Secretes Service Takes Stoic Break From Drunken, Underage Colombian Whorebanging to Investigate The Motor City Madman

UPDATED 4/18: Nugent feels as persecuted as a poodle at an Obama Ramadan feast. Or something slightly less inflammatory.*

No, not really.  Just the usual suspects hyperventilating deep breaths into their man panties in hopes that the Secretes Service can raise their glazed maws from the line of fresh cocaine and inviting chlamydia of underaged  Colombian gape enough to paint Mitt Romney as some headbanging denim demon.

The only reason why the Secretes Getting Serviced would be investigating Nugent would be because they thought there would be some Wang Dang Sweet Poontang around (link not safe for Think Progress).

Back and to the left.  Back and to the left.  Oh yea.  That’s the spot.

A spokesman for the Secret Service tells us, “We are aware of it, and we’ll conduct an appropriate follow up.”

Appropriate meaning “roto-rooter” or appropriate as in “It’s Ted Nugent and we’ll alert Jimmy Carter of a situation?”

It’s doubtful Mittens will be naming Nugent as Surgeon General of Metal Health but it’s good that the Democommies are giving him this chance to remake his image as something other than Wednesday Night Mormon Jubilee choir.

Thanks, dickholes.

Me?  I’m still waiting for the coveted Dave Mustaine endorsement.

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