Don’t Let Global Warming Kill You!

Dear friend,

I write this urgent appeal on the eve of Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth receiving critical acclamation.

Global Warming has caused devastating storms across Southeastern Pennsylvania and the world. Countless oxygen producing trees have been destroyed and its up to us to make a difference.

Dear friend, won’t you please consider a generous contribution to combat Global Warming?

Your gift of $3.00 will buy 50 lbs. of potting soil.

$12.00 buys a lovely dwarf pear tree for the north side of my wooded back yard.

$150.00 will help me finish the oxygen generating toad pond that I need to finish this Spring.

Don’t fret that you drive your gas-consuming Jetta, give money, it will make you feel betta!

And thank you for your concern about saving the planet.


Since you people obviously don’t give a rip about the environment ($0 to date), maybe you’ll care about attaining salvation. You even get a prize for donating.



  1. But where do you get 50lbs of potting soil for $3.00?

    Maybe I’m thinking of topsoil, which sells for $20/cu. yd. Either way, you’re going to die unless you purchase carbon offsets.

    Might as well be me. I’ll really use it to plant trees ‘n’ stuff.

    Do it for the children!

    My children.

  2. Ha! In your face, you ignorant hicks!

    The Prophet Gore (PBUH) was honored by Hollywood tonight with his Academy Award.

    OK, so HE didn’t really win it, but the award was validation of his global warming theory (something he invented around the same time he invented the internets).

    Because let’s face it. The truth of the world lies in Hollywood. And no, that last sentence was not a pun.

  3. I’m doing my part. I bought an air conditioner that we run on high, but we turn it around so it cools the outside!

    No need to thank me. Just doing what we can to help out.

  4. OK, “Goredon”…I did my part.

    I expect my contribution to go towards that toad pond…and a toad to be named for me.

    Now send me my freakin’ bumper-sticker.

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