap through the haze of a fading memory. Harry Hamlin and his bronzed pecs re-enact highlights from Greek mythology. The effects were the absolute best for their time done by none other than Ray Harryhausen.

I know I could look this up on the Internet, but I’m having more fun winging it. The box office numbers were very good for the genre and that proved to be a double-edged sword (or a Pandora’s box if you want to be consistient).

From that movie, Hollywood let loose an unbroken stream of turds that could cause any geek swear off Renaissance Faires for the rest of his life.

Krull, Beastmaster and The Sword and the Sorcerer immediately come up like a Meximelt 10 minutes after ingestion.

Why do I force you down the dark part of Memory Lane? I do this to warn you and ask you a favor.

Unless you have a pre-teen son who insists, there is no good reason to see Eragon. In fact there are many good reasons just to take your son to a highway overpass and chuck bottles at the passers by. At least you’ll have a bonding experience and not feel you’ve wasted 90 minutes of your life.

Like “Titans” of so long ago, “The Lord of the Rings” appears to have spawned its first knockoff. Sure, just the title Eragon should have been a warning that flashed in my face, but I’m still a little naive to think that Hollywood couldn’t green light such a blatant rip-off.

Poor John Malkovich plays the Sauron dude who was once a Dragon Rider. he betrayed them a generation ago and set himself up a kingdom. His right-hand man is the stereotypical kill-one-henchman-to-show-the-others-just-how-serious-you-are-about-failure. Oh yeah, there is one key difference – he looks exactly like Grima Wormtongue.

The plot isn’t exactly theWar of the Rings. But it is Tolkien Lite. The good guys fight a mini Battle of Helms Deep complete with the dollar store version of the Uruk Hai.

The parts that don’t mimic TLOTR are just pure cliche. Is there a book for lazy filmwriters to just pull up standard characters and plot devices?

Eragon features the Feisty Princess, an Old Drunk who turns out to be The Lost Hero Broken from Years of Despair (a perfectly wasted Jeremy Irons) and of course, English accents that would make Renaissance Faire tourists blush.

I need you people do me a favor and not see it! Let’s send Hollywood a message that we don’t tolerate another rash sword and sorcery flicks.

ps Please don’t tell my son you read this. He couldn’t see my during the movie and thought it was pretty cool.

Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog


I’m not saying you’ve got to quit building Frosty the Snowman but….goddamn. What are you trying to prove? Who, exactly, are you trying to impress?

HOOD RIVER, Ore. – Rescuers looking for three missing climbers on Mount Hood found a body Sunday in the area where one of the climbers made a distress call last week, authorities said.

The dead climber had not yet been identified, said Pete Hughes, a spokesman for the Hood River County Sheriff’s Office. The victim was believed to be one of the three missing climbers, authorities said.

The body was found in a second snow cave near another such cave where rescuers found a sleeping bag, ice axes and rope, officials said.

I spent this Sunday Christmas shopping. You spent it:

Weather conditions have been harsh since the three were reporting missing eight days ago, with heavy snow fall and wind gusts of up to 100 mph. The snow stopped Saturday, but wind up to 50 mph blew the fresh snow, hampering visibility. Skies were blue Sunday, the wind was still, and temperatures at the summit were reported near zero degrees.

Though I’m refraining from busting out the soundtrack to The Big Chill, I can’t help but feel ineffectual to those who purposefully Houdini themselves into the icy tundra and then expect a miraculous rescue in this latest “story of the hour”.

Darwin was wrong. It’s not survival of the fittest. It’s survival by accident. The sooner you realize that, the sooner everybody can stop doing stupid shit that kills them and makes them household names for 10 minutes.

I’m just saying.