Month: August 2016

Colin Kaepernick Is The Cat Stevens Of The NFL

The transition was really so subtle that I didn’t notice Islamic Rage Boy’s face peaking out of that 49er helmet.

Ooh, baby baby it’s a white world:

It’s been three years since I started 5 and 2,
You say you want to trade me to somewhere new,
And it’s breaking my heart to be leaving,
Taqiyya deceiving.
But since I’m gonna leave I’ll clear the air,
Hope Blaine Gabbert won’t follow me there,
St. Louis sure sounds nice this time of year.

Ooh baby baby it’s a white world,
It’s hard to get by on a hunnit million when you’re black.
Ooh baby baby it’s a white world.
I can feel Roger Goodell’s whip upon my back.

I’m Sure An Apology Is Forthcoming

I’m shocked. Shocked I say to find out that people who make their living running political ads are running political ads even though the candidate they supported is no longer in the race.

Less surprising is that the miserable, shithole licking liar who helped knowingly spread false and defamatory rumors of up to eight adulterous affairs against one particular candidate – made up out of whole cloth – demands that someone honor their pledge made prior to said shithole licking liar attacking his character, wife, and father in an attempt to destroy his family and to help his preferred candidate.

Take it away Gayway Trumpette:

On March 3, 2016 Senator Ted Cruz told the FOX News debate audience he would support Donald Trump if he was the Republican nominee.

Bret Baier: Senator Cruz will you support Donald Trump if he is the nominee?

Senator Ted Cruz: Yes, because I gave my word I would. And what I have endeavored to do every day in the senate is do what I said I would do.

But Ted Cruz is not a man of integrity.

From Wrestlemania to Sodomania, the ideological lurchings of Trump supporters notwithstanding, tend to conveniently ignore that some things (plural) happened between March 3rd and the RNC convention.

Was it that Cruz was a Cubanadian Latin Lover with up to 8 mistresses published at Donald Trump’s personal request in the National Enquirer? Was it Trump tweeting out that he thought Cruz’s wife was ugly? Was it Trump continually accusing Cruz’s father of helping to assassinate JFK.

Serious, James. Take off your wooden leg and go fuck yourself with it.

You insulted his wife, tried to destroy his marriage and send his kids into divorce court to pick which parent they wanted to live with based on complete and utter lies and then expect him to just to shake Trump’s hand?

Maybe when you find the right fella and settle down after suing a baker who refuses to bake your wedding cake, the gravity of what you did will dawn on you.

Doubtful. But maybe.

LYIN TED CRUZ refused to endorse Donald Trump at the RNC Convention.

And now his supporters are running anti-Trump ads in swing states.
They are openly campaigning for Hillary Clinton.

Oh, boohoo. When they write a check to Hillary’s campaign the way Trump did for all of those years, maybe then then you can accuse them of “campaigning for Hillary”. Or even when the words come out of his mouth and say that Hillary would make a wonderful President.

Until such time, do continue throwing yourself upon the fainting couch and wrenching the pearls around your neck.

Wasn’t it Trump who said he was going to pay $20MM of his own money to start a SuperPAC to go after Cruz’s and Mike Lee’s seats and you’re flapping your dicksucker about a “five figure ad buy” by a former Cruz PAC?

Wasn’t it Trump who said that not only did he not want Cruz’s support but that he wouldn’t accept it if it was offered?

How do you support someone who never stopped attacking you. It’s rhetorical. You don’t.

I’m used to seeing such rampant hypocrisy from Leftists and Communists but for someone who, for some reason, still has a reputation on the Right to pretend like Donald Trump has been some kind of angel through this process and that Cruz’s scorned ego prevented him from endorsing Little Lord Fauntleroy is a little hard to take.

Trump and his supporters really shouldn’t have burnt the bridge with constitutional conservatives before they crossed it. They need everyone they can get since they’re still sputtering against the most corrupt, unlikable candidate to ever run for President less than 75 days out.

But, newwwwwww. Trump had to go full-blown Obama and play the “I Won” card and expect everybody just to kiss the ring despite running a dishonest, scorched earth campaign against someone ideologically preferable to him in every way.

I get to sit out this election. Maybe there is a groundswell of LoFos, the poorly educated (who Trump loves by the way), blacks with nothing to left to lose, women who weren’t born stupid, and non-raping hispanics to somehow hoist him on his golden throne over the stink of Clinton corruption.

It should have been a cakewalk.

There is one way I’ll vote for Trump. If he apologizes to Ted Cruz, I’ll vote for him.

It can be public or private. It could be in a luxuriously appointed Trump-owned resort or down on all fours with his nut-gobbling bib on – in case you needed a visual stimulus. Cruz can signal that he supports him or that they came to whatever understanding was needed.

I don’t think that’ll ever happen. Trump’s an arrogant fuckface and his supporters think they have a right to be ones by proxy.

But that is the only way. And until then, just keep repeating:

“President Hillary Rodham-Clinton, President Hillary Rodham-Clinton” and comforting yourself with the idiocy that Trump’s number of Twitter followers and Facebook “likes” translates to votes on Election Day.

She’s cutting her ad buys in what should have been battleground states.

You’re complaining, not unlike a little bitch, about some lint in their pockets, leftover PAC buying an ad so you can start laying the groundwork for your failure.

Success may have a thousand same-sex fathers, but failure’s a little orphan fanny.

Criminal’s Court Judge Bails Out Batts

Crossdressing in the courtroom. Confused Judge James Hunter self-identified as the Defense Attorney for Timothy Batts yesterday afternoon by discarding his robe and donning a shark skin suit.

At first, I thought Hunter was just a coward bowing to the whim of a racist mob. A quick look at his history reveals that he just really has a soft spot for child murderers.

A bond revocation hearing had been scheduled for today but Social Justice Hunter decided he would preemptively side with the defense in granting a three week continuance after Batts failed a surprise drug test for cocaine three days after paying the $50,000 bond on his $500,000 bail.

Naturally, Batts’ defense contends that his piss is so clean now that you could sell it as Holy Water at $50 a carafe.

Your Dishonor, isn’t the point of a surprise drug test that it catch you by surprise? You refused to revoke Lindsey Lowe’s bail when she smothered her twins to death because you thought she was a threat to herself. Lowe had the same attorney Batts hired. Small world. Perhaps prosecutors should explore this relationship as grounds for a recusal.

No signs that Batts is a threat to himself though, huh?

I have zero doubts that Batts’ piss will be clean as a mountain stream for the next month.

And if not, then the Judge may decide to take the test for him.

The new revocation hearing is scheduled for September 14th. Assuming the Judge doesn’t go ahead and declare a mistrial and give Batts a key to the city.

So much for your “red line”, Chief. And let it be known, if you want to murder your kids, you should schedule a vacation to Sumner County. The Judge will coddle you and pat your hand since you lost a child.

Prosecutors should start exploring procedures for a recusal immediately. At least a precedent will be set for the next time Mr. Soft On Crime starts throwing out slam dunk decisions and backtracking on his own court orders.


In less than 24 hours, Timothy Batts will be in front of Cowardly Judge James Hunter at a bond revocation hearing for failing a drug test last week.

And sure as a #BLM mob doesn’t care about the facts of a case, there are already close to 1,000 accomplices who have signed a new petition demanding that the Judge prostrate himself again before the mob and ignore the results of the drug test:

We stood by his side and supported him to the end of his release from jail, now because of a drug test! Which in my eyes of the law you have 30days to have your system clean before you report.With this being a high profile case he didn’t get that opportunity. Sumner county released him on a Saturday and made him report on a Monday,all this man was trying to do was deal with getting his daughter funeral arrangements done.When he had to hide his face due to news and social media taking pictures at the funeral home , church, and the burial without his consent. Media going out they way to turn this man into a bad father who is a good loving FATHER who has custody of his kids.Our family hurts everyday.Not once I have I seen anyone say “WHAT IF THIS WAS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? “Only God can judge the way we live on earth not the media.


Where to begin?

1) The court does not have to give you 30 days to get clean before drug testing you. “Your eyes” notwithstanding, Ms. Reid.

Your contention is that Batts had been using cocaine prior to or during the time around when he shot his daughter.

If so, the onus lied with him to tell his defense attorney. But that would have looked bad and his bail likely would not have been reduced to begin if they thought he was high at the time of the shooting.

2) That Batts had to hide his face in public. This a non sequitur. You have no expectation of privacy in public. No consent is needed. It’s a high profile case with international interest. Sorry.

The media won’t ignore Batts like they did with President Obama playing 196 holes of golf during major flooding in Louisiana. Since you copied him in on the petition.

3) Media Trying To Make Good Dad Look Bad. You mean the failed drug test, shooting his daughter, lying to police about being asleep while home video showed him talking on the phone with the gun 5 minutes before, trying to hide the weapon from the “accident”, family organizing a fundraiser at a hoochie mama nightclub, and the courtroom antics of his supporters didn’t do that?

4) Only God can judge us on Earth. Bzzt. Wrong. So you are unfamiliar with what a judge and jury are, I presume?

People get judged everyday. God may judge your soul for eternity but the criminal courts can judge your ass in the interim.

As long as we’re bringing religion into this – The Truth Can Set You Free!

It can also lock you up for 20 years.

If Batts had just come out at first and said it was an accident, this would not be the case it is. But he has lied and obfuscated every step of the way. Not one tear. Remorseless. The media cameras could have shown that too.

If the #FreeTimmont4Eva crowd hadn’t been so efficient in bonding him out, he might have gotten clean but his bail likely would not have been reduced either if he confessed to using cocaine recently.

So this is your fault too.

The comments at the petition are as predictable as they are race based. He’s a Saint and you need to take their word on it.

Exit Questions: Ever fired a gun before?

It has to be loaded, picked up, aimed, lined up, and pull the trigger to hit what you’re aiming at – unless you are shooting through a door or an object and can’t see.

How can you confuse a 4 and a half foot tall 11 year old in school clothes for an intruder?

It defies credulity.

How is he not suicidal?

This defense stinks on ice and the Judge said “no second chances” at the bond reduction hearing.

Definitely must see tv in Sumner County tomorrow.

Hillary Clinton: Greatest Interior Designer Since 2009

Give credit where credit is due.

She took a drab, grey State Department and turned it into a luxurious Lincoln Bedroom.

Prostituting the State Department isn’t a sly joke—it’s unethical, it’s a national disgrace and it’s probably criminal. It will take a special prosecutor to evaluate the criminality because the Obama Administration is culturally and ethically incapable of conducting an investigation. Attorney General Loretta Lynch is totally compromised by the Clintons. The late June 2016 meeting in Phoenix between Lynch and Bill Clinton followed by FBI Director Comey’s sell out of the law proved that.

Insert picture of Markie Post jumping up and down on a flaming Benghazi consulate here.

El No Sabe Como Manejar O Leer Senales De La Calle

It suddenly occurred to me this morning as I watched an illegal teenage alien driving on the wrong side of Church Street, attempting to turn the wrong way up a One Way street in a car with no tags on it, and while using no turn signals, that I should really confirm my uninsured motorist coverage.

Because my government has utterly fucking failed me.

Fail really isn’t the right word. Fail implies that you tried and did not succeed.

For what they are doing, this is what success looks like.

Batts Fails Drug Test And $50,000 Goes Up In Smoke

Earlier this week, I made the following suggestion regarding what the prosecutors in the Batts case should do following the funeral for his daughter that he killed:

An exit note for prosecutors: Drug test Batts tomorrow and find him in violation of the terms of his bond.

$50k down the toilet.

From my lips to God’s ears.

HENDERSONVILLE, Tenn. – A father accused of shooting and killing his 11-year-old daughter has failed a drug test after bonding out of jail.

The District Attorney confirmed Friday Timothy Batts failed a drug test that he took on Monday. Batts tested positive for benzoylecgonie, the compound tested for to discover cocaine use.

There were numerous flower arrangements at the funeral talking about how Angel Timea was “flyin’ high”. Looks like she wasn’t the only one.

After the judge cut Batts’ $1 million bond in half to $500,000, he also instated multiple stipulations for when Batts bonded out. One of those was that Batts would be on supervised bond and would have to pass a drug test.

The judge had also said Batts could not pick up any new charges or he would be sent back to jail.

While this is encouraging and smart that the prosecutors sought the test, the same spineless Judge James Hunter that cut his bail in the first place is unlikely to have grown vertebrae in the week since he made himself a eunuch in front of racist mob waving a petition.

Should the judge not extend another serving of black privilege to Mr. Batts, that $50,000 his bigoted, delusional supporters raised is burnt up like so much freebase.

I’ll make another prediction while I’m here. The lunatics at Mt. Zion Baptist and Batts’ pastors will demand that he be given yet another chance because how could he not be expected to get high before going to his daughter’s funeral and spending $50k to get out of jail. They are so personally invested at this point that he could kill all of his kids and they’d still be holding poetry slams and twerkfests at Limelight in his honor.

If he was already Cashville’s Greatest Dad after killing one kid, killing all of them should put him in the hall of fame.

There is nothing Christian about these people. Just racists hiding behind a bible and fleecing the desperate for their ducats.

He’s the untouchable St. Timothy after all. Executing God’s will one little girl at a time.

Hey Revvum Uncle Elder Starnes, is this “a tragedy or a transition” back to the penal colony? Scumbag.

Exit Thoughts: Have the police entertained the notion that Batts may have been on drugs at the time of the shooting? One simply does not start using cocaine out of nowhere much less have access like this at the ready.

What is certain is that all of his supporters either didn’t know about his drug use or did know and don’t care. For all the talk about how he started going to church and made a U-turn in his life, it seems it was more of a roundabout. And the only leaf he turned over was made out of cocoa.

All of this comes full circle on the motive of the shooting. Was it a paranoia induced accident or was there something that he didn’t want his daughter talking about.

And who was he on the phone talking to prior to the shooting?

The truth will come out. Unfortunately, Batts’ church folk will try to hinder the truth coming out as much as possible because they’ll look like fools, corrupt, or worse.

And one more parting shot for our local media. This is an international level story now. From my observations, only the Tennessean sent a reporter to cover the funeral. I’ve seen more coverage in the UK than at WKRN, WSMV, or the Nashville Scene.

You all are really giving Batts, his family, and his churches the kid gloves treatment here. Why? Is it the same reason why the judge cut his bail in half? Because that’s my guess. You don’t want to ask anyone any tough questions or make them answer anything about the facts that have refuted his flimsy alibi because he’s black and you’re scared.

St. Timothy The Untouchable

WTF is wrong with Mt. Zion Baptist?

This could be an ongoing series. For those unfamiliar, Mt. Zion Baptist Church is likely the largest and most popular black church in Nashville at approximately 25,000 members. It has tremendous poltical clout due to its size and influential members who’ve bought into the prosperity gospel they peddle.

Their lead pastor was able to get a disturbing sex abuse claim against him and other members of his church dismissed a few short years ago on the flimsiest of grounds solely because the statute of limitations had expired. Namely, that he has his way with married, single, and widowed parishioners alike while personally enriching the inner circle.

It stands to reason, if you want to claim the mantle of black victimhood and politically insulate yourself that you need to ensconce yourself in the loving bosom of Mount Zion Baptist. Assuming it is not being motorboated by the clergy at the time.

In case you haven’t guessed where this is going, the funeral for Timea Batts was scheduled for a larger venue to accommodate all of the hooting and hollering moral degenerates wanting to capitalize on her misfortune. Take it away, Preach:

‘God makes no mistakes’

Batts’ uncle, church Elder Patrick Starnes, delivered the eulogy.
“When the angel Timea ascend into heaven, was it tragedy or was it transition?

Can’t it be both? If forced to choose, let’s go with tragedy.

This is not a mistake. He don’t take the babies for no reason. God has a plan. God knows exactly what he’s doing.”

So, if I’m to understand Revvum correctly, it was God’s Divine Will that Batts shoot his daughter because “he knows exactly what he’s doing”.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, who are you to deny God’s Will?

When you saw one set of footprints in the sand, that was when he carried you. And when he’s riding shotgun on your driveby, let him take the wheel while you pull the righteous trigger.

Timothy Batts did speak at the funeral. What was said is confusing at best and eyebrow raising to say the least:

“I wish it was a nightmare and I can awake now but it’s all too real,” Batts said, reading a poem he wrote. “Since the day you were born I never pictured life without you. I hear you saying, ‘I’m at a better place’ but I’d give anything for another chance to see your smiling face. I love you forever until we meet again.”

That doesn’t rhyme but I’ll digress. How is being dead better than being alive when your young death was completely avoidable?

If being dead is “a better place” than living with you, point taken.

Before the casket was closed, Batts said he wanted to tell God three things.

“Forgive me for all of my sins and let me start all over again,” Batts said. “When I can’t breathe no more, heaven please let me in. Every tear I shed, wash it with my soul cause I’ll see my baby Timea again where the streets are made of gold.”

At least he wasn’t selfish. Geez. Generally, you pray for the soul of the departed.

Is an “accident” considered a sin?

Was it a chance to start over again when he was released after getting caught with four bags of crack, a gun, and 115 ecstacy pills? Was it start over again after the attempted murder of a rival on Rosa Parks Blvd. in 2012?

Batts has already gotten more do-overs than a sorority hottie learning to play cornhole at a sausagefest.

But yes, Sweet Baby Jesus, forgive him of his sin of killing his daughter for reasons yet to be confessed. And when he’s breathing heavy at the Pearly Gates with the Devil’s SWAT team in pursuit, do give him a heavenly flophouse to crash until them hogsouts give up.

I’m still having a hard time buying that the 500 people who attended this service believe this shit.

It’s about protecting their skin color and they don’t care in the slightest about the girl in the coffin so long as St. Timothy The Untouchable walks free.

Social Justice demands the murderer become a martyr.

Because #BlackLiesMatter

The Curious Case of Timothy Batts

It’s not often that I am completely confounded when watching a court case unfold but, I must admit, the child murder of Timea Batts has me shaking my head with each passing day.

This is a supplement to the Dindu Nuffin post below. Timothy Batts, a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, shot and killed his 11 year old daughter moments after she walked into the front door of her home following her first day of school.

A controversy began when Batts lied to police about the circumstance of the murder and, while his daughter was dying, absconded to Nashville to hide the murder weapon which has since been recovered. He claimed he was startled out of sleep by what he thought was an intruder. However, home video taken from a security camera inside of the home showed him wide awake, talking on the phone, and walking around the house with the gun five minutes before the shooting.

Bail was set at $1,000,0000 for reckless homicide and a plethora of side charges given his prior history.

A mob of family members, acquaintances, and assorted bigots (or as they are usually referred to in a courtroom setting as “accomplices”) descended on a spineless and cowardly Sumner County judge who reduced the bail by half. The “victory” for the bigoted mob prompted an embarrassing courtrroom outburst like it was a sporting event – completely unmoored by the fact that an 11 year old black girl who should have been finishing her first week of school was having formaldehyde pumped through her body and needing to pick out a nice dress for her funeral.

It took less than a day for Batts’ accomplices, excuse making cultists from Long Hollow Baptist Church, and various internet racists to crowdsource the $50,000 and post bond.

What happened upon Batts’ release shocked me for the second time in a week. So high are the bigots in Batts’ circle of friends and acquaintances on the notion that they have somehow stuck it to Whitey, that they thought it was a good idea to livestream his release from jail on Facebook.

Cel-e-brate good times, come on!

In the link above, a jubilant Batts can be seen laughing and, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say, clowning around with his supporters.

A flyer was also being circulated for a fundraiser at the hoodrat nightclub Limelight with a picture of stoic Batts and ghostly photoshopped Timea emblazoned with the title “Ca$hville’s Greatest Dad Appreciation” for this coming Thursday night (Aug. 18th).

You cannot make this shit up. The Runners Up to the Ca$hville’s Greatest Dad contest are literally everyone else who didn’t murder their kids last week.

Call me old fashioned. If I had just killed my daughter, I’d probably be borderline suicidal. I would have been on suicide watch in jail. If under threat of life in prison or the death penalty, at the very least I would be somber and likely in tears in the courtroom or in front if cameras.

Batts is cold-blooded and remorseless by all observations.

The Timea Batts funeral is today. Hopefully, the morticians and undertakers will specify that there is to be no video of the ceremonial pouring of Hennessy over her corpse or blowing of blunt smoke in her face as is often associated with tribal custom. Don’t judge.

That’s the jury’s job.

An exit note for prosecutors: Drug test Batts tomorrow and find him in violation of the terms of his bond.

$50k down the toilet.

In closing, Long Hollow Baptist Church is a den of vipers and the congregation fills the offering plates with tithings to Satan.

Naturally, the dipshits at the Nashville Scene think this is about lack of gun control and are taking a stance that this entire incident was an accident on blind faith alone without any investigation or consideration of the numerous and damning holes in Batts’ alibi or behavior immediately afterwards. Or, that he should have still been in jail following a 2012 attempted murder. Because Journalism ™.

Quiz: How Much Didn’t Can A Dindu Do If A Dindu, Dindu Nuffin?

Update in the Batts case, here, here, and here.

Why are these people cheering?

a) Their cousin was just selected inmate of the month at Riverbend Maximum Security Prison

b) The long awaited return of Popeye’s Beer Can Rip’N Chicken.

c) A man who shot and killed his 11 year old daughter after she returned from her first day of school and lied to police about it got his bond reduced from $1,000,000.00 to $500k after a spineless judge bowed to the whim of a mob armed with a online petition.

The answer is, of course, “c”.

A man shot his 11 year old daughter as she walked in the door from her first day of school, lied about how it happened, tampered with evidence, and then thousands of people sign a petition and hundreds show up to court and cheer like they just won the Pick 3 because they don’t want him to face justice because he shares their skin color.

There is no other way to look at this one. And I’m sorry to say that I tried to find one that would pass the smell test. There aren’t any. He was wide awake and caught on home security video pacing around his house with a gun when he claimed he was startled from a sound sleep by an intruder.

The petition was started by the appropriately named “Greedy Gettinoff”.

Even if it was an accident, how is this behavior in the courtroom even remotely appropriate given that an 11 year old girl is lying in the morgue but you’re happy you think babydaddy is escaping Whitey’s justice system?

The petition continues, “He loved his three daughters dearly and was a great father figure in her life. We ask that he is able to attend his daughter funeral service and have a lowered bond. His bond is 1 million dollars and that’s insane for a accident we need Timothy batts home for his grieving family.”

The petition writers insist that Batts “would never intentionally hurt his family” and ask for signatures to advocate “for the equality of punishments being handed out by our judicial system. Same crimes are being committed but blacks are handed 20% longer jail sentences then whites.”

“Equality of punishments”? He was just arrested two days ago. He won’t even go before a jury for probably at least 6 months to a year. They ought to be ashamed for throwing the race card in on this but they are incapable of shame.

So remember that li’l churrens. When Daddy, Uncle, or Mama’s Boyfriend is playing with illegal handgun even though he’s a convicted felon, if he shoots you with it then the lead pastor at Long Hollow Baptist Church is going to stand in front of the cameras, God, and everybody to make sure he doesn’t get punished for it.

Disgusting behavior by all of these people. Disgusting and surprising for once.

If Little Timea had yelled “hands up, don’t shoot” would you all be torn between looting the Dollar General Store or demanding that the police arrest the father because Black Lives Matter?

Your cheers have told us that they don’t matter. Not even to you.

Mr. Switzerland Has Stockholm Syndrome

Pollutico, yes – I know, has a story out this morning providing named sources for once by those at the state levels of the Republican Party expressing concern over the down ticket loss that’s coming if Trump doesn’t get his loose shit together.

Spoiler Alert: It’s not going to happen

Though a campaign source dismissed it as a “typical” gathering, others described it as a more serious meeting, with one calling it an “emergency meeting.”

“They want to patch up a rift that just keeps unfolding,” one source said. “They finally realize they need the RNC for their campaign because, let’s face it, there is no campaign.”

Less than 90 days to Election Day and “there is no campaign”.

And Florida GOP veterans say Trump is well behind previous GOP presidential campaigns when it comes to building infrastructure in the state.

“In Florida, usually by this time, we’d have 10 field offices set up, but right now, there is only one,” said Al Cardenas, a former chairman of the state’s Republican Party.

Who needs all those offices??? Trump packed 12,000 people into an Ag Expo Center off I-95 last month so that easily translates into a 3,000,000 person get out the vote drive.

Screw how state by state, county by county party politics works. Trump’s got a Twitter account and more Facebook likes than Hillary.

Or so Sean Hackity tells us.

Yesterday, I was called “whiny and puerile” by someone who had just discovered because I suggested that Trump make a genuine effort to win over his rivals and these state level people who will lose their party jobs if they have Trump 2016 on their resumes.

In actuality, here is what whiny and puerile looks like:

Trump on Thursday night challenged reports that the RNC might shift resources down ballot, warning in an interview on Fox News “if it is true, that’s okay too because all I have to do is stop funding the Republican Party.”

A suicide pact it is then.

Congratulations on your hostage crisis, Mr. Priebus, er, I mean “Mr. Switzerland”. Trump likes to joke that Priebus is Mr. Switzerland because he’s so neutral.

In reality, it’s because he’s got Stockholm Syndrome.

Perot Again

It’s deja vu all over again. Don’t anyone schedule any speeches to the NAACP in the next two months. A billionaire populist upends the RNC stuffed shirts but he wants to grind personal axes rather than play the politics that it takes to win.

And on the cheap too!

Barack Obama paid off Hillary’s campaign debt to bring her into the fold so she wouldn’t be fragging him through the 2008 general election.

It’s “polls, polls, polls” until the polls turn against you and now the system is rigged.

This is a fucking nightmare. Like Groundhog’s Day. and I hate to say I told you so but you never listened anyway.

This campaign is in such disarray you’d think Ed Rollins was running it.

Start prepping The Downfall videos. Georgia??? Whaddaya mean we lost Georgia?!? Except Trump and Eva will just abscond back into luxury.

First time with Clinton was a farce, this time will be a tragedy.

Update: I honestly thought about taking this post down. That was, until I saw a “Breitbart Exclusive”!!!! *Screeeeech* Stop the Presses. STOP THE PRESSES!!!!

Texas Senator Ted Cruz visited the Laredo Sector of the U.S.-Mexico border and did not contact Border Patrol agents to discuss their needs.
According to the agents, Senator Cruz has yet to contact them through his freshman term in the U.S. Senate. The Border Patrol agents reached out to Breitbart Texas and rebuked the Senator for what they say is a pattern of having tough rhetoric while taking little action.

That’s right. Trump’s house organ – Breitbart News – is running breaking stories today – August 11th, 2016 – almost four months after Ted Cruz suspended his presidential campaign (May 4th, 2016) that the Border Patrol union that endorsed Trump seven months before on March 30th, 2016 is still mad at him. Complete with ugly blurred photo. Even though they praise John McCain in the story for his commitment to border security.

Baffling. But then I remembered, Trump just endorsed McCain a few days ago so the marching orders must have went out.

My definition of Breaking News is a little different than Not-So Breitbart’s. Much like my definition of what a winning campaign looks like.

Trump and his allies are still fighting a fight that was won – unfairly -and letting Hillary off scot free. Which may have been the goal all along.

Foreign Policy For Faggots

Phillipines President Rodrigo Duterte is a murderous lunatic and a tyrant in the making.

And if anyone can define the Obama Foreign Policy better than “middle fingers for friends and tugjobs for tyrants” I would like to hear it.

Knowing this, it sounds like our Ambassador to the future genocidal island nation had his homo-vertures rebuffed in a very public fashion:

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte called the US ambassador to his country a “gay son of a bitch” in a speech, prompting US diplomats to raise the issue with their Filipino counterparts in Washington.

Perhaps my ideas on diplomacy differ from the prevailing wisdom. I thought Ambassadors were to be artful emissaries of US interests abroad and not antagonizing, affirmative action SJWs. That or Pay-To-Play campaign contributors.

But the reaction from Secretariat of State Lurch McKetchup has been as swift as a wire transfer:

“Kerry came here, we had a meal, and he left me and Delfin $33 million. I said, OK, maybe we should offend them more, so this crazy will just give more money, just to make peace. So, it’s all about the money.”

No. It’s all about wasting our money. They think everyone is just looking for a bribe because they are.

Prepare for Comrade Kerry to mischaracterize this entire exchange and spin it as some great leap forward in 3, 2, 1….

“We have asked the Philippines chargé to come into the State Department to clarify those remarks,” she said at a briefing.

Seems pretty clear to me. The gay son of a bitch has an idiot boss with more money than sense.

You need that notarized and apostilled ya dumb cunt?

It Came From E-Bay: Bear-Curious

While looking up vintage lunchboxes on E-Bay, because nothing important is going on, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by how acceptable boy on bear sodomy was in the good ole days:

I cannot imagine any mother slathering mayo on a bologna sandwich and handing this to their kid in the 1960s but that was probably the perfect time. A simpler time. A time when Mom could pack up enough meat to satisfy appetites of man or beast inside of a 10″ x 10″ container. Mind you, this didn’t raise an eyebrow with Marketing, Aladdin Industries, the retailer, or the US Fish and Wildlife Service.

Against the backdrop of The Civil Rights Act, Vietnam, Woodstock, and The Summer of Love, a lonely country boy struggles with his bear-curious feelings and a forbidden love that dare not speak its name over a thermos of warm milk and a Ding Dong if you were lucky.

I thought we were just “friends”

A far different tale than the hardcore scenes that ultimately led to the cancellation of Grizzly Adams.

Like Blazing Saddles, they couldn’t make this show today.

Yea We Caught AIDS From Brazilian Sex Slaves Three Days Ago

…While representing the United States at the Olympics. Wanna fight about it?

Carmelo Anthony said his U.S. men’s basketball teammates need to accept responsibility and move on after reports that three players visited a legal brothel in Rio de Janeiro.

“What’s done is done. We have time off and guys did what they did. We accept those responsibilities and move on,” said Anthony, a four-time Olympian and the elder statesmen of the team.

I have no problem with legalized prostitution. What happens between a willing buyer and a willing seller is between them. Well, between them and their babys’ mamas back home who they’re bringing back a fatal case of Brazilian SuperAIDS as a souvenir.

Hey, it’s worked out great for Magic Johnson.

What part of “accepting responsibility” is continuing to lie about how you ended up at one of the most famous whorehouses in Copacabana and facing no repercussions, such as being sent home and stripped of any Olympic prestige, for getting serviced by possible sex slaves while representing us?

Who do they think they are? The Secret Serviced, I mean, Service???

This is why nobody gives a shit about the Olympics. They have no standards. Carmelo and company went on to trounce those little Chinese ballers 119-62.

Apparently, that’s all that matters.

Make America Ohio Again

John Kasich is milking his 15 minutes again. Which is my preference to the 4 years Trump was going to give him to ruin our country with his Big Government ultraliberal interpretation of Christianity:

Kasich told CNN’s Jake Tapper that he didn’t receive a call himself. But he said one of his aides confirmed to him a New York Times report last monthsaying Donald Trump Jr. tried to entice Kasich with a position as the most powerful vice president in history — putting him in charge of all domestic and foreign policy — was accurate.

“That’s what one of them has told me, yes,” Kasich told Tapper in an interview aired Sunday on “State of the Union.”

This isn’t a new story as it’s been around soon after Kasich dropped out. This is how it’s done isn’t it? Some back channel note passer like you’re in the 5th grade asking, “Do you like me?” with Yes, No, Maybe checkboxes on it?

I see this two ways. Either Trump was perfectly willing to sellout his supporters with the milquiest toast of them all who expressed nothing short of condescending sneers and smug superiority for a position that less than 3% of Republican primary voters wanted to hear.

Or, Trump ritually makes promises he doesn’t intend to honor to quell his critics. Is that the Art of the Deal? Floating the VP slot to whichever vanquished wheel is squeaking the loudest at the moment in exchange for virtue or goods and services?

And once you’re done, like Chris Christie, you can get your fat ass back on the plane.

I realize Kasich is so proud of himself that when goes to the bathroom that he is compelled to fan his hands towards his face to get the full satisfaction of his own filth but floating the idea that our country’s domestic policy should be handed over to him while Trump plays figurehead has left me wondering. Would a VP Kasich scare off any of his supporters before the convention?

Is Kasich the liar or Trump and Don Jr.?

I don’t want a Hillary presidency and there is only one thing that’s going to prevent that. Trump needs to go through whatever back channels available to him and get his vanquished foes to support him. You don’t win the primary and then tell everyone to go fuck themselves and I’ll win without you. Which is exactly what both he and his supporters have been doing and even the Hannitards beat their puds to the notion that Independents are going to make up for losing so many traditional Republican voters.

How are you going to build a wall if you can’t mend a fence with the people you need to pass it? It will take humility, swallowing a little pride,and probably apologizing to some degree. If he can do that, he will likely win.

I don’t think he’s capable of that. Offering, asking for, or receiving forgiveness from others is a Christian trait and he’s no more a Christian than Obama is. A politically expedient “conversion” for appearances. To someone who thinks they’ve never done anything wrong that is something that is never going to happen.

Exit Video: Negotiating with a psychopath 101 from Deadwood between mining magnate George Hearst and up-and-comer Alma Ellsworth.

“Your proposal offends completely. It mistakes my Nature, absolutely. Will you hear my counter-proposal?”

Similarly, how one with such wealth and power views the utility of those who can help him or those that would impede his Will. And those who might reject the promise he brings.

Zoe For Prison #Impeach Zoe, #ZoeForPrison

The lawlessness of Ayatollah Obama’s era may be coming to an end but there’s always another one waiting to take his place. In fact, anyone who has passed by a YMCA has probably seen it:

Zoe For President: New Candidate Announces Her Run for Commander in Chief In 2064

YMCA of the USA organizes Zoe for President, symbolizing the potential the Y sees in all children

CHICAGO, Feb. 25, 2016 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — Today, YMCA of the USA (Y-USA) launched Zoe for President, a campaign to elect a one-year-old girl as our nation’s Commander in Chief…in 2064. The campaign highlights the potential the Y sees in all kids to grow up and change the world if they’re nurtured properly and supported along the way. Through Y initiatives like childcare, academic enrichment, mentorship, college prep, job training, and more, kids have the opportunities to succeed, grow, and one day, maybe even become president. The Y aims to impart the values of what it means to achieve—how hard work, determination, perseverance and character can drive someone to success beyond what they thought possible.

We don’t need any more unqualified community organizers coming out of Chicago promising tomorrow’s red diapershitting Leftists easy answers, womb to tomb government largesse, and sentencing the next generation to sharecrop their debt slavery on America’s college plantations.

“While Zoe for President is a breath of fresh air during a heated campaign cycle, every child, regardless of background, needs support and guidance to reach their full potential,” said Kevin Washington, president and CEO, YMCA of the USA. “Our campaign will address actual issues that America’s communities are faced with each day like access to early childhood education, safe space, meal assistance, and the Y’s role in solving the challenges head on.”

The FEC needs to put a stop to this madness immediately. The YMCA is a “non-profit” and this blatant electioneering is a violation of current campaign finance law sas well as issue advocacy PACs that are not allowed to endorse a particular candidate.

None of this speaks to the character of Zoe herself or even if she knows if she’s a he or she or a it yet. They’ve never held a job in the private sector. Never signed a paycheck or hired an employee! Always looking for a hand out.

And a recent National Enquirer story quoted Roger Stone as saying that Zoe does, in fact, have cooties and sleeps around on the kindergarten mats of both boys and girls in zher homeroom. I’m not saying I have any information that that is true. We’re just asking questions and the American people need to know the answer if you’re going to be trusted with the highest high chair in the world.

The only button she’s qualified to put her finger on is on a Bumpy Ball.

It’s all fun and games until the YMCA and the YWCA merge into the YLBTGQCA and demand that our tax dollars fund unisex bathrooms and that bakers will have to provide gluten free granola bars to same sex intramural volleyball teams against their religion.

Zoe has been, is, and will forever be unfit for command. When the 3 AM phone call comes, she will have already been asleep for 9 hours and will probably wet the bed.

WTW Weekend: Great Moments In White Trash Advertising

Picasso famously said that lesser artists borrow and that great artists steal. As I pulled up behind a company van in morning traffic, I was reminded of that. So what to make of this local company’s logo?

There’s something so familiar about that. I can’t quite put my fing..oh, wait:

It’s a blued up version of the Enron symbol:

Nothing says “trust us” with your electrical needs like shamelessly stealing the logo of a disgraced energy concern that was once the largest bankruptcy in the history of the country and led to one of the most destructive pieces of accounting legislation (Sarbanes-Oxley) in history.

But fret not. This isn’t the second coming of Enron, it’s Enron squared!

Next up, Manson Family Brand Pork Sausages. Every morning that starts off with “Death to the Pigs” is going to be a great day. #BLM approved.

Lady Vols Not Ladyboys

I saw this riding on a car’s bumper the other day and had to do a double-take.

From the Department of Unfortunate Cross-branding:

I knew UT had a recent brouhaha over wanting to fine, expel, and genitally mutilate students before sending them to re-education camps for not calling he/she/its by some new pronouns they invented five minutes ago but this?

It’s too insidious. They’re the Lady Vols not the Ladyboys. Cameltoes not camel’s nose.

We don’t want to know that your Ford F-150 secretly wants to be a convertible Mazda Miata or that your automatic Audi TT would rather be a stick. Maybe you get off on teasing those cisgenders at Pep Boys with your shocks and struts. But the only one who should know if you’ve blown a tranny should be your mechanic.

Come on, people. Pick a side.

Fox News Should Indefinitely Suspend Sean Hannity

It has been clear for the better part of the last six months that Sean Hannity has been angling, auditioning, and ass-kissing Trump to be his Press Secretary. Though it is doubtful Fox plans on doing anything about him, this latest feud between him and Bret Stephens at the WSJ appear to be part of a disturbing pattern:

On Thursday night/Friday morning, Hannity responded to Wall Street Journal columnist Bret Stephens, who called him “Fox News’ dumbest anchor.” Hannity had already started blaming Republican operatives for a potential Trump loss in November. He later applied this specifically to Stephens.

Wsj genius. Where were u when Boehner punted on the power of the purse a added nearly 5 trillion in new debt? — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
Hannity responded to the same tweet five times!

Where were you when R party refused to use the power of the purse to defund Obamacare ?

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then he started using profanity.

Where were you dumbass when in 2014 R’s said the would stop Obama’s illegal and unconstitutional exec amnesty? — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
He dragged Stephens through the mud.

It’s arrogant, elitist, enablers like you that never hold R’s accountable that created the opening for Trump!!

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then said that if Hillary Clinton won the election in November, people like Stephens would be to blame.

Right. Stephens is to blame for Trump. Not the guy who’s been his unquestioning sycophant since before April and who never misses an opportunity to kiss his son’s ass. What a great job he did raising him by the way. Trump the Elder should be more like him!

I don’t hold any affinity for Stephens. Sometimes he’s insightful and other times he is so incredibly offmark that I have to question if he’s a Putin stooge. But this Hannity character…I just don’t know.

I try to never listen to him but drivetime radio is awful and sometimes the dial lands on him. What is always consistent are the following:

1) Constant Trump cheerleading.

2) Constant reminders that he has a hotline to the Trump campaign

3) Daily reminders that he’s surrounded by ten foot tall bodyguards who shoot ninja throwing stars out of their asses and who are training him in the dark arts of the Samurai.

He doesn’t want to have to permanently disfigure you if you ask him a question in public but he clearly means to convey to his listeners that he can kill you seven different ways before you hit the ground.

He’s just warning you. He’s just warning you that you’re going to get hurt. And he doesn’t want to see that happen to you. Because that’s what’s going to happen, punk. You’re a little punk, you know that? You wanna say that to my face?

Don’t touch me!

4) But to all those naysayers, saying “nay” as they do, you can’t hurt him. He’s skin is tough as Hillary’s naughahyde pastrami flaps. Which is a little odd since he moisturizes twice daily with Chamonix and you should too! Karate man may bruise on the inside but his exterior is silky smooth thanks to Genucel and Dollar Shave Club’s Duck Butter.

5) Insert incessant recitals of what he imagines are devastating statistics that must be rolled out at least 10 times an hour (ex: the number of people out of the workforce, the #BLM protesters say to “fry pigs up like bacon”, ad nauseum) like some broken record payola DJ.

His act is older than Donald Trump’s next wife but the issue is that he is more in the tank than Dukakis.

If Fox wanted to maintain any semblance of of being fair and balanced, Hannity should be indefinitely suspended so that he can help Trump run for President.

Sure the establishment Republicans and conservatives (read: not the same people), who make up the 60+% of Republicans who did not support Trump in the primary, are keeping their distance but what’s the real reason for the Trump drop?

Maybe it’s because he’s been less concerned with running against Hillary Clinton than he has been about running against Republicans in Congress that he would need to enact what he’s campaigning on.

Maybe floating that he’s going to donate $20MM of his own money to launch a SuperPac to unseat Ted Cruz in 2018 (that’s over two years from now by the way for those counting on what a petty fucking asshole Trump intends to be) and Mike Lee or throwing elbows against insufferable and longstanding shitbirds like John McCain, Paul Ryan, and Kelly Ayotte or engaging in his mano-a-mano fight with Khizr Khan instead of having a surrogate do it is a little premature.

I haven’t seen anyone this needlessly self-destructive since Marty McFly got called chicken in “Back To The Future”.

Maybe it was Vice President Gingrich, oh excuse me, that didn’t happen. That same Gingrich who, Hannity heavily lobbied Trump to name as his VP, came out and said they needed to stage an intervention to save this maniac from himself last week. I guess Newter didn’t like being cast aside once Giuliani gave his kinda sorta stirring, raspy call-to-arms at the RNC convention and took his and Christie’s place as lead buttboy. Mike Pence is unavailable for comment since he appears to have gone into the Witness Relocation Program.

I expect no better from the thin-skinned, control freak, ADHD candidate with a complete inability to delegate since no one is as smart as he is, but if we want Trump to win then we’ve got to let Hannity strap on his helmet. Have him put his clipboard down and get him in the game, coach! I mean Boss, sir. Mr. Trump. My Liege.

Surely, you all can live without him for 11 weeks.

And just as an exit note, if you come out and say you’re “probably going to spend $20MM to setup a SuperPAC” against my candidate two years from now because you’re butthurt that he didn’t kiss your ass after you lied about him and his wife and father like a dog – you can, in fact, fuck off and die. You can’t say that Trump must respond to Khan because this offense cannot stand and not think Cruz has no right to stand against Trump for what he said about him.

You can. But you’re a hypocrite.

I didn’t #NeverTrump. Trump Never Me’d.