Month: February 2008

When You Get Self-Righteous Feelin’s You Need Contextual Healin’

Nashville’s free daily, The City Paper, weighed in on Le Jihad de Hussein bin Farrakhanvict this morning to provide some much needed irony to a brummagem brouhaha:

McCain and Alexander were correct for disavowing the use of Obama’s full name in these communications from party officials and supporters. They were quite obviously code words used in poor taste to inflame otherwise justified fears of the Muslim world in general from Americans.
At the same time, “Hussein” is the actual middle name of the man who could very well be president of the U.S. There is no getting around that fact. At some point, the equally vexing fear mongers of political correctness in this country are going to have to concede that a president’s full name is often if not frequently used in our culture as a sign of respect.

After the election, should the Senator from Illinois become our next president, we as a country cannot go around for four to eight years pretending he does not have a middle name. The idea is laughable. During the election, operatives in the GOP and elsewhere need to follow the advice of leaders like McCain and Alexander and show some restraint and better judgment.

But there’s no irony there, McMurphy – whatever do you mean?

Further to “vexing fear mongers of political correctness” and “show(ing) some restraint and better judgment”, what you missed if you didn’t pick up the dead tree version of the City Paper was this hilarious politically incorrect insert for where to send your chirrens to Camp this summer:

Is that a mote in your eye or a tomahawk?

Camp Racial Sensitivity

Nothing says showing restraint and good judgment like dressing up your cherubic li’l anglos in warpaint and makin’ raindance for Indian Summer.

Camp Slave Days

Of course maybe collecting scalps, smoking the peacepipe, and playing blackjack ’til three in the morning isn’t your cup of firewater. Maybe Camp Slave Days is more the experience you want the kids to celebrate come Happy Juneteenth. No word if there’s a discount for booking during Black History month.

Camp Wikki Pentecost

Let Salvation Be Your Vaccination:

Your God’s only as big as the snake that you handle when you laugh, learn, love and get bit by the word of the Lord at Camp Pentecostal.

Thanks City Paper. You’re the Centrum for my snicker-starved soul. Providing me my 100% recommended daily allowance for irony.

I needed that.

McCain Denounces McCain


Presumptive Republican Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain, III denounced comments he made earlier today saying that they had no place in his campaign. The comments in question related to Democrat hopefuls Hillary Clinton and He Who Shall Not Be Named* regarding his knowledge of a misunderstood group of freedom fighters in Iraq:

GOP presidential candidate John McCain mocked Democrat Barack Obama today for saying he’d take action as president “if al-Qaida is forming a base in Iraq.”

McCain told a crowd in Tyler, Texas “I have some news. Al-Qaida is in Iraq. It’s called ‘al-Qaida in Iraq.'”

McCain said he didn’t watch Obama and Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton debate last night in Cleveland. But he said he was relayed Obama’s response when asked if as president he’d reserve the right to send U.S. troops back into Iraq to quell an insurrection or civil war.

When Mr. McCain was reached for comment by reporters, the Straight Talk Express didn’t mince words:

“Mockery of my betters in this campaign is unacceptable no matter who’s doing it, even me. You know, this is a free country and all but people don’t have a right to say whatever they want in my campaign. Hillary and He Who Shall Not Be Named* are honorable Americans who deserve to run a clean race without us nasty Republicans making fun of their good names”, as he got down on bended knee.

“I want to disassociate myself from my disparaging remarks about their ability to lead this country. It was totally uncalled for and I am being dealt with appropriately. I cede no moral high ground when it comes to treating my opponents with respect – whether it’s Hillary or what’s his face.”

UPDATE:  Next!

Those Lefties Sure Are Stabby

I know I shouldn’t laugh when people get stabbed, but this is just too good.

FEBRUARY 25–Meet Jose Antonio Ortiz. The Pennsylvania man allegedly stabbed his brother-in-law in the stomach after the pair quarreled about their respective support of Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. According to cops, Ortiz, 28, stabbed Sean Shurelds last Thursday night in the kitchen of an Upper Providence Township home. According to a criminal complaint, a copy of which you’ll find here, the 41-year-old Shurelds, an Obama supporter, told Ortiz that the Illinois senator was “trashing” Clinton (apparently in regard to recent primary and caucus results). Ortiz, a Clinton supporter, replied that “Obama was not a realist.” While not exactly fighting words, the verbal political tiff led to some mutual choking and punching. And, allegedly, a stabbing in the abdomen.

Obviously, both men were making salient points regarding each other’s candidates, and sometimes there is just no other way to settle disagreements besides graphic violence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating violence in the least, but if you’re a Clinton and/or an Obama supporter and you find yourself in a conflict with another Dim-O-Crack this primary season, don’t be afraid to settle the argument through some brutal act of mindless violence.

Sometimes it’s the only way when you’re defending the honor of the Obamessiah or the androgynous Anti-Christ.

Global Warming Religion

While snow cover in North America is at it’s highest level since 1966, here in Cow-wee-fornia the state Senate is proposing to mandate the inoculation of the global warming religion into our classrooms.

All I know is that I cannot get an accurate weather prediction from Dallas Raines anywhere beyond 2 hours before a storm and we are supposed to believe that this same science can be used to predict global climate change.

It doesn’t matter really. We all know the two who are really in charge!

Because I Grew Up Watching TV and I Turned Out TV

If the glaciers were melting as fast as Oscar ratings, I would be worried about the environment:

Following the lowest-rated Emmys since 1990, the strike-hindered ratings performance of a severely truncated version of the Golden Globes and a nonstruck airing of the Grammys that nonetheless disappointed, Sunday night’s presentation of the 80th Annual Academy Awards on ABC hit an all-time ratings low.

According to overnight fast national ratings, the awards averaged a 10.7 rating among adults 18 to 49 and was seen by 32 million viewers. In the demo, that’s down a sharp 24% from last year and the lowest on record. Among viewers, that’s a 20% drop. The previous all-time low was in 2003.

Man-made Oscar Cooling threatens Hollyweird but you can help, dear readers. For your convenience, all future bills for Internet Access will provide you the choice to donate money for Oscar offsets.

For just pennies a day, you can ensure that Hate America propaganda (that no one pays to watch) continues to get a little gold statue as our middle finger to you, Redneck America.  That’s right, last night’s documentary winner “Taxi To the Darkside” grossed a staggering $107,000.00 domestic since it’s release in mid-January of this year.

Please give us $10 a ticket not counting $8 for popcorn, $6 for a soda, and $4 for a candy bar to have us tell you how much we hate you.  As we tilt our heads, raise our index fingers to our chin and genuflect to the sky as to why people don’t watch our movies anymore.

The Confederate State of the Black Union 2008

C-Span has the State of the Black Union 2008 on for the rest of this afternoon. (That link will take you to the C-span archives where it’s broken into three sections:  the morning, afternoon, and Clinton’s remarks) – the outrageous outrage of Dick Gregory Youtubes are listed below after the jump)

You want to get to the root of the problem with race in this country? You need free material to write about this afternoon?

Do yourself a favor and force yourself to watch these people for two hours. It will become painfully evident who the problem is.

My prescription? A mirror big enough for everyone on the stage to get a good look at themselves.

Serial racebaiting radio talker Tom Joyner elevates the discussion intentionally ebonicizing his question: “What is we gonna do (laughter from the crowd) if Barack Obama doesn’t win?”

I dunno. What is you been doin’ up until now? *crickets*

Then somebody on the panel says that they’ve got to take “n-words” seriously and the crowd gets a little uncomfortable so the panel ignores the comment.

Good stuff. Tune in!

Michael Steele will be coming up too so we should expect some fireworks. Al Sharpton, Donna Brazile, Cornel West, some other names that mean something to the radicalized culminating with Hillary Clinton addressing the group at the end.

This is one of the longest fuses to a bomb I’ve ever seen.

Allright, they’re back.

Cornel West is doing his best Oswald Bates impersonation. (you will not be able to watch the rest of this symposium if you click on that link)

More Oswald!

UPDATED FOR HILLARY at bottom (more…)

Michelle Cynthia Obama-McKinney

Is everyone spending their Friday night reading Michelle Obama’s thesis paper?

Her comment on never being proud of this country was an accidental moment of candor. Barack Obama’s wife is Cynthia McKinney’s ideological soul sister with better hair relaxer and a more expensive degree.

The Sociology major should have been a red flag (and it was). A big red flag with either a yellow star or a yellow hammer and sickle in the corner.

I’m only on page 14 and this is too good. Imagine George Wallace in a weave. (more…)

We Are Not Prepared (Prescription Strength Democratic Debate Edition)

When world affairs inflame our passions.  In a world irritated by our unilateral cowboy President. You need Preparation ™.


Yes, apply Preparation ™ liberally and in mere moments (or at least your first 100 days) you’ll be enjoying streamers, cheese trays, and tickertape parades down Main Street Tehran.

No need for pesty strings attached to your Presidential visit to Havana. If you make having standards a precondition to meeting with the Head of the Free World, you’ll make people think you’re better than them! And we don’t want that.

Heaven’s no. The President of the US being better than the head of Sudan, North Korea, Iran, Syria, Russia, Belarus, Chad, Zimbabwe, Venezuela, Haiti, or Burma? Not in my book.

You make the preparations. We already have our reservations.

Obama’s Messianic Creds

A lot has been made of the “Obamessiah” and his politics of hope. His followers have a fervor that reminds me more of the Life of Brian than the Book of Acts.

But let’s take a closer look at this new Messiah and another one who had the same title. The similarities are eerie.

Jesus said “blessed are those who grieve.”

Obama is a blessing to the habitually aggrieved.

Jesus made bread and fishes to feed the masses.

Obama made lots of bread from some big fish.

With Jesus, one’s guilt will washed as white as snow.

With Obama, the white guilt will be washed with one vote.

Jesus let the little children come to Him.

Obama let the little children obtain abortions without parental consent.

Jesus was not ashamed to associate with a woman of ill repute.

Obama’s campaign was made ill by his association with a shameless woman.

Jesus brought hope to the blind and lame by healing them.

Barack lamely sells hope to the blindly loyal.

Jesus showed friendship with Tax Collectors.

Barack made friends by collecting taxes.

Jesus turned the other cheek to His enemies.

Barack cheekily agreed to sit down with America’s enemies.

Jesus’ arrival was proclaimed by a lone voice in the wilderness.

Obama’s arrival was proclaimed by a loud voice in the Midwest.

Many of Jesus’ followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.

Many of Obama’s followers speak in unintelligible “tongues”.

Hope, for the time is near!


The Culture of Corruption (Unabridged To Nowhere)

Not to send Cranky flailing into an epileptic fit against earmark reform (i.e., Jimmas DeMintus Uninterruptis), but Stop The ACLU is pointing out that the spit is fired up. The hog is being served. And all of the crossdressing in Barney Frank’s closet can’t hide our little Congressional Piggies from cloaking themselves as fiscal vegetarians.

Case in point, John Boehner’s soon to be former website to monitor Earmark Reform is being shuffled around so that people can’t find it:

“I am writing today to register my protest over this belated change, and to request a detailed explanation of the events that led your office to make this dramatic reversal,” wrote Boehner. “Changing its address now will inevitably hamper the effectiveness of the new website, much to the convenience of the majority that runs the House.”

“[The] reversal comes just days after an independent report revealed that the freshman Democratic class in the House has been ‘showered in pork’ by the leaders of the current majority,” he continued. “[The] reversal comes just weeks after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) – who as leader of the Democrat-controlled House has the power to shut down the earmark process in our chamber immediately – declined to join me and more than 150 other House members in supporting a total moratorium on all earmarks.”

Normally, I would relish a pork shower. But this is no time to mince meats.

Boehner’s point about Pelosi and the Culture of Corruption (tm) she is presiding over really shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, her war on earmarks was won decisively by her plastic surgeon long ago. Stretchmarks too. All bigoted traces of age exiled to a past of Jim Crow’s feet. No longer being forced to gum her tapioca pudding at segregated lunch counters.

If only she would give us his business card we could put him in charge of the GAO. If he could get our budget as tight as the skin on her Joker grinning face we could all be driving solar-powered gravy trains before that geriatric San Francisco treat of a House Speaker could flag down her limo driver and gas up the Gulfstream to Syria for another rousing game of Horny Despot and Easy Grandma Kafir.

House freshmen accounted for $263 million in personal, single-sponsor earmarks. Democratic freshmen accounted for $237 million of that,” a CongressDaily report added the same day.

WTW: Six Meat Over Miami

6MB Vice City

Apologies to the kids for being so scarce lately but bidness called. And when it’s below freezing in Nashville and the expense is authorized for “South Beach”, it’s time to inflate the tires on the double wide and haul my tightly-clenched sphincter down I-95.

To begin, let me say that if you can get passed the omnipresent unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch-unch techno blare that is pumped like white noise through every street light, potted plant, patio umbrella, and cocktail napkin (at every conceivable hour of the day and night) that it’s really not that bad of a place to hang out for a week.

You must make peace with the beat . It was there before you and it will be there after you are gone.

It’s like going to Jamaica and realizing that you hate reggae music after you’ve been off the plane for two hours.


The beat is inescapable. The same one from the Girls Gone Wild videos. Best to make peace with it lest it destroy you and find your battered psyche left curled in the fetal position on a bed in the corner of the Delano hotel’s pool bar and getting charged a $300 bottle service.

Maybe It’s Time to Pardon Some Terrorists?

Could the Clinton nomination hinge on Puerto Rico?

But one group of 63 delegates is more equal than another. Democratic delegates are supposed to be allocated by proportional representation. But that notion is alien to highly competitive Puerto Rican politics. In practice, the dominant figure in Puerto Rico identifying with the Democratic Party has seen to it that his faction gets all the territory’s delegates

This means that Puerto Rico is likely to have more leverage in Democratic National Convention votes than any single state, no matter how large.

I can imagine the following scenario. Hillary Clinton’s delegate margin over Barack Obama rises and falls a bit from week to week, depending on primary results. Her margin among superdelegates, around 100, fails to increase much because party and public officeholders are wary of offending Obama’s youth and black constituencies. Then, presto! In early June, Puerto Rico’s 63 delegates put her over the top. She has her majority and goes about the business of choosing a vice presidential candidate.

It could, but the governor has already come out for Barack Obama. With Puerto Rico in play, however, I’m sure Mrs. Clinton would dream of doing anything drastic or immoral to win it over.

Why Are All The Best Republicans Dead*?

I’m sure he was hated by the progressives of his day, but we could sure use the anti-pork straight shooter known as President Arthur.

Heard of The Pendleton Act? Chester Arthur signed that law that…get this…actually required government appointees to show some level of competence before they get appointed. No more cronyism. While The Pendleton Act is still allegedly in effect, clearly our current administration doesn’t pay much attention to it.

Arthur also enacted our nation’s first immigration law:

Nigel has the details.

It seems strange to be nostaligic for times I never lived in, but whatever.

* I’m not talking about you, Senator DeMint. I would never say such a thing.