Live Update: After a first round of votes, Perez missed a win by one vote with Ellison trailing by 13 votes.
In the interim, angry DNC attorney Peter McPeckerface decided to drop out and endorse Ellison with his massive vote tally of zero from behind his furrowed eyebrows and glaring stare.
If Ellison loses, I need to get my popcorn ready. The Establishment will have screwed the millenials over again.
Round 2 should decide it.
Oh, shit. Perez wins. Ellison got no more votes in the 2nd Round and he doesn’t look like a happy jihadi.
It is all frowns and boos in the back of the room. Ellison is fuming.
Perez’s first act? To suspend the rules and make Ellison DNC Deputy Chair. Why would the winner do this?
The crowd is wilder about this than Perez’s win.
Take it away Alan Dershowitz. Does this count? 46% of the DNC voted for a lifelong jewhating bigot and gave him Deputy chair as a consolation prize.
Ellison congratulates “Our” Chair.
DNC you’ve made a deal with the devil. Ellison is giving a longer speech than Perez.
In the back, an angry harridan screams “Fuck Trump”.
It’s like some horrific car crash where I can’t stop grinning. A better analogy might be one of those self-inflicted, work-related injuries that bombmakers suffer.
Either way, as long as Democrats die or have lifelong injuries as a result – I’m pretty cool with it.
Today is the day. The Democratic National Committee is going to elect a direct disciple of Louis Farrakhan and a well-documented anti-semite and terrorist sympathizer as their Chairman.
They started off with an invocation from an Imam, natch. The only acceptable establishment of religion.
In retrospect, September 11th was a real clarifying moment as to who some people are wasn’t it?
I love it. This is great. Live on C-Span 1.
Disgraced, fired CNN bulldagger Donna Brazile is herding the cats. Disgraced former Baltimore Mayor Stephanie “Give Them Room To Destroy” Rawlings-Blake is giving the Lunatics at the DNC, er, room to destroy.
Three Resolutions then the vote.
First measure, to ban taking donations to the DNC from evil corporations. The peanut gallery is angry.
But, but…corporations support us!!!! 501(c)3’s are corporations!
Shut up, the establishment explains. We’re sending a message Loud and Clear! Don’t read the literal words of the resolution. We’re voting on the spirit of the resolution. But what about unions???
I say go for it! Corporations shouldn’t have a voice. Nor should they be taxed. No taxation without representation.
Next up Bernice King to warn about the evil men and women Democrats need to fight. Also, she’s the daughter of Martin Luther King, Jr. And we’re in Atlanta. And their stupid ass, racist pig Mayor Kassim Reed who thinks he’s going to be Preznint one day is there.
Alert NeNe of a situation.
Did I mention that Bernice is MLK’s daughter. Yep, it’s true. Child of MLK. And his wife. The Martin Luther King. Daughter of MLK. Yesiree.
One and the same. Yep.
Per MLK’s daughter, we got a hole in da boat of Amerikkka. She’s making a good point about trying to win people over who don’t agree with them and not win by stomping over them.
Lady, you are preaching to a den of fucking serpents and vipers. Sexual deviants and terrorists. You aren’t going to win any converts in this crowd no matter how many times your were birthed by MLK.
Oh, shit. She’s talking about an angel’s banquet with prime ribs (plural), prawns, fried chickens, and collard greens. Maybe some enchiladas – empanadas? She lost me there. The point is there was something at the table for err’ybody. Falafels for al-Faisals. Pizza for Eye-talians. Lucky Charms cereal for the Irish. And there were to tables on opposites sides of the rooms.
But the people who wanted to eat had to eat by house rules that demanded 10 foot long forks and spoonses. And they fed each other with those long forks and spoonses.
You don’t need forks for fried chicken unless you some bougie-assed nucker.
And she gets madder, and louder, with more bravado with each passing analogy. Culminating with a John Kasich quote and an MLK “free at last, free at last”.
Totally not shitting you.
And she ends with polite and muted golf claps.
Brazile reminds the audience that Bernice is MLK’s daughter again. Martin left some DNA evidence at the scene of Coretta’s cooch crime and 60 years later – Blamm-O! This speech you heard today. From MLK’s dick to your ears.
Next up, a white guy. Jason Kander, the SoS of Missouri. Boy are you in the wrong place.
Democrats are worried about illegal aliens who go to school worrying about deportation. Single mothers on minimum wage, etc., etc.
But the future’s bright. He got where he got by not trying to be a moderate. Nope, not this guy. He only lost a senate race by 3 poins but Ted Cruz and Wayne LaPierre criticized his stances on “gun safety”. He’ll tell poor Missouri crackers that Black Lives Matter to their stupid, inbred faces. Very proud of himself – this one.
Long message short: Run as leftwing Democrats – how can we do any worse?
He hangs his hat on running against having a photo ID to vote. 70% of Missourians are for photo ID but if you seem like a sincere kind of schmuck then you can win and not represent their views.
Now we bring you to your Two Minutes Trump Hate. “Conservatives” at angry townhalls who are also against Trump show us we’re right. Uh-huh.
Douglas C. Neidermayer wants his everything back.
And now, for some reason, a very long montage about the greatness and purity of Donna Brazile. She can’t find her bellybutton but it’s near the center of the universe.
Donna’s back thanking the Hackers from Silicon Valley who donated their time, in an apparent violation of campaign finance laws, to secure their hacked servers. They’re anonymous but you know who you are. Giving hundreds of thousands of dollars in labor and consultation as in-kind contributions without recording it.
Next up: The Election of Officers.
Light the fuse, bitch. Get this carbomb on the road.
Oh my god. They’re dancing before the vote to the BeeGees and Chic. Old white lesbians nodding back and forth and their beta cucks trying to get in the gluten free mix.
First: Mayor Eric Garcetti for Tom Perez. Is everyone fired up? Apparently not. Democrats are the party of success and Tom Perez saved the economy like he saved pink collar jobs. Umm. Wut?
Are we ready to win, unite, mi hermano. Tom Perez. Tepid applause.
Black woman speaking for Perez. Black guy speaking for Perez Not much applause. Let’s elect our first Latino as Chair.
Tom Perez is whiter than me but ok, Taco Blanco.
Perez’s speech was no big deal. Standard donk boilerplate.
Now for Nasty Pelosi’s daughter. She only wants a Sally ‘My job Is To Tell White People To Shut Up‘ Boynton-Brown.
When I vote, if I don’t recognize all of the candidates down ballot, I know I can safely vote against any woman or man with a hyphenated last name.
Boynton-Brown talks about unity and listening to people which is contra to everything she has said the past. Then, closing on blacks, women, and the handicapped not being given access to have a voice in their party.
Sam Ronan, who?, is the next candidate. He is former Air Force mechanic and that is his sole qualification.
FDR, the New deal, Diversity, Food Stamps. This is who we are! How did this guy even get on the stage.
I guess this speech is his participation trophy. He got more applause than Perez.
The hall roars for Ellison. Randy Weingarten, not a man, is president of Jews for Jihadis. Er, I mean the American Federation for Teachers. She’s feeling it. Ellison is seated further down the dais, dispassionately drawing a picture of her being stoned to death.
Next up is some labor stooge, Ken Martin, talking about how Ellison ethnically cleansed any Republicans from statewide office in Minnesota. And he’ll ethnically cleanse them nationwide. Allahu Ackbar!
Next some aging Fernando Botero model. Alexis Tameron. Keith helped kick Sheriff Joe Arpaio out of office and he can do it for you too.
Now Ellison. I’ve watched a lot of Farrakhan speeches before and this is close. Ellison wins lots of elections because Minnesota imported a Muslim majority in his area and he speaks their language. He wants little bitty grassroots donations.
Trump is outside the door. Trumpism is out there and those practicing it like John Kasich? Kasich wants to ban abortion? Ok.
He’s an organizer. People need us. Evil is lurking outside the door. Emmanual Goldstein keeps tearing down our projects.
He has the momentum. This vote is a foregone conclusion.
You have a Republican Party that got usurped by an outsider and a Democrat Party that is now effectively run by Farrakhanism.
Nan Whatley of Dayton, OH supports Pete ButtnStuff or something. We need to empower millenials. Or something.
Second loudest response for ButtnStuff. He is withdrawing from the race after his nomination was seconded. Some behind the scenes maneuvering here obviously. So…who does he endorse? Aside from Chastain, his life, his love.
He talks like he with nods to middle America which would pull votes away from Perez. “There is no such thing as good people and bad people.”
But those Republicans, they are bad people. Long speech. This was his time to make his name for a future battle.
No endorsement given.
Finally, Jehmu Greene. Trump marches us to fascism. Fears are not unfounded. She speaks uncomfortable truths. If she can’t tell her friends the truth, how can she tell their enemies. The Republicans. Must not of heard MLK’s daughter’s speech.
The DNC attorney Peter Peckarsky then goes on a long diatribe about how the 2016 election was rigged and that Trump isn’t President and his election was not certified. Some cisgender male youth called his cisgender granddaughter a “girl” and she pinched him for it and got it trouble. Never again, goddamit! Also, he’s a Feminist and looks up around the room to see who is frowning at that from behind his bushy eyebrows.
Smattering of applause.
These people are fucking nuts.
Brazile is back and after having everyone use little clicker buttons to vote on their resolutions, and bragging about her army of unpaid anonymous hackers, that she is deciding to issue paper ballots so they can’t be hacked.
The crowd grumbles. She is demanding card check essentially for the votes where they say who they voted for.
A lot of Michael Jackson playing in the background while the voting is going on. But hey, it goes great with the Comet Pizza from the caterer. For a few extra “toppings”, a delegate may vote for your candidate.
Brazile is inviting everyone to eat on her box lunch. Laughter from the peanut gallery. Not kidding.
How is the DJ not playing “You Dropped A Bomb on Me” by the Gap Band. This is Keith Ellison’s day after all.