St. Timothy The Untouchable

WTF is wrong with Mt. Zion Baptist?

This could be an ongoing series. For those unfamiliar, Mt. Zion Baptist Church is likely the largest and most popular black church in Nashville at approximately 25,000 members. It has tremendous poltical clout due to its size and influential members who’ve bought into the prosperity gospel they peddle.

Their lead pastor was able to get a disturbing sex abuse claim against him and other members of his church dismissed a few short years ago on the flimsiest of grounds solely because the statute of limitations had expired. Namely, that he has his way with married, single, and widowed parishioners alike while personally enriching the inner circle.

It stands to reason, if you want to claim the mantle of black victimhood and politically insulate yourself that you need to ensconce yourself in the loving bosom of Mount Zion Baptist. Assuming it is not being motorboated by the clergy at the time.

In case you haven’t guessed where this is going, the funeral for Timea Batts was scheduled for a larger venue to accommodate all of the hooting and hollering moral degenerates wanting to capitalize on her misfortune. Take it away, Preach:

‘God makes no mistakes’

Batts’ uncle, church Elder Patrick Starnes, delivered the eulogy.
“When the angel Timea ascend into heaven, was it tragedy or was it transition?

Can’t it be both? If forced to choose, let’s go with tragedy.

This is not a mistake. He don’t take the babies for no reason. God has a plan. God knows exactly what he’s doing.”

So, if I’m to understand Revvum correctly, it was God’s Divine Will that Batts shoot his daughter because “he knows exactly what he’s doing”.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, who are you to deny God’s Will?

When you saw one set of footprints in the sand, that was when he carried you. And when he’s riding shotgun on your driveby, let him take the wheel while you pull the righteous trigger.

Timothy Batts did speak at the funeral. What was said is confusing at best and eyebrow raising to say the least:

“I wish it was a nightmare and I can awake now but it’s all too real,” Batts said, reading a poem he wrote. “Since the day you were born I never pictured life without you. I hear you saying, ‘I’m at a better place’ but I’d give anything for another chance to see your smiling face. I love you forever until we meet again.”

That doesn’t rhyme but I’ll digress. How is being dead better than being alive when your young death was completely avoidable?

If being dead is “a better place” than living with you, point taken.

Before the casket was closed, Batts said he wanted to tell God three things.

“Forgive me for all of my sins and let me start all over again,” Batts said. “When I can’t breathe no more, heaven please let me in. Every tear I shed, wash it with my soul cause I’ll see my baby Timea again where the streets are made of gold.”

At least he wasn’t selfish. Geez. Generally, you pray for the soul of the departed.

Is an “accident” considered a sin?

Was it a chance to start over again when he was released after getting caught with four bags of crack, a gun, and 115 ecstacy pills? Was it start over again after the attempted murder of a rival on Rosa Parks Blvd. in 2012?

Batts has already gotten more do-overs than a sorority hottie learning to play cornhole at a sausagefest.

But yes, Sweet Baby Jesus, forgive him of his sin of killing his daughter for reasons yet to be confessed. And when he’s breathing heavy at the Pearly Gates with the Devil’s SWAT team in pursuit, do give him a heavenly flophouse to crash until them hogsouts give up.

I’m still having a hard time buying that the 500 people who attended this service believe this shit.

It’s about protecting their skin color and they don’t care in the slightest about the girl in the coffin so long as St. Timothy The Untouchable walks free.

Social Justice demands the murderer become a martyr.

Because #BlackLiesMatter