Cranky’s Vegas Adventure

Mrs. Cranky and her sister are at a convention here in Las Vegas this week. My brother-in-law and I have been given $35 each and permission to explore Sin City.

Come along with me on our grand adventure!

The view from the hotel

Ah Vegas, the land of fantasy where, if even for a short time, a man can escape from the drudgeries of day to day life and get caught up in a magical world.

Another view from the hotel

Ahem. Well the fantasy begins just over the wall and beyond the dumpster.

Now THIS is what I’m talking about.

A $5 table! I’m a realist. I know that the goal of every casino is to hold you upside down by your ankles and Hoover your wallet dry. However, if they at least give you an hour or two of entertainment, then I’m OK with that.

Now on the East Coast, we only have Atlantic City and for some inexplicable reason that trashy town doesn’t have tables for less than $15. This amounts to about six minutes of fun. Screw you, Trump.

Even more inexplicably, there are no less than two dozen plumbers swarming the tables eight deep.

Man on eighth floor: Hon, you will not believe what our window is looking out of.

Toni Braxton is at the Flamingo. I’m not sure how I figured that out.

Paying my respects at the Parisian

Just like they do in the real Paris!!

Preston, Smantix & Annika: An “I lost my ass in Vegas” shotglass with a donkey? You shouldn’t have! No really, you shouldn’t have.

See you kids next week.


  1. No kidding. I was in Vegas this time last year and it took me 9 months to pay it off. Even had a neat little graphic of a “Batman-esque” 6MB pig being beamed from a spotlight over the MGM Grand.

    Upside: Watching two Brits get turned down by hookers in the lobby at 4 in the morning. Downside: $8 egg McMuffin.

  2. Go to the craps table and play the odds on 6 and 8. Also, place odds behind your come bet.

    They count on tourists not knowing the odds and how much to put up. On the 6 and 8, put up 6, 12, 18, 36, etc. You will get odds with those bets when a 6 or 8 is rolled. (6 and 8 are the most rolled numbers next to the 7)

    When you come here for Prickfest, bring a craps cloth and I’ll teach you how to play.

    While I haven’t gambled in years, (I never gamble what I can’t afford to lose) many years ago I did okay fine at craps.

    Seriously, it’s one of the few things I do right.

  3. I spend all my time at Caesar’s sports book when I’m there. It’s basically a channel surfers dream. You can watch any and all sporting events simultaneously on big screens, and they bring you drinks! Even better than at home, where I have to get my own drinks.

  4. Go Sharon, Go! Even though I am good with numbers, I usually get KILLED on the craps table. The game moves too fast for me. I’ll be looking forward to your seminar.

  5. Billy,
    It’s the only game in Vegas where the odds are with the player if the player plays right.

    The dealers are required to tell you how much to put down for odds if you ask them, it’s just that most people don’t even know about odds, much less to ask how much to add to their bet for odds.

    If you have a good shooter, (shooter=someone who can roll the dice for over 30 minutes without rolling a 7) and play the odds on all the numbers, you can win thousands and thousands.

    I’ll teach you how to play at Prickfest. Do we have a tentative date for it yet?

  6. We would have dates for Prickfest if these assholes would quit jetting of to their favorite places of debauchery, instead of doing the gotdamn jobs we pay them to do.


  7. Smantix,
    Hell to the Yes! Loved that article. But I think mushrooms deserve more study–natural and all.
    Not that I ever read Carlos C. growing up in El Paso and spent any time wandering around the dessert( on a horse with no name) doing any of these things.
    No sireeeee.

  8. I’ll suggest the Marriott on West End just because it’s within walking distance of 8 or 9 restaurants, 3 or 4 of the coolest bars in town and cab distance to downtown.

    Not that we won’t be spending time discussing the intricacies of foreign policy towards the Soviet Union in the Pre-Cold War II era.

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