Democracy Came With A Trigger Warning Built In

A gentle reminder for our totalitarian wannabe snowflakes.

Our Constitution enshrined the original trigger warning against all future tyrants.

I demand the outgoing President to order his violent rent-a-mobs to cease and desist their terroristic threats immediately lest we start pulling it.

You “protesting” doesn’t include vandalizing property, impromptu interstate shutdowns, or assaulting people with more valid, better informed opinions than yours.

Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Since I’m all about solutions and bipartisan compromise, when Trump visits Obama he should agree to fix Syria by implementing Charlie Rangel’s “bring back the draft” bill and fill it with the permanent child soldiers in America’s undergraduate college system.

We all saw that terrible picture of the dead boy from Aleppo. It’s time America’s Movember beard sporting, GSA loan backed, bedwetting, college know-it-alls got some of their tattooed skin in the game.

You want to fight an injustice you say you supported? I know just the place.

Come on, guys cisgenders. You’ll get more SJW poon or mangina than you can shake your selfie stick at once you’ve established Operation: Safe Space in Raqqa.