Did He Really Say That?

No, I’m not talking about Pat Robertson’s surprising endorsement, although that’s an eye-popper too. I’m talking about what the President of France said in his address to a joint session of Congress earlier today.

You won’t find it in the headlines, so here it is:

Today the President of France called the United States “the greatest nation in the world.”

I hope you were sitting down for that. Yes, I said the President of France today called the United States “the greatest nation in the world.”

I can understand why the mainstream media is burying that lead. The MSM certainly doesn’t agree that we’re the greatest nation in the world and they must feel a certain betrayal when they hear a Frenchman say it.

But I think its stunning to hear those words, coming from any man who holds the office De Gaulle once held. It’s like an old long lost friend, with whom you haven’t spoken for years, suddenly calling out of the blue to renew your friendship.

Here’s the key quote, and don’t miss Sarkozy’s point. It reveals a man who understands the essence of conservative philosophy.

America did not tell the millions of men and women who came from every country in the world and who–with their hands, their intelligence and their heart–built the greatest nation in the world: “Come, and everything will be given to you.” She said: “Come, and the only limits to what you’ll be able to achieve will be your own courage and your own talent.” America embodies this extraordinary ability to grant each and every person a second chance.

Here, both the humblest and most illustrious citizens alike know that nothing is owed to them and that everything has to be earned. That’s what constitutes the moral value of America. America did not teach men the idea of freedom; she taught them how to practice it. And she fought for this freedom whenever she felt it to be threatened somewhere in the world. It was by watching America grow that men and women understood that freedom was possible.

What made America great was her ability to transform her own dream into hope for all mankind.

[emphasis added]

But I got teary-eyed reading these next words.

The men and women of my generation heard their parents talk about how in 1944, America returned to free Europe from the horrifying tyranny that threatened to enslave it.

Fathers took their sons to see the vast cemeteries where, under thousands of white crosses so far from home, thousands of young American soldiers lay who had fallen not to defend their own freedom but the freedom of all others, not to defend their own families, their own homeland, but to defend humanity as a whole.

Fathers took their sons to the beaches where the young men of America had so heroically landed. They read them the admirable letters of farewell that those 20-year-old soldiers had written to their families before the battle to tell them: “We don’t consider ourselves heroes. We want this war to be over. But however much dread we may feel, you can count on us.” Before they landed, Eisenhower told them: “The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you.”

And as they listened to their fathers, watched movies, read history books and the letters of soldiers who died on the beaches of Normandy and Provence, as they visited the cemeteries where the star-spangled banner flies, the children of my generation understood that these young Americans, 20 years old, were true heroes to whom they owed the fact that they were free people and not slaves. France will never forget the sacrifice of your children.

To those 20-year-old heroes who gave us everything, to the families of those who never returned, to the children who mourned fathers they barely got a chance to know, I want to express France’s eternal gratitude.

On behalf of my generation, which did not experience war but knows how much it owes to their courage and their sacrifice; on behalf of our children, who must never forget; to all the veterans who are here today and, notably the seven I had the honor to decorate yesterday evening, one of whom, Senator Inouye, belongs to your Congress, I want to express the deep, sincere gratitude of the French people. I want to tell you that whenever an American soldier falls somewhere in the world, I think of what the American army did for France. I think of them and I am sad, as one is sad to lose a member of one’s family.

That was a really nice thing to say, and he didn’t have to say it in the way he did. But I, as an American born in Europe, really appreciate Sarkozy’s words, which I believe are heartfelt.

The MSM doesn’t want you to know it, but not everybody hates America. And I think there’s reason to be hopeful as long as we have friends like Anders Fogh Rasmussen of Denmark, John Howard of Australia, Angela Merkel of Germany, and now Nicolas Sarkozy of France.

Read the whole speech here.

Here at Six Meat Buffet we’ve had a lot of fun hurling epithets at “The Filthy French,” but when the president of France turns out to be more patriotic than the spokesman for Budweiser, it’s time to recognize it and say Vive la France.

ANTM Recap

It’s finally here! Another 12 weeks of bitchfights and drama brought to you by Tyra, Mr. and Ms. J, and the 13 girls of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 9.

As you watch this season, keep an eye out for the stereotypical ANTM roles:

The bitch who everyone hates. This time her name is gonna be Ebony. The girls are already hatin’ on her and we haven’t even started yet.

The girl who thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Elyse of Cycle 1 invented this role. This season it looks like the part will be played by Victoria from New Haven, who’s already come right out and said she’s smarter than everyone else because she got into Yale. I know people from Yale, and honey, it don’t make you smart, it just makes you annoying, beyotch!

The girl who lacks confidence. I love the catch-22 of this category. Every week the judges pick on the same girl and tell her she sucks because she needs to have more confidence. Then they wonder why she can’t seem to get any confidence.

The girl who’s overconfident. Think Melrose from Cycle 7, Lisa the drunk from Cycle 5, and Jade from Cycle 6. The overconfident one may hang around until the end, but the judges never let them win.

The lesbo. I’m not sure who it will be this season, but there’s always at least one bi-curious chick, even if there isn’t a full-on lesbian like Kim or Ebony. We already saw one girl spank Tyra’s ass this week!

The weird girl. Weird girls can win (Adrian) or get booted (Jael). This season, the weird girl has an excuse. It’s the chick with Asperger’s syndrome.

The girl who doesn’t wanna get naked. Like why did she even bother trying out?

The girl who gets really sick just before a photo shoot. Happens. every. single. time. You still gotta rock, because Tyra has no sympathy for that shit.

The girl who cries on makeover day because her hair got cut. Also happens every frickin’ time. This cycle I thought it would be this one girl who said her best feature was her long hair, but she didn’t make it. I’m sure Tyra will find someone else to go all Grace Jones on.

The girl who looks like Tyra. She never wins either, but Tyra keeps fighting for her until the end. This cycle it will be Saleisha, who even attended Tyra’s self-esteem camp a few years ago.

The girl who’s too ghetto. Think Tiffany from Cycle 4, or Monique from Cycle 7.

The girl who has no chance because she can’t walk, but they keep her in until the very end anyway. There’s a lot of bad walkers this round, but the worst might be that Napoleon Dynamite chick. Her neck leans forward like a giraffe, and there doesn’t seem to be anything she can do about it. Too bad because she is pretty.

The plus size girl. They never win, but maybe this will be the year. The big girl this time is Sarah, who looks hot and might have a fighting chance.

The girl who’s voice is a liability. Two previous winners have had non-spokesmodel voices: Adrianne from Cycle 1, and my favorite ANTM: Danielle from Cycle 6. Nobody cares how you talk if you look as hot on film as those two did.

This season there’s also a bikini dancer who’s got a forehead the size of LAX, and another girl who squints like Renée Zellweger. Neither will win. My picks for the final two, based on what I saw tonight, are Lisa and Jenah. Watch out for those girls.

Also keep an eye out for the catty backstabbing drama, which is the only reason to watch anyways. Opposite on CBS is that Kid Nation show, but who wants to see Lord of the Flies in the desert? I’d rather DVR the kids and watch the bitchfights instead.

A May Day E-Mail From Beyond

lenin is dead

Date: April 30, 2007

From: lenin69@google.com

To: allrevolutionaries@googlegroups.com

Subject: May Day tomorrow
______________________________________________

Dear glorious revolutionaries:

Hello, it is I, Lenin.

You might be wondering how it is that I come to write you this e-mail, since I am in Hell. Yes, it is true, I have been living here for the past 83 years, and let me tell you it is no picnic. If I have learned anything since being down here, it is this: the devil exists and he is a bitch.

But that is not why I am writing to you today.

Actually, it was my buddy Che, who sleeps in the cot next to me, who gave me the idea to write to you. (Truthfully, sleep is perhaps not the best word for what happens to us at night. Perhaps it might be better to describe it as unceasingly violent ass penetration by sadistic red imps wielding fiery diseased pitchforks. But again, I digress.)

So this morning, while Che and I performed our morning ablutions at the hot coal brazier, he said to me, “Comrade Vladimir, do you know what tomorrow is?”

To which I responded, “Of course I know what tomorrow is. It is May Day. I practically invented the thing, you fool.”

“Well Vlad,” he says, “staffing is going to be light, with all the parties and shit, so I think one of us should maybe sneak into the guard shack and see if we can get on the internet.”

“To what end?” I asked.

“It seems to me our comrades living in America have lost their way. They’ve forgotten what May Day is all about. I’m afraid they do not know how best to carry on with the work you and comrade Karl began so long ago.”

“Do not mention comrade Karl to me,” I interrupted. “He knows I saw him steal my tube of salve, and he’s been avoiding me like the plague.”

“Nevertheless, it would be good if we offered our American friends some guidance.”

This intrigued me. “What do you propose, comrade Che?”

And that is when he gave me the idea for this e-mail.

So it is that I, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, wish to address you members of the American Vanguard, especially: you teachers and professors, you labor leaders, you members of the press who have done such exemplary work, you mid level bureaucrats and petty politicians, and last but not least, you artists, philosophers, thespians, poets and singers too.

Tomorrow is May Day and the question is, what are you doing to bring about the communist revolution in your decadent country? What have you done to swell the ranks of the proletarian army? How are you transforming a nation of bourgeois sycophants into sickle-wielders? Ones who will overthrow and destroy your imperialist oppressors!

Here is what you should be doing:

First, build upon what you started last year, with your clever “immigrant rights” demonstrations. The hispanic immigrant is ripe for the picking (no pun intended). Get to him early, mold him, and he will become your army!

Teachers, be sly. Do not tell your students to walk out of class — tell them not to. Every kid wants to skip school. By making it taboo, they will want to do it even more. Just make sure there are organizers ready to funnel them into the march route. We do not want them going to the mall, heaven hell forbid!

Ideally, May Day will become an annual event for immigrant kids. A hispanics-only version of senior ditch day. A new generation of kids will grow up anticipating their extra holiday, Primero de Mayo! Two holidays in one week, who would not love it? But make sure the propaganda accompanying this holiday is blatant and ever-present.

That is where you artists, philosophers, and performers come in. I want to see multilingual signs, bongos, puppets, dancing and flags waving! Whatever grievance you might have, put it on a sign. Do not worry about contradictory messages or even simple logic. Find creative ways to link immigrant oppression and worker oppression to anti-globalism and anti-war messages. Signs that mock your imperialist masters are best, but anti-establishment and anti-religious signs work well too. Basically anything that challenges the traditions and values that hold society together are a good idea. You must first destroy society before you can rebuild it into the proletarian utopia we all want.

Remember, these are impressionable minds we are working on. Protest everything. The children may not understand it all, but as through osmosis, they will absorb the primary message we must convey to them — that they are victims, and that the only means for their salvation is the rejection of everything they previously thought was right and good. The natural avenue for these new converts to our cause will be, of course, the Democratic Party. I would be remiss if I did not say thank you to the many hard working fellow travellers who have co-opted that once patriotic party into the ranks of International Communism.

Members of the press, your job is perhaps the most important of all. First, you should subtly publicize where the demostrations will be held, so that people will know where to go. Even more importantly, you must at all costs conceal every message at these various protests except only the most benign expressions. You should also vastly overstate the number of people in attendance. Your task is to portray these demonstrations as an inexorable force that ordinary capitalist Americans can neither halt nor deny. Their false consciousness will begin to break down as we sow the seeds of despair among them.

Good luck to you all tomorrow. I must go now. One of the new arrivals has been standing behind me for the last half hour, a college kid from the looks of him. He really wants to get on this computer and check out the MSNBC website, for some unholy reason. He is very impatient, and something tells me I should probably not piss him off.

Sinisterly yours,

Владимир Ильич Ленин
(Lenin)

More Fun With Time Magazine

This week marks a milestone in Time Magazine history. It’s their 100th cover story on Global Warming!

Or maybe it just seems that way.

Interestingly, Time’s penguin cover looks like something they could have easily done thirty years ago, for an entirely different made up crisis.

Check it out.

timeshot1.gif

I hate Time Magazine, in case you couldn’t tell.

The Great Global Warming Swindle

From Channel 4 in Britain, this welcome dose of sanity. It deserves a wide audience.

Watch it and tell a friend to watch it. I know so many people who don’t know what to think about the global warming hysteria. It sounds fishy to them, but the onslaught of propaganda from the left seems irrefutable. For many, a documentary like this will be a welcome relief.

Hey you’re not alone. There really are lots of smart people who think man made global warming is a bunch of bullshit. Heck, the founder of Greenpeace thinks its racist and its a communist conspiracy! And he’s absolutely right, but you have to watch the whole thing to find out why.

Joe Biden Endorses New Line Of All-Purpose Cleanser

[Somebody around here had to spoof Biden’s botched compliment.]

simple black

Senator Biden says:

“It’s so versatile, Simple Black has a million and one uses. Great for cleaning floors and walls, pots and pans, windows, sinks and drains, carpets, tools, automotive parts, african-americans, pet stains, coffee and juice stains, lipstick, blood, adhesives and much much more!”

Former Senator Allen likes it too:

“I use it to clean macaca.”

Okay, that was a little too much information.

Hugo Chavez: American Idol Fan

Hugo Chavez, the world’s second most popular dictator, announced today that his mentor Fidel Castro is not dead yet.

“Fidel walked I don’t know how many minutes yesterday,” Chavez said Wednesday, noting he suspected Castro was watching his speech on television. “He’s walking more than me, almost jogging. Maybe he’s walking while watching us.”

In fact, Castro is feeling so good, he apparently walked all the way to Memphis, as those of us who watched American Idol last night can testify.

chavez and ai

Chavez later held up a photograph and said, “I’m going to show you something, for those who say that Fidel is dying, that he can’t talk, that he can’t move.”

The TV camera zoomed in on the photograph, showing Castro performing on Fox’s American Idol television show. “He looks good, sí? And he sings even better. We are extremely happy, Fidel, about the news of your recuperation.”

Welcome to Hollywood Fidel!

Plausibly Deniable Gift Idea For That Guy In Your Office You’re Not Quite Sure About

The award for “gayest sounding non-gay gift item” goes to Brazos Legends’ hot sauce sampler.

hot sauce

In case you can’t read the labels, this sampler offers the following varieties:

Texas Tongue Torch
Cowboy Cayenne
Butt Burner
Texas Tail Torcher
Fire In The Hole

This set would make a perfect gift for that special friend or acquaintance about whom you’ve always wondered. You know, the guy who always refers to his romantic attachments with ambiguous terms like “this person I’m seeing,” yet he never seems to bring a date to the holiday parties.

A gift like this might be the most tactfully tacky way to smoke that guy out of the closet, especially if you’re gay yourself. Give it with a wink, or two, and see what happens. You’ll either get a date out of it, or you might get slugged. Either way, your friend will end up with a pretty nice supply of condiments, with your compliments.

Also available at Cost Plus World Market.

Somewhere Gen. Pershing Is Smiling

We need more Americans like Craig Baker.

KATY, TX – There’s an awful lot of exciting news when you round the corner on Baker Road. One of two big yellow signs announces a new neighbor is coming soon. K.I.A., that’s the Katy Islamic Association, plan to build a mosque here.

“It’s not an appropriate place to have a mosque or church,” said resident Barbara Simpson.

It isn’t going over real well.

“As a house of worship, they shouldn’t be disturbing the peace and tranquility of 15 homes,” said resident John Wetmore.

. . .

“We’re not going anywhere,” said Katy Islamic Association member Alvi Muzfar.

So Mr. Baker came up with a brilliant idea.

Craig Baker owns pigs. He’s the guy behind the second big yellow sign on Baker Road. That’s the one announcing Friday night pig races.

“What does it matter, I can do whatever I want with my land right,” asked landowner Craig Baker.

Sure can. But aren’t pigs on the property line racing on a Friday night a little offensive to a Muslim neighbor?

“The meat of a pig is prohibited in the religion of Islam,” said Katy Islamic Association member Youssof Allam. “It’s looked upon as a dirty creature.”

Yeah, there’s that and also that Friday night is a Muslim holy day.

“That is definitely a slap in the face,” said Allam..

Now before you go thinking Craig Baker is unfair, or full of hate, or somehow racist, hear him out.

Baker has long roots here. His family named the road and when the new neighbors moved in, he tells us, they asked him to move out.

“Basically that I should package up my family and my business and find a place elsewhere,” said Baker. “That’s ridiculous, they just bought the place one week prior and he’s telling me I should think about leaving.”

That new owners deny they ever said anything like that, but Baker isn’t budging.

Baker admits the pigs are a message he is not leaving.

The 11-acre property is sandwiched between a pricey subdivision and Craig Baker’s business.

K.I.A. eventually plans to build a mosque, a gym and a school there. There’s no date for the groundbreaking ceremonies, or the first pig race.

Some might say that Baker and his neighbors are being a little xenophobic. However, try going to Saudi Arabia and building a church there. Those fuckers will throw you in jail just for wearing a cross. So I say, let the races begin! And if one of them pigs happens to wander off the property and defecate on the neighbor’s front yard, well those things happen in the country, you know.

General Pershing would be proud.

h/t to Rodger

Fat, Dirty and Stupid Is No Way to Go Through Life

This is the full ABSCAM video, starring Jack “I never took that money” Murtha. It’s fifty-three minutes and forty seconds long, but I was fascinated by the entire thing.

6MB readers are pretty well informed, but on the off chance that you need some background, here’s the setup. Back in the waning days of the Carter administration, while Tip O’Neill was House Speaker, there was a junior congressman named John Murtha. He’s the dude that’s sitting on the couch in the video, the one with the elevated opinion of himself.

The FBI created a sting operation in which they approached 31 congressmen and told them a couple of rich Saudi princes needed help getting into the United States. The Saudi princes were fictitious, but Murtha and the other congressmen didn’t know that. All they knew was that the offering price was $50,000 per prince.

You may read elsewhere that Murtha was clean, because he didn’t take the money. You won’t find a perfect smoking gun soundbite in this video. The dude was careful. But after listening to the totality of the shit that comes out of his mouth during this haggling session, there was no doubt in my mind: that asshole’s dirty.