Month: June 2011

Your Chair, Madame

Remind me again – who was it who didn’t pass a budget for two years prior to her ouster as the Speaker of the House of Representin’?

House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) will demand a seat in the table for the final talks on the national debt limit, putting a strong liberal voice in the room.

Pelosi and House Democrats were left out of the negotiations between President Obama and Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) last year that extended nearly all of the Bush tax rates though 2012.

Pelosi didn’t participate in the final high-level talks over fiscal 2011 spending levels either.

But now she’s demanding her say at a time when many of her House Democratic colleagues are disappointed in Obama’s level of consultation with their caucus.

I’m sorry.  I thought the point of budget negotiations was to actually accomplish something.  Not to interject “a strong liberal voice” to ensure nothing gets done.

These protestations from the Iron Bitch who locked Republicans out of all discussions during her Reign of Error, capped off with a stroll across the capitol with a super-sized gavel while she laughed and laughed, is so rich that it deserves a tax cut.  “A strong liberal voice”, Alzheimer’s what’s the difference?

Me Neither: Remember when Madame House Frau Natasha Pelosovic allowed a "strong conservative voice" in healthcare negotiations?

Or, perhaps we should just pass the new budget so she can find out what’s in it.  Or, just “deem it” to have passed without even having to vote on it.

Here you go, Ma’am.  I found a chair that’s just about your speed.  Try not to bang it too loudly.

Code Pink approved

Now I realize that picture is a bit insensitive and probably violating ADA standards given Great-Grandmother Pelosivic’s disabilities.  Should budget negotiations drag on too long, we can make accommodations so that she can still participate without sacrificing her dignity.

Flexing her muscle, Pelosi asked for and got a meeting with Obama on Thursday morning to discuss the next phase in the negotiations.

At her age, she shouldn’t be flexing so much though I do concede that she knows how to make a stink if she doesn’t get her way.


With Apologies to Gary Larsen

So your little Republicans-bad-Democrats-good grade school worldview may not be one hundred percent compatible with reality. Don’t worry! You have your defense mechanisms to fall back onto.

Here, let’s play a little mindgame. Consider this fact from Mother Jones(!!)

In the 2008 presidential campaign, Democratic candidates, especially Barack Obama, raked in major campaign donations from Wall Street, pulling in $71 million—$10 million more than Republicans. Obama himself counted Goldman Sachs, Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, and the Swiss banking giant UBS among his top donors.

Oh, and for the upcoming election cycle, here’s a rogue’s gallery of Top 2%’ers who, no doubt, used to frequent the same waiting room as Eliot Spitzer.

Comedy Costa Nostra

Separated at birth?

Steven Crowder, the conservative humorist who produces great videos for Big Hollywood and The National Center for Public Policy Research, may have gotten his first taste of entertainment industry thuggery.

After a National Center for Public Policy Research-sponsored video by comedic filmmaker Steven Crowder critiquing the politics of Jon Stewart and others in the entertainment industry resulted in Crowder losing his manager, Crowder has released a new video in response.

“I created a video in which I released a private email from a senior producer at the Daily Show in which they said, ‘We never book conservative pundits.'” said Crowder. “Well, it caused quite a stir; enough for Mr. Stewart himself to be upset and for said producer to furiously call my manager… Long story short, [my manager] made it known that he had mouths to feed, and he would have to put some distance between himself and I in order to maintain a viable career.”

Strange that the outrage doesn’t center on the fact that the Daily Show shuns conservative pundits as a matter of policy, but rather that Crowder didn’t shut up about it. I guess Bugsy Lieberman doesn’t like people violating the Code of silence.

If this is new to you, here is the backstory. Crowder, through his manager, was informed by the Daily Show producers that he wasn’t really welcome on the show. Crowder released the private email between his manager and the Daily Show senior producer in this video:

They’re Through Being Cool

Devo. It took me a while to warm to them. In 1982, I was rocking out to Sammy Hagar and other dirtbag guitar heroes. These guys were playing synth music and doing weird MTV videos. There wasn’t much to like.

It’s open mic night at the sanitarium! Dr. Mothersbaugh will make some brief announcements before Dr. Casale does impressions from the Broadway smash Phantom!

But their music was contagious. Even now, I have at least 10 of their songs in my MP3 library including a real bitchin’ rarity.

Which is why this is disappointing:

You’ve talked about how humankind continues to devolve; was there an evolutionary peak that happened at a certain point before devolution came in?

Casale: I’m not sure if I have enough perspective to know where that peak was. If I talk to other people that are prone towards musing and theorizing, they think it was earlier than the 20th century that it peaked. We thought it was right after the A-bomb, a last hurrah.

Mothersbaugh: In that the slide towards de-evolution got an extra kick in the pants.

Casale: If you were writing the new Bible, instead of BC and AD, it would be AB, after the bomb.

What do you make of Sarah Palin’s bus tour across America to historic sites?

Casale: Say no more. We rest our case. We’ve often said this, but if somebody in 1980 with a crystal ball had showed you the world in 2011, you would have thought it was a cheap, B-movie sci-fi dystopia that would in fact never happen, and dismissed it. Now it’s here, in all of its horror. You talk about stupid, you can’t beat Sarah Palin!

I can’t say I’m really that disappointed. Ninety-five percent of the music I listen to is performed by unreconstructed lefties.

Do read through this pompous interview and see how they position themselves as above-the-frackas watchers of society. You’d think the might have something more insightful to offer than “Sarah is Stupid.” How are you different than any other entertainment industry boob?

Also gleaned from this article is just how seriously they took themselves and their message.

Mark, when you were singing certain lyrics, would people be jeering or expressing dissatisfaction because of the context?

Mark Mothersbaugh: Waving an American flag during ‘Freedom of Choice’ — we think they’re cheering for one reason, and maybe they were cheering for another reason. Maybe they weren’t cheering for the irony.

Casale: We were wearing Reagan masks.

Mothersbaugh: True.

Casale: We thought that they understood.

Good lord man, you weren’t the reincarnation of Alexis De Toqueville. You had very catchy tunes and musical creativity. Your lyrics were pretty much in line with mainstream pop. Besides, we already had Michael Stipe and Bono covering the deep socio-political crap.

Here is a palate cleanser.

(sirloin tip Big Hollywood headlines)


Though lying low since their inauspicious arrival in 1982, their hour is at hand. In response to growing union influence, the Koch Brothers sent the activation code and now all hell will break loose.

On yesterday’s Today Show, Obama told Ann Curry his brilliant theory about why the economy hasn’t been doing so well since he became president: “There are some structural issues with our economy where a lot of businesses have learned to become much more efficient with a lot fewer workers. You see it when you go to a bank and you use an ATM,

Read more at the Daily Caller

Cranky’s Bookshelf

Here’s a book I would write if I could write.

Subtitle courtesy of the indispensable Dan Collins

Spend any time reading Pandagon (no linkee here*, thank you) and you soon notice that any criticism of Amanda Marcotte is dismissed as code words uttered by sexists. If there is one thing Marcotte isn’t, it’s stupid. But myopic, deluded and so committed to an artificial worldview that centers on her girl parts, pretty much nails it. I guess it follows that any interaction between her world and reality has to pass through her Quixotic war with the Patriarch lenses.

So, buy this book. It will help you avoid the pitfalls of using words like “shrill”, “irrational” and “PMS’y” and empower you with proper terminology!

* Do I really need to link to this thin skinned, myopic and sad person?

Is This Country Worth Saving? (Part 2)

Violent Felon And His Gump Humping Accomplice

In what, unfortunately, is becoming part of a continuing series.

When last we left our listing ship of state, an Iraqi War Vet was intentionally murdered in his home by a SWAT team who wanted no prisoners and has since taken a vow of silence that would make monks envious.

Since then, our beknighted Supreme Court has held that evading our increasingly militarized police force in itself constituting a “violent felony” and the Department of Education (which shouldn’t even exist) has discovered that it has the power to issue warrants for arrest and maintain a standing SWAT team to enforce Collections of past due student loans with deadly force or other non-violent offenses.

I can only assume that Chief Injustice Roberts and Injustice Alito will soon find that inability to payback the loan on your education constitutes a violent felony as well and is “inherently dangerous” because you have created a situation where the SWAT team might kill you.

This is not America.  Our Supreme Court has a prevailing statist homodoxy with no regard for the 4th Amendment or individual liberty.   I blame the Harvard/Yale monopoly on the court.  Sure we’ve got two Italians, a black, a wise Latina, two lesbians, a clatch of metrosexual crackers and a flip-flopping Father Time but they all have one thing in common – Homodoxy of Education.   They all went to the same two schools and have never been exposed to a world outside of those Ivy League enclaves.  We’re a country of 300 Million plus people.  How can 9 people from two schools possibly be the one size fits all approach when they’ve all mutated from the same intellectual petri dish?

It’s time for a moratorium on Harvard and Yale being anointed to lead our country and the court. The Egghead-ocracy has failed or else we wouldn’t be complaining.  We’re living in The Simpson’s “They Saved Lisa’s Brain” episode with deadly results.

Sometimes evading the police is a necessity.  Ask any woman traveling alone who has been pulled over by an unmarked police car.  Almost anyone would tell her that if she cannot identify the car behind her as a police car that she should continue driving, following the rules of the road, to a well-lit public area.  By the standard the Supreme Court has enacted this week, any criminal impersonating a police officer has a new weapon in their rape arsenal provided by our illustrious Supreme Court.

I also take it that now any time a van full of illegal aliens  refuses to pull over that they will all be charged with felonies and deported, correct?

Why are our cars designed to travel faster than the speed limit?  Why are we even given the choice if the penalty for using it is the loss of your voting rights and ability to get a job? And above all else, why are we surrendering individual freedom to people who have been shown time and time again to fall far from sainthood and abuse it?

The Supreme Court is making police officers the new Priesthood.  Instead of Scarlet A’s on our chests they mark Scarlet DUI’s to the sung glory of MADD madrigals.  Instead of molesting altar boys, they coerce sexual favors from motorists in exchange for leniency.  Not all, but enough to not give the entire profession a pass on infringing on everyone else’s rights.

Our highest court has been compromised and with it our freedom is on hiatus for their lifetime appointments.  The Dark Ages of American Liberty.

Why Won’t The Internet Stop Masturbating Me?

You’ve got to rove Arrec Bawrin.  Sure, it’s been several decades since Glengarry Glen Ross, but he’s still the closer.  Are you interested???  I know you are:

Which brings me to Anthony Weiner.

The Internet, as I understand it, is best for sharing information, ideas and even feelings. We send our thoughts and feelings, our very spirit, over the airwaves, with astounding velocity. At times, as human beings, we want to attach the body to the feelings, as well. Photos of ourselves and loved ones. Pets. The view out our window. The image of a child’s purity.

Barring any further revelations about the underage purity of the children Mr. Weiner of the Incalculable  Certitude, may or may not have spanked his Hebrew National to – that might have been Mr. Barrwin’s most unfortunate turn of phrase in this curiously unsolicited defense of the wanky Weiner.

Photos to find love. To find sex.

My thought on Weiner is that he is a very busy man.

For high functioning men like Weiner and other officials who have lived through such scandals, who are constantly on the go, that leaves one tried and true source of a reliable high. The affirmation that comes when someone lets you know they want to sleep with you. Or even cyber-sleep with you.

“High functioning” weiners, aside the running sexting joke is that no one ever knew if the person on the other end was a hot co-ed or a beefy bear with the keyboard of a slutty angel.

One busy gentlemen may feel a bit betrayed if he comes home from his busy day at work to find his missus jilling off to a tattooed, unemployed construction worker who’s milking the coconuts to his veiny palm tree on the other end of the Skype connection.  Much less half a dozen construction workers.

Who can say?  Working for Hillary Clinton might be a walk in the park.  A park fraught with flashers in trenchcoats.  Or the ever-gracious  frotteurs on the subway who, above all others, understand how pressed for time you are.

This is sex for many people now. No time for Mateus and cheap spaghetti. No time for slowly moving toward one another with a combination of hope and caution, lust and integrity. One can push a button and get something beyond porn. Porn is essentially two dimensional. One sees and hears. Internet sexting can be perceived as three dimensional by adding the component of “feel”, regardless of how cheap and unearned those feelings are. That person on the screen is doing whatever they’re doing… just for you.

Is this a defense or a confessional?

We tell ourselves that these devices help us communicate more effectively. What they actually do is allow us to bypass the person lying right next to us, across the room from us or at an airport heading home to us, in order to meet our immediate, even inconvenient, needs. To bypass their moods, their current view of us and their own desires, or lack thereof.

Weiner is a modern human being. So he ensnared himself in things that modern humans do. When I first heard about his problems, I snickered and made jokes, too. Now, I’m sad for him, his family, his district and his colleagues.

Let he who is without sin…

So only the atheists should be allowed to criticize Weiner by Barwin’s standard.  Preferably ones who aren’t so modern or busy.  Lazy Luddites who are fapping in the ways of our forefathers.

Through all of this, there is an unreasonable assumption that Weiner only played Hide The Salami with himself and throughout his engagement and marriage that he never indulged in an extra-marital affair.  He’s earned it, right?

Running a self-styled gauntlet of leftarded bimbos and pornstars stands he, Integritous Masturbatus.

An undeserved presumption of innocence for someone who played fast and loose with anyone on Twitter who paid him a compliment.

Damn you, sexy Internet.  I’m a married man!  And oh so busy.


Scratch a Liberal, Find a Nazi

Let me be the first to invoke Godwin’s Law. In this case it is absolutely 100% true. I don’t think anything less would accurately describe the phallo-centric and intensely disturbed liberal activists in San Francisco who have produced this anti-circumcision comic book.

A ballot measure to ban circumcision in San Francisco has taken a strange twist with the publication, by the measure’s sponsors, of a comic book in which an anti-circumcision superhero -– blond, buff and handsome -– battles evil Jewish characters who recall the stereotypical images of classic anti-Semitism.

What irks me the most is that these people are well documented by Zombie decrying facist America and “fundie” Christians as intolerant people who seek to impose their morality. Yet, these penis obsessed activists are so worked up by their cause, that a little demonziation in full color is somehow OK.

UPDATE: Now this is funny. I just found that Zombie posted on this topic already. The above link to Zombie was to show just how hateful and deranged Liberals can be when they feel someone is intruding on their rights.

I Hate Saying I Told You So

We’re a little over a year removed from the Great Nashville Flood of 2010.  Through it all, I remember the countless visions of neighbors helping neighbors.    That didn’t include Police Chief Ronal Serpas who abandoned the city a week after the rains hit for greener, golder and purpler pastures.

No, that was the first sign that the city was recovering.  As I watched the turd of his ascendancy, buoyed by the rising waters of the Cumberland River, as it floated towards the bowl of New Orleans – I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them

May 15th, 2010 “And This Little Piggy Went Wee, Wee, Wee All The Way Home”

What has happened (to New Orleans)recently???  I’m at a loss unless…wait…there was something that happened just this last week:

Nashville Police Chief Ronal Serpas takes job in New Orleans

Did the bouquet resemble fried bologna, Old Spice, jowl sweat and feet?  Because if it did, I think we’ve found our culprit.

For a city that prides itself on bacchanalian revelry, the stale sock of Chief Teetotaler is about to drape across the nose of your good time for the foreseeable future.

I’d say to prepare for the jump in violent crime and unsolved murders too (our’s is close to 40% now), but thanks to the Legacy of Naginomics you all should be ready to make that drunken, hobo stumble into Chicago gangland numbers.

Congratulations to your up and coming funeral home industry and may it replace all the French Quarter businesses forced to close once he starts enacting the same DUI laws that he did here.

Damn, it sucks to be so right.


New Orleans murder studies show rate is 10 times national average

Published: Saturday, March 26, 2011, 1:45 PM


How prevalent is it? How do police stop it? What can be done?

The two analyses, the result of months-long studies conducted late last year by the federal government, attempt to shed light on the myriad factors that conspire to make New Orleans the nation’s most murderous city.

With reams of data and statistics, federal experts determined that New Orleans’ homicide rate is 10 times higher than the national rate and five times higher than the rate for comparably sized cities.

This is just for starters.  Serpas has only been there a year.  His solution is going to be to break out a computer and start feeding it garbage statistics to make you forget all those bodies you’ll be seeing on the news every night by putting a COMSTAT graphic on the Internet to make you think he’s doing something.  And prepare  for a full-scale assault by NOPD to bring the full, pedantic force of traffic law enforcement down on the heads of the citizenry scofflaws  to solve the murder problem.

It makes sense as Serpas was recently and curiously cleared of any wrongdoing in a scandal where the contract for reviewing traffic tickets was awarded to his best friend and a myriad of other double-dipping, doling out sweetcake off-duty police work assignment scandals that might sink the average bullshitter.

Indeed, NOLA.  It sucks to be you.  Flush Serpas now before he starts lulling you into a false sense of security by repeatedly defining rapes and sexual assaults  down to “Matters Of Record” like he did to juke the stats here.