Who Is Going To Protect Me From All This Cocaine?

It’s the Pester Over The Sequester!  The Tut-tut after the spending cut.  In the eternal search for the lightning in the silver cloud of the so-called Sequester, the Democommie chicken littles mistakenly garner support for ever greater budget cutbacks:

Warnings are also growing that the spending cuts will open the floodgates for more illicit drugs reaching U.S. soil. At a hearing last week before the House Armed Services Committee, Southern Command chief Marine Gen. John Kelly said sequestration means he could end up without critical air and water surveillance to monitor for cocaine trafficking.

“If I lose those assets, if they go to zero — and there are some that are predicting they will go to zero — then all of that cocaine, all of it, will get ashore, and more, I would predict, would get ashore and be on the streets of New York and Boston and Portland, Maine,” Kelly said.

Funny.  I never wanted to move to New York, Boston or Portland, Maine before.

Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe cocaine is what this nation needs to get it off the fucking couch and back to work?  To paraphrase Ned Flanders’ father, I understand that “we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas” to make the turd of this economy swirl backwards up the bowl but I say it’s time to take a more unconventional approach.

Liquidate our nation’s evidence rooms and provide a free eightball once a week for a job well done.  Or at least done enthusiastically half-assed.

Why, some cocaine users even go on to become Presid…..eh.  Scratch that.

CORRECTION:  We’re just going to call it “Undocumented” Cocaine.  Then it’s not illegal anymore when it sneaks across the border and does the job that no American unemployment check will do.