The Criminal’s Justice System

I know it’s early for predictions for Pimp of The Year but once in a great while you find a candidate so worthy as to make an exception.

Killer Pimp Of The Year

Pimp Of The Year 21 year old Nathaniel Abraham now free to dress like Iceberg Slim.

Nathaniel Abraham was already elbow deep into his Li’l Bastard Toolbox when he killed Ronnie Greene in 1997. At age 11, he had already been a suspect in at least twenty-two different crimes ranging from kid stuff like burglary all the way to grown-up stuff like assaulting people with metal pipes. As one of the youngest convicted murderers in US history, Abraham was a cause célèbre for activists willing to highlight “how the system failed” poor Nathaniel. Not Nathaniel failing Nathaniel. Not Nathaniel’s mother failing Nathaniel. And especially not how the system was getting ready to fail the now deceased Ronnie Greene.

But by now you know the old trope – there wasn’t enough Midnight Basketball for Poor Nathaniel. And when there isn’t enough Midnight Basketball then people die.

Fast forward a scant 8 years and Abraham is back on the street. Easy Street that is:

PONTIAC — Yesterday, Nathaniel Abraham was a convicted murderer. Today he greets the morning a free man celebrating his 21st birthday — with a furnished Bay City apartment paid for by Michigan taxpayers.

Abraham, who was 11 when he shot and killed 18-year-old Ronnie Greene in Pontiac, plans to re-enroll in classes at Delta College, where the state also will foot the tuition bill for the next four years.

The Kiss of White Guilt

The Kiss of White Guilt

Not to disparage all of the fine people working (and paying) on their undergrads at Delta but getting through admissions must have been murder. From Delta’s homepage they offer a glimpse into their public mission:

“We firmly believe that we offer something for everyone, no matter where you’re at in your life.”

I will take that to include your own personal parole officer while pursuing your Bachelor’s in Pimpology with double minors in Court Reporting and Gun Repair. It’s always important to remember that the Freshman 10 is what gets you, Nate Dog, so keep your plate right when getting your taxpayer subsidized eat on.

Abraham, an aspiring rapper, thanked the judge for having faith in him despite nay-sayers who said he would never succeed in life.
[…]
“I’m going to make the best of it.”

Greene’s family, however, remained unconvinced.

Nichole Edwards, Ronnie Greene’s sister, said whatever progress Abraham has made won’t bring her brother back.

“All we have is a cemetery plot to go to,”
she said.

She does not feel Abraham is remorseful or has truly been rehabilitated.

“One of my biggest fears is that he will get out and cause someone else grief,” she said.

That means you fellow Delta undergrads. Other members of Nate’s family hilariously and unintentionally contradict his affirmation to “make the best of it” though:

Michelle Peoples-Dudley, Abraham’s older sister, talked to her brother last week and asked him what he planned to do on his birthday.

“He told me ‘I’m not going to do anything. I’m free. I’m just going to relax. I don’t have to worry about anyone saying ‘It’s time to wake up’ on my birthday. I get to do what I want and I’m just going to relax.’ ”

OE

Let’s all pour our collective 40’s on the the curb for Ronnie Greene who has been maxin’ and relaxin’ in a Michigan cemetery for the past ten years while Nathaniel Abraham has miraculously parlayed shooting him in the head to a free apartment and a four year scholarship to college.

Nathaniel Abraham – you are my selection for 2007’s Pimp of The Year.

“PIMP HAND STRONG” UPDATE: Annika was kind enough to turn out the Flyguy youtube-ry. Pat your little feet on the concrete and get to steppin’.

19 comments

  1. Yo S-Dogg!

    We already got this brotha’ on the fast-track to succeed John Conyers…

    No amount of whitey suppression will keep this gangsta down!

    You honkies better come on down to Church’s to get your grub on. We is havin’ a special on our Spicy Chicken Sammich…only 99 cents! Plus a 10% “cracker” tax for you white folks.

    http://www.churchs.com/

  2. What’ya talkin’ bout, whitey? I is gonna be ‘de pimp of de yer, ya her’. Now, quit dissin’ on da brotha’. He be a hero to all ‘dem peoples held dowm by ya crackas! You jus’ hatin, thats all!

  3. Dear Cynthia,

    Your insensitive post has set back race relations in this country like seven weeks or something.

    But your big, fine ass keeps me coming back for more.

    Love,
    S to the D-O-double G.

  4. Nathaniel Abraham???? Are you sure that’s his name??? A “Nathaniel Abraham” grows up to be a lawyer, not a pimp.
    Oh wait. They are the same thing. (With apologies to pimps for the comparison)

  5. Itty bit OT, but how many people over the years may have missed the Chris Rock thing at the end of “I’m Gonna Git You, Sucka”‘s credit roll? “I sho am hungry” is absolutely priceless, as are all his other bits of business in that clip.

    Without comedy, we’d slit our wrists at birth.

  6. “We firmly believe that we offer something for everyone, no matter where you’re at in your life.”

    Hope he’s not majoring in English. There’s that damn superfluous “at” again. And shouldn’t “everyone” be “you”?

    Sounds like the perfect place for higher pimp education.

  7. He was eleven years old. He paid his time, what twenty one year old dresses approriately now adays anyway. He mentally is still probably a child. He killed when he was a kid by accident. What excuse do we have for an adult president?

  8. PD,

    RIGHT AWN BROTHER! It’s about time these racist crackers understood that we is ENTITLED to have all our shit paid for ‘cuz of the hundreds of years of slavery. We gots to stick it to whitey…

    Ain’t nothin’ compared to that honky prez we got now tho’. Y’all been talkin’ shit on this site about pimps, but you knows that Bush is the biggest terrorist PIMP in the world. Ain’t gots the guts to send his daughters to fight, he’s gots to send OUR kids to fight this war…

    PD, you can come to my hood anytime and we can pound some 40’s. I’ve got this new cool cellphone I can show you…

    And S-Dogg…my big black ass is still hurtin’ from last night. Didn’t expect that from a white boy.

  9. I think I somehow caused this little boy to kill the other boy. I will petition my legislator to raise my taxes so it doesn’t happen again.

    It’s for the children.

  10. As I don’t know whether your nick is from boxing or Kool-Aid, let me put on my Official Jim Jones red button down shirt and Elvis glasses as I deliver My Sermon On The Punch Bowl.

    Dear Punch Drunk,

    In Summary:
    Remorseless killer dresses up like pimp clown after serving only 8 years in halfway houses. Honored by People’s Republic of Michigan donk enablers. Planning on doing nothing despite appalling taxpayer funded handout as a reward for criminal behavior.

    Wants to be a rapper so he can – what – brag about who he killed and the time he spent getting punked out for his Twix money. To further torture Greene’s family.

    Other witnesses testified that they heard bullets whizzing by their heads. When he killed Ronnie Greene he didn’t have one thing that pResident Chimp W. had – the authorization of Congress.

    Small difference, but an overwhelmingly bicameral difference nonetheless.

    *slaps*
    You are, ah, healed. Go forth and spread the word my brother.

    Cynthia, dear, we’re all black when the lights go off.

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