Month: August 2009

Dick Cheney Rocks Your Face Off

Or shoots it off.  I have no preference.

I’ve got to say that the man with Timex ticker is the only good thing to come out of the last eight years.  One after the other, Bush Jr.’s decisions just didn’t pan out.  Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court.  Scott McClellan’s loyalty.  Tom Ridge’s color coordination. Putin’s soulful gaze.  I could go on.  And on.  And possibly on and on.

A resurgent Dan Quayle like we don’t know what family is behind that.  Junior – Your judgment in people sucks, quite frankly.

It might be easy to dismiss them all as The Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight but that’s making the assumption that suicide wasn’t the goal.

Except for Cheney.  Cheney never fucked up.  Well, almost never.  But when it comes to business he keeps his shit tight like prom night.  Call out his daughter for being gay during a vice-presidential debate like Silky did and he’ll beat you to death with her dildo.

So imagine when Baghdad Bubba Gibbs and the Obama Klan start setting crossfires on his front lawn and by winking and nudging that he’s a war criminal or that we’re not safer because terrorists were tortured with harsh language and secondhand smoke.  Or heaven forbid, a culturally insensitive meal.

But to insult the man, the man who was Vice President less than a year ago, call him a war criminal in so many words and then ask why anyone’s listening to him?

Why’s anyone listening to him?  Because he makes sense.  The more he talks the stupider and more inexperienced you look.  And that’s really going to be the case if Obonga signed off on the release of al-Megrahi.

This questioning of relevance is coming from an administration that tried to make an example of Rick Santelli, some nobody cable-tv talking head, and inadvertently sparked a nationwide Tea Party movement against them after they tried to use the bully pulpit of the White House to destroy some little watched finance tv talker.

If we could capture all the gas the Obonga people keep throwing on the fires of resistance against them we could solve our dependence on foreign oil.

Or that when Chris Wallace interviews Cheney that he’s interviewing the Jonas Brothers and that Cheney is like the genocidal Khmer Rouge.

Between us  RawMuscle, I think we know who wants to sweat the Jonas Brothers down under the hot lights.

“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win.”

Political Bleg

Dear reader(s),

I need your help. And I’m serious.

Here’s the deal. I just got off the phone with Brian Miller, a fiscal conservative running for Congress in Arizona’s Eighth’s district.

He needs to get the word out about his candidacy and a dynamic work called the Freshman Fifty.

I am running for Congress because the 2010 election will be the most critical in a generation. Will we surrender our economy and the future of our country to the whims of politicians, or will we rely on the ingenuity of millions of free people?

As a military officer I have served our nation my entire adult life, and am now called to continue my service in a new role. I am a Major in the USAF Reserve, an instructor pilot, a husband, and a father. The future of my young children is my inspiration and motivation to do my part in restoring America’s promise of economic opportunity, personal freedom, and unlimited potential.

I earned the “cranky” moniker by being cynical, especially to the trough feeders we affectionately know as our elected representatives, so I must tell you that this is the real deal.

Brian is an outsider with a military background and a low tolerance for garbage. I believe he would be a blogger or tea-party attendee except that he has the drive to actually do something concrete.

So here is the bleg:

Do you have a blog? Please help us get the word out. Maybe some sort of sidebar link to his site or an occasional post? Drop a comment or send me an email at gordon <-at-> crankyneocon <-dot-> com.

Do you have a couple of extra dollars? I really don’t take asking for money lightly given the economy. However, could you consider giving that five bucks to a serious candidate instead of to the RNC, Ted Steven’s legal defense fund or to starving babies in Southeast Asia?

Do you have a Facebook account? Friend Brian and keep up with his race.

Over the next few months (or until Preston tells me to knock it off), I’ll be posting on Millers candidacy. What else am I gonna do? I live in Joe Sestack’s district and Arlen Specter’s state.

Enthusiastic ObamaCare Agents Get Started

I question the timing.  And by that, I mean they were probably supposed to wait for the President to give a historic speech to soften the public up for what is to come:

Three people posed as insurance agents hawking President Obama’s health-care reform plan to gain entry to a Long Island home, where they pistol-whipped, shot and robbed two women and a man, authorities said.

Prosecutors said Thompson and Taylor approached a home on Virginia Avenue at around noon Friday, and then began to talk about Obama’s policies, while Jackson pushed into the door seeking cash.

Taylor allegedly pistol-whipped one woman, and Thompson shot another in the foot as Jackson led the man upstairs to retrieve some cash.

“When he didn’t get enough money, he shot the man twice in the neck, once in the back, and once in the chest,” said a Suffolk County prosecutor at the men’s arraignment.

Left-wing Spin Machine Powers Activate!

Under Obamacare, those people shot will now have access to free healthcare.  They should be thanking their Obamacare representatives for being so proactive in helping them to understand the urgent need for change that The American People voted for in November.

/We need a Beer Summit to solve this misunderstanding!

P. J. O’Rourke – Sooper Geenius

Really, is there more I can add to get you to read the article?

After reading two or three of his books, it dawned on me just how much Conservatism makes sense, and conversely, how Liberalism really is the religion of Santa Claus.

Here is a quote from the article which just so happens to include a joke that I read years ago (probably from P.J.):

All you town hall hecklers, calm down and go home. Never mind that Alec MacGillis is a rat, something that’s evident by the sixth sentence of his piece: “Fixing [health care] could be very simple: a single-payer system.”

And never mind that his writing is more than uninformative, it is informationally subtractive. Read him and you’ll know less than you know now about what the government is going to do to you and your doctor. Read him carefully and you’ll know nothing.

But calm down and go home, because the Washington Post said so. This is exactly the joke that used to be told in the Soviet Union. An old guy’s wife tells him to go to the butcher shop and get some meat. He goes to the butcher shop and stands in line for hours. Finally the butcher says, “We’re out of meat.” The old guy blows his top. He yells, “I am a worker! I am a proletarian! I am a veteran of the Great Patriotic War! I have fought for socialism all my life, and now you tell me you’re out of meat! What kind of a system is this?! You are fools! You are thieves! . . . ” A big man in a trench coat comes up to the old guy and says, “Comrade, Comrade, not so loud. In the old days you know what they would do if you said such things.” The big man in the trench coat makes a pistol motion with his hand. He says to the old guy, “Calm down and go home.” The old guy shrugs and leaves. He comes back empty-handed, and his wife says, “What’s the matter, are they out of meat?” “Worse than that,” says the old guy, “they’re out of bullets.”

Enjoy as he rips the Washington Post apart.

Things that have me extremely pissed off right now…

…I wish I had time to elaborate and go off on a massive rant. I don’t. But I need a quick release and here it is:

1. Hey everyone…did you hear Ted Kennedy died? Now let’s make sure we exploit Teddy’s death to avoid our own accountability and failure.

2. Oh…and turns out Teddy thought that Chappaquiddick was funny.

3. The case for reinstating the death penalty for rapists and cruel sex offenders. Why was this guy ever let out of prison in the first place? :

Garrido has a long rap sheet dating to the 1970s.

He was convicted of kidnapping a 25-year-old woman whom he snatched from a South Lake Tahoe parking lot, handcuffed, tied down and held in a mini-warehouse in Reno, according to a November 1976 story in the Reno Gazette-Journal.

He also has a conviction for rape by force or fear stemming from the same incident, and was paroled from a Nevada state prison in 1988, according to the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation.

In 1991, police believe he was trolling for victims in South Lake Tahoe in a Ford Granada when he snatched Dugard from a bus stop outside her home. The case attracted national attention and was featured on TV’s “America’s Most Wanted,” which broadcast a composite drawing of a suspect seen in the car.

Edwards Channels Kennedy, “Pass Universal Healthcare”


Well, Senator Edwards hasn’t said that, yet. He’s hasn’t mastered his necromancing skills beyond communing with dead babies. But it’s early and the Dems wasted no time trying to get mileage out of Kennedy’s corpse.

Democrats were accused of exploiting the death of Senator Edward Kennedy yesterday after immediately trying to use his name to revive President Obama’s flagging attempt to overhaul the US healthcare system.

Within hours of Mr Kennedy’s death on Wednesday leading Democrats were trying to turn it into a rallying point for healthcare reform — something that he had called the “cause of my life” — and suggested that any legislation should carry his name.

CBS News Covers Neglected Aspect of ObamaCare

Tort reform might be just be one of the most critical parts of any serious effort to reduce health care costs. Besides the Obama administration and Democrats in general are opposed to fat cats making big money at the expense of the people.

Oops, did I say CBS News? I meant CNS News. CBS wasn’t available for objectivity.


Bob Beckel makes a good liberal case for throwing tort reform into the package. But don’t worry, there is no way in hell the Democrats will leave their favorite constituency hanging.

Universal healthcare has been our fight for 50 years. It is ingrained in our DNA and we are close. There are no guarantees, but Democrats offering tort reform will confound the Republicans, take away one of their most potent arguments, and put us back on the offensive. If that means throwing some trial lawyers under the bus, so be it.

Why haven’t we talked about tort reform during this entire debate? Because we haven’t wanted to bite one of the biggest hands that feed us. That substantial and legitimate disagreement over the effects of medical malpractice awards on health care costs is another. And there is our child-like fear the trail lawyers will abandon us.

On that last point let me be brutally pragmatic. The trial lawyers won’t abandon us because they have nowhere else to go. As a trail lawyer friend admitted to me, “I hate to lose medical malpractice, but there’s a whole lot of suing to do out there that has nothing to do with doctors”. And that’s the point. We’re not talking about massive tort reform. We’re not taking tobacco and asbestos of the table. We’re talking a cap on punitive damages

The Little Coup That Wasn’t

It’s rare when I want to see the U.S. fail abroad but the expenditure of our national clout to demean an ostensible ally that followed the law in removing a Chavista acolyte who sought to undermine their constitution brings Hope and Change ™ to my cold, black heart:

The US voiced disappointment Thursday at the failure of a seven-nation mission to persuade coup leaders in Honduras to accept a settlement and renewed its support for ousted president Manuel Zelaya.“We are disappointed by this inability to move forward,” the State Department said in a statement to AFP.

Umm, no.  We aren’t.  The Communists installed at the reliably liberal State Department under Obonga are terribly disappointed that the Rule of Law has prevailed in Honduras.  The rest of us are thrilled that you are giving this president a black eye.  In fact, you should speak up more against our Meddling President.  He just loves to Meddle!

“The United States supports the peaceful restoration of democratic and constitutional order in Honduras with President Zelaya’s return as president to finish his term,” it said.

The rest of us wish our Supreme Court would exhibit similarly proportioned testes against the unconstitutional power grabs of our own dumbo-eared dictator.  Really guys – when do you step up to the plate?  When he starts wearing a beret and puts a parrot on his shoulder?

President Barack Obama’s administration has firmly condemned the coup, despite Zelaya’s leftist leanings and alliance with Venezuela’s firebrand President Hugo Chavez.

Just remember, what Ahmadinejad did wasn’t a coup.  Rigging the election and gunning down the protesters in the streets wasn’t a coup.  Chavez shutting down all dissenting opinions, prosecuting his opposition and funding FARC terrorists is okay.

Obonga doesn’t have a problem with coups or dictatorships.  He’s joyfully said that he will work with either without any conditions.

He has a problem with democracies and sides against them whenever possible.  If you haven’t learned that yet you would be well-served to recognize that fact in the coming years.

RELATED:  US to stop issuing visas to Honduras this week.  But we can relax restrictions on Cuba, right?

I am truly ashamed of what our country is right now.

Van “Down By The River” Jones’ Great Eco-Commie Boycott

A lot of attention has finally been paid to the wholesome nutbag that is Van Jones ever since he became Urkel Hussein Carter’s “Green Czar” and launched a boycott of Glenn Beck as ordered by The White House.

Nice for everybody to start playing catch-up but we warned you a while back about this one:

Pookie Got A Job – Six Meat Buffet – March 9, 2009:

Meet Van “Down By The River” Jones.  The next left-wing bigot with a major conflict of interest to be installed in James Urkel Carter, Jr.’s Admemphistration.  Some may remember my commenting on his lunacy at this year’s State of the Black Panther Union pogrom hosted by Tavis Smiley:

Van Jones hawks his own cause – getting “green” government grant dollars for a minority owned business.  He explores an imaginary past where white colonizers sought to put a price tag on Mother Earth but that his great-great-great-grandmother told him about “mumba” and that you can’t put a price tag on Nature.  But that the white colonizer showed her and then put a price tag on her as well. Now, whitey has to go back and beg great-great-grandmama to help save the planet that he messed up because he didn’t realize that grandma sitting in a mudhut was actually speaking in such reverent ecological mindsets that blah, blah, blah….gimme, gimme, gimme.  Something tells me Mr. Jones can put a price tag on how much the government should pay him to plant a tree in the projects.

Van has  a vested interest in promoting green jobs since that’s the business he’s in.  It would be like Dick Cheney appointing the the CEO of Halliburton as the Energy Czar except that, you know, Halliburton is actually successful at something.

At first, I merely found Jones’ comments retarded but upon further examination you can see what he’s really saying.  That in his new capacity he will oversee a new multi-billion dollar, racially litmus tested welfare program under the aegis of environmentalism.

Listen to Van Jones in his own crazy, racist words.  Here is the Youtube video from this year’s State of the Black Union without my wonderful comments as the filter so you can decide for yourself.  It’s 8 minutes long and worth every bit of it for ammunition.  He speaks at length about how Obama is running a radical agenda and using benign legislative language to do it. He’s “the end of the Reagan era”.

“We get to go to Pookie and Snoopy and Sha-Nequa and Sha-Naynay and have a new kind of environmental conversation.”

Global warming is caused by the earth’s history of white colonizers and now you’ve got to beg a black man to fix it.

Come to think of it, for somebody named “Van” he certainly could use some emissions testing to curtail the pollution that comes out of his own mouth.

Either way, he will now oversee billions of dollars in taxpayer funded money in addition to using his “Color of Change” group to silence critics at the request of the Executive Branch of the US Government.

Unfortunately for Jones, he has now delivered Beck with some of the largest audiences since his show aired:

Beck attracted 2.81 million viewers Monday, his third-largest audience since his show launched on Fox News in January, according to Nielsen Media Research data provided by the network. On Tuesday, nearly 2.7 million viewers tuned in, his fifth-largest viewership to date. And the conservative host got a plug from former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, who urged people to watch his program in a post on her Facebook page.

“Should you have a communist, self-avowed revolutionary who named his 4-year-old son after a Marxist guerrilla leader, should that person be advising the president of the United States?” he asked.

Jones did not immediately respond to a request for comment made through the White House.

So he runs the boycott independent of The White House but can’t respond to questions unless they go through the White House?  Maybe someone can ask him why he named his son after a Marxist guerilla leader just for gits and shiggles.

That’s the thing about attracting attention to a vocal critic, it gives millions of Americans the opportunity to listen to someone who differs from the line being dutifully toed by every single outlet in the state-run media.

I didn’t hate Ted Kennedy

Really, I did not. Though I disagreed with just about everything the man stood for and though I though he should have spent much of his life in jail for leaving a woman to die in a river, I am not joining the party of those ready to do the Macarena on his grave.

(OK, full disclosure…I’ve been planning a wedding. Take from that what you will.)

Before you hate on anyone here at the Buffet for memorializing Teddy…imagine…imagine…

imagine that Senator Kennedy was a Republican.

I’m just sayin…

Only Because We Are Still In Mourning

We hate to interrupt the canonization of St. Teddy of the Blessed Inebriation but:

St. Teddy

S & L posts the KGB Letter of Teddy Kennedy’s private offer through “confidential contacts” to solicit the Soviet Communist Party to undermine Reagan:

Special Importance
Committee on State Security of the USSR
14.05. 1983 No. 1029 Ch/OV

Regarding Senator Kennedy’s request to the General Secretary of the Communist Party Comrade Y.V. Andropov

Comrade Y.V. Andropov

On 9-10 May of this year, Senator Edward Kennedy’s close friend and trusted confidant J. Tunney was in Moscow. The senator charged Tunney to convey the following message, through confidential contacts, to the General Secretary of the Center Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Y. Andropov.

Senator Kennedy, like other rational people, is very troubled by the current state of Soviet-American relations. Events are developing such that this relationship coupled with the general state of global affairs will make the situation even more dangerous. The main reason for this is Reagan’s belligerence, and his firm commitment to deploy new American middle range nuclear weapons within Western Europe.

Kennedy believes that, given the current state of affairs, and in the interest of peace, it would be prudent and timely to undertake the following steps to counter the militaristic politics of Reagan and his campaign to psychologically burden the American people. In this regard, he offers the following proposals to the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union Y.V. Andropov.

We should be discussing appropriations for the installation of a urinal over Kennedy’s grave and not the best ways to lionize this misogynistic communist degenerate.

Hopefully everyone will remember this when he’s being eulogized by his fellow traveler, Comrade Obama, Jr.  Not to be confused with Comrade Obama, Sr.

Tea Party Express

You may have noticed the Tea Party Express graphic in the left sidebar. Or maybe you didn’t. Doesn’t matter. The Tea Party Express is rolling across the country and you should check it out if they come to your town. Maybe they’ll let you come on their tour bus and crap in their mobile crapper in the name of liberty.

They start in Sacramento on Aug 28 and roll across the country, ending at the 912 DC national rally on September 12. Catch up with ’em along the way.

Ted Kennedy Assumes Room Temperature

Massachusetts voters immediately vote to change state law (again) to allow newly-stuffed taxidermic Senator to run for his own Senate seat in special inanimate election. Anything for the Kennedys.


Democrat party leaders scour inner-city Boston for a black community-organizer who can “talk good” to fill Senate seat.


Leave your own insensitive headline to help out the Old Media.

Soft Headed Liberal Shocked by Terrorist’s Bad Form

Egads, there’s stupid and then there’s Scottish Liberal Parliamentarian stupid.

MacAskill, the Scot who thought he could show off his progressive creds by poking the old Yanks in the eye and freeing a terrorist is shocked that the Lockerbie bomber is rude.

In Mr MacAskill’s statement yesterday to the Holyrood Parliament he said that the jubilation that greeted al-Megrahi in Libya, which included waving Scottish flags, was “a matter of great regret” to him. Libya had flouted assurances to the Scottish government that al-Megrahi would be given a muted reception in Tripoli, he said.

Mr MacAskill included al-Megrahi himself in his condemnation, saying that the man whom he had released on compassionate grounds because he was suffering from terminal cancer had shown “no sensitivity” by being a willing part of the triumphalist scenes.

He had been received in Tripoli in “an inappropriate manner”, Mr MacAskill said. “It showed no compassion or sensitivity to the families of the 270 victims of Lockerbie. Assurances had been given by the Libyan Government that any return would be dealt with in a low-key and sensitive fashion.”

MacAskill also alluded that he doesn’t think al-Megrahi will make good on his promise to hunt down the real killers.

Crazy John’s Mistress & Mattress Emporium

Crazy Johns

It’s nice to see Silky is keeping it Rielle.

When it comes to finding that special Sealy, Serta or Tempurpedic to stain with your presidential ambitions, you could probably do a little worse:

Elizabeth Edwards has opened a new furniture store in Chapel Hill, North Carolina called Red Window.

The wife of former presidential candidate John Edwards said the store is similar to a charity store her mother owned in Japan when she was a child.

John Edwards and their eleven-year-old daughter, Emma Claire, were on hand for Saturday’s grand opening.

While the opening drew media attention, the couple had to deal with tabloid rumors concerning John Edwards confessed affair with Rielle Hunter, a videographer who accompanied him during his 2008 campaign.

So come on down to Crazy John’s Mistress and Mattress Emporium.

The only thing lower than our prices are our morals!

Now THAT’s what I call “Stimulus”

Stimulus you can believe in from the NY Post via Drudge:

WASHINGTON – The stimulus package is living up to its provocative name by funding a bacchanalia of behavioral sex research, a Post analysis reveals.

* Examine “barriers to correct condom use” at Indiana University, at a cost of $221,000.

* Study “hookups” among adolescents at Syracuse University. Study’s cost: $219,000.

* Evaluate “drug use as a sex enhancer” in an analysis of “high-risk community sex networks” at the University of Illinois, Chicago. That study will cost $123,000.

* Study how methamphetamine, thought to produce an “insatiable need” for sex among users, “enhances the motivation for female rat sexual behavior.” Some $28,000 has been awarded for the University of Maryland at Baltimore study.

Grand total? $591,000…paid for by YOUR tax dollars.

And the economic benefit is…?

The future Mrs. Nigel

Some of you may know, I am soon to be married. Keeping in mind that the future Mrs. Nigel is a recent LEGAL immigrant to the United States, recently her actions and words have just confirmed that I have hit the “wife lottery”:

* While watching a recent Obama-mercial/”town hall” on health care, she pointed at our President and said, “That man is lying”. When I asked how she knew she said, “I can tell just by looking at him. Look at his eyes.” Gotta love cultural differences. (Although that put me on alert that I better never come home late with some BS excuse).

* She has become a rabid Charger fan and will watch most any football game now. Everytime we drive past Qualcomm Stadium now she throws up her hands and yells “touchdown!” She wants season tickets…

* With no prompting from me and despite the fact that English is her THIRD language, the future Mrs. Nigel picked up Ann Coulter’s How to Talk to a Liberal and just started to read. She was especially befuddled at why Bill Clinton did nothing despite the World Trade Center Bombing in 1993, the Khobar Towers bombing in 1996 or the USS Cole bombing in 2000.

* She laughed uproariously at the fart scene in Blazing Saddles.

Did I “score” or what?