Month: November 2008

I Was Just Kidding!

Who could really do something this absurd in real life?

From last year’s 12 Days of Christmas post.

Alice at DoublePlusUndead says:

In my Christmas stocking I want…

…a gift certificate for Planned Parenthood.

They can be used for everything from birth control to $58 examinations that include breast exams and pap tests. Men who receive healthcare at Planned Parenthood can use them too…Some Hoosiers 24-Hour News 8 talked to asked if the gift certificates could be used towards abortions. The answer is yes.

On the surface, this looks like a nice way to say to your poor unmarried sister with five rugrats by five different fathers, hey, I care about your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your household.

Religion of Peace™ Strikes Mumbai/Bombay

Ultrabrown has continuous updates.

At least 80 dead, more than 200 (estimates have come in as high as 900) injured thus far.

At least 80 people were killed, 250 injured and up to 100 taken hostage by suspected Islamic terrorists in a series of attacks in Bombay targeting British and American citizens.

Militants attacked a crowded railway station, two luxury hotels and a backpacker bar with automatic rifles, bombs and grenades. All the sites were in the south of India’s financial capital.

The hostages were seized at the Taj Mahal Palace hotel, where a group of British MEPs were staying, and the Oberoi nearby. Paramilitary forces had gathered around both buildings. A police inspector said: “The terrorists are throwing grenades at us from the rooftop of the Taj and trying to stop us from moving in.”

A taxi was bombed near the international airport. At Leopold Café, a bar popular with tourists and backpackers, witnesses described pools of blood and bullet-scarred walls. Three senior policemen, including the chief of Bombay’s anti-terror squad, were killed in stand-offs with gunmen.

A group calling itself the Deccan Mujahideen e-mailed Indian news organisations claiming responsibility.

More homegrown jihadis – Rusty & the Jawas have much more.

The Office of the President-Elect™ is searching for the best way for the West to apologize for whatever it did to drive these mini-moohammeds to commit such acts.

Stay tuned to the Jawas, Ultrabrown, STACLU and Lawhawk for updates.

Video from Gateway Pundit:

AP: Iraq “Enjoys” Relative Stability

Funny that this should be acknowledged at all. I mean, how could one possibly slip a “stability” between two “grim milestones”? Funny too how something that was never acknowledged is suddenly there.

Let’s ask Jules Crittenden:

Last month, a strangely neocon AP acknowledged that the United States has an interest in a stable Iraq “which will remain a strategic and important country even after the last of the 140,000 American soldiers have gone home.”

With war coverage that has rarely been more informative or insightful than a recounting of bomb blasts and death tolls, the Associated Press has a long history of praising the resilience of terrorists in Iraq, and using every explosion as a “grim reminder” to question and disparage the security gains that U.S. military officials “maintained” and “insisted” were taking place in what was routinely refered to as an “unpopular war.” The litany of hopelessness and grudging acknowledgments of success, usually buried, were routine during a key period when Democrats were pushing Bush for withdrawal.

Thankgiving Amongst The Indians

I don’t have much time because I think they’re on to me. Let me just get this out quickly. I’m sitting in an uncannily good facsimile of a Panera Bread in a suburb just north of Indianapolis.

If my well-trained urban senses weren’t so sharp, I might be lulled into believing I’m in civilization instead of some surreal twilight-zone joke.

As I sit here hacking away on my daughter’s pink Sony VAIO, my family lay asleep at my wife’s sister’s house. Across from me sits a man laughing at his Blackberry. I spy the mousse in his hair and can overhear his conversation. I know he must be stranded here on his way to or from California because people at the Steak ‘n Shake across the parking lot can hear him too. Listening intently, I hear him intone “real estate” and “my partners” at a whisper just above the sound of a Airbus passing overhead. Yep. Californian.

I have to give it to he Indians here, their attention to detail and eye for minutiae is mindblowingly good. But something just seems wrong. The woman at the counter taking my order is neither rude nor ironic. In fact, I think they modeled her after this character.

There are several people pecking away at their laptops, again, almost convincingly. Like children banging away at a Fisher Price keyboard, I know that these well-intentioned but primitive people could not be actually accessing the Internet. It is a known fact that Japanese electronics just doesn’t function from the dead zone that begins East of Harrisburg and runs to the Sierra Nevada range.

The dead giveaway comes when I hear a man speaking in a strange accent. “Must be a systems analyst from Bangalore,” I mistakenly think. Casting a glance sideways, I realize how wrong, wrong, wrong this all is. He’s a sixty-ish man with blue eyes and fair complexion! “What the Hell is going on here?” I almost say aloud. White people don’t speak this way!

I need only to make it to Saturday. The simplistic kindness, cleanliness and safety of this place is killing me. Oh to get back to Philly. I need to be roughed up on the subway by some Italian union labor or share a good cry with one of my “artistic” co-workers.

See you this weekend.

Victory in Iraq Day

Our brother Zombie has declared today Victory in Iraq day (VI Day).

By every measure, The United States and coalition forces have conclusively defeated all enemies in Iraq, pacified the country, deposed the previous regime, successfully helped to establish a new functioning democratic government, and suppressed any lingering insurgencies. The war has come to an end. And we won.

What more indication do you need? An announcement from the outgoing Bush administration? It’s not gonna happen. An announcement from the incoming Obama administration? That’s really not gonna happen. A declaration of victory by the media? Please. Don’t make me laugh. A concession of surrender by what few remaining insurgents remain in hiding? Forget about it.

And since there will never be a ticker-tape parade down Fifth Avenue in New York for our troops, it’s up to us, the people, to arrange a virtual ticker-tape parade. An online victory celebration.

Saturday, November 22, 2008 is the day of that celebration: Victory in Iraq Day.

It’s long overdue. The political left has done everything it could to prop up the enemy and demoralize our troops, but even they cannot deny the obvious. On second thought, that’s their way of life, so scratch that. Anyway, now is their chance to show that they actually support the troops by signing on to Victory in Iraq day.

Here is a round-up of participating bloggers and some graphics you can use if you feel froggy. Join in if you’ve got the time today.

And most importantly, a big thank you to our troops. We will never be able to say thank you enough.

An Inspiration To Us All

Once upon a time collecting hummels, Precious Moments dolls, and faberge eggs used to be all the Certificate of Authenticity you needed to grant you involuntary incarceration to a padded cell of your legal guardian’s choosing.

But for those who’ve never soared the heights of the hummelian, the passport from your emotional ghetto is just a phone call and $19.95 away.  You never thought it would happen but it did.

And, if I’m paraphrasing Reverend Wright correctly, there’s not a g*dd@mned thing you can do about it.

“His confident smile and kind eyes are an inspiration to us all.”

Kind of like when a butterfly lands on a retarded kid’s head.

Yes, the Barack Obama Commemorative plate.   You can’t own slaves anymore but don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t own a piece of Barack Obama.

Historic Victory Plate™ is a treasured collectible work of art that can be proudly  displayed on shelves, table tops or can be hung on a wall.

I’m pretty sure even hanging a picture of Barack Obama on a wall would be considered a hate crime in Kentucky.  Let’s say we just prop him up in the china hutch lest the mantle by the fireplace remind us too much of Mississippi Burning.

Included with your plate is a bonus display stand and Certificate of Authenticity from the American Historic Society promises you’ll own a collectible of the highest quality and integrity.

Indeed.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a plate with so much integrity on it before.  Just for the psychological warfare factor, the entire current generation of kids should be forced to eat their vegetables off of Obama’s gravy visage.  They’ll learn to overcome that broccoli and that there ain’t no cauliflower high enough.

Don’t tell me you can’t eat those vegetables, Timmy.  Yes, you can.  And you’re not getting up from this table until you do.

I have a dream that one day red beans and yellow squash, white kidney beans and black-eyed peas can rest comfortably against each other in public without worrying about what society thinks.   Thank god almighty – free at last.

And if that doesn’t work out, come April 15th it’s going to make a handy offering tray.

You Don’t Need The Weather Channel To Tell You Which Way The Wind Blows

Let’s face it – you’ve got a 25% chance of getting it right without being a credentialed meteorologist.  And much like MTV giving up music videos in favor of programs like The Real World and The Hills, the Weather Channel gave up forecasting the weather in favor of reruns of 1998’s Storm of the Century as if one dude standing ankle deep in the surf during a hurricane looks different from one year to the next.

If only the major news organizations and auto companies could run the federal government the way they’ve run their businesses, we might finally have the kind of leadership that could layoff enough employees to fix the deficit and follow the Constitution:

The Weather Channel Federal Government , which NBC Universal bought in September, has laid off some of its staff. It is unclear how many people were cut or whether they are receiving a severance package.

“The economic realities of recent months have created challenges for everyone in our business the federal government. In addition, when NBC Universal purchased the Weather Channel federal government earlier this year, we expected that there would be cost synergies as part of company reorganization.  While it is always difficult to lose valued employees, we are doing our best to minimize the impact, and remain committed to providing the highest quality content constitutionally limited programs that our viewers the taxpayers have come to expect from the Weather Channel Uncle Sam.”

There.  Fixed it.

Fellow Travelers, Let’s Get Travelin’

Diminutive titular figurehead Dmitry Medvedev of the newly reconstituted Soviet Union sparked international envy this week as he beat President-El…President Elect O-…..sheesh.  I just can’t say it yet.

He represents the Lollipop Kids, the Lollipop Kids, the Lollipop Kids…

Anyway.  Pootey-poot’s Howdy Doody sparked international envy this week as he pre-emptively stole Barry Soetoro’s dream of visiting Cuba and Venezuela to undermine U.S. influence in the Caribbean.   Quoteth the Obama – “Hey now, that’s my job”:

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev’s visits to Venezuela and Cuba during a week-long trip to Latin America look set to irk Washington, highlighting a foreign policy challenge facing President-elect Barack Obama.

His trip to Venezuela, a key buyer of Russian arms, coincides with the two countries’ first joint naval exercise in the Caribbean — traditionally viewed by the United States as its backyard.

What would it have taken to keep Medvedev from fulfilling his mission to Latin America?  Turning our backs on missile defense for Poland and the Ukraine?  Ignore Russia’s imperialist invasion of Georgia?  A sustained diplomatic effort from future Secretary of State Hillary to nag Medvedev until he cheated on his wife with a portly Slav intern named Olga and forced to resign in disgrace after a prolonged impeachment battle?

I’m guessing we could have just put a child safety gate around the 23rd parallel.   It is our backyard after all and good fences do make good neighbors.  Ours just happened to be made by Evenflo.   If Mexicans were as small as Medvedev, we could get a fence along our Southern border and qualify for Free Super Saver on orders of $25 or more.

In related news, Prime Minister President-for-Life Putin tried to quell fears that the Russian mob is not able to control the financial crisis as he ripped off his shirt like he was the main event and Wrestlemania XXV and barechestedly snatched a salmon out of the river with his teeth for a fawning government-run press:

“We will do everything, everything in our power … so that the collapses of the past years should never be repeated in our country. We will do everything in our power to defend the deposits of our citizens in banks,” he said.

But he continued, “If we have to kill all the journalists, confiscate all foreign investment, invade our neighbors, sell nuclear weapons to rogue dictators, poison our enemies, spark a nuclear war…like I said, everything in our power.”

Everyone is not so sure of Vlad’s ability to turn Russia’s Lada of an economy into a Lexus:

James Fenkner, managing director of Moscow-based investment fund Red Star Asset Management, said he believed Putin was unrealistic on protecting the rouble.

They’re bleeding reserves trying to support the currency,” Fenkner told Reuters. “They have to move that exchange rate.”

Tomorrow’s news today – Mr. James Fenker will die from natural causes associated with falling down an open elevator shaft and multiple gunshot wounds to the back of his head within the next few hours.  Now who’s reserves are bleeding, Mr. Know-It-All Capitalist Running Dog?

How Obama Got Elected

A great video from John Ziegler over on How Obama Got Elected.

By the way.. since John McCain is being the maverick that he is and drooling all over Obama’s undershorts, could someone please tell him that is this type of pants-down politics that cost him the election? Thanks.

UPDATE (Preston):

In case you think this video was just cherry-picking nitwits, check the stats that Zig put together:

Zogby Poll

512 Obama Voters 11/13/08-11/15/08 MOE +/- 4.4 points

97.1% High School Graduate or higher, 55% College Graduates

Results to 12 simple Multiple Choice Questions

57.4% could NOT correctly say which party controls congress (50/50 shot just by guessing)

81.8% could NOT correctly say Joe Biden quit a previous campaign because of plagiarism (25% chance by guessing)

82.6% could NOT correctly say that Barack Obama won his first election by getting opponents kicked off the ballot (25% chance by guessing)

88.4% could NOT correctly say that Obama said his policies would likely bankrupt the coal industry and make energy rates skyrocket (25% chance by guessing)

56.1% could NOT correctly say Obama started his political career at the home of two former members of the Weather Underground (25% chance by guessing).

And yet…..

Only 13.7% failed to identify Sarah Palin as the person on which their party spent $150,000 in clothes

Only 6.2% failed to identify Palin as the one with a pregnant teenage daughter

And 86.9 % thought that Palin said that she could see Russia from her “house,” even though that was Tina Fey who said that!!

Only 2.4% got at least 11 correct.

Only .5% got all of them correct. (And we “gave” one answer that was technically not Palin, but actually Tina Fey)

Again, it’s all in how the media frames the debate to guarantee their chosen one a victory. Of course, it doesn’t help that the GOP put up one of the worst candidates in history.

Rooftop Credit Ape Goes To The G20 Meetings

As U.S. Federal Government officials have demonstrated over the past several months, they have absolutely no clue what they’re doing when it comes to economics. So President Junior took a seat on the big white phone, pulled out the big red phone and called his buddies around the world and had them over for dinner. I believe this is called a “summit” or some such.

The most important call he made, however, was to the hero who unfroze the Knoxville credit markets, Rooftop Credit Ape. The leadership of Rooftop Credit Ape was said to have “set the tone” at the G20 meetings.


Rooftop Credit Ape shares one of his
secret strategies for economic success.




Rooftop Credit Ape sparred with French Prime
Minister Nicolas Sarkozy. Sarkozy called Rooftop Credit
Ape, “knowledgeable, inflatable.”




Here, Rooftop Credit Ape tries to explain
to world leaders that socialism has failed
time-and-again, and that free markets are the
answer to the current global economic crisis.




In non-Credit-Ape related news, Russian President
Dmitry Medvedev was horrified by the appearance
of former Secretary of State Helen Thomas
Madeleine Halfbright

Frivolous Friday

So our country is going to hell in a handbasket. It was just a matter of time anyway. Put all that mess aside and enjoy some Chic…


Unrelated music news, the last of the Jimi Hendrix Experience has gone to join his bandmates. RIP Mitch Mitchell.

Mitch Mitchell, the British drummer in the seminal 1960s band the Jimi Hendrix Experience, has been found dead in his US hotel room.

His frenetic drumming was the bedrock of Hendrix’s music. Mitchell treated the drums more like a lead instrument than the rhythm section.

The late 61-year-old provided a brilliant counterpoint for Hendrix’s unique guitar sound.

Just five days before his death he had been playing a series of dates with the Experience Jimi Hendrix tour in the US, reaching a new generation of fans.

Thanks a Pantload, Alaska

For reasons that defy sanity, you decided to re-nominate your corruption-addled Senator who just so happens to be facing charges.

And you expected, what?

Do you dimwits love your pork that much?


Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens, the Republican incumbent who was convicted of corruption two weeks ago, fell behind Democratic opponent and Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich in the latest vote tally in their neck-and-neck race.

Enjoy your much earned forty years in the wilderness RNC.

McSuck Is The New Dole Without The Charisma

Our favorite RINO (and sacrificial lamb) was apparently on Leno last night. I don’t watch Leno, never have, never will, so I mercifully missed it. Michelle didn’t, however.

From the man whose best-sellers include “Why Courage Matters” and “Character Is Destiny” comes this underwhelming reaction to the cowardly smearing of Sarah Palin by his own unnamed staffers:

“These things happen.”

Not: “Shame on the leakers. I denounce and renounce them.”

Not: “I’m going to get to the bottom of this and make sure those blabbermouths never work in a major campaign again.”

Just: “These things happen.”

Yup. Business as usual from The Maverick’s not-so-maverick campaign

Michelle also points out how McSuck used the same joke that Dole used in 1996 after his public shaming. It really doesn’t get any more pathetic than this.

Did anyone really expect McSuck to defend Palin? He only put her on the ticket because someone in his campaign pulled their head out of their ass long enough to realize that the GOP base had abandoned McSuck in droves. He would have lost Mondale-style without her. I certainly would have given my vote to the Constitution or Libertarian party had Palin not been on the ticket.

The GOP has a very steep uphill battle to repair itself. It’s time to kick the McCains and other RINOs to the curb – starting yesterday. The sad reality is that we still have count on these people to help derail the Obamessiah’s agenda. It’s time we all get in frequent touch with our own Senators and Representatives – not just when there is a hot-button issue, but every single week. Our only hope is to hold their feet to the fire and remind them that we’re out here and we’re tuned in.

Trip Down Diversity Lane

Life is hard growing up in a liberal household. You can ask some of my relatives (who will go unnamed, lest they lose their shot at a spot on the state Supreme Court).

Check out Diversity Lane regularly for a taste of how tough it really is to keep your lefty street cred and grow up a proper Marxist. We’re adding it to the blogroll for good measure. Main site can be found at Good stuff, Zack!

Chocolate Reign

Obamessiah disciple Valerie Jarrett has a not-so-subtle slip of the tongue, stating that President Hussein will be “ready to rule” on day 1. Actually, it looks like he’s already trying to rule now. Then again, he was sent from the Mothership for that very purpose.

The most arrogant President-Elect of all time is ready to RULE you little plebes. I guess that means for the next four years (at least) we’ll be living under a….