Month: May 2007

Up Yours, Junior

It’s one thing to be completely politically tone-deaf. It’s one thing to bend over for the likes of Ted Kennedy and the rest of the Donks in congress. It’s one thing to be a complete failure in nearly every facet of your presidency. It’s something completely different – even for you – to attack those who oppose your Amnesty™ bill, as racists.

WASHINGTON – President Bush wants Congress to approve an immigration compromise bill that will be supported mainly by Democrats.

He’s no longer worried about getting re-elected, so in his pushing for the bill’s passage, Bush has now told millions of voters to get lost. These are the people who have been his most loyal supporters on virtually every other issue.

Yet Bush now condemns them as unwilling to do “what’s right for America” and accuses their allies in Congress of using “empty rhetoric” to misrepresent the bill as a form of amnesty for illegal aliens. Bush appealed for “a chance to fix the problems in a comprehensive way that enforces our border and treats people with decency and respect.”

Treats people with decency and respect? You must mean like how those illegals treat our Constitution with decency and respect by wiping their collective ass with it? Just do us all a favor and don’t bother mentioning the “rule of law” ever again. You’re just fine with people breaking the law as long as they speak Spanish and will pick lettuce for a quarter an hour.

To hell with those who actually followed the rules, came here and worked hard to become American citizens, right, Junior? You know, the ones who actually appreciate freedom and want to assimilate instead of reclaim the Southwest?

As waffle-haired crooner Cyndi Lauper once said, “we see your true colors shinin’ through.” And they look a lot like that dark brown color that you get when you mix all the colors in your paint collection together. Not only that, but the newly-created clump of paint smells a lot like burrito-laden fecal matter.

I guess I just don’t like those funny-talking brown people because I didn’t grow up in Texas like you, boss.

“When you grow up in Texas like I did, you recognize the decency and humanity of Hispanics. And the truth of the matter is, a lot of this immigration debate is driven as a result of Latinos being in our country,” he said. “I have seen firsthand the beautiful stories of people being able to take advantage of opportunity and make solid contributions to our society.”

He said Americans had nothing to fear from large-scale immigration from Latin America.

“There is an element of our society that is worried about two Americas,” he said. “Our ability to welcome newcomers and the system’s capacity to assimilate them has been one of the great powerful traditions of America. It works, and it will work this time. People shouldn’t fear our capacity to uphold our motto: E Pluribus Unum.”

Or maybe it’s that I’m a Nazi.

Some people just don’t like Mexicans — or anyone else from south of the border. They think Latinos are freeloaders and welfare cheats who are too lazy to learn English. They think Latinos have too many babies, and that Latino kids will dumb down our schools. They think Latinos are dirty, diseased, indolent and more prone to criminal behavior. They think Latinos are just too different from us ever to become real Americans.

Stripped bare, this is what the current debate on immigration reform is all about. Fear of “the other” — of those who look or sound different, who come from poor countries with unfamiliar customs — has been at the heart of every immigration debate this country has ever had, from the infamous Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798 to the floor of the U.S. Senate this week.

What is said today of the Mexicans, Guatemalans, Salvadorans and others was once said of Germans, Swedes, the Irish, Italians, Poles, Jews and others. The only difference is that in the past, the xenophobes could speak freely, unconstrained by a veneer of political correctness. Today, they speak more cautiously, so they talk about the rule of law, national security, amnesty, whatever else they think might make their arguments less racially charged.

Okay, Linda. We’re all racists, we’re all nazis, we get it. This is the type of vacuous argument we expect from the left, not our own party. Which is why you and Junior have driven so many of us out of the GOP. Self-righteous assholes is what you two are. Leave the sanctimony to the left – they do it so much better.

It’s shit like this that makes it very difficult to voice any support at all for you, Junior. Those of us who support the War on Terror have a difficult time defending you when you insist on keeping our Southern border open for cheap labor and terrorists alike.

Then again, sorry to bother you, President Junior, I can see you’re very busy doing your buddy Al’s work for him. I suppose as a One-World-Government type, it would make sense that you should focus on something other than our borders, our security and our culture.

UPDATE: GOP donations way down. Instead of changing course, the RNC fires their telephone solicitors. Ha! They’re just hell-bent on killing the party.

Playing In Traffic

Everybody seems fairly pleased with themselves that their unflattering Memorial Day caricatures are garnering some interweb traffic.

Remember ther old saying about the dog who liked to chase cars?

One day, he’ll catch one.

Maybe that car will have a much-hated magnetic yellow ribbon on the back.

The Right To Remain Silent

There are all sorts of rights to free speech. But the right to remain silent is a telling one indeed:

A verbal scuffle between two media personalities on the WKRN Channel 2 payroll erupted into controversy on the radio airwaves and the local blogosphere Wednesday — the same day the station’s new newsroom management reported for work.

WKRN blogger Adam Kleinheider posted a blog entry on his Volunteer Voters web site referring to U.S. soldiers as “button men” and “pawns.” Kleinheider’s post was also linked to and seconded by fellow WKRN blogger Brittney Gilbert on her Nashville Is Talking blog.

That post prompted conservative talk radio show host Steve Gill, a contributing WKRN news analyst, to lambaste Kleinheider and Gilbert live on statewide airwaves Wednesday morning, telling listeners to call the station if they were offended.

No harm, no foul as I see it. Everyone’s exercising their rights. No one’s mentioned that the reason why Klanheider did not make his post calling US soldiers “hitmen” on Memorial Day was because he was off that day – enjoying the holiday that the hitmen provided so that he could snipe them when he was in the clear. But here’s the funny part:

Neither Zelkind nor Gwen Kinsey, WKRN’s new general manager, could be reached despite repeated phone calls. Gilbert and Kleinheider were reached by The City Paper in WKRN’s offices but declined to comment for this story.

Ferchrissakes, how do people who run a news station and two websites where they blather all day long not having have anything to say?

Courage peeps. Go on Gill’s radio show and give your side. Maybe he can even follow up with ACK on how he thinks the Israelis kidnapped their own soldier so that they could invade Lebanon and that the Jews knew about 9/11 and let it happen to further the neocon agenda.

These sort of brave opinions need a wider audience than Volunteer Voters can provide. Go forth, Horatio Klanheider.

Time Magazine (hearts) Gore

Time Magazine slobbers all over Al Gore and Tim Blair is there to provide a remarkable fisking. Were it not for Tim’s interjections, you’d feel dirty for reading such an obscene display of public affection.


… Next, [Time article author Eric] Pooley watches in moist awe as Al speaks at the University of Buffalo:

He has given this presentation some 2,000 times yet still imbues it with a sense of discovery.

Al discovers more rubes every time.

He laid out the overwhelming evidence that human activity has given the earth a raging fever, then urged the people to respond – “If the crib’s on fire, you don’t speculate the baby’s flame retardant! If the crib’s on fire, you save the baby!”

The crib! The crib! The crib is on fire!

Then, suddenly, Gore was laying American democracy itself on the couch, asking why the U.S. has been unable to take action on global warming, why it has made so many other disastrous choices – rushing into war in Iraq, spying on Americans without search warrants, holding prisoners at Guantánamo Bay without due process.

This is the same guy who doesn’t “want Americans to lose faith in their system”.

He was getting charged up now. “Our democracy hasn’t been working very well – that’s my opinion. We’ve made a bunch of serious policy mistakes. But it’s way too simple and way too partisan to blame the Bush-Cheney Administration. We’ve got checks and balances, an independent judiciary, a free press, a Congress – have they all failed us? Have we failed ourselves?”

Don’t lose faith, now.

Right on cue, a bright-eyed Buffalo student named Jessica Usborne stood up and asked the Question. “Given the urgency of global warming, shouldn’t you not only educate people but also help implement the changes that will be necessary – by running for President?” The place erupted, and Usborne dipped down onto one knee and bowed her head.

Presumably she was imitating Pooley.

Worthless Rhetoric and A Knot in My Stomach

Presenting Mrs. Clinton’s speech on a more just society a/k/a Bumpersticker Wisdom, the Musical.

There is enough cotton candy fluff here to induce insulin shock. And if that wasn’t enough to cause a tummy ache, the neo-Socialism will.

MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined a broad economic vision Tuesday, saying it’s time to replace an “on your own” society with one based on shared responsibility and prosperity.

Come, my children, let me gather you into my arms. Think Marx with generous layers of warm, flabby arm-fat.

The Democratic senator said what the Bush administration touts as an “ownership society” really is an “on your own” society that has widened the gap between rich and poor.

You mean that people “on their own” end up becoming “richer”? Oh Hell no!

“I prefer a ‘we’re all in it together’ society,” she said. “I believe our government can once again work for all Americans. It can promote the great American tradition of opportunity for all and special privileges for none.”

And that’s the rub, isn’t it? How can you promote justice without doling out generous gobs of equality to the various aggrieved groups?

That means pairing growth with fairness, she said, to ensure that the middle-class succeeds in the global economy, not just corporate CEOs.

Or the Senators who use their influence to improve their real-estate portfolios or the senators who use their influence to steer contracts to family and friends or the senators who have a gift for cattle futures or the…. well you get the picture.

“There is no greater force for economic growth than free markets. But markets work best with rules that promote our values, protect our workers and give all people a chance to succeed,” she said. “Fairness doesn’t just happen. It requires the right government policies.”

See “cattle futures” above.

Clinton spoke at the Manchester School of Technology, which trains high school students for careers in the construction, automotive, graphic arts and other industries. The school highlighted one of the nine goals she outlined: increasing support for alternative schools and community colleges.

“We have sent a message to our young people that if you don’t go to college … that you’re thought less of in America. We have to stop this,” she said. “Our country cannot run without the people who have the skills that are taught in this school.”

Agreed. But I wonder which drawl she affected to reach out to the people? I’m guessing Boston Dockworker.

Beyond education, Clinton said she would reduce special breaks for corporations, eliminate tax incentives for companies that ship jobs overseas and open up CEO pay to greater public scrutiny.

Honestly, corporate subsidies can be as ridiculous as grants for studying “white privilege”. Can we please do away with the Peanut Program that gave us the Carter dynasty – if for that reason alone?

Clinton also said she would help people save more money by expanding and simplifying the earned income tax credit; create new jobs by pursuing energy independence; and ensure that every American has affordable health insurance.

“Create new jobs” and “energy independence”; Not sure how those two items relate to each other. It may be just an attempt to increase the platitudes to sentence ratio.

Just remember, energy independence is a worthwhile pursuit as long as it isn’t wind farms in New England, nuclear or new oil exploration in or near any American soil or bodies of water.

Sirloin tip Ace

My Kids Are Cooler Than Preston’s

A real email sent to

Subject:You Rock 
Date:Monday, May 28, 2007 9:11:44 PM 

      As the subject said you rock! (duh!)
I'm a 10 year old fan!  
My dad says you rocked for years.  
The whole reason I'm E-Mailing is because 
1. to tell you how awesome you are.
2. To ask that you play the artists:  
The Who, Alice Cooper, and Queen
           Your fan,
           [Cranky Jr.] 

I dunno, maybe Cranky Jr. can score the backstage passes while Pres. Jr. brings the chicks.

Goldstein, Kommissar, Woodshed

Former Friend-of-the-Buffet™, Der Kommissar, has been going off the rails for quite some time. As he and his TrutherDonks snuggle down under the covers together, Goldstein offers him some direction.

I don’t really understand why it is that a sudden change in political perspective necessitates a concomitant change in the way one regards people with whom they were formerly quite cordial (and even, in some cases, chummy). But as with Andrew Northrup and Mona and Ilyka Damen before him, The Commissar—while undergoing an ideological epiphany—has lately been seeking validation from his new buddies by taking pot shots at some of their favorite “rightwing” boogey men.

The problem with the Commissar’s thinking, however, is that he seems to be pointing to the failure of some of the plans for the administration of post-war Iraq (remember Paul Bremer and the Civilian Authority?) as proof of the absence of planning. With the luxury of hindsight, he points to mistakes, and uses them to suggest that the Administration was simply winging it. And until he’s shown the “plans themselves,” the “Powerpoint presentations,” the “pdf files,” “the briefing books,” and “the actual documents,” he can continue to doubt that they existed—and maintain, with all the blistering self-righteousness of the recently converted—that the Bushies are guilty of abominable negligence.

RTWT. There’s plenty more.

Memorial Day Tributes

From Linda Sog, the poignant reminder why we need to be thankful to those who serve and have served in our armed forces.

The Sheepdogs

To the flock, sheepdog’s are mysteries,
Roaming watchful round the peripheries.
These fang-toothed creatures bark, they roar
With the fetid reek of the carnivore,
Too like the wolf of legends told,
To be amongst our docile fold.
Who needs sheepdogs? What good are they?
They have no use, not in this day.
Lock them away, out of our sight
We have no need of their fierce might.

Also, here is a great roundup from Jules Crittenden who did all the legwork so I don’t have to.

Rope Dance To The Tennessee Waltz

What greater way to restore public trust in government?

A scandal-tainted Japanese minister committed suicide today just hours before he was due to be questioned in parliament over a political expenses scandal
Mr Matsuoka had been dogged by two political scandals. He allegedly claimed more than 28 million yen (£116,184) in expenses for utility fees at his parliamentary office, where such costs are free. MPs were due to question him on the scandal later today.

He was also forced to apologise just three days after taking office for not declaring 1 million yen (£4,150) in political donations from a scandal-linked group.

He acknowledged the undeclared funds, which came in the form of purchased tickets to a fundraising party, saying he was unaware that the contributions had not been reported.

I stood at my monitor and applauded.

He hung himself over USD equivalent of ~$239,000.00. Roughly 2.4 Al Gore trips to Buddhist temples and $1.2 Million less than what Maria Hsia was convicted of.

What do you say we finally get around to mending those fences, Al? I understand the Assault on Reason but I’m more familiar with your Amadou Diallo-like brutality towards Ethics.

Lead by example and explore The Ultimate Carbon Offset ™. The line for ethical and environmental integrity, not to be confused with the line for eco-secularist posers, forms to your rear.

I Want To Have Tim Russert’s Butt Baby

By the time you read this, Tim Russert will have already spiked his ball in Bill Richardson’s end zone, done a little dance, and kissed Bill’s girlfriend on the 50 yard line in front of god and everybody.

This morning’s Meet The Press interview (transcript now available) excoriated Richardson from his role in Los Alamos where he was forced to admit that he lied about protecting nuclear secrets; Iraq – where he laid out his 85-point plan for surrender and how he was constantly exploiting a woman who lost her son in his stump speeches. A woman who has repeatedly asked him to stop. – (Russert nailed him like a two dollar whore with a 50 cent coupon on that one); Illegal Immigration – where he condemned the current legislative abortion for not giving illegals enough; The Environment – where Billy boy talked about wind and solar but then had to equivocate working for Big Oil after mining his Energy post with the Clintons for some of that Black Gold.

Mind you, Iraq has really distracted us from fighting bigger threats like global warming, so says the 2008 Presidential candidate. Echoing the street cry of the Radical Eco-secularists although he also touts nuclear energy as a major alternative.

Richardson is the worst kind of politician. The one with no vision beyond his own ambition and is willing to put anyone and everyone in danger to gain power. A weasel-wording equivocator who will never answer a question with a “yes” or “no”. In other words, the perfect candidate.

Who’s his favorite baseball team? Today’s answer: The Red Sox. Russert points out that in his book, his favorite team is The Yankees.

All those northerners look alike to me too, Bill. No foul there I’m sure!

Thank you Tim, for a masterful takedown using Richardson’s own words and broken record against him. It was brutal and savage and the only thing I am positive of is that Richardson will likely be picked up for speeding (again) on his way to a burn ward.

The only thing runny in my breakfast this morning was a tear of laughter at Hillary Clinton’s future Vice Presidential selection.

I await many denunciations of Big & Rich’s ill-treatment at the hands of Republican Operative Russert.

Back to Work, Dockmonkey: I can’t give that Mexican your job if you don’t give me your union dues.

WEASEL WATCH UPDATE: (hat tip – Real Clear Politics)

And in this corner – The Kossacks:

Tim Russert is going to focus on every contradictory statement you’ve ever made. You need to be prepared for that.

When Russert (or anyone) asks you about why your statement today is different from your statement two years ago, you have to give a decisive answer. When shown two different statements and asked if you’ve changed your mind, you need to say YES, I’ve changed my mind because _______. Slipping and sliding and somersaulting around is not the way to go.

When the mother of an Iraq casualty is mad at you, give her the benefit of the doubt and back off. Be crisp and clear. Don’t verbally meander.

Long post, short – she’ll vote for weasel-wording, gold plated liar anyway. Shocker.

Some other Donk fan who may or may not be related to John McEnroe:

I kind of like Bill Richardson on some of the issues, especially energy, where he even has the guts to tell voters they might have to sacrifice. The s-word.

Although I do have to wonder how committed Richardson is personally to sacrifice and whether he is running his air conditioning while speeding his motorcade 120 miles per hour down the interstate repeatedly.

After today, though, I’m not sure it matters whether anybody likes Bill Richardson or not, although his ruinous, check-engine-light interview on “Meet the Press” may escape widespread viewing, owing to the holiday.

I have to assume that, when they cut to a break, Richardson vomited into a waste basket. It was that bad. If this interview gets circulated very much at all, he could have screwed his chances for a presidential OR vice-presidential nomination in about 30 minutes. Talk about sacrifice.


Some other fool. It’s sad to see poor, old Bill Richardson dressed down like this cause he reminds me of the Maytag repairman. Boohoo, Mr. Iowa “Republican”.

Waaah. Bill Richardson’s website doesn’t make it easier for me to shill for him and they would have taken it easier on Obama.

Don’t Hate The Playa, Hate The Game

While driving past a house under construction at the corner of Ebenezer and Northshore earlier today, Preston Jr. noted that that’s the house he’s going to live in when he marries his school friend Katelyn. When the house is finished of course, he added.

So I had to ask him, what about the cute girl Avery he likes from his swimming lessons? His response?

“Well, I’m going to marry Katelyn, but I’ll just play with Avery.”

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Already a playa at 5. I must be doing somethin’ right.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Remember getting up Saturday morning before mom and dad were up and watching the Warner Bros. cartoons? I know some of you geeks were watching Space Ghost and others weren’t awake until the live action shows like Land of the Lost were on.

But the best in my opinion were the ones that used to be shown in movie theaters before the main attraction. You know the ones – they had slapstick for the kids but plenty of grown-up references woven in to keep everybody entertained.

Junkyard Blog posts this cartoon from another era. Might as well be from a different planet too. Note the unashamed lack of political correctness and the blatant propaganda.

Get your bowl of Froot Loops and enjoy.


Outstanding catch, Cranky. So much so that we have to post it here as well. It’s amazing how the appeasers haven’t changed in 60+ years. Watch it before Google takes it down, because they’re a bunch of leftist, PC pussies and you know they will. Thanks, JYB.

Six Meat Moment of Silence

Nick Saban call your office:

This Little Piggy Had Roast Beef
OMGWTFBBQ – This little piggy went home.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. – Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

While Crimson Tide fans may be thinking about reliving those halcyon Brodie Croyle days by starting this kid at QB against Arkansas, let us take a moment to mourn the pig that we should have loaded into a cruise missile and detonated over Mecca.

He said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.

That’ll do pig. That’ll do.

All Fred! All The Time?!

I’m really going to try and avoid that, but if he keeps knocking them out of the park, I don’t know how I’ll stop myself. He may be the only politician out there that gets it.

He told the crowd last night that, when asked why he left the Senate, he responds: “After eight years in Washington, I long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. That’s no joke, my friends.”

Thompson railed in his southern drawl against “the pork-barrel spending and corruption” in Washington.

He mostly targeted the Democratic majority, but said some Republicans are also to blame. He said the party has been making compromises on issues like immigration and the Iraq war over fear of losing more seats in Congress.

“I think (the American people) want our leadership,” Thompson said. “What should we do? Get our own house in order É We can’t make decisions (that are) not in the best interests of our country.”

He said America is beset by a variety of challenges, from government inefficiencies, to “entitlement programs (that are) bankrupting the next generation,” to protecting citizens from terrorists.

“We’re living in a nation beset by suicidal maniacs,” Thompson said, launching into criticism of the immigration bill.

A strong supporter of the Iraq war, Thompson criticized Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid for publicly stating the war has been lost — “fine, fine message to those people giving their lives for us” — and the Democrats for debating a timetable for “surrender.

“Al-Qaida have a 100-year plan,” Thompson said. “We have a plan until the next election.”

I think I just creamed my jeans.

Update Ophelia Ford In Your Address Book

Change of address: 100 Rehab Street.

State Sen. Ophelia’s Ford family plans to encourage her to enter rehab this weekend, according to her brother, Shelby County Commissioner Joe Ford.

“I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a problem. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol or anemia, there needs to be rehab,” he said Wednesday afternoon.

Ophelia Ford has drawn attention to her behavior by missing multiple Senate sessions, blaming her absences on chronic anemia. She raised eyebrows on May 14 in a legislative committee meeting with an tirade against the state Department of Children’s Services commissioner and three other state officials.

A day later, she reportedly fell off a bar stool in the concierge lounge at the Sheraton Nashville Downtown Hotel, sending her to an overnight stay in the hospital. A worker at the hotel told ambulance dispatchers that the guest, reportedly Ford, was “extremely intoxicated,” according to the recording of the 911 emergency call.

I guess I was more right than I knew when I said that she’d gotten full and fallen out. I don’t know where they think they’re gonna send her though. I’ve yet to hear of a place that offers rehab for congenital corruption and hereditary ignunce.

Thanks, Nuke!

Bed Bleg

Mrs. Holmes and I are in the market for a new bed. We’re actually planning on spending real money on this one. The problem is, we’re having trouble deciding between the Tempurpedic memory-foam-type bed and the Select Comfort sleep number bed.

The Tempurpedic would be a departure since it’s such a different material, which makes us hesitant. Any advice/experience with either of these beds would be much appreciated.

UPDATE: We went with the Tempurpedic. It arrives next week. I’ll post a daily sleep report because I know that’s what you would all want to read in lieu of actual content.

Golden Locks and the Three Americas

Once upon a time, it was said that there was not one, but two Americas.

Now listen children, this is a story about a third America that was discovered just beyond the land of rainbows and gumdrops.

In this bright, shiny America, one can levitate out of poverty and earn a year’s worth of salary just by talking about it!

Also in B.S. America, part time jobs are both learning experiences and one-way tickets out of the bread line.

Now the bad, bad people of America Two want to move to America Three. But they really shouldn’t want to enter America Three because their hearts aren’t pure enough.

You see, they don’t care about the people in America One and they don’t do enough to help them.

Fortunately, The nice man in America Three loves the people in America One. He talks to them and they talk to him, even when they are severely brain damaged psychic babies.

This reminds me of something. Helping severely brain damaged psychic babies is also very, very rewarding in America Three.

Anyway, the bad, bad people of America Two will get a tremendous opportunity to help America One if America Three gets its way. Only they won’t be able to do that by talking to people (even severely brain damaged psychic babies!) or working a part time job.

But that’s OK, because at least America Two won’t be forced to purchase carbon offsets.

(Sirloin tip to Dan Collins)