Month: December 2007

TV Journalism for Dummies

Lesson 8 – How to Manufacture a Crisis

At the end of chapter seven, we discussed the uses of fear as a hook to get viewers to return after the commercial break. Chapters eight through ten discuss great ways to keep your audience fearful. We will start with manufacturing crises.

Crisis manufacturing is much easier than the student of Television Journalism might think. Whether it is shark attacks or child abductions, CM follows a simple template.

It is best to illustrate this point by example. Let’s create a crisis based on the fear of man-made global catastrophe. This is always a popular theme.

The first step is to find a topic that is close to people in their day-to-day lives.

The paperclip. An innocuous object or an agent of death?

In this case we chose a paperclip. But anything could suffice; Yoplait yogurt containers, pull tabs on soda cans or plastic water bottles, for example.

One paperclip is about .08 oz of steel. It takes .002 cents to manufacture one. Seems harmless enough. But what about in the aggregate?

Millions of paperclips! No, millions and millions of ’em!

Everybody uses paperclips. Multinational corporations manufacture them by the billion. Now, I hope you begin to see the potential crisis emerging. Here we have something that touches everyone and is nothing short of a silent killer.

Do you know how much groundwater is contaminated manufacturing a billion paperclips? How many Third world villagers are displaced when a paperclip factory is plopped in the middle of their wheat fields?

We don’t know. But fortunately, there are no shortage of young progressively-minded scientists out there who have already done the work for you!

mmmm. Tasty grant money!

These miners of apocalyptic gold makes the journalist’s job very easy. Rather than digging, the stories are brought to you by objective, non-profit funded scientists.

Now you are ready to kick your crisis up to full speed. Get the story onto the teleprompter.

When a good-looker intones the word “imperiled”, the world sits up and takes notice.

You are ready to go national with your story. Good graphics, a soundbite from the author of the study and just a hint of how the Conservative Administration is skeptical of the results should make this report a success. Do not worry about generating “hype”, the hanger-oners, carpetbaggers and celebrities will come as sure as the sun will rise.

As your crisis becomes a movement, keep your viewer involved. Are they doing enough to prevent Armageddon? Is there some way they can prevent the last Polar Bear from choking to death on a wayward paperclip?

Write your congressman immediately. Tell him you support the .03 per paperclip Save the Planet surcharge!

What is a good crisis if your viewers feel helpless? Get them involved. The easiest way is encourage them to get the government to save them.

Remember, we do not intend to create mass hysteria. But should that happen, that too will be a good story and will be covered in chapter 12.

UPDATE: After reading this piece and seeing the error of their ways, the New York Times calls b.s. on Global Warming.

As an aside, first the hire Bill Kristol and then they write this. Allz I can say is, “Rove, you magnificent bastard!”

Liveblogging Patriots vs. Giants

Well, since John Kerry was kind enough to get this game broadcast on every major network besides BET, I guess we should pay close attention. It must be the most important historical event (since his own failed Presidential run) this decade to receive such attention.

Right now, I’m actually live blogging Mrs. Holmes playing golf on the Wii so I have no idea what’s going on in the game, but hope to see some action soon.

I will say that watching Mrs. Holmes play Wii golf is actually far easier on the eye than any football game. Nice shot…


Right On Right On Right Violence

Open query: Does Ann Coulter hate Fred Thompson because he voted against Clinton’s impeachment or because he’s not into older women?

I hate to slam on Ann and all but she’s had more liberal democrats in her than a Whole Foods on Earth Day.

I’m sorry Ann. It’s true. Andrew Stein looks like he stole Paulie’s “wings” from The Sopranos.

Paul Stein-Coulter

Seriously, quit slumming honey.

Now see what you made me do?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

When Doves Cry

Bros before hoes, ya’ll.

Right Said Fred

I really did mean to participate in the Fred Thompson blogburst yesterday. Fred is really the only option we’ve got and if we sit by and let Suckabee or Romney lead the party, we might as well just cross over and become registered Dim-O-Cracks.

And this argument can’t be denied:

I think Fred Thompson is awesome. I tell people, “Fred Thompson is awesome.” One person was like, “No he isn’t.” So I punched him in his face and said, “That’s for saying Fred Thompson isn’t awesome! That’s why I punched you in the face!” Then I kicked him. Then the police came. They said, “What happened here?” And I said, “I punched this guy because he said Fred Thompson isn’t awesome.” Then the police arrested me for insufficient assault. I was like, “That’s not an actual crime!” And they said, “We also planted drugs on you.” And they put me in jail and I yelled, “Come on! Let me out! It’s Christmas!” And they said, “It’s not Christmas anymore.” And I said, “Well, I’ve been pretty drunk and lost track of what day it is.” Then SarahK came and bailed me out of jail. She’s mad and won’t talk to me now.

Donate to Fred now. Time is of the essence.

And for just a few easy payments, you’ll get the following:

Lawyers of the Flies

Like alcohol and fireworks, youth, “idealistic” values and a law degree make for a very deadly concoction. Unlike the fireworks and booze, however, the young lawyers are capable of causing some real damage.

Perusing the Mark Steyn Canadian Human Rights Commission kerfluffle, you find the blog where one of the anti “hate speech” activists posts.

The blog goes on to educate its American visitors that Steyn’s speech is equal to incitement:

Martin J.A. explained how the reasonable person could foresee the consequences of their actions,

Since people are usually able to foresee the consequences of their acts, if a person does an act likely to produce certain consequences it is, in general, reasonable to assume that the accused also foresaw the problable conseqences of his act and if he, never theless, acted so as to produce those consequences, that he intended them. The Greater the likelihood of th relevant consequences ensuing from the accused’s act, the easier it is to draw the inference that he intended those consequences. The purpose of this process, however, is to determine what the particular accused intended, not to fix him with the intention that a reasonable person might be assumed to have in the circumstances, where doubt exists as to the actual intention of the accused.

Steyn himself acknowledges the adverse outcomes of his hypotheses,

My book isn’t about what I want to happen but what I think will happen. Given Fascism, Communism and ethnic cleansing in the Balkans, it’s not hard to foresee that the neo-nationalist resurgence already under way in parts of Europe will at some point take a violent form…

I think any descent into neo-Fascism will be ineffectual and therefore merely a temporary blip in the remorseless transformation of the Continent.

Even if discounting its utility, his position does normalizing [sic] genocide. It is worthy to note that his disclaimer occurs distinct from his book.

You see? Right there! Steyn, the bastard, knows that Europeans are given to outbreaks of genocide and still, he goes on fanning the flames!

Continuing (with just a pinch of Imperialism thrown in for that delicious essence of Class Struggle):

The post-9/11 backlash is well documented in both Canada and the U.S.

Given two global wars of invading Western armies into predominantly Muslim countries, one of which Canada is directly involved in, and the accompanying propaganda that typically accompanies such military endeavours, the likelihood of breaches of the peace appear obvious.

The reasonable person could assume that such statements could plausibly lead to violence.

Violence? Yep. We’re discussing violent acts on the part of White Canadians. Because, you see, Canada participated in one of the “global” wars that invaded primarily Muslim countries. That kind of rage just flows down to the streets of Winnipeg and Montreal.

Say, could this “violence” you fear, possibly – just possibly, mind you – come from the Muslim community? You know, like 9/11, Madrid, London, Denmark and Sudan? Naw. Sorry I brought it up. It’s just the Islamophobe in me.

At the bottom of this juvenile activism, comes the arrogance that only a child-lawyer could love. From another post:

Iason proceeds to directly challenge the Zoological Society of San Diego by selling T-Shirts with a panda photo on it that he openly declares he obtained from the zoo.

Law students the world over it seems are a litigous bunch. And why not, as long as it is not frivolous? It’s what we do best, and doesn’t cost us a dime.

If the Society did challenge him, the exposure the trial would give him (even if critical) would skyrocket his Intellectual Property law career.

Good luck with your case Iason, and it’s good to remember that regardless of the outcome,

The lawyers always win

The silver lining that I see is that public opinion is turning against these extra-judicial bodies. Kids will be kids and douchebags will be lawyers (sorry annika, I don’t mean you), but Steyn is seeking to de-legitimize the entire sham that Human Rights Commissions have become.

Here’s my bottom line: I don’t accept that free-born Canadian citizens need the permission of the Canadian state to read my columns. What’s offensive is not the accusations of Dr Elmasry and his pals, but the willingness of Canada’s pseudo-courts to take them seriously. So I couldn’t care less about the verdict – except insofar as an acquittal would be more likely to bolster the cause of those who think it’s entirely reasonable for the state to serve as editor-in-chief of privately owned magazines. As David Warren put it, the punishment is not the verdict but the process. To spend gazillions of dollars to get a win on points would do nothing for the cause of freedom of speech: It would signal to newspaper editors and book publishers and store owners that it’s more trouble than it’s worth publishing and printing and distributing and displaying anything on this subject, and so it would contribute to the shriveling of freedom in Canada.

This is a political prosecution and it should be fought politically. The “plaintiffs” certainly understand that, ever since the day they went in to see Ken Whyte and demanded money from Maclean’s. I want the constitutionality of this process overturned, so that Canadians are free to reach the same judgments about my writing as Americans and Britons and Australians and it stands or falls in the marketplace of ideas. The notion that a Norwegian imam can make a statement in Norway but if a Canadian magazine quotes that statement in Canada it’s a “hate crime” should be deeply shaming to all Canadians.

Let’s hope there is enough energy to see this through.

It is not just in Canada. Here in Philadephia, the owner of the world famous Geno’s Steaks is under fire by the Philadelphia Commission on Human Relations, who have expanded the scope from the important work of preventing housing and employment discrimination to preventing injured feelings caused by being asked to speak English.

Both sides stipulated that no patrons had been denied service on the basis of their inability to speak English. The legal question is whether the sign creates an atmosphere in which “any specific group” is made to feel discriminated against.

University of Pennsylvania sociology professor Camille Charles testified that the population of foreign-born residents living near Geno’s has tripled in the last two decades. She said the “speak English” signs are reminiscent of “Whites only” signs from the Jim Crow era in the South.

[Yep, you heard that right. A University sociology expert testified that the sign is like the “Whites Only” signs. Next up, your mechanic testifies under oath that the rattling sound under your hood is reminiscient of an expensive transmission failure.]

Vento’s attorneys strenuously denied that and asked for the case to be thrown out because they were not given sufficient time to prepare for the cross-examination of the prosecution’s witnesses.

Outside, one man held a “Hail Geno” sign bearing an American flag. A group wore black T-shirts with a message that Pennsylvania loves immigrants.

[Mr. Vento loves immigrants too, chuckleheads.]

Leading Vento’s legal team was Shannon Goessling of the Southeastern Legal Foundation.

While some people might be offended by Vento’s signs, she contended, they aren’t illegal. “Do you want the freedom from being offended?” she asked the three-member panel hearing the case. “Or the freedom of speech? You can’t have both.”

And, of course, that is important part which is so often missed.

The Christmas Spirit

We’ve been tagged by the good folks at the House of Eratosthenes and while we usually ignore such things, we’re in the Christmas spirit. We are to answer the following questions or suffer some type of karmic punishment. Feel free to submit your own petitions in the comments, biotches.

1. Wrapping or gift bags?

Wrapping. Gift bags are for fags. Plus, I enjoy wrapping gifts, because I do a sub-standard job and it annoys my better half, who is a professional gift wrapper from way back.

2. Real or artificial tree?

Real. We did real until little Cindy Lou Holmes came up with what appeared to be an allergic reaction to it. We shouldn’t have let her eat it in the first place, but we went ahead and spend the dough on a fake tree that looks real.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Thanksgiving weekend while watching college football.

4. When do you take the tree down?

New Years.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Nope. I like the rum, but you can keep the rest.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

Either my Evel Knievel bike or the Star Trek phaser and communicator.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes. Please don’t tell the government about it.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Any number of items of clothing from my paternal grandparents. Heart was always in the right place, just needed a little more guidance.

9. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

Mail. I thought about doing an electronic one this year as well, but never found the time.

10. Favorite Christmas movie?

A Christmas Story. Hands down. I remember seeing it at the theater with my friend Ricky Riker and we were both blown away by its excellence. It only gets better with age.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

I don’t. Mrs. Holmes is a much better gift giver so she does all that stuff now. I will do a few last minute things a few days before, but that’s about it.

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Milk punch.

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

I prefer colored. Mrs. Holmes prefers white/clear. Since she’s hot, we have white/clear. That’s pretty much how most things shake out.

14. Favorite Christmas song?

This year it’s “Zat You Santa Claus” by Louie Armstrong. My personal all time favorite is Silent Night.

Now I’m off to see if the Titans can stay alive by holding on against the J-j-j-j-ets.

Christmas Wishes

Hey kids, things have been pretty quiet at the Buffet and most likely, over the entire ‘sphere. Traffic usually drops around the holidays when people take time off for work, travel or just generally get off the dang computer and spend time with family.

I hope my co-bloggers don’t mind me sending out the first Christmas post, but on behalf of the spiritually neurotic Jew, the athiest, the Methodist and the rest (whose spiritual states are unknown to me), Merry Christmas!

Now is the time to remember those things which are truly important. That’s right, a vote for Huckabee.

In the (other) Spirit of the Season, I’ll share my wife’s thoughts on spending time with the extended family this year; “maybe we can stop for a cocktail on the way over. You seem to do better that way.”

Your Magma Ran Over My Dogma

Is it too late to revoke Al Gore’s Nobel Prize? What if….I’m just saying…”what if”, the Earth’s eternally receding ice hairline is the Earth’s fault?

ScienceDaily (Dec. 18, 2007) — Scientists have discovered what they think may be another reason why Greenland ‘s ice is melting: a thin spot in Earth’s crust is enabling underground magma to heat the ice.

If Global Warming ™ isn’t man-made, then this is the secular equivalent of Nietzsche’s “god is dead”.

“The behavior of the great ice sheets is an important barometer of global climate change,” said Ralph von Frese, leader of the project and a professor of earth sciences at Ohio State University. “However, to effectively separate and quantify human impacts on climate change, we must understand the natural impacts, too.

“Crustal heat flow is still one of the unknowns — and it’s a fairly significant one, according to our preliminary results.”

Mother Earth’s just getting her crustal flow on yo but I don’t understand all that scientific jibber jabber. I need a certified scientician to break down how the planet works:

Below the crust is the mantle, the partially molten rocky layer that surrounds the Earth’s core. The crust varies in thickness, but is usually tens of miles thick. Even so, the mantle is so hot that temperatures just a few miles deep in the crust reach hundreds of degrees Fahrenheit, von Frese explained.

“Where the crust is thicker, things are cooler, and where it’s thinner, things are warmer.

So you mean to say that we’re living on a planet that’s like Pepperoni Hot Pocket in the microwave for ten minutes hot on the inside and that our crust simply acts as Nature’s Oven Mitt? And that it’s spinning around off-kilter like a retarded gyroscope?

This….this can’t be. If we can’t blame the temperature not being the exact same degree as it was last year by our Gregorian calendars, then how are we supposed to socially engineer the views of an aggrieved ecosecular fascist minority onto the developed countries of the world.

The solution is clear. We must freeze the Earth’s core. But how to get there?

To measure actual temperatures beneath the ice, scientists must drill boreholes down to the base of the ice sheet– a mile or more below the ice surface. The effort and expense make such measurements few and far between, especially in remote areas of northeast Greenland.

Silly eggheads. You bring your fancy Earthwhore Drill. We’ll bring the scotch and an icepick and see who gets there first.

Operation: Infinite Yuletide

A unilateral move by the North Pole to invade Rio de Janeiro almost ended tragically this weekend as Feliz Navidad was nearly thwarted by the kids on Santa’s Naughty List. Red Sleigh Down:

Drug traffickers in a Rio slum opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.

“They thought it was a police operation and started shooting. Luckily, nobody was hurt,” a police official said.

The helicopter had to return to its base after the attack. Two bullet holes were found in its fuselage.

That’ll teach the Red Hegemonist to try and peddle his Christmas Cheer ™ on someone else’s turf. But our Merry MacArthur would not be denied:

Santa later returned to Nova Mare by car to distribute Christmas presents.

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor hail of bullets could stop this “G” of all Santas.

North Side bitches

North Side, bitches.*

And yes, I know Preston mentioned this below.  Now.

Tuesday News Briefs

A couple of stories that I’d give more pixels to if I had the time.

First of all, a happy ending to an area home break-in:

At noon Saturday, Sherry Sakhleh shopped at Walgreens in Powell for a family party that night. Then she got the phone call: Her son, scared, at home alone. A strange man on the front porch of their home at 103 Copeland Road.

Then, the sound of a door broken open. Then, noise from the man inside the home.

Her son told her over the phone, “I can hear him in the house.”

The boy’s grandfather, Harry Smith, arrived to find a front door kicked in and no idea whether anyone was inside or not, according to Sherry Sakhleh.

When Harry Smith saw Coffey running toward his wife, he faced several unknowns. Smith didn’t know who this man was, according to his daughter. He didn’t know his grandson was hidden in the house.

He raised his handgun and ordered the man to stop or he’d shoot, the family told authorities. How far away her father was from the burglar when he shot, his daughter doesn’t know.

Martha Dooley, spokeswoman for the Knox County Sheriff’s Office, didn’t know, either, as of Sunday afternoon.

Harry Smith pulled the trigger and Tilvis Coffey dropped, shot once in the head, according to deputies. Smith was unavailable for interviews on Sunday.

“He’s shaken up,” said Sherry Sakhleh. “He had to make one of the hardest decisions of his life. He was just trying to protect his family.”

Smith is a hero. Though he may be shaken, he did the absolute right thing and set a good example for everyone else. When someone breaks into your home, the assumption must be made that they mean you harm and they must be eliminated. But I love the Knoxville News-Sentinel’s headline to the story: “Break-in Motive Unclear”. More geniuses at work in the MSM.

The piece of human debris that broke in? Dead as a doornail and we’re all better off as a result.

Coffey, a Knoxville resident, has an “extensive” criminal history, including arrests for theft, aggravated burglary and probation violation, according to Dooley. He didn’t have a weapon at the time he was shot, she said.

In more local news, an area illegal took a nose dive off the roof of a building with a unfortunate result.

A police spokesman this morning identified an illegal immigrant who died last week after falling from the roof of a downtown building.

Police determined the man had been drinking an alcoholic beverage atop the brick building and he fell sometime after midnight. Police said death occurred quickly because of the severe head injury incurred in the 12-foot drop.

It never would have happened if he hadn’t come here to do the jobs Americans won’t do, drink the booze that Americans won’t drink and fall off the buildings Americans won’t fall off of. Let that be a lesson to the rest of the lawless throngs prancing across the Rio Grande.

And last but not least, I don’t think the Brazillian druglords will be getting anything good for Christmas this year.

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil – Not even Santa Claus is safe as the violent Brazilian city of Rio de Janeiro celebrates the Christmas season.

Drug traffickers in a Rio slum opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said on Tuesday.

“They thought it was a police operation and started shooting. Luckily, nobody was hurt,” a police official said.

Naughty drugtraffickers!

Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child Murderer

Gov. Jon “Daddy Warbucks” Corzine, champeen of the little man, has stood tall in a sketchy pocket for some very little men today:

TRENTON, N.J. – Gov. Jon S. Corzine signed into law Monday a measure that abolishes the death penalty, making New Jersey the first state in more than four decades to reject capital punishment.

The bill, approved last week by the state’s Assembly and Senate, replaces the death sentence with life in prison without parole.

“This is a day of progress for us and for the millions of people across our nation and around the globe who reject the death penalty as a moral or practical response to the grievous, even heinous, crime of murder,” Corzine said.

In doing so, Daddy Warchest has spared the life of the killer responsible for the creation of Megan’s Law:

Among the eight spared is Jesse Timmendequas, a sex offender who murdered 7-year-old Megan Kanka in 1994. The case inspired Megan’s Law, which requires law enforcement agencies to notify the public about convicted sex offenders living in their communities.

Call me crazy, call me kooky but I always like to revisit what happened to the true victims when Democrats like Corzine start sowing their magnanimous capacity to forgive people that never trespassed against them personally:

Timmendequas described the scene in his confession to police: “I grabbed her by the back of her pants to pull her back into the room and her pants ripped. I grabbed a belt off the door and threw the belt around her. It ended up around her neck. I twisted my arms and she just fell to the floor. She was just lying on the floor and she was not moving. Blood was coming out of her mouth.”

Once he had raped her, Jesse didn’t want her telling anyone about what had happened, so he decided to kill her. As the little girl struggled, at one point banging her head against a dresser, causing a bloody gash, Timmendequas strangled her. Afraid that drops of her blood would point to him, Timmendequas wrapped her head in a plastic bag. And when he was done, he strangled her with a belt. He stuffed her in a wooden toy chest, and tossed it in the back of his truck. Maybe it was his imagination, but as he drove to a remote, weedy spot in a county park a couple of miles away, Timmendequas later told authorities, he thought he heard the little girl cough. She was certainly dead when he left her in the weeds. But, before he drove off, he sexually assaulted her one more time.

Hit me baby, one. more. time. After I’m dead.

For every person who’s ever claimed that Jenna Bush needs to be drafted and go to Iraq, I hope that you will also volunteer any children of Jon Corzine’s (or your own!) to spend some “alone time” with Jesse Timmendequas when he starts “getting those feelings again” (as he called them) for those little kids. After all, it’s not Jon’s kids or your kids being sent to slave away in the rape mines.

So many feminists, who are also anti-death penalty, who keep rape in the forefront of their agenda often seem to confuse fear of rape with wishful thinking.

“The rest of America, and for that matter the entire world, is watching what we are doing here today,” said Assemblyman Wilfredo Caraballo, a Democrat. “New Jersey is setting a precedent that I’m confident other states will follow.”

If only I was imbued with such a sense of self-importance. I’m afraid the world is watching what New Jersey’s enablers are doing today. Unlike the campaign contributors at their dinner parties and concerned anti-death penalty chinstrokers at home and abroad, there is the Democrat’s most favored constituency who can draw their own conclusions about their actions today.

Thank You Governor

Megan’s Murderer – Jesse Timmendequas

I believe I can speak for Mr. Timmendequas when I say “Thank you Governor and all of the Democrats in New Jersey”. From here on out we get to pay for his room and board, cable, hospital bills, and legal appeals until you decide to furlough him onto some other unsuspecting 7 year old a few decades from now.

And for all of the future child rapists and murderers, that’s spelled N-E-W J-E-R-S-E-Y. Kindly do us a favor and direct all of your impulses where they will finally be appreciated.

“It’s simply a specious argument to say that, somehow, after six millennia of recorded history, the punishment no longer fits the crime,” said Assemblyman Joseph Malone, a Republican.

Members of victims’ families fought against the law.

“I will never forget how I’ve been abused by a state and a governor that was supposed to protect the innocent and enforce the laws,” said Marilyn Flax, whose husband Irving was abducted and murdered in 1989 by death row inmate John Martini Sr.

Richard Kanka, Megan’s father, noted Corzine signed the bill exactly 15 years to day that death row inmate Ambrose Harris kidnapped, raped and murdered 22-year-old artist Kristin Huggins of Lower Makefield, Pa..

“Just another slap in the face to the victims,” Kanka said.

Tsk, tsk. Spoiled sport enablers of “state sponsored killing”. Just because you “can’t let go” of the past doesn’t mean New Jersey Democrats and anti-death penalty activists can’t enjoy some good press.

Besides, shouldn’t you be manicuring a headstone somewhere? Sheesh. Get on with your life.

Your small tinge of “pain” matters little to advance their agenda.

Now if you’ll excuse us…we have some celebrating to do.  Weeeeeeeeeee!

Ode to Modern Technology

Oh Modern Technology, how I love you.
Today, I can sit with my beloved wife in the family room
watching cooking shows.

Yet I am watching Babylon 5 on streaming media.

While I’m exiled to the front porch with my cigar,
you let me log into my office and find the missing
program that the Data Operations Group in Tulsa lost.

My friend in Israel, it seems like you’re next to me as we Skype away.

“Nerd”, those who just don’t understand scoff at me.

Yet, I enjoy life and time with the family. Do I truly wish to speak with the cheerleader moms while my daughter is in gymnastics class?

No. I’m earning side money while you jabber on about why your little ones should be captain next semester.

Hey look, a video from 1983! Thank you YouTube. Think I’ll download it and burn it to a DVD.

Damn! I’ve drawn a blank. What was that hottie that played opposite Mathew Broderick in The Freshman? Click, click, thank you IMDB.

Click click. I now have the formula for converting Farenheit to Celsius. Click click. Really? Farragut said, “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead?”

Four sources for a research paper due Monday. Why I used to have to bicycle down to the library for that.

Was it only ten short years ago that the chirp of the modem handshake let me only check email as I wrote and sent resumes? You’ve grown so much.

You, Modern Technology are beautiful. Like those naughty pictures I can find on image searches.

I love you.

Journalistic Arrogance, Philly Style

According to the police complaint, the Emmy-winning anchor yelled at the female police officer, “I don’t give a f— who you are, I’m a f—ing TV reporter, you f—ing dyke,” according to, a Philadelphia Weekly blog.

That would be the alleged statements made by Alycia Lane, a semi-attractive TV new talking head, made to a New York city plainclothes officer after a night of clubbing in the City.

The whole incident is a little bizarre. But Lane has a history of quirky behavior. The kind of stuff that makes up proud to be Philly.