Around the Bowl, Down the Hole, Roll, Tide, Roll

Nick Saban, the Red Tide’s multi-million dollar man, has given me yet another reason to root against them: Alabama’s loss to Louisana-Monroe a castrophe – you know, like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor.

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. (AP) – Alabama’s latest loss has coach Nick Saban searching for ways to motivate his team.

Citing the 9-11 terrorist attacks and Pearl Harbor, Saban said Monday his team must rebound like America did from a “catastrophic event.”

In this case, that would be an embarrassing 21-14 loss Saturday to Louisiana-Monroe, dropping the Tide’s record to 6-5.

“Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event,” Saban said during the opening remarks of his weekly news conference. “It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event.”

Alabama’s just getting ready to face No. 25 Auburn, its biggest rival, on Saturday.

Simply calling Saban a douche doesn’t quite cover it, but it’s a start. The administration quickly swooped in like a giant housecat and tried to cover Saban’s verbal poo with some Gritty Kitty™.

“What Coach Saban said did not correlate losing a football game with tragedy; everyone needs to understand that. He was not equating losing football games to those catastrophic events,” football spokesman Jeff Purington said in a statement to The Associated Press. “The message was that true spirit and unity become evident in the most difficult of times. Those were two tremendous examples that everyone can identify with.”

Oh, I get it now. I’m sure the survivors of those who were burned up, crushed or jumped from the WTC or were blown up by the Japs at Pearl Harbor completely relate to two football losses in a row.

This is understandable, however, from a man who was so committed to the Miami Dolphins’ training camp regimen that he couldn’t make the time to break bread with the leader of the free world. Perhaps if President Junior had offered Nicky a few million bucks to join him, he would have reconsidered.

Soldier on, Nick!


  1. Well you got to look at his DNA, his uncle was twice coach of the Buffalo Bills and look how far they went … Ah Nowhere

    I didn’t have a thing to do with picking a coach, and didn’t want to. But I didn’t think they’d pick one I didn’t like.
    Bear Bryant

  2. On the other hand, The Titans’ defense was so anemic last night that it was kind of like all those starving kids in Africa. I was kind of hoping that it would be a rallying point and Keith Bulluck would swoop in and tackle some foreign aid for them.

    But they just sat there. With all those flies circling their helmets.

    But seriously, the best incentive for Alabama players to perform better is usually unmarked bills left in a P.O. Box.

  3. This is somewhat irrelevant, but when I was in high school here in Tennessee, I made the mistake once (just once) of saying “Roll Tide!” as a joke on the school bus one day, and the next morning my family awoke to a freshly and heavily rolled yard with Tide detergent boxes scattered all over it. Then it rained.

  4. I tell ya what, Preston, I grew up in such a genteel community that when we rolled a teacher’s yard, we knocked on her or his door afterward, invited her or him out to admire it, and then we kids cleaned it up the same night. I am not joking.

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