Bedwetting Leftists

UTK Law School Begins Painful Rebuilding Process

Dean Melanie Wilson, of the formerly reputable University of Tennessee College of Law, finalized appropriations and capex outlays today to “rebuild” parts of the campus reduced to rubble following last week’s Unauthorized Use of Free Speech by a tenured professor at the school.

Following Professor Glenn Reynolds’s tweet and my public response last week, I began an investigation that included an examination of the facts, policies in the university’s Faculty Handbook, and the law. I discussed the situation with Professor Reynolds, university leadership, and General Counsel. I also sought feedback from College of Law students, staff, faculty, the Alumni Council and Dean’s Circle, and other UT Law alumni. As a lawyer and a law school dean, I know that gathering information and upholding the principles of due process are absolutely necessary in a situation like this.

For those unfamiliar, this rigorous investigation and application of “due process” was in response to a three word tweet affirming the right of self defense against a murderous, racist mob.

This is why they pay you the big bucks, Mel. So you can teach the chirrens how your emphasis on prosecutorial ethics can be corrupted by leftwing SJW politics.

But will the student body ever rise up and rebel against the tyranny of cliches?

We will now move forward to rebuild our law school community and refocus on our primary purpose: educating future lawyers and leaders.

Was the law school community torn asunder? Did someone not get affirmative consent before sticking the hard cock of free speech in your tight, little safe space?

Grow the fuck up. The campus clinic is open to 4:30 daily in case you need an ice pack for your aching butthurt. It seems your prophylactic administration has already wrapped your precious community in enough free rubbers to prevent their infection from any ideologically transmitted diseases.

True Life Conversations With McMurphy

At the Stein-Mart on White Bridge Road…

(Enters McMurphy)

Odd Booth Man:. Sir…oh, sir! Would you like to enter a contest to win a $500 gift certificate here?

McMurphy: Ugh, would do I have to give you?

Odd Booth Man:. Just a first name and a phone number on the back of this ticket.

McMurphy: Alright.

As I’m writing….

Odd Booth Man: How often do you read The Tennessean?

McMurphy:. Is that what this is? Never.

Tennessean Peddler: What would it take for you to start reading it?

McMurphy: Hrm…you really want to know?

Tennessean Peddler: Yes.

McMurphy: Unbiased local news reporting. Editorials that come closer to reflecting my opinions and the majority of people in this state. Is that too much to ask for?

Tennessean Flack: Probably.

McMurphy: Well, that’s why you’re laying off thousands of people.

Walks off.

Da-Durka Durka Dindus

The Brawny Towel Berets were strategically deployed to multiple liberal shitholes this weekend to absorb American blood spilled following several coordinated, ISIS-inspired attacks on civilian soft targets.

Or as America’s currently elected Iranian junta – the complicit and illegitimate black minority regime calls it, a “kinect narrative action”.

I must admit that I’ve grown tired of The Official Line of Bullshit.

A knifeman who stabbed nine people at a Minnesota shopping centre at the weekend has been identified by his father as a 22-year-old student.
..
He said he had “no suspicion” that his son was involved in extremist activity.

Or as Muzzloids call it “activity”.

Per the well worn script, the Muzzloid Somali community leaders jumped in front of the cameras to warn against the often feared but rarely ever seen backlash that they richly deserve.

It’s amazing how the communities that breed the terrorists have statements prepared to silence those who would point our the obvious before our government utters the word “terrorism”.

Since this is the New Normal, let me say to hell with these liberal shitholes. They voted to bring in terrorists, watered down screening, and shielded them from surveillance while accusing their fellow citizens of being irredeemably deplorable un-Americans.

How far we’ve come from Dissent Being The Highest Form of Patriotism. Not that they were ever sincere about that cultivated pose.

However, I do mean this with all sincerity, fuck you guys. You caused the problems in their countries and then invited them here, without screening them, and called everyone who urged caution racists.

As long as they confine their Not Terrorism to your cities and towns, it looks like everybody is getting what they want.

The Crack of Massah’s Whip

I get it now. Low watt lemming Kaepernick didn’t go full blown Kunta Kinte over the crack of massah’s whip.

No, it’s so much simpler than that.

He’s throwing his career on the funeral pyre because he’s just pussywhipped.

Before beginning his relationship with Diab, Kaepernick’s Instagram mostly consisted of photos of him playing football or hanging with friends — about 128 of Kaepernick’s 170 posts, according to Fox News. Since dating Diab, Kaepernick’s social media focus has shifted toward black nationalist and Black Lives Matter-related messages.

“31 of his last 42 posts have strong social justice connotations, often featuring quotes from radical Nation of Islam leader Malcolm X, Black Panthers founder Huey Newton and cop killer Assata Shakur,” according to Fox News.

Let him suck a few more of Aldon Smith’s creampies out of her and Kaepernick will be wearing a bowtie, handing out fliers for The Final Call, and selling bean pies at the intersection.

She didn’t accidentally get good in bed, chump. I’d say “Bros before Hoes” but there were quite a few more bros in that DJ Sloppy Seconds ho before you decided to start watching reruns of Good Times and becoming a Light Beige Panther.

What I’m saying is she didn’t go from screwing the linebacker to the QB because you are such a charming fella and scintillating conversationalist.

Clearly, she has given you “your opinions”.

Remember that in a few years once you’re traded to Detroit and arrested outside of Dearborn for buying bombmaking materials from an undercover FBI agent.

And food stamp Kim Kardashian is onto the next sucker with half of what’s left of your money following your career ending knee injury in front of a cheering Military Night crowd.

Colin Kaepernick Is The Cat Stevens Of The NFL

The transition was really so subtle that I didn’t notice Islamic Rage Boy’s face peaking out of that 49er helmet.

Ooh, baby baby it’s a white world:

It’s been three years since I started 5 and 2,
You say you want to trade me to somewhere new,
And it’s breaking my heart to be leaving,
Taqiyya deceiving.
But since I’m gonna leave I’ll clear the air,
Hope Blaine Gabbert won’t follow me there,
St. Louis sure sounds nice this time of year.

Ooh baby baby it’s a white world,
It’s hard to get by on a hunnit million when you’re black.
Ooh baby baby it’s a white world.
I can feel Roger Goodell’s whip upon my back.
(more…)

I’m Sure An Apology Is Forthcoming

I’m shocked. Shocked I say to find out that people who make their living running political ads are running political ads even though the candidate they supported is no longer in the race.

Less surprising is that the miserable, shithole licking liar who helped knowingly spread false and defamatory rumors of up to eight adulterous affairs against one particular candidate – made up out of whole cloth – demands that someone honor their pledge made prior to said shithole licking liar attacking his character, wife, and father in an attempt to destroy his family and to help his preferred candidate.

Take it away Gayway Trumpette:

On March 3, 2016 Senator Ted Cruz told the FOX News debate audience he would support Donald Trump if he was the Republican nominee.

Bret Baier: Senator Cruz will you support Donald Trump if he is the nominee?

Senator Ted Cruz: Yes, because I gave my word I would. And what I have endeavored to do every day in the senate is do what I said I would do.

But Ted Cruz is not a man of integrity.

From Wrestlemania to Sodomania, the ideological lurchings of Trump supporters notwithstanding, tend to conveniently ignore that some things (plural) happened between March 3rd and the RNC convention.

Was it that Cruz was a Cubanadian Latin Lover with up to 8 mistresses published at Donald Trump’s personal request in the National Enquirer? Was it Trump tweeting out that he thought Cruz’s wife was ugly? Was it Trump continually accusing Cruz’s father of helping to assassinate JFK.

Serious, James. Take off your wooden leg and go fuck yourself with it.

You insulted his wife, tried to destroy his marriage and send his kids into divorce court to pick which parent they wanted to live with based on complete and utter lies and then expect him to just to shake Trump’s hand?

Maybe when you find the right fella and settle down after suing a baker who refuses to bake your wedding cake, the gravity of what you did will dawn on you.

Doubtful. But maybe.

LYIN TED CRUZ refused to endorse Donald Trump at the RNC Convention.

And now his supporters are running anti-Trump ads in swing states.
They are openly campaigning for Hillary Clinton.

Oh, boohoo. When they write a check to Hillary’s campaign the way Trump did for all of those years, maybe then then you can accuse them of “campaigning for Hillary”. Or even when the words come out of his mouth and say that Hillary would make a wonderful President.

Until such time, do continue throwing yourself upon the fainting couch and wrenching the pearls around your neck.

Wasn’t it Trump who said he was going to pay $20MM of his own money to start a SuperPAC to go after Cruz’s and Mike Lee’s seats and you’re flapping your dicksucker about a “five figure ad buy” by a former Cruz PAC?

Wasn’t it Trump who said that not only did he not want Cruz’s support but that he wouldn’t accept it if it was offered?

How do you support someone who never stopped attacking you. It’s rhetorical. You don’t.

I’m used to seeing such rampant hypocrisy from Leftists and Communists but for someone who, for some reason, still has a reputation on the Right to pretend like Donald Trump has been some kind of angel through this process and that Cruz’s scorned ego prevented him from endorsing Little Lord Fauntleroy is a little hard to take.

Trump and his supporters really shouldn’t have burnt the bridge with constitutional conservatives before they crossed it. They need everyone they can get since they’re still sputtering against the most corrupt, unlikable candidate to ever run for President less than 75 days out.

But, newwwwwww. Trump had to go full-blown Obama and play the “I Won” card and expect everybody just to kiss the ring despite running a dishonest, scorched earth campaign against someone ideologically preferable to him in every way.

I get to sit out this election. Maybe there is a groundswell of LoFos, the poorly educated (who Trump loves by the way), blacks with nothing to left to lose, women who weren’t born stupid, and non-raping hispanics to somehow hoist him on his golden throne over the stink of Clinton corruption.

It should have been a cakewalk.

There is one way I’ll vote for Trump. If he apologizes to Ted Cruz, I’ll vote for him.

It can be public or private. It could be in a luxuriously appointed Trump-owned resort or down on all fours with his nut-gobbling bib on – in case you needed a visual stimulus. Cruz can signal that he supports him or that they came to whatever understanding was needed.

I don’t think that’ll ever happen. Trump’s an arrogant fuckface and his supporters think they have a right to be ones by proxy.

But that is the only way. And until then, just keep repeating:

“President Hillary Rodham-Clinton, President Hillary Rodham-Clinton” and comforting yourself with the idiocy that Trump’s number of Twitter followers and Facebook “likes” translates to votes on Election Day.

She’s cutting her ad buys in what should have been battleground states.

You’re complaining, not unlike a little bitch, about some lint in their pockets, leftover PAC buying an ad so you can start laying the groundwork for your failure.

Success may have a thousand same-sex fathers, but failure’s a little orphan fanny.

#FreeTimmont4Eva

In less than 24 hours, Timothy Batts will be in front of Cowardly Judge James Hunter at a bond revocation hearing for failing a drug test last week.

And sure as a #BLM mob doesn’t care about the facts of a case, there are already close to 1,000 accomplices who have signed a new petition demanding that the Judge prostrate himself again before the mob and ignore the results of the drug test:

We stood by his side and supported him to the end of his release from jail, now because of a drug test! Which in my eyes of the law you have 30days to have your system clean before you report.With this being a high profile case he didn’t get that opportunity. Sumner county released him on a Saturday and made him report on a Monday,all this man was trying to do was deal with getting his daughter funeral arrangements done.When he had to hide his face due to news and social media taking pictures at the funeral home , church, and the burial without his consent. Media going out they way to turn this man into a bad father who is a good loving FATHER who has custody of his kids.Our family hurts everyday.Not once I have I seen anyone say “WHAT IF THIS WAS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? “Only God can judge the way we live on earth not the media.

*sigh*

Where to begin?

1) The court does not have to give you 30 days to get clean before drug testing you. “Your eyes” notwithstanding, Ms. Reid.

Your contention is that Batts had been using cocaine prior to or during the time around when he shot his daughter.

If so, the onus lied with him to tell his defense attorney. But that would have looked bad and his bail likely would not have been reduced to begin if they thought he was high at the time of the shooting.

2) That Batts had to hide his face in public. This a non sequitur. You have no expectation of privacy in public. No consent is needed. It’s a high profile case with international interest. Sorry.

The media won’t ignore Batts like they did with President Obama playing 196 holes of golf during major flooding in Louisiana. Since you copied him in on the petition.

3) Media Trying To Make Good Dad Look Bad. You mean the failed drug test, shooting his daughter, lying to police about being asleep while home video showed him talking on the phone with the gun 5 minutes before, trying to hide the weapon from the “accident”, family organizing a fundraiser at a hoochie mama nightclub, and the courtroom antics of his supporters didn’t do that?

4) Only God can judge us on Earth. Bzzt. Wrong. So you are unfamiliar with what a judge and jury are, I presume?

People get judged everyday. God may judge your soul for eternity but the criminal courts can judge your ass in the interim.

As long as we’re bringing religion into this – The Truth Can Set You Free!

It can also lock you up for 20 years.

If Batts had just come out at first and said it was an accident, this would not be the case it is. But he has lied and obfuscated every step of the way. Not one tear. Remorseless. The media cameras could have shown that too.

If the #FreeTimmont4Eva crowd hadn’t been so efficient in bonding him out, he might have gotten clean but his bail likely would not have been reduced either if he confessed to using cocaine recently.

So this is your fault too.

The comments at the petition are as predictable as they are race based. He’s a Saint and you need to take their word on it.

Exit Questions: Ever fired a gun before?

It has to be loaded, picked up, aimed, lined up, and pull the trigger to hit what you’re aiming at – unless you are shooting through a door or an object and can’t see.

How can you confuse a 4 and a half foot tall 11 year old in school clothes for an intruder?

It defies credulity.

How is he not suicidal?

This defense stinks on ice and the Judge said “no second chances” at the bond reduction hearing.

Definitely must see tv in Sumner County tomorrow.

The Atheist Elephant In The Room

Wikileaks released their hacked DNC messages exposing an effort by some in the Clinton campaign planning on smearing Bernie Sanders as a, yuck, atheist:

The Democratic National Committee – a supposedly neutral organisation – apparently hatched a plan to try and undermine Bernie Sanders’ campaign against Hillary Clinton by getting someone to claim he was an atheist.

An email from May 2016 and sent from DNC CFO Brad Marshall suggested that they should “get someone to ask” Mr Sanders his views on religion.

“It might may no difference, but for KY and WVA can we get someone to ask his belief. Does he believe in a God. He had skated on saying he has a Jewish heritage. I think I read he is an atheist,” wrote Mr Marshall.

“This could make several points difference with my peeps. My Southern Baptist peeps would draw a big difference between a Jew and an atheist.”

Set aside the complete appearance of impropriety between the DNC and Clinton’s campaign colluding to take out a candidate which has already resulted in Debbie Wasserman Schulz getting the ugly old (heave) ho. Who thought they’d ever see the day that Democrats would smear one of their own as an atheist?

Hey Bernie, if you really are an atheist, just run as a Republican. They have no problem nominating an atheist Democrat for President.

Er, excuse me…a “Baby Christian” I mean.

Dobson was vague about the details of Trump’s supposed religious conversion, telling Anthony that while he knows the person responsible for “leading” Trump to Jesus, he would not name the person and couldn’t specify the time or place. “I don’t know when it was,” said Dobson, “but it has not been long.”

Who, I ask, who can doubt the sincerity of a Road To Cleveland conversion to Christianity after worshiping at the altar of money and mail order pussy for 70 years?

“CT: Every president has called upon God at some point. Lincoln spoke of not being able to hold the office of the presidency without spending time on his knees. You have confessed that you are a Christian…

DT: And I have also won much evangelical support.

CT: Yes, I know that. You have said you never felt the need to ask for God’s forgiveness, and yet repentance for one’s sins is a precondition to salvation. I ask you the question Jesus asked of Peter: Who do you say He is?

DT: I will be asking for forgiveness, but hopefully I won’t have to be asking for much forgiveness…

As Hillary Clinton would say, “sigh“.

The bar for calling oneself a Christian is already pretty low. Believe Jesus Christ is the son of God or in the Holy Trinity or whatever and acknowledge your sins / ask for forgiveness as there was only one perfect person and they died on a big “T” over 2 corinthians ago. Maybe get baptized. Living as a Christian obviously being more difficult than just calling yourself one because you hate awkwardness at dinner parties.

But ferchrissakes, does nobody else talk about the elephant in the room? Because I see Daniel Plainview’s confession.

For the record, any casual reader of this site would know that I’m an atheist. I have no problem with electing one. I do have a problem with fakers and frauds lying about what they are to ingratiate themselves with a key voting demographic.

But again, who am I to judge the man who has read the Bible more than anyone?

Oh, that’s right. I’m exactly the person to judge because I’m Judgey McFuckinJudgerson. All it takes is some intrepid reporter to tug at this thread for a second and his unmitigated hubris will not allow him to be humble before any fake God or man. Like those rubes. Believe me.

I’m going to need these before November.

Trumptards Face The Puppy Blender

It’s been kind of entertaining watching Insty veer to the right during the Obama years.

He’s sat out a lot of the feuding following his addition of a comments section especially during the Rise Of Trump. But this morning’s troll of Trump’s statement criticizing the US on civil rights as an excuse to not condemn Erdogan’s violent purge of the remaining secularists in Turkey is sure to produce 300 comments:

Well, it’s a standard lefty talking point — those tend to come, ultimately, from Soviet propagandists whether the talkers know it or not, and usually they don’t — and it’s one that’s been echoed by President Obama with his reminders to Americans not to get on our high horse (the Crusades, you know) and his disparaging of American exceptionalism.

The big news here is that a Republican candidate is saying it, but then, Trump spent most of his life as a Democrat.

He’s not just been a lifelong Democrat. He’s repeating Soviet propagandist talking points Democrats have been using for years. Perhaps some salt on that wound will help?

It’s ok though because Wall ™ and America’s going to be great again or something.

Reynolds isn’t wrong. It’s just odd that he’s deciding to take this tack so soon after the RNC convention given how many of his readers and commenters are still rolling around in the post-coital Cleveland cuddle puddle.

Pat Smith Ruined An Otherwise Lovely Evening Of Divisive Hate Speech

So says the same people who sucked Cindy Sheehan’s dick for five years:

Being the out-of-control pundit that he is, Matthews went as far as to rule that Smith’s speech soured the evening:

It’s manifestly not true she had anything to do in that case, even if all of the arguments about what she said afterwards or Susan Rice said afterwards on Meet the Press are true and anybody who thinks about it for a second knows it’s not true and I think it’s wrong that they ruined their evening with this.

There goes Sissy again. Quite a departure from several years ago when he asked Saint Cindy of the Ditch Diocese to run for Congress.

I’m so old that I can remember when the mother of a slain soldier was imbued with Absolute Moral Authority ™.

The Obama’s Open Hearts Update: A writer for GQ tweets that he doesn’t care how many kids Smith has lost and that he would like to beat her to death.

Followed quickly by a non-apology apology.

Sometime in the late 90s, GQ changed from Gentlemen’s Quarterly to Grouchy Queers. Violent leftwing political fantasies mixed together with homoerotic features on Justin Bieber’s surprisingly simple workout routine, the $15 accessory that just made Ryan Gosling’s suit, and the top ten most fabulous sunglasses you won’t dare lose this summer.

Gravitas, you pansy assed cock yodelers.

The Obama Dallas Cop Murders

Why is anyone referring to the events in Dallas as anything else? This community has been organized and received the President’s Seal of Approval.

5 cops executed by Black Lives Matter snipers at a BLM police protest. BLM has visited the White House dozens of times. Works hand in glove with Holder and Lynch. The President of this country actively supports a domestic terrorist organization.

Why call this anything else. Less than 24 hours after Obama gives a speech where he passes immediate judgment in two separate police shootings on opposite sides of the country, members of a leftwing, domestic terror group that he has openly and repeatedly supported premeditatedly attempts to kill 12 police officers at their own protest.

Obama has blood on his hands and his fingerprints on the triggers. And he gave a speech this morning in Poland saying that the guns used, as if we even know what they are at this point, are to blame and that he’s already planning to take action on them. No condemnation of the event organizers. No condemnation of the event participants cheering and taunting in the streets and on Twitter.

It is a Congressional imperative to publicly censure this divisive totalitarian now before he orders his supporters to kill again and demand that the Black Lives Matters organization, supporters, and bankrollers immediately be treated as a domestic terrorist organization and have their bank accounts and communications seized as this criminal investigation goes forward.

UPDATE: Instead, the aforementioned Attorney General tells the murderers and taunters who cheered the executions in the streets to “not be discouraged” and essentially to threaten and murder a few more.

Message received, cunt.

Like the photonegative of the much decried pre-Mandela South Africa, we’re being ruled by a racist, black minority regime that doesn’t have the moral authority to hold its position.

All while Ayatollah Obama grinning jugear to jugear at the NATO summit at how his plan to start a race war is working.

In case I have mentioned it yet, every liberal everywhere is a traitor and a fucking disgrace.

It’s Called Mempiss For A Reason

So I guess Kellogg’s can change their Frosted Flakes mascot to Tony The Tinkler:

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A video has surfaced on the Internet of a man urinating on a Kellogg assembly line.

It happened in 2014 at a facility in Memphis, Kellogg spokesperson Kris Charles said.

The video was uploaded by worldstarhiphop.com. Its content is highly graphic.

Kellogg is looking into the incident, and the FDA has started a criminal investigation.

The video was shot during the same time the company and the workers union fell into a nasty labor dispute and those employees were locked out.

At least it wasn’t the pipelayers union.

But if you’ve eaten Rice Krispies in the last year and a half, chances are they were impacted by the pouty union’s tinkle tirade. Not that they’re going to have jobs anyway when that plant closes and they’re put out on a permanent bathroom break.

Thanks again, Mempiss for living down to your reputation and up to your name.

People Without Morals Can’t Have Moral Outrage

Brace yourselves. Editorials are coming.

The Pollutico is dropping pamphlets across America overnight. Like Obama notifying ISIS truck drivers that they need to abandon their vehicles before air strikes, Pollutico is letting all you RWNJs know – the New York Times is not happy that you still have 2nd Amendment civil rights after some of their preferred Muzzloid invaders attempted kill several dozen of your fellow citizens.

“It is a moral outrage and a national disgrace that civilians can legally purchase weapons designed specifically to kill people with brutal speed and efficiency. These are weapons of war, barely modified and deliberately marketed as tools of macho vigilantism and even insurrection. America’s elected leaders offer prayers for gun victims and then, callously and without fear of consequence, reject the most basic restrictions on weapons of mass killing, as they did on Thursday. They distract us with arguments about the word terrorism. Let’s be clear: These spree killings are all, in their own ways, acts of terrorism.”

“It is not necessary to debate the peculiar wording of the Second Amendment,” the editorial states. “No right is unlimited and immune from reasonable regulation.”

It’s actually not necessary to debate it at all if you want to be specific. I know we can’t be “distracted” by considering what actually happened and factoring that into the argument as to whether some new law would prevent it from happening again because that would make sense. It also wouldn’t promote the New York Times agenda which is anathema to public safety.

The point is we must act now without thinking while the blood on the floor hasn’t dried yet! Because that worked out so well with the Patriot Act, right?

I hope everyone knows what this means when the New York Times moves its usual far leftwing, communist editorials from the backpage to the frontpage – absolutely nothing. The historical significance of their spitflecked rage relies on the public not knowing that the only previous time they did this was to protest a Republican president from being elected after a racist bigot Democrat president whose name is currently being disappeared from campus buildings by college brownshirts all over the country in the fevered state of their high PC dudgeon.

There is no moral high ground for Pinch Sulzberger, Jr. to take here. When you have no morals, you cannot have moral outrage. With unwavering support, the NYT is steadfast in forcing the citizenry to pay for a holocaust of 30 million unborn murdered by Kermit Gosnells and to sell the parts for human experimentation and profit. So spare us the indignation routine or having the temerity to lecture the rest of us about having a “decency” that you are without.

Just the diminishing returns of an all-too-often leftwing temper tantrum for not being able to rule over the several hundred million people who give zero fucks what you or anyone from atop the ivory tower of the incestuously self-absorbed boroughs of New York thinks.

John Boehner’s Kotex Caucus

There are only a couple of scenarios where a man is allowed to cry in public.

A funeral, your dog dying, while singing the national anthem, and the like.

But crying to a reporter over someone bowing out of a political race? These aren’t grown men as much as they are grown mensies.

This is what killed Glenn Beck’s career. Blubbering like a mentally unhinged basket case over something trivial.

In response to the Establishment GOP’s snail trail of tears on the path to irrelevancy, I invite everyone to send a box of tampons to Peter King, Charles Dent, Boehner, and the rest of these pussies.

If we’re going to stop the bleeding in this Republican Civil War, the RINO establishment is going to need a lot more bandages to plug their specific wound. Period.

The Haunting Of Joe Biden

The Pollutico ran this tragic headline today in consideration of the late, almost-too-incredibly great Beau Biden heroically imploring his stroke victim monkey of a father to bet what’s left of his bananas on a presidential run:

Exclusive: Biden himself leaked word of his son’s dying wish
The vice president is mourning. He’s also calculating.

How many fingers and toes does that take?

I don’t mean to belittle the tragedy of the loss of Joe Biden’s only son.

Wait? Are you telling me Biden has two other kids who are both grown adults?

One who made news for about five minutes after Biden was elected VP after a youtube video surfaced of her riding more rails of cocaine than CSX has, er rails, and another one who Biden pulled strings to get him in the Navy when he was fucking 42 years old and who, this exact time last year, wait for it…..was kicked out of said US Navy for testing positive for cocaine.

Hunter Biden, who is married with three kids, issued a statement Thursday evening through his lawyer, saying: “It was the honor of my life to serve in the US Navy, and I deeply regret and am embarrassed that my actions led to my administrative discharge. I respect the Navy’s decision. With the love and support of my family, I’m moving forward.”

Biden was commissioned in the Navy Reserves in 2012 as an Ensign and was pursuing a public affairs track. He had to get a waiver because of his age at the time of his commissioning.

Way to polish that turd. “It was the honor of my life”. Being dishonorably discharged.

Oh. You didn’t hear about that? No one remembers it? No one remembers the media harping on the Vice President pulling strings to get his deadbeat, cokehead son a spot in the Navy when he was 42 so he could get kicked out for cocaine when he was 44?

This might not be as big a deal if you weren’t, oh…I dunno, the dickhead who claims to have coined the term “Drug Czar” and promoted laws that have destroyed the lives of millions while covering up for your shitstain of a family for doing the exact same thing. Liberals are always so big to shout “Hypocrisy!” except when they’re being the biggest hypocrites of all time.

Listen to Beau, Joe. Using your Sixth – maybe even your Seventh Sense. The one who didn’t get caught doing the cocaine he was he was probably doing.

Something tells me that Beau’s insightful and inspiring communique from before the Great Beyond is the “Heaven Is Real” of the campaign season. Sort of like Roosevelt’s “Fireside Chats” except that the fireside is in Hell.

Future excerpts from The Continuing Adventures of the Ghost of Beau Biden:

Episode 2:
And before he gasped his last breath, he pulled me in close and whispered, “We need to pass sensible gun control laws…everyone’s already onboard. You just have to have the courage to fight the terrorists at the NRA. I would have wanted it that way.”

Episode 3:

Beau: *cough*, *cough*. Dad?!? Dad???? Are you still there?
Joe: *sniffs* I’m still here, son. I’ll always be here.
Beau: I know, Dad. You’ve always been there for me.
Joe: I know I have.
Beau: One more thing.
Joe: Anything, son. Just name it.
Beau: *cough* It’s important that newspapers and tv shows quit allowing climate denialists equal time on the air. *cough*

Episode 4:

Joe: Hey, Nurse Ratchet. Bring that sweet ass back in here. Your titties make me want to stand on my hind legs and beg for buttermilk.
Beau: Dad??? Are you still with me??
Joe: Of course, son.
Beau: Hold my hand.
Joe: *rubs his upper thigh*
Beau: I don’t have much time.
Joe: You’ve got to hold on, son.
Beau: I had a vision. A premonition.
Joe: Are you sure you didn’t get into Hunter and Ashley’s cocaine again?
Beau: No. They hid it from me. *cough*, *cough*
Joe: What is it, son?
Beau: Like some ancient mystic, I saw the night sky littered with stars. As I panned down, I saw a teepee and a signal issuing from the embers of an eternal fire…
Joe: You always did have the soul of a poet.
Beau: Then, Elizabeth Warren came out of the teepee with a 21 point plan to tackle income inequality. Go with her, Dad. Be with her.
Joe: I won’t let you down, son!
Joe: *abruptly jumps up and his foot trips over the life support cord before he runs out of the room*
Joe: Stops at the first vending machine he sees and starts digging through his pocket for a dollar to buy some Skittles.

Aching Mangina Vows To Capitalize On Girlfriend’s Death

And as I bury my sacred sorrow, dick deep as it were, in as much grief pussy as People Magazine can throw my way – I want you to know that your death has not been in vain:

The TV anchor boyfriend of the late broadcast journalist Alison Parker, who was slain Aug. 26 on live TV alongside her cameraman, has vowed to honor her memory by covering issues of gun violence and mental illness.

Anything, he says, to spare another family.

“I pledged to her father,” Chris Hurst, the 28-year-old evening anchor at WDBJ, tells PEOPLE. “Her father wants me to help him do whatever it takes to make sure not one more family has to go through this kind of unspeakable violence.”

Too soon? It’s never soon enough. Obama was out clamoring for gun control before Flanagan shot himself. Mr. Hurst claims some special knowledge from reporting on “mental illness issues” but his next stop is at an anti-gun violence rally with Parker’s father.

Parker and Ward were not killed by “gun violence”. They were killed by a gay escort who badgered and recorded everyone who had the misfortune to work with him because he kept getting affirmative actioned into news jobs. Once Hurst, and others like him, became uncomfortable working with a strong black man, they reported him to HR and got him fired.

If we are to believe that there is institutionalized racism, then you and the actions of others like you brought this on yourselves – did it not?

“If that means talking about gun reform to reduce gun violence, or if that means talking about increasing access to mental health care and trying to figure out [how] those who have an illness get the care they need,” he says, “we will do whatever it takes.”

“Whatever it takes” apparently does not include acknowledging reality.

Does “whatever it takes” include releasing Flanagan’s manifesto, that ABC (an alleged news organization) continues to hold hostage, and is preventing us from learning the warning signs of his mental illness that led to this senseless gun violence That We May Never Know The Reasons Why(tm)?

Is it declaring paranoid delusions of being victimized by institutionalized racism a mental illness? I could get behind that.

Just kidding. ABC, Hurst, and Parker’s father don’t want the truth to come out of what Flanagan wrote because then they can’t politicize Amanda Parker’s death – which is all they really care about. It was all worth it to them if it suits their political agenda.

“One was something about ‘swinging’ by some place; the other was out in the ‘field,’?” said the Jan. 21 report by assistant news director Greg Baldwin, which refers to Parker as Alison Bailey (her middle name).
Parker was never disciplined over the remarks, but Flanagan never forgot them.
Hours after gunning her and Adam Ward down during their broadcast Wednesday, Flanagan revealed in tweets that the comments were still fresh in his mind.
“Alison made racist comments,” Flanagan posted while he was on the run from cops.
“They hired her after that??”
he wrote.

They hired that white bitch after she said she was going to “swing” by an address and report from the “field.

Hrm…if only we could figure out why he targeted Parker and Ward. If only some codebreaker at the FBI could decipher what Flanagan really meant when he said the woman he murdered was a racist and that’s why he targeted her.

Sadly, we may never know. /sarc That’s my best Serious News Reporter tone for how all of these stories go. The running joke that “we may never know what motivated someone” even though they wrote down exactly what fucking motivated them and the media and Leftist politicians refuse to acknowledge because it doesn’t fit their prejudices.

Fat, out of work, and spoonfed Black Lives Don’t Matter radicalism from Obama’s prolapsed asshole is what got Hurst’s girlfriend killed.

Seeing as how The Narrative can’t be challenged, we can mark off the depressing shame of being an affirmative action recipient, being homosexual sex workers, or being ultra-sensitive, racial grievance archivists off the list of possible mental health “root causes” that preclude gun ownership.

Remember that the next time you “swing” by your girlfriend’s tombstone or report “from the field” you lying shitbag Leftist. It’s all about “gun violence” and not that people like you in the media teach people like Vester Flanagan that it’s okay to attack or kill white people as an excuse to cover their myriad shortcomings and failings.

So much for grieving in private when there is some self-serving opportunism to gain from it. It’s Grief Porn Bukkake Theater with buckets of wept tears heaved across the faces of Leftist audiences every anniversary of New Town. Now don’t let your crisis go to waste.

You’ll need some of those boohoo photos when you run for office or stand beside the politician at the podium wrapped in your victimhood. Denying the civil rights of the innocent won’t come any other way.

Jimmy Carter Has / Is Cancer

Breakout the sob sisters. Jimmeh Peanut has cancer.

I’m sorry that a lot of people are just hearing about this since, to the casual observer, one could see that Carter has actually been a cancer on this country for over 40 years.

Don’t believe me? Sit through this speech and you’ll beg for a death panel.

In 2008, he metastasized into Hodgkins LymphObama and our nation has been in hospice ever since.

Why pick on the best thing to come out of Georgia since Wayne Williams?

I dunno. Maybe because the LA Times is rather cavalier in telling Carly Fiorina that she should quit mentioning that she beat breast cancer in her campaign.

Very kind of the LA Times’ technically male author to let Fiorina know that she should best STFU about that little tidbit of her life and keep it out of the public eye. We’d hate for anyone running for office to exploit such a tale of perserverance.

It’s not gold digging Wendy Davis slinging her aborted babies by the feet and smashing their skulls on a porcelain sink and pimping pink sneakers to energize the vag vote but beating cancer pales in comparison next to the severe cramping of Wendy Davis’s social life from unwanted pregnancies.

Or, as opposed to someone who rose to the presidency based on two autobiographies before age 45 based mainly on growing up without his drunken, absent daddy to savagely beat him. Boo hoo.

Suggested future Times stories…Dreams of My Father – Shut the Fuck Up already you whining Man Pussy. Nobody cares.

The Muslim Brotherhood Must Not Be Visiting This Week

But ISIS is surely quaking in their boots.

By “quaking”, I mean shivering in the Humvees Obama left them with the air conditioning on high as they throw some gays off the roofs.

Or our peace partner Iran forcing sex changes “corrections” on gays.

A report issued Thursday by the Department of State repeatedly refers to sex reassignment surgery in Iran as “gender-confirmation surgery.”

Speaking at the release of the State Department’s annual human rights report, Secretary of State John Kerry said of the designation that “There is nothing sanctimonious in this,” emphasizing the need for “humility” in the face of the U.S.’ own racial inequality.

Oh, yes. That White House is just bathed in the fabulous light of humility isn’t it?

We can’t tell the Iranian government to stop cutting dicks off or stapling a dildo onto a sewn shut pussy because somebody didn’t get to pick their seat on a bus in America last century.

Because Our Current Values ™ are not better than any one country’s in the world and we can’t condition giving them nuclear reactors and $150,000,000,000.00 in freed up money by tethering it to the mildest human rights concessions like we’re better than anybody else. Only hegemons do that. Old white ones.

See? They can negotiate with intolerance when they want to.

As I said below, the Commies are all concerned about banning the confederate flag. However, they have no problem with the government seceding from The Will of the People under a rainbow one.