Author: Smantix

The End Is The Beginning

Well kids, it’s been fun. On this very day two years ago, I got the following message:

I’m going to be heading to Memphis in a week & a half and wondered if you’d like to do some guest posting. I may or may not get to blog while down there – I probably will but not much. If you feel like it or are interested let me know and I’ll set you up with a login. I’ve never had a guest blogger before, so it will be a new thing for me, but given your skillz, I don’t think you’ll have a problem with it.

Ah, the old “I’ve never done this before so be gentle with me” line. Gets me every time it does.

And with that errant and drunken suggestion, I set out on a campaign to annoy and harass the living hell out of every blogger in this state who banned me from their websites and simultaneously pop Preston Taylor Holmes’ guest-blogging cherry. Unfurl ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner here.
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Driving Miss Hillary

Whatever you do Hoke, please don’t eat her can of salmon.

LaShawn Barber hits the high points on a subject near and dear to yours truly.

Five years ago, when I first started calling myself a conservative, I wrote an op-ed about the lack of outrage among blacks over a white Maryland state senator calling then Lt. Governor Michael Steele an Uncle Tom during some redistricting controversy. In subsequent years, I noticed that no high profile black political bigmouth or journalist came to the defense of people like Condoleezza Rice when white liberals made offensive race-based comments to or about them.

That’s white Democrats’ privilege. As honorary blacks, they can shuck and jive with the best of them.

As it’s been related to me through my imaginary liberal friends, blackface is the height of social satire. So calling black conservatives “Uncle Toms” is simply a less-lethal comedic weapon in an already colorful arsenal deployed to verbally lynch blacks for wandering too far from “home”.

And imitation is the sincerest form of flattery:

That’s why in 2007, post-slavery, post-legal segregation, you’ve got a white idiot adopting an insulting dialect and promising supposedly educated black people more government programs if she’s elected president.
[…]
I honestly don’t know how I’d react if a white person adopted that “black dialect” shucking and jiving or social program pontificating in my presence.

It’s too bad that Youtube debate didn’t allow viewers to select their favorite clips. And if I may offer the Hildebeast a little advice in a dialect that she has at least a passing familiarity:

Yo Hillary,

Please check yourself. In and around the time before you wreck yourself.

Pigmentationally yours,

Smantix

Paultard Party Boltwatch

Freemason-crushing, neoclown slayer Ron Paul just finished his spit-flecked speech in Iowa and if I’m judging the reaction from the crowd correctly, not everyone is taking what the good doctor is prescribing.

But the evangelical Paultards were in full force. Missionaries to an overall message, many of us may find appealing on a certain level, that we know does not work when the ideological rubber meets reality road. Isolationism in a global economy is dead. When your allies in hostile parts of the world are under siege, somebody else’s problem has a not so funny way of becoming your problem.

And though I’m sure I’m not the first to say this, after watching Paul’s speech in Iowa and understanding that he has no shot in hell at winning the Republican party nomination, if he is serious about wanting to be President he will have no choice but to bolt and go third party.

If he places in the top 4 you can mark it down.

The only questions are how much money the far leftists are willing to fork over to keep his rabidly pro-life campaign flush with filthy baby-eating funds and how far the media will go to stoke a right-wing Nader.

Tomorrow morning, Harold Ford Jr. will be debating the Head Kossack on Meet the Press. If Ford knocks it out of the park, Hillary will have found a new Veep who can out-minority Bill Richardson with all the “flava” and fundraising ability of Obama and 99% less sassmouth. And none of the gay-tripping.

Not to be missed.

Could the elderly Paul run an all out grey-haired-balls-to-the-wall campaign against the scion to the Memphis Crime Family and Eleanor Roosevelt’s ghostly lesbian confidante? My campaign Ouija Board says he shouldn’t bet his speculum on it. As Paul’s foreign policy advisor Messr. O. bin Laden is wont to say, you bet on the strong horse and not the one sporting a Medic-Alert bracelet and elevator shoes.

(ed. – Paultard Party Boltwatch is in no way a reference to black armbands or the manner in which his True Believers blitzkrieg any comments thread where his name is mentioned to inoculate potential voters from actually converting to the candidate they claim to support.)

MEET THE PRESS UPDATE: At any point in Rodney King’s Harold Ford’s Kumbaya “can’t we all just get along” fakery, Gregory, if he was prepared, could have lit the fuse on the most potentially explosive interview this year. Instead, the always adversarial White House press corp primadonna just sat back and contributed nothing to the discussion.

He let Ford look magnanimous even though he was obviously ready to rip into the Kossack if given any sign of attack and let “Screw ‘Em” get away without so much as a question about his “purges” comments last week at his convention.

David Gregory blows goat.

THE LITTLE CANDIDATE THAT COULDN’T UPDATE:
5th place, not 4th. A great link from the comments thread at Hot Air from a longtime Paul fan who arrived at the same conclusion a lot of us did a long time ago.

WTW: Healthy White Baby?

Bucking the entertainer trend of shopping for discount celebrity handbags babies on the Indonesian black market, Jack White apparently stuck his ball in somebody’s biscuit and had a sweet little time about it:

NEW YORK – Jack White and his wife, Karen Elson, are the parents of a baby boy.

The couple’s second child, named Henry Lee White, was born Tuesday, a publicist for the White Stripes frontman said Wednesday.

True to his lo-fi indie roots, White immortalized the event by taking pictures with a Polaroid SX-70 Instant Camera and recorded the the baby’s primal birth scream on a #68 Edison Experimental Phonograph and will be dubbed to Betamax at the Easley-McCain recording studio in Memphis.

Family and friends can expect the vinyl copy of the historic day to be delivered by Pony Express some time in Early 2008. God willing and the creek don’t rise.

For Those About To Rock…

…we arrest you!

Iranian police arrested 230 people in a raid on an underground rock concert close to Tehran, amid a growing crackdown on behaviour deemed contrary to Islamic law, local officials said on Saturday.

Large quantities of recording equipment, alcohol, bootleg CDs, revealing female clothing and also drugs were seized at the concert in the city of Karaj just west of the capital, in Tehran province.

I think I speak for the RIAA when I salute the Iranian Prude Police for confiscating all those bootlegged copies of Twisted Sister that they just got last week.

I wanna rock!
What do you wanna do with your life?

“An investigation is in progress and soon a verdict will be issued for the main elements of the satan-worshipping instigatators and all these people will be punished.”

Who the hell do these people think they are? Al and Tipper Gore?

I know when the Islamotards start talking about a “rock party” that it usually ends with a raped teenage girl buried neck deep in the desert while a circle of sandpatch Nolan Ryans-es take aim with stones. But for those of us who still believe in the redeeming power of rock, the immoral mortar that adds another brick to the wall will only hold for so long.

Hey, preachers. Leave them kids alone.

The Motormouth Diaries

Fast Times at Assassinating Richard Nixon High as feeble attempts by Mr. Spicoli to portray himself as a “journalist” on a “fact-finding mission” to Venezuela keep being undermined by his host:

Enlivened by his conversations with Penn, the socialist president lambasted the U.S. government for “destroying the world” with war and warned of brewing economic troubles, saying Washington should do much more for its own poor.

“There could be a revolution there,” Chavez said. “We’ll help them. The United States must be helped because the United States is going to implode.”

Penn is going straight from making movies on fantasizing about killing US Presidents into testing the waters. We have rules to denaturalize and revoke US citizenship for plotting with foreign governments to overthrow our own.

Am I exaggerating?

This is not the first time and it’s not just because of his BDS. The esteemed high school graduate has hated this country for a long time:

In regard to the political situation, the AP quoted Penn as saying, “I don’t know if people value the thought of revolution any more. I think it would be an enormously patriotic movement to invest in the possibility of revolution.

[…]

Press accounts spoke of Penn calling for a “cultural revolution.” On August 28 he complained to Guardian reporter, “You guys misprinted me. You had me talking about some kind of cultural revolution, and I was talking about taking arms against the government.… I don’t know if revolution is practical because the technology is such that we’d lose.

That was September 3, 2001. The more things change the more they stay the same.

The Sean Penn Hall of Shame quotes can be found here.

Robbing Peter To Pay Pedro

How far will Congressional Democrats go to steal money from the American taxpayers to give to criminals? This far apparently. I guess all that talk about Black Box Voting Fraud is real, huh?

GOP lawmakers had marched out of the House chamber about 11 p.m. Thursday, shouting “shame, shame” and saying that Democrats had “stolen” a vote on a parliamentary motion to pull an agriculture spending bill off the floor until it incorporated an explicit denial of federal benefits to illegal immigrants. […]

“Last night sent a clear message to the American people that there are people in this town who are willing to break rules and utilize extraordinary maneuvers just so that illegal immigrants can receive taxpayer-funded benefits,” said Rep. Brian P. Bilbray (R-Calif.).

A good, swift kick in the teeth is exactly what House Republicans needed. And while they are a few pearly whites shy of a smile, hopefully what they now lack in chompers they will make up for with stones. Come to think of it, most toothless bastards I’ve ever met were some of the meanest sons of bitches around with a chip on their shoulder for every hole in their gaping maw.

Agricultural subsidies are one of the biggest rip-offs out there. Wanting to extend that to illegal aliens is insult on top of injury. Everybody envisions a haggard, yet dignified, Nebraskan farmer in bib overalls leaning against a pitchfork and John Cougar Mellencamp singing “little pinko houses for you and me” but in actuality the recipients of this taxpayer largesse are the most well to do among us. Ostensibly leaning against their china hutches and counting c-notes by the layers for not farming their land.

I give you the most dangerous search on the web. Search the tonier zip codes in your own respective neck of the woods to find the millionaires posing as poor, white trash.

Enjoy!

It Came From Craigslist

And you don’t even have to hit 88 miles per hour.

The Ultimate in Oedipal appliances for the low, low price of $30. Aluminum foil deflector beanie not included.

Gently Used Time Machine – $30
Reply to: sale-384936805@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-29, 11:41PM CDT

It’s an early Nikola Tesla NRS96 model. Runs like new, energy efficent, runs on disposable batteries and light bulbs (40wt.) I hate to get rid of it, it’s been very… useful. But! We’re moving to a smaller place and just don’t have room anymore. But our loss your gain!! Guarenteed you wont find a finer time machine for the asking price anywhere.

Complete with…

-Time Machine
-2 Page Instruction Manuel
-Demonstrative Photos
-Great times ahead!

Please check out photos!

This deal wont last. Asking $30 but willing to haggle.

the-ultimate-oedipal.jpg

“A 2-page instruction Manuel“??? Even in the future we can’t get rid of illegals.

I was going to offer them $20 except that I don’t believe in the future.

Take that Robert Heinlein!

BDS, Beyond the Point of No Return

Did the Bushrimp Chimperor order the murder of insanely pro-Liberal America Pat Tillman to prevent an epic meeting between he and Noam Chomsky that would have rocked Sports Talk Radio to its core?

Obviously, liberals are once again scraping the bottom of the barrel to the point that smoke from a furious shovel has induced a 7 year, oak-casked dementia:

Last night on MSNBC’s Countdown, host Keith Olbermann noted that “Corporal Tillman held a number of personal views that were unpopular within the context of the Bush administration, perhaps also within the Army.”

While Think Progress is taking steps to back away from such nutballery, they are the exception and not the rule when it comes to mainstream Outer Leftardia. Naturally, Olberdouche and al Qaeda-in-Kosovo leader Wesley Clark are planting evidence on the usual suspects.

What’s more disgusting than the Bush Administration invoking of executive privilege? Democrats draping themselves with Tillman’s corpse as body armor as their insurgent investigations seek not the truth but a manufactured perjury charge against anyone whose statements contradict press releases from several years ago.

On the bright side, we’ve finally seen that liberals do support the troops. Provided they die first.

I believe I speak for Dick Durbin when I say, “Bring our nazis home”.

You Look Fabulist

Shards of Shattered Glass to scar the pages of The New Republic again? I wouldn’t doubt it.

Bryan has an excellent post about the potentially prevaricating Private Scott Thomas Beauchamp:

TNR sought out a war critic whose writings either smeared the troops or exposed serious discipline problems among the troops. And examining the details of his writings, it became clear to many veterans and non-veterans alike that Beauchamp simply wasn’t writing the truth, and was therefore letting the men in his unit down by exposing them to unfair criticism. He was also reinforcing several stereotypes that many of those who claim to support the troops hold: That they’re dehumanized animals. Beauchamp’s work is today’s equivalent of calling the troops “babykillers,” only from inside the military where presumably the person tossing the insult will be insulated by his having “absolute moral authority.” TNR got to take part in the awful anti-military activities of the last lost war, but in a new and more pernicious way, by replacing smelly hippies with a man in uniform in the war zone.

The whole thing is worth a read.

Tangentially, I’ve been having doubts about The New Republic anyway after they published a now celebrated piece of pseudo-fiction (free version is here assuming 6MB readers weren’t whipping out their credit cards to sign up for TNR online) on last fall’s NRO cruise that elicited all sorts of snorts and chortles from liberal quarters over the last month.

In that piece, TNR’s Mao sympathizing mole bought his NRO cruise ticket and happened upon all sorts of unbelievable NRO Animal House-ish hijinx. The near lynching of Richard C. Lowry-Neidermeyer by his own troops in Vietnam Iraq. Norman Podhoretz threatening to break the legs of a Dean Wormer-esque Bill Buckley if his Iraqi Victory parade got pissed on:

A fracture-line in the lumbering certainty of American conservatism is opening right before my eyes. Following the break, Norman Podhoretz and William Buckley – two of the grand old men of the Grand Old Party – begin to feud. Podhoretz will not stop speaking – “I have lots of ex-friends on the left; it looks like I’m going to have some ex-friends on the right, too,” he rants –and Buckley says to the chair, ” Just take the mike, there’s no other way.” He says it with a smile, but with heavy eyes.

Something’s heavy all right but it ain’t the eyes. More like a backbreaking payload of bullshit.

Buckley himself personally winking and nodding to The New Republic’s even newer fabulist that his “neocon” ideological progeny are, in fact, would-be serial killers:

I decide to track down Buckley and Podhoretz separately and ask them for interviews. Buckley is sitting forlornly in his cabin, scribbling in a notebook. In 2005, at an event celebrating National Review’s 50th birthday, President Bush described today’s American conservatives as “Bill’s children”. I ask him if he feels like a parent whose kids grew up to be serial killers. He smiles slightly, and his blue eyes appear to twinkle.

Really. The only thing missing was Jonah Goldberg as a latter day Bluto loading his plate up at the ice swanned seafood buffet with “Don’t Know Much About History” blaring in the background of Hari’s smear-o-sphere.

Goldberg
Ask me about my cheese eating surrender monkey.

I actually showed up at The Corner’s office to ask them to corroborate or refute some of the claims by Hari but my efforts were rebuffed due to my lack of a dinner jacket and ascot.

Regardless, The New Republic has some explaining to do. One more Stephen Glass episode and the only thing walking The Plank is going to be their editors. Raising their pirate flag on the deck of the NRO cruise is one thing, but swabbing their own deck with such bloody libel over Iraq is quite another.

Absolute Melanin Authority

The “n-word” was symbolically laid to rest today. However, Irony remains alive and kicking.

Absolute melanin authority, courtesy of a group that still refers to its members as “colored people”:

Hundreds of onlookers cheered this afternoon as the NAACP put to rest a long-standing expression of racism by holding a public burial for the N-word during its annual convention.

As it reached the plaza, the coffin — adorned with a bouquet of fake black roses and a ribbon with a derivative of the word — was carried on the shoulders of eight pallbearers…
[…]
The coffin will be buried beneath a headstone at historically black, Detroit Memorial Park Cemetery.

We’ll soft shoe around the entire notion of “n-word” having its eternal slumber being confined to a historically segregated cemetery.

But hundreds of people have nothing else better to do than to register their protest through this time-consuming and futile gesture? Just who the hell do they think they are – bloggers?

However, the Rev. Wendell Anthony, pastor of Detroit’s Fellowship Chapel and member of the NAACP national board of directors, said Monday’s efforts were not an attack on young people or hip-hop, but a commentary on the culture the genre has produced.

“We’re not thugs. We’re not gangstas,” Anthony told the crowd. “All of us has been guilty of this word. It’s upon all of us to now kill this word.

Indeed, Rev. Mushmouth. I didn’t think it was possible to feel sorry for “n-word” but I guess the system is rigged to give it the death penalty after all.

In related news, the NAACP can hold ceremonial burials for offensive words but affords less important items the quiet dignity that can only come from a dumpster behind a strip mall.

Past Imperfect and The Future Tense

Well, I was right again. The NiT Deathwatch was imminent. Or eminent, depending on some people’s proprietary complaints over a blog domain which did not and does not belong to them. All it took was cutting off the cash spigot for a month and a formerly well-manicured lawn of liberal malcontents bristled underfoot.

Throw parties for them. Slap chicken wings in their mouths and beers in their hands and the ungrateful cusses start talking about suing you for not paying them to play on the internet. The nerve! Since when does The Collective ™ need to be corporate underwritten, comrades?

Ironic that folks so fond of literal money are afraid of a little figurative change.

All in stride I say. The Yin and Yang of Slash and Burn Blogging. Destruction breeds Creation. Hopefully, Ms. Kinsey can step back from this poor introduction by spoiled vagrants and recognize the unrealized potential of Mike Sechrist’s flawed execution.

If I Get Stoned I’m Just Carrying On A Family Tradition

Hank WilliamsAl Gore III was arrested earlier today while advertising that a Toyota Prius can go over 100 mph. Unfortunately for Little Lord Fauntleroy the 3rd, he also proved that besides having ample room for your smug sense of environmental superiority (and bumperstickers), that the Prius can also conceal fistfuls of illegal Schedule VI narcotics:

Al Gore III, 24, was driving a blue Toyota Prius about 100 mph south on the San Diego Freeway when he was pulled over by sheriff’s deputies who said they smelled marijuana, said Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino.

The deputies searched the car and found less than an ounce of marijuana along with Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall, which is used for attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.

“He does not have a prescription for any of those drugs,” Amormino said.

Let’s be clear, the Adderal is for A.D.D. – the Xanax, Valium, and Vicodin is to treat acute white upper-class cracker boredom or “U.C.C.B” as it is known.

Being caught going 45 miles over the speed limit in a Prius carries an additional charge of felony “Reckless Entitlement”. Though I do wonder how that effects the gas mileage.

I hope half as many people complaining about Scooter Libby will demand that Justice ™ be administered to the younger Gore. Or at least the same people who ragged on Rush Limbaugh and OxyContin. Bail for Roger Clinton’s spiritual nephew is $20,000 or in AlGore-currency exchange equals approximately 32 fluid ounces of Buddhist Temple Tea. And maybe the police will seize Gore’s car like they would for a less wealthy offender.

We could use this opportunity to start a national conversation on overhauling the way we treat drug enjoyment abuse in this country but let’s just go ahead and start playing “gotcha”. Cause that certainly beats having one out of twenty candidates for President addressing an issue that incarcerates millions of non-violent people every year.

Al-Aqsa’s New Children’s Television Workshop

No one has felt the loss of Hamas’ Martyr Mouse “Farfur” like the Saturday morning cereal bunch here at The Buffet. In fact, we were balling into our diversity-embracing Cinnamon Life when Farfur got those 5th Ward B’s dropped on him got called home to that Great Cheddar Wheel In The Sky:

“Farfur turned to a martyr while protecting his land. He turned into a martyr at the hands of the criminals, and murderers, the murderers of the innocent children,” she told viewers.

The presenter then spoke to a three-year-old child caller named Shaimaa who said: “We don’t like the Jews because they are dogs! We will fight them!”

I like dogs, myself.

But thanks to Cranky’s illegal satellite hook-up, we’ve gotten a sneak peek at Al-Aqsa’s Fall Saturday Morning Line-Up. Well, the line-up and some late night Too-Hot-For-Mosque infomercials.

kiddipal4.jpg

And speaking of dogs, from the creators of Happy Ashura, Charlie Brown! comes everybody’s favorite Zionist running dog, Snoopy, Hound of Hebrew:

kiddipal21.jpg

All the dirty Zionists go out for cakes and pies after soccer practice. But all that’s about to change. Legend has it that when children under 10 martyr themselves, Samir Spongepants leaves a shiny quarter under your coffin! Who wants pizza?!?!

kiddipal21.jpg
Peace Be Upon his Blessed Spatula.

H’yuck. Samir soaks up the blood of the holy martyr so that Israelis can’t use it to bake their Purim breads. Sorry all of you amateur Emeril Lagasses Goldsteins, no innocent blood for you!

And thanks to the popularity of shows like Farfur, A-ATV now has corporate sponsorship.

Islamic Goat Rage Boy implores you to join i-Slam 2.0

kiddipal3.jpg

Take that Justin Long!

(Kaffir-tip: All Photohopping for A-ATV’s new fall line-up was made possible by a grant from people like Cranky)

Bob Novak Hates America

Not as much as an overstatement as you might think considering his Godwin-invoking disdain for representative government:

LONG KNIVES OUT AFTER BORDER BILL
By ROBERT D. NOVAK

[…]
These callers recently swamped phone lines to GOP congressional offices with threats that they never would vote again for anybody supporting “amnesty.” While that intimidated previous supporters of the immigration bill, its opponents reacted to the xenophobia of their backers as a ray of light in the bleak political landscape.
[…]
“This isn’t a day to celebrate,” McConnell said in his post-mortem, contradicting victory cheers by DeMint and Gingrich. Indeed, Republicans drove another nail in George W. Bush’s political coffin and undermined hopes for the growing, winnable Hispanic vote. Contending the time “wasn’t now” for immigration, McConnell added: “It wasn’t the people’s will. And they were heard.” He was blaming Republican failure on his fellow citizens, which seldom works in politics.

Apparently Mr. Novak holds Republican party politics above The Will of the People ™. Novak certainly has an interesting take on the Establishment Republican’s attempt to bribe Hispanic voters into joining their electoral landscaping crew, but it’s the scorn he heaps on the politicians who finally listened to their constituents that he spins so poorly.

Amnesty did not succeed because the voice of the people was finally heard and the only “long knives” Novak’s subtle nazi cleansing reference confers is to the Republican leadership that stabbed every American in back.

For The Children ™ Watch

Like most moderately healthy Americans with a consistent BAC above .08, I enjoy I good beer or six. But Tennessee’s Neo-Prohibitionist Left is determined to deny my right to party: (stein hoist to the Silent “Closet Conservative”)

NASHVILLE – Comer Wilson hasn’t had to show his ID to buy beer in a while. Maybe it’s the long white beard; maybe it’s because he’s 66 years old. Starting Sunday, gray hair won’t be good enough. Wilson and everyone else will be required to show identification before buying beer in Tennessee stores no matter how old the buyer appears.

Are zero tolerance policies like this anything less than 100% intolerance?

Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen said it’s a good way to address the problems of underage drinking. And the 63-year-old governor said he personally won’t mind the extra effort to buy beer. “I’ll be very pleased when I’m carded, and in my mind I’ll just imagine it’s because I look so young,” he said.

Confirming my suspicions that Bredesen has the temperament of a 29 year-old woman desperately in need of confirmation that we can’t see her crow’s feet. And that any inconvenience is worth it if we swaddle the argument for Big Brotherism in terms of looking out for the chirren.

Mind you, these laws don’t apply to restaurants and bars for some reason. I can down a pitcher of margaritas at Las Palmas or have six pints of Sam Adams and a Jager bomb at O’Charleys and hit the road without hassle from the staff, but buying beer at a store, presumably to “drink responsibly” at home and I’ve got my evening plans subjected to the tyranny of a minimum-wage making cashier with a god complex.

“It’s a set, consistent standard across the entire state.” Richard Rollins, who owns a convenience store in Nashville, is already using a computerized system to scan everyone’s driver’s licenses when they buy beer _ even though he knows it annoys some customers. “We just say we’re trying to keep our beer permit, and this is the safest way,” Rollins said. Jeff Campbell said he stopped shopping at Rollins’ market because he didn’t like the idea of having his license scanned. “I don’t mind them asking for my ID, but they don’t need my driver’s license number,” said the 43-year-old. “I’m just buying a six-pack. All they need to know is how old I am.”

I ran into this last night. The clerk thought my driver’s license was expired (which it wasn’t) and was going to deny my purchase of ice cold Blue Moon Belgian White on that basis. As if, my date of birth on the license was inaccurate.

The purpose of ID laws for buying beer is to determine whether or not you’re old enough to drink and not whether my license needs to be renewed. Or that Methuselah can’t buy a tall boy of Natty Light because he lost his Birth Certificate on the night of the Sumerian Drunken Barn Dance.

But hey, maybe Governor Gutierrez Bredesen wouldn’t mind applying this stringent standard to illegal immigrants driving motor vehicles rather than law abiding Americans looking to relieve a little stress after a long week of fending off his advances on my wallet.

If an illegal gets pulled over without proper ID, why can’t he/she be subjected to the same level of scrutiny I will get as a US citizen for buying a beer?

Rotting Fruit for Mental Vegetables

Dallas, Texas Ãœber Alles:

DALLAS — A black bag found in a middle school girls’ locker room contained rotten oranges and not a human fetus, the Dallas County medical examiner reported Friday.

A janitor doing end-of-school cleaning Thursday at Ben Franklin Middle School found what appeared to be a human fetus in a trash bag inside a locker, police said.

The janitor called the police, who found it difficult to determine the contents of the bag, Dallas police spokeswoman Sr. Cpl. Janice Crowther said.

Police then turned over the bag to the Dallas County Medical Examiner.

I’d say that was much ado about nothing were Texas authorities not investigating an expired carton of Five Alive in my refrigerator and charging me with genocide.

We’ll Have A Gay Ole Time

Illegal Mexican immigrants are adulterous alcoholics, coke-addled urban cowboys, and lovers of only the finest lowest class transvestite prostitutes. Not the first thought that comes to my mind but how else could you arrive at a different conclusion from this week’s “progressive” Nashville Scene cover story?

Walking into El Dos de Oros (a Mexican bar) is like stepping into another country. A very loud, dark and crowded country.
[…]
Downstairs in the basement, a man whose bright-yellow polo shirt offsets his mocha-colored skin holds out his hand. In his palm sits a matchbook, slid open to reveal a thin, thumbnail-sized Ziploc baggie lying in a bed of strike-anywhere matchsticks. Inside the bag is less than a gram of white powder. Another man—this one wearing an enormous tan leather cowboy hat and black suit with matching leather trim on the lapels—reaches for it with a grin.

“Excellente,” he murmurs slowly, disappearing behind the bathroom’s lone stall door.

The night is just getting started at El Dos de Oros.

So rarely do I read something and not have an idea of what the writer is going for. A piece that starts off as a Mexicans-in-Nashville-carve-out-a-folksy-local-scene will now be a prime target for police surveillance thanks to that line. And for a town that has had so many adult oriented businesses shut down allegedly under the color of health codes violations, this story has legs. Horribly, shaved mens legs in mini skirts:

To buy a drink for Crystal or many other girls at El Dos de Oros—including the transvestites—costs $10. With that money they will buy themselves a 4-ounce $1 can of beer. The remaining 9 bucks goes straight into their respective pockets.
[…]
Sometimes, if the girls are drunk enough, they might let some of the men put hands up their skirts or feel their breasts. Though Crystal will soon be so drunk she can barely stand up, she and her sister are earning. On a good night, the girls can take home $300 each.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a whole lot against whoring per se, but El Dos de Oros sounds like an economy sized bucketful of AIDS waiting to happen. Leaving aside the fact that illegal immigration is a top domestic concern and national security risk, if I or any of the well-groomed staff of 6MB had rolled out a piece characterizing illegal aliens as sexually deviant dope-fiends that the blogswarm to call us nativist xenophobes would be en route faster than you could say “Speedy Gonzalez”.

Match this with The Scene’s ritually irrelevant “Ask A Mexican” column and one can’t help but wonder how the racism of The Left gets such a free pass. Any takers?

But then, in what I’m sure was intentional, things take an even more disturbing turn:

Ben and his partner are soon joined by Gracia, a 23-year-old transvestite from Mexico City.
[…]
He can also make some money here.

“These men like me,” Gracia says, “and I like to dance, have a beer, so it’s nice.” He says that he does pretty well if he wants to, taking home over $100 on a busy weekend night.

He might do better, but there’s quite a bit of competition.

Eh, tranny prostitutes operating in the open? Big deal. But here was the money quote:

Gracia’s friend “Ashley” (my quotes) can usually be found perched atop a stool, sipping a beer and trying to catch the eye of men on the El Dos de Oros dance floor. Originally from Honduras, Ashley now manages a Jack in the Box restaurant in South Nashville. He actually likes his job, but he admits that it would be awkward if fellow employees knew how he spent his weekends.

“I’m not sure they would understand at all,” he says laughing. “Here though, they do.”

So did The Scene just say that the manager of the Antioch Jack-In-The-Box is a transvestite prostitute? Call me crazy (you’re crazy), but I think sales of Jack’s Meaty Breakfast Burrito may have hit a brick wall.

Jerkin’ The Proverbial Gerkin
Show me your cock or I’ll put you
on fry detail, vendejo!

At first, I was thinking this entire piece was an exercise to see what they could get away with in light of the Kroger’s grocery chain removing Out & About magazine from their racks. As if to gain some Michael Moore-ian attention by trying to provoke the food giant into signaling out their flagging weekly for moral rebuke.

But if removing Out & About was the right thing to do, how long should it take them to find the heterosexual balls to remove The Nashville Scene?

The He/She/It Civil War Continues…

And it’s Brother against, er….hrm..brother as the Tennessee Transgender Political Coalition gives the story’s author, P.J. Tobias, a cauliflower ear for maligning Mexicans as transvestite hookers portraying Mexicans as bad dressing dope sniffers giving love a bad name improper pronoun usage.

It was with great dismay that I saw the totally incorrect use of terminology regarding the transgender customers of the club.

First, the term “transvestite” is a perjorative term and is considered insulting. If a male-to-female transgender person lives in their birth gender, then the proper term is Crossdresser.

Second, regardless of whether or not a transgender person “has transitioned” (ed. my scare quotes), that person should always be addressed by the gender pronoun appropriate to their gender presentation. The Transwomen described in the article should have been referred to as “She” in every single instance.

So we are arguing over whether he’s a whore or she’s a whore? Observe the moral high ground.

If the Scene’s High Justice of Diversity, one Bruce Barry, bangs his gavel of homo-sensitivity about Mr. Tobias’ head and shoulders, we should expect a decree forcing him to sit down to pee for 6 months at 30%.

From SiCKO To FaTSO

When it comes to garnering attention for their causes, PETA is second to none. Be they dropping buckets of pig’s blood on runway models (a la Carrie), sticking a Kentucky-fried drumstick up Pam Anderson’s pooter, or clogging up the drains of our city streets with naturally furry activists – our dear friends 6MB’s mortal enemies at PETA know how to grab your attention.

But sometimes getting people’s attention is as simple as yelling, “Hey, Fatso!”
(Co-pay to Nigel @ This Goes to 11).

“Although we think that your film could actually help reform America’s sorely inadequate health care system, there’s an elephant in the room, and it is you. With all due respect, no one can help but notice that a weighty health issue is affecting you personally. We’d like to help you fix that. Going vegetarian is an easy and life-saving step that people of all economic backgrounds can take in order to become less reliant on the government’s shoddy healthcare system, and it’s something that you and all Americans can benefit from personally.”

From there, PETA invites the alliteratively named Michael Moore to take the assonantal “30-Day Veg Pledge”. Commenters at PETA’s blog were less than thrilled as they blasphemously worship their Magnum-sized messiah’s gravy image.

Sources close to Moore, Janus and Epimetheus, said that the gravitationally gifted director is currently going native with the Inuit tribe and is filming his new documentary “SoCKO” that explores the lack of sensitivity and cultural imperialism that threatens the tribe’s clubbing of baby seals.

Given Moore’s penchant for lame musical scores (think “Everybody Hurts” in Bowling for Columbine), let me suggest:

Club a
No, you’re never gonna survi-i-ive unless…
Club a Little…Baby
you club a little – baby.

When The LolKat’s Away

NiT Deathwatch begins in earnest this weekend apparently. Casual readers of this site will know that I will miss the NiTwittery in much the same way that Rocky misses a side of beef but hopefully there will be a sequel in the future. Produced by someone else and with a better plot. A completely different supporting coffee klatch of head-nodding cyber sisters wouldn’t hurt either.

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