I Can Be A Fascist With Or Without You (But I Prefer With)

Apologies for the delay on the SOTU coverage.  It took me a while to get through vomiting blood out of my earballs long enough to find my equilibrium.

So…pretty good speech, huh?

That deafening silence and lack of applause that the casual observer might have noticed during the entire 65 minute speech was quickly filled by Fox News talking heads falling all over themselves about what a great, evenhanded, non-partisan speech that Jugears immaculated from his ice cream hole.  Which was then followed by The Pale Rider himself, Indiana Gov. and wannabe Presidential candidate Mitch Daniels, delivering the Republican address congratulating the Obamessiah for upholding such strong moral values (hint-hint Not like that Newt Gingrich character).

What planet are we on?  You’re attacking a Republican candidate in the primary in the rebuttal to a Communist’s speech on expanding government into every sector of our lives.  Just for that, you can take a leap Daniels. Forever.

And who can forget the illegal alien babies?!?!  If we deport them, it’s like we’re deporting a million, little beige Einsteins.   Or, given all of the love for Apple’s departed leader – another Steve Yobs.   “American to their core”.  Central American – maybe.  Rocket scientists and world-renowned future oncologists every single one.  We can’t let that kind of talent getaway.  Can we perhaps interest you in a free college education?

In the vein of the recently converted Ann Coulter, Charles Krauthammer and a host of others beltway insiders, who any 2010 version of yourself would know to hate Obama to his core, we can count on being pre-emptively lectured and hectored about “not being extremists” because we’ve got to win those moderates with Team Mittens.  What a “bipartisan” speech it was.  Battered Wife Syndrome is alive and well in the Republican Party.  You’re so used to how bad Obama is that if he whispers some sweet, bipartisan nothings in your ear that you’re ready to roll your wheelchair into oncoming traffic for him.  I’m not sure if Sister Wife-in-training Ann really saw the speech yet since she’s been too occupied flashing her beef curtains to Mitt and Chris Christie.  If it’s not wagyu, Obama’s not watching honey.

The ham-fisted rhetorical setups about government watching over farmers spilling their milk soon followed by moronic Republicans slapping their hands together in agreement so quickly dashed by the cocked right fist demanding stricter drilling laws and greater dependence on foreign oil.  Seriously.  You fall for that shit?   This speech was 8th grade agitprop at best but the Republican response makes Obama look like he’s playing Star Trek Tri-Dimensional Chess while they stick their tiny little dicks in a fan.  Obamacare is going to have massive cost overruns if Republican figure out that “neuticle” surgeries are covered to implant fake balls in their empty scrotums.

Forcing the Navy to buy biofuel, that we subsidized to create, at a cost of four times that of regular fuel is screwing us both ways.  I half expected him to say that we would bring American jobs back from China to manufacture sails to put on our battleships and aircraft carriers to make them Greener(tm).  But alas, no.  Paying four times current fuel prices for biofuels is way more expensive than making sails and we’ve got money to burn.  I thought Congress had the power of the purse.  Turns out they just like holding a purse because it matches their pumps.

This was not the State of the Union Address.  It was a campaign speech, complete with wincing, Rob Schneider-esque “We Can Do It!” pablum.    Now onto the battleground states for three days where the corpse of Osama Bin Laden will be his running mate and the Do Nothing 1/4th of Congress Republicans starring as his whipping boys as his un-American audiences cheer his aspirations to govern above Congress and the Judiciary in his last year in office.

If you voted for this.  You should be sterilized.  My only comfort now is that your messiah has succeeded in convincing you to “fulfill your dreams” by aborting all of your children.

In fairness, I don’t really know if you would be fulfilling your dreams (like Obama said) by aborting your future Democrat kids.  But you’re certainly fulfilling mine.  So, carry on.