Bizarro

WTW Weekend: Great Moments In White Trash Advertising

Picasso famously said that lesser artists borrow and that great artists steal. As I pulled up behind a company van in morning traffic, I was reminded of that. So what to make of this local company’s logo?

There’s something so familiar about that. I can’t quite put my fing..oh, wait:

It’s a blued up version of the Enron symbol:

Nothing says “trust us” with your electrical needs like shamelessly stealing the logo of a disgraced energy concern that was once the largest bankruptcy in the history of the country and led to one of the most destructive pieces of accounting legislation (Sarbanes-Oxley) in history.

But fret not. This isn’t the second coming of Enron, it’s Enron squared!

Next up, Manson Family Brand Pork Sausages. Every morning that starts off with “Death to the Pigs” is going to be a great day. #BLM approved.

Lady Vols Not Ladyboys

I saw this riding on a car’s bumper the other day and had to do a double-take.

From the Department of Unfortunate Cross-branding:


I knew UT had a recent brouhaha over wanting to fine, expel, and genitally mutilate students before sending them to re-education camps for not calling he/she/its by some new pronouns they invented five minutes ago but this?

It’s too insidious. They’re the Lady Vols not the Ladyboys. Cameltoes not camel’s nose.

We don’t want to know that your Ford F-150 secretly wants to be a convertible Mazda Miata or that your automatic Audi TT would rather be a stick. Maybe you get off on teasing those cisgenders at Pep Boys with your shocks and struts. But the only one who should know if you’ve blown a tranny should be your mechanic.

Come on, people. Pick a side.

Trumptards Face The Puppy Blender

It’s been kind of entertaining watching Insty veer to the right during the Obama years.

He’s sat out a lot of the feuding following his addition of a comments section especially during the Rise Of Trump. But this morning’s troll of Trump’s statement criticizing the US on civil rights as an excuse to not condemn Erdogan’s violent purge of the remaining secularists in Turkey is sure to produce 300 comments:

Well, it’s a standard lefty talking point — those tend to come, ultimately, from Soviet propagandists whether the talkers know it or not, and usually they don’t — and it’s one that’s been echoed by President Obama with his reminders to Americans not to get on our high horse (the Crusades, you know) and his disparaging of American exceptionalism.

The big news here is that a Republican candidate is saying it, but then, Trump spent most of his life as a Democrat.

He’s not just been a lifelong Democrat. He’s repeating Soviet propagandist talking points Democrats have been using for years. Perhaps some salt on that wound will help?

It’s ok though because Wall ™ and America’s going to be great again or something.

Reynolds isn’t wrong. It’s just odd that he’s deciding to take this tack so soon after the RNC convention given how many of his readers and commenters are still rolling around in the post-coital Cleveland cuddle puddle.

Cold Blooded Lizard Behaves As Expected

Whether it’s American families with relatives or children killed by illegal aliens or public assassinations of cops by his BLM supporters, you can always count on a cold-blooded and wholly inappropriate reaction from the Ayatollah.

The opposite was true of Bubba Clinton. He felt everyone’s pain so often that the country needed a restraining order. Mainly because that feeling always ended up with one of his hands on your upper thigh and the other one rubbing your back. The Consoler-In-Chief.

Well, we’ve moved to the other end of the spectrum a while back:

As news reports of a gun massacre in Munich crossed the Atlantic Ocean on Friday, the President of the United States was cracking jokes.

Barack Obama delivered a brief update to reporters at the White House about the still-unfolding shooting rampage that left the German city on lockdown.

Eight are confirmed dead, and 10 injured.

The president was speaking to law enforcement agents at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, adjacent to the White House. But as cameras rolled on the somber moment, Obama grinned and chuckled – and drew laughs from his audience – about his elder daughter Malia leaving the nest and heading for college.

If only those killed had been robbing a home, attacking a police officer, or a violent felon in the commission of a crime, Obama could dig down deep to come up with a statement about the sanctity of all life. But, once again, we have his fellows Muzzloids killing white people so it’s all grins and chuckles about how his spoiled brats are running off to join the top .0001% in a private college.

Wait till Malicious and Shasta start bringing white boys home. The smiles are going to get wiped away faster than the stories of the Orlando Pulse Shooting and Dallas Obama Cop Murders did off the front page. It’s been a week, ya know. We get Sandy Hook anniversary celebrations but these two Muzzloid terrorist events killed far more this month and aren’t even on the radar anymore.

Ooops…Spoke Too Soon

Update: The Mike Pence – Trump Hostage Video

I guess a cocksucker’s gotta cocksuck.

Turns out, I spoke too soon about being able to support Trump:

Trump said this morning that Cruz will “come and endorse over the next little while. It’s because he has no choice. But I don’t want his endorsement. What difference does it make?”

“Ted, just stay home, relax, enjoy yourself,” Trump said to laughter from the crowd of supporters and convention volunteers.

That would be delivered in his patented Smarmy Fuckface ™.

So, I’m glad we’re clear on this. I’ve gotten tired of Trumptards claiming that if you show inadequate enthusiasm for Hillary’s former benefactor that you are, in fact, supporting Hillary.

Now, I’m off the hook. My support and my vote is neither needed or wanted. Nor would it be accepted were it to be offered.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of those Bernie Bros, and Diamonds & Silks, and Progressive Peter Puffers are so disaffected that they are switching sides.

Either way, I’m free to kickback and watch this shithouse go up in flames.

Sweet Meteor of Death, deliver me from this twirling mudball of fucking retards.

It Starts With An “F” and Ends With a “t”

Always addressing his most urgent presidential duties, Ayatollah Obama The Pious counsels his vaginally afflicted constituents with another round of confusing doublespeak:

Fresh off endorsing a woman to succeed him in the Oval Office, President Barack Obama stood before 5,000 convened as part of a White House summit on women and delivered his most robustly feminist speech yet.

“I may be a little grayer than I was eight years ago,” Obama told the advocates. “But this is what a feminist looks like.”

It may start with an “f” and end with a “t” but “feminist” was not the first word that came to mind as to what you look like, oh, Mad(emoiselle) Mullah.

The Shame Sticks To You Like ____________

We’ll file this Saturday afternoon (April 16, 2016) interview with Monica Lewinsky under battlestation prep. They tried to rehabilitate Lewinsky last year with some Ted Talks about how she was the first victim of internet bullying which is a newsflash to anyone who had ever engaged in a discussion with anyone else on the internet prior to 1998.

In comes the Guardian to try and wipe off Lewinsky’s stain from the front of Hillary’s Mao Tse Tung housecoats:

“That people could read the transcripts was horrific enough,” Lewinsky said in her TED talk, “but a few weeks later the audio tapes [the telephone calls Tripp secretly recorded] were aired on TV, and significant portions made available online. The public humiliation was excruciating. Life was almost unbearable.”

“I felt like every layer of my skin and my identity were ripped off of me in ’98 and ’99,” she tells me now. “It’s a skinning of sorts. You feel incredibly raw and frightened. But I also feel like the shame sticks to you like tar.”

So the publicity of the Tripp transcripts coming out installed an, heretofore, unknown feeling of “shame” into Ms. Lewinsky that was not present as she was having sex with a married man who happened was faceblasting her with his presidential payload while on her knees upon the eagle carpeting of the Oval Office.

The transcript coming out is when the shame happened. Everything up to that point was enough to make a Daddy proud.

Lewinsky talking about how shame “sticks” to you could easily fill a library of regrettable similes. All of the abuse she’s had to swallow because she didn’t swallow. But she controls the narrative now, America.

This rehabilitated cumdumpster is going to recycle your insults and sort them into color coded baskets to be harnessed for some useful purpose. Please wash your milky, white tar shame out of any containers before tossing them at the trash can of her life.

She’s developed an entire line of text message “anti-bullying” hug emojis for Vodafone. I am totally not shitting you.

It ends with her and the Guardian writer watching Trump on tv talking about how he’s going to drag her into the campaign as “fair game” to attack Clinton. Which it is.

She’s mad at Trump. The “unmistakable yellow blob” as he’s referred to in the anti-bullying / anti-shaming piece. Will he get an emoji? She’s not mad at Hillary who referred to her as a deranged stalker knowing full well that it was her hubby stalking the husky aisle at Lane Bryant for off-the-rack hoe bags.

But again. This is just prep work for Hillary. She took a round to the chest for Bill and 20 years later she’s going to take another one on the chin for her boyfriend’s wife.

Professional Outsider Seeks Career Insider

Pretzel logic from the carnival barker:

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump said he is “95 percent” sure he would pick a veteran politician for vice president if elected.

He said he would choose “somebody that can walk into the Senate and who’s been friendly with these guys for 25 years, and people for 25 years and can get things done” in an extensive interview with The Washington Post published Saturday.

How does one stay in Congress for 25 years and not be an establishment sell-out? Or the scumbag lobbyist who pays people off for quid pro quos? I’ve been told that Ted Cruz had been there for half a term and that all-of-the-sudden it’s his GOPe ™! If there’s one thing we don’t want it’s that “insider” Cruz who no one likes.

We want that for real insider who can harness his legendary compromising skills that got us 19 trillion dollars in debt in the first place.

Who would this be? Gingrich? Sessions? Kasich? Grassley? DeMint? DeLay? Hatch? Boehner? McConnell? Barbour? Alexander?

Who are these great, elder statesmen of the Republican Party with 25 year, highly overrated track records for “getting things done”? If they’re older than Trump, they’d leave no succession plan in place in the event he won.

Because I can’t think of one that is worth a damn and would shore up skeptical conservatives or not bring on more baggage. None from that list strike me as a game changer.

No former Congressmen turned Governors would seem to fit that description. Pence, Brownback, Snyder, Hutchison, Scott.

Obviously, this would be guided by Black, Manafort, Stone, and Kelly at this point. So someone on their roster that they’ve been lobbying during the last two decades. A known quantity.

Unfortunately, that would be everybody from Bush loyalists, to John McCain, to Jack Abramaoff, to a number of African dictatorships, and a slew of other questionable clients.

And the intellectually dishonest can continue to pretend that Roger Stone wasn’t working for Trump when he was peddling smut on Cruz to the Enquirer when Stone’s own firm was hired as Trump’s delegate counter a week later.

I’d say Trump drafting some old Republican bull to work out some magical deal would be a non-starter for supporters so wed to being an outsider but cults of personality don’t require intellectual consistency.

In other words, what a great idea! This all presupposes that he’s talking about bringing on a Republican as a VP.

It’s Called Mempiss For A Reason

So I guess Kellogg’s can change their Frosted Flakes mascot to Tony The Tinkler:

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A video has surfaced on the Internet of a man urinating on a Kellogg assembly line.

It happened in 2014 at a facility in Memphis, Kellogg spokesperson Kris Charles said.

The video was uploaded by worldstarhiphop.com. Its content is highly graphic.

Kellogg is looking into the incident, and the FDA has started a criminal investigation.

The video was shot during the same time the company and the workers union fell into a nasty labor dispute and those employees were locked out.

At least it wasn’t the pipelayers union.

But if you’ve eaten Rice Krispies in the last year and a half, chances are they were impacted by the pouty union’s tinkle tirade. Not that they’re going to have jobs anyway when that plant closes and they’re put out on a permanent bathroom break.

Thanks again, Mempiss for living down to your reputation and up to your name.

Islam Has Been Woven Into The Fabric of Football Since The Beginning

Can we not have a moment’s peace? Is it not enough that North Korea launched a nuclear capable ICBM in advance of the Super Bowl further demonstrating the unmitigated lunacy of the Iranian Nuke deal?

The answer, yet again, is no (via Newsbusters):

Barack Obama will once again be inserting himself into the Super Bowl on Sunday. This time, CBS has chosen Gayle King, a donor, supporter and family friend to Mr. and Mrs. Obama. Considering that King has partied at the White House, viewers of the pre-game show shouldn’t expect tough questions from the CBS This Morning co-host.

Obama has done an interview before each Super Bowl since 2009 and many of them have included softballs. But none of the previous journalists have been such ardent and open supporters of the President and Mrs. Obama.

Priorities. Many of us would like to finally found out what his favorite kind of ice cream is or what he thinks makes him so great.

I’d like to ask Gayle how many licks it takes to get to the center of Oprah’s twat just for scientific purposes. That question would certainly have more meat to it than whatever ego-stroking, legacy writing hagiography that King plans on donating through the most prized broadcast real estate.

Perhaps we’ll be treated to the telegraphed “Looking back, what’s your greatest disappointment?” softball that invariably ends in “I wish we could have worked together more” as if he did not play the leading part in creating the acrid atmosphere for eight years or “I could have tried harder to explain myself to you morons”.

Regardless, we can’t have a Super Bowl without Mooch the Beard and the Big Me, Me, Me, I, I, I, Mine, Mine, Mine taking a big dump on the country before kickoff.

Now put down those hot wings and pick up some kale chips. You’e got a lot of Let’s Movin’ to do. Gather ’round little churrens so we can find out about how Muslims were woven into the fabric of American football since the very beginning. That “pigskins” were banned after Muslims invented vulcanized rubber.

When Hank Stram and Vince Lombardi would quote inspirational suras before each game and when the adhans were broadcast from the minarets of the Los Angeles Coliseum.

WTF, Man?

Is it a contest to see who can outdo Debbie Wasserman-Schultz for the most f****d up haircut before you go on tv these days?

For shit’s sake.

Update: Talk about bad timing. I didn’t mean to hit Trey Gowdy up about his fucked up haircut during the worst week of his life and all. I’m guessing the haircut was the start of his worst week ever?

John Boehner’s Kotex Caucus

There are only a couple of scenarios where a man is allowed to cry in public.

A funeral, your dog dying, while singing the national anthem, and the like.

But crying to a reporter over someone bowing out of a political race? These aren’t grown men as much as they are grown mensies.

This is what killed Glenn Beck’s career. Blubbering like a mentally unhinged basket case over something trivial.

In response to the Establishment GOP’s snail trail of tears on the path to irrelevancy, I invite everyone to send a box of tampons to Peter King, Charles Dent, Boehner, and the rest of these pussies.

If we’re going to stop the bleeding in this Republican Civil War, the RINO establishment is going to need a lot more bandages to plug their specific wound. Period.

The Haunting Of Joe Biden

The Pollutico ran this tragic headline today in consideration of the late, almost-too-incredibly great Beau Biden heroically imploring his stroke victim monkey of a father to bet what’s left of his bananas on a presidential run:

Exclusive: Biden himself leaked word of his son’s dying wish
The vice president is mourning. He’s also calculating.

How many fingers and toes does that take?

I don’t mean to belittle the tragedy of the loss of Joe Biden’s only son.

Wait? Are you telling me Biden has two other kids who are both grown adults?

One who made news for about five minutes after Biden was elected VP after a youtube video surfaced of her riding more rails of cocaine than CSX has, er rails, and another one who Biden pulled strings to get him in the Navy when he was fucking 42 years old and who, this exact time last year, wait for it…..was kicked out of said US Navy for testing positive for cocaine.

Hunter Biden, who is married with three kids, issued a statement Thursday evening through his lawyer, saying: “It was the honor of my life to serve in the US Navy, and I deeply regret and am embarrassed that my actions led to my administrative discharge. I respect the Navy’s decision. With the love and support of my family, I’m moving forward.”

Biden was commissioned in the Navy Reserves in 2012 as an Ensign and was pursuing a public affairs track. He had to get a waiver because of his age at the time of his commissioning.

Way to polish that turd. “It was the honor of my life”. Being dishonorably discharged.

Oh. You didn’t hear about that? No one remembers it? No one remembers the media harping on the Vice President pulling strings to get his deadbeat, cokehead son a spot in the Navy when he was 42 so he could get kicked out for cocaine when he was 44?

This might not be as big a deal if you weren’t, oh…I dunno, the dickhead who claims to have coined the term “Drug Czar” and promoted laws that have destroyed the lives of millions while covering up for your shitstain of a family for doing the exact same thing. Liberals are always so big to shout “Hypocrisy!” except when they’re being the biggest hypocrites of all time.

Listen to Beau, Joe. Using your Sixth – maybe even your Seventh Sense. The one who didn’t get caught doing the cocaine he was he was probably doing.

Something tells me that Beau’s insightful and inspiring communique from before the Great Beyond is the “Heaven Is Real” of the campaign season. Sort of like Roosevelt’s “Fireside Chats” except that the fireside is in Hell.

Future excerpts from The Continuing Adventures of the Ghost of Beau Biden:

Episode 2:
And before he gasped his last breath, he pulled me in close and whispered, “We need to pass sensible gun control laws…everyone’s already onboard. You just have to have the courage to fight the terrorists at the NRA. I would have wanted it that way.”

Episode 3:

Beau: *cough*, *cough*. Dad?!? Dad???? Are you still there?
Joe: *sniffs* I’m still here, son. I’ll always be here.
Beau: I know, Dad. You’ve always been there for me.
Joe: I know I have.
Beau: One more thing.
Joe: Anything, son. Just name it.
Beau: *cough* It’s important that newspapers and tv shows quit allowing climate denialists equal time on the air. *cough*

Episode 4:

Joe: Hey, Nurse Ratchet. Bring that sweet ass back in here. Your titties make me want to stand on my hind legs and beg for buttermilk.
Beau: Dad??? Are you still with me??
Joe: Of course, son.
Beau: Hold my hand.
Joe: *rubs his upper thigh*
Beau: I don’t have much time.
Joe: You’ve got to hold on, son.
Beau: I had a vision. A premonition.
Joe: Are you sure you didn’t get into Hunter and Ashley’s cocaine again?
Beau: No. They hid it from me. *cough*, *cough*
Joe: What is it, son?
Beau: Like some ancient mystic, I saw the night sky littered with stars. As I panned down, I saw a teepee and a signal issuing from the embers of an eternal fire…
Joe: You always did have the soul of a poet.
Beau: Then, Elizabeth Warren came out of the teepee with a 21 point plan to tackle income inequality. Go with her, Dad. Be with her.
Joe: I won’t let you down, son!
Joe: *abruptly jumps up and his foot trips over the life support cord before he runs out of the room*
Joe: Stops at the first vending machine he sees and starts digging through his pocket for a dollar to buy some Skittles.

Aching Mangina Vows To Capitalize On Girlfriend’s Death

And as I bury my sacred sorrow, dick deep as it were, in as much grief pussy as People Magazine can throw my way – I want you to know that your death has not been in vain:

The TV anchor boyfriend of the late broadcast journalist Alison Parker, who was slain Aug. 26 on live TV alongside her cameraman, has vowed to honor her memory by covering issues of gun violence and mental illness.

Anything, he says, to spare another family.

“I pledged to her father,” Chris Hurst, the 28-year-old evening anchor at WDBJ, tells PEOPLE. “Her father wants me to help him do whatever it takes to make sure not one more family has to go through this kind of unspeakable violence.”

Too soon? It’s never soon enough. Obama was out clamoring for gun control before Flanagan shot himself. Mr. Hurst claims some special knowledge from reporting on “mental illness issues” but his next stop is at an anti-gun violence rally with Parker’s father.

Parker and Ward were not killed by “gun violence”. They were killed by a gay escort who badgered and recorded everyone who had the misfortune to work with him because he kept getting affirmative actioned into news jobs. Once Hurst, and others like him, became uncomfortable working with a strong black man, they reported him to HR and got him fired.

If we are to believe that there is institutionalized racism, then you and the actions of others like you brought this on yourselves – did it not?

“If that means talking about gun reform to reduce gun violence, or if that means talking about increasing access to mental health care and trying to figure out [how] those who have an illness get the care they need,” he says, “we will do whatever it takes.”

“Whatever it takes” apparently does not include acknowledging reality.

Does “whatever it takes” include releasing Flanagan’s manifesto, that ABC (an alleged news organization) continues to hold hostage, and is preventing us from learning the warning signs of his mental illness that led to this senseless gun violence That We May Never Know The Reasons Why(tm)?

Is it declaring paranoid delusions of being victimized by institutionalized racism a mental illness? I could get behind that.

Just kidding. ABC, Hurst, and Parker’s father don’t want the truth to come out of what Flanagan wrote because then they can’t politicize Amanda Parker’s death – which is all they really care about. It was all worth it to them if it suits their political agenda.

“One was something about ‘swinging’ by some place; the other was out in the ‘field,’?” said the Jan. 21 report by assistant news director Greg Baldwin, which refers to Parker as Alison Bailey (her middle name).
Parker was never disciplined over the remarks, but Flanagan never forgot them.
Hours after gunning her and Adam Ward down during their broadcast Wednesday, Flanagan revealed in tweets that the comments were still fresh in his mind.
“Alison made racist comments,” Flanagan posted while he was on the run from cops.
“They hired her after that??”
he wrote.

They hired that white bitch after she said she was going to “swing” by an address and report from the “field.

Hrm…if only we could figure out why he targeted Parker and Ward. If only some codebreaker at the FBI could decipher what Flanagan really meant when he said the woman he murdered was a racist and that’s why he targeted her.

Sadly, we may never know. /sarc That’s my best Serious News Reporter tone for how all of these stories go. The running joke that “we may never know what motivated someone” even though they wrote down exactly what fucking motivated them and the media and Leftist politicians refuse to acknowledge because it doesn’t fit their prejudices.

Fat, out of work, and spoonfed Black Lives Don’t Matter radicalism from Obama’s prolapsed asshole is what got Hurst’s girlfriend killed.

Seeing as how The Narrative can’t be challenged, we can mark off the depressing shame of being an affirmative action recipient, being homosexual sex workers, or being ultra-sensitive, racial grievance archivists off the list of possible mental health “root causes” that preclude gun ownership.

Remember that the next time you “swing” by your girlfriend’s tombstone or report “from the field” you lying shitbag Leftist. It’s all about “gun violence” and not that people like you in the media teach people like Vester Flanagan that it’s okay to attack or kill white people as an excuse to cover their myriad shortcomings and failings.

So much for grieving in private when there is some self-serving opportunism to gain from it. It’s Grief Porn Bukkake Theater with buckets of wept tears heaved across the faces of Leftist audiences every anniversary of New Town. Now don’t let your crisis go to waste.

You’ll need some of those boohoo photos when you run for office or stand beside the politician at the podium wrapped in your victimhood. Denying the civil rights of the innocent won’t come any other way.

Cat Killing, Gay Escort Obama Voter Kills Two White Liberals In On-Air Hate Crime

Meh. No innocent loss of life here. But, as usual, this means that Preezy DownLow can’t keep his shitstained hands off the throat of a free America. The bodies didn’t even make it to the morgue before he was out pimping for gun control.

He didn’t call the families of the soldiers attacked in Chattanooga. He didn’t even lower the White House flag following the Chattanooga shooting until five days after and being shamed into it.

Had the soldiers who stopped the French train jihadi known wolf on a US train, Obama’s Injustice Department would be prosecuting them for racial/religious profiling. No word on whether they will receive a medal for Courageous Restraint for allowing the jihadi to kill another day or that he remains alive so Ayatollah Obama could exchange him for some future traitor to be named later in another illegal prisoner swap.

But goddamnit, he’s on tv pimping gun control within three hours of his biggest cheerleaders getting attacked by his core constituency and fully prepared to blame anyone but the murderer.

The rote cries of “common sense” gun laws ring hollow unless we can get back to classifying the deviant lifestyle of Vester Flanagan II, aka Bryce Williams, aka RuPaul McCockgoblin as a mental illness.

It’s time to face facts. Like your average Islamonazi, Flanagan was engaged in a war with people who were not at war with him. After being fed a poisonous diet of imagined victimhood by the hand of his president, he took the balls out of his mouth only to accuse others of not giving him special treatment as he made the workplace a living hell for the liberals who repeatedly affirmative actioned him into positions he didn’t deserve or the poor, benighted souls who couldn’t afford to live in a different apartment complex.

Naturally, we have to leave it to the UK Telegraph to to do the job the American media won’t do about this Obama loving murderer. The narrative passed around the US press corps is that “he felt” he was discriminated against so the murders, if not justifiable, are understandable. Likewise, that this was all in response to the South Carolina church shooting even though his suicide note praised the Virginia Tech shooter as “his boy” for his efficacy.

The images of his apartment, as provided by the Telegraph, paint a very different picture. A narcissist with pictures of himself all over the place -hrm, that sounds familiar – including cheesecake, shirtless cowboy photos. A computer with the hard drive ripped out (presumably by the police). On it, they will find remnants of his visits to Salon.com, the Daily Kos, Raw Story, Talking Points Memo, and many similar state-run media aligned communist websites.

Cat urine all over the place and cat shit smeared all over his balcony. Several dozen used votive candles on a bathroom sink from where he would masturbate in a bubble bath to photos of a shirtless Obama in the Hawaiian surf with the help of an arsenal of assault dildos found at the scene after a long night out as a paid escort which was also admitted in his final letter.

His cats were not found at the scene. His suicide note mentioned that he killed some cats in the woods near where he lived so that is likely what happened. They weren’t lions so no outrage there.

Flanagan’s death, coupled with those of the news anchor and her cameraman, means three more guaranteed votes for Democrats for decades to come if there is any silver lining.

There was a “long list of complaints” from other tenants of his apartment complex about how he threatened other men who lived there and often threw cat shit on other people’s balconies.

So, you know, your average NRA member.

What people need to realize is that Flanagan is not an aberration. There are likely millions just like him giving anonymous blowjobs in nightclubs all over the country right now. Waving threatening rainbow flags that should probably be banned. Yesterday, he killed a couple of good liberals he used to work with. Tomorrow, it’ll be another attack on the Family Research Council.

And the solution will always be the same: to disarm and leave innocent people defenseless from the increasingly violent, radicalized deviants who have their minds polluted with non-existent tales of victimhood by their Democrat brainwashers in the media, schools, and Washington.

Post: Here’s a video of a road rage incident last month where Flanagan was likely about to murder a man who called him out for driving like a maniac and stalked him back to his house.

As Flanagan admitted, he was a “powder keg” building up for a long time. But the media will be glad to ignore his well-documented and obviously violent and menacing past to portray him as some sort of innocent creampuff victimized by redneck White America’s love of guns.

And like Baltimore and Ferguson, there is once again blood on Obama’s shitstained hands. But how is tonight any different than any other night with Reggie?

Exit Question: I am dying to know what the people on his Facebook page said. Knowing Leftists like I do, I’m sure a number of them were cheering him on or knew what he was going to do in advance. Has anyone seen his Facebook feed?

Messin’ With Sasquatch

Ben Shapiro is about hilarious. In a panel discussion with a tranny sasquatch about the lack of bravery in Bruce Jenner getting an Espy for denying science and nature, Shapiro evidently did not ever see those Jack’s Beef Jerky commercials about how sasquatches react when they are taunted:

Shapiro asked if the discussion was supposed to be on genetics and asked, “What are your genetics, sir?” Pinsky said to Tur, “I’d stay away from the genetics and back to the brain scans.”

Tur then said to Shapiro, “You cut that out now, or you’ll go home in an ambulance.” Shapiro responded, “That seems mildly inappropriate for a political discussion.” Oduolowu said that, to be fair, Shapiro was being rude, to which Shapiro answered, “I’m sorry, it’s not rude to say that someone who’s biologically a male is a male.” Tur stated, “You just called me a ‘sir.’”

At which point, dude began to act quite unladylike and put his hands about Shapiro’s neck and shoulder along with the threat.

You can only deny science and Nature for so long. Sticking feathers up your ass doesn’t make you a chicken and sticking tampons up your dirty starfish and sliding control top pantyhose over your man handle doesn’t make you Madonna. Man Donna at best.

Trannies are the Al Jolsons of sexuality. Instead of singing “Mammy” in blackface, they just try to be Mammy.

Way to go, Ben. That was quite instructive.

I’d say that video should go viral but assquatch has probably been viral for quite some time.

The Muslim Brotherhood Must Not Be Visiting This Week

But ISIS is surely quaking in their boots.

By “quaking”, I mean shivering in the Humvees Obama left them with the air conditioning on high as they throw some gays off the roofs.

Or our peace partner Iran forcing sex changes “corrections” on gays.

A report issued Thursday by the Department of State repeatedly refers to sex reassignment surgery in Iran as “gender-confirmation surgery.”

Speaking at the release of the State Department’s annual human rights report, Secretary of State John Kerry said of the designation that “There is nothing sanctimonious in this,” emphasizing the need for “humility” in the face of the U.S.’ own racial inequality.

Oh, yes. That White House is just bathed in the fabulous light of humility isn’t it?

We can’t tell the Iranian government to stop cutting dicks off or stapling a dildo onto a sewn shut pussy because somebody didn’t get to pick their seat on a bus in America last century.

Because Our Current Values ™ are not better than any one country’s in the world and we can’t condition giving them nuclear reactors and $150,000,000,000.00 in freed up money by tethering it to the mildest human rights concessions like we’re better than anybody else. Only hegemons do that. Old white ones.

See? They can negotiate with intolerance when they want to.

As I said below, the Commies are all concerned about banning the confederate flag. However, they have no problem with the government seceding from The Will of the People under a rainbow one.

Wellstone Again

If you are gutless and weak-stomached enough to have avoided the Obama “eulogy” speech following the South Carolina church massacre yesterday, you are doing yourself a disservice if only for the educational opportunity.

Like we need one. I know what Obama is. You know what Obama is. A shameless opportunist who has four bony-assed fingers pointing back at himself with every accusation he levels at anyone else in bad faith.

You have to have caught the recap: Inspirational! Much better than “Cats”! I pray for more shootings so he’ll karaoke “Amazing Grace” again. We have this year’s winner of “The Voice”!

We’re still talking about a funeral, right? Come for the fake Southern accent, stay for the foot stomping hootenanny and $29MM welfare check he’s dropping off in the form of a DoJ grant to the victims’ families.

The Left is creaming their jeans over how to politicize this tragedy, and it would be more a tragedy had the slain pastor’s congregation been endowed with anything resembling class, but much like Mattress Girl – you can’t rape the willing and especially when he’s leaving a check for you on the nightstand bigger than the GDP of a small nation.

Before diving into the text, let’s consider where we are. The gunman was captured. There is no one defending him. He is not receiving special privileges or protections under the law because of his race nor are the victims’ rights being swept under the rug.

He will be tried and he will hopefully receive the death penalty. That is justice, isn’t it?

But for the Left, it cannot be enough. The scrawny 21 year old assailant’s death will not be enough. All The Left can milk out of this tragedy is that the guilty be punished??? It has to be made into something more. And that’s what Obama’s speech, reminiscent of the Paul Wellstone Memorial, attempted to do.

Removing the flag from this state’s capital would not be an act of political correctness. It would not an insult to the valor of Confederate soldiers. It would simply be acknowledgement that the cause for which they fought, the cause of slavery, was wrong.

The imposition of Jim Crow after the Civil War, the resistance to civil rights for all people was wrong.

It would be one step in an honest accounting of America’s history, a modest but meaningful balm for so many unhealed wounds.

It would be an expression of the amazing changes that have transformed this state and this country for the better because of the work of so many people of goodwill, people of all races, striving to form a more perfect union.

By taking down that flag, we express adds grace God’s grace.

So it’s the flag’s fault, am I reading that correctly? Not the shooter. It’s Festivus and we’re just beginning the Airing of Grievances.

Obama, being himself, will naturally speak for God’s voice on the subject of Grace Dispensation, worthiness, or lack thereof.

But I don’t think God wants us to stop there.

(APPLAUSE)

For too long, we’ve been blind to be way past injustices continue to shape the present.

(APPLAUSE)

Perhaps we see that now. Perhaps this tragedy causes us to ask some tough questions about how we can permit so many of our children to languish in poverty…… or attend dilapidated schools or grow up without prospects for a job or for a career.

Perhaps it causes us to examine what we’re doing to cause some of our children to hate.

I’ve been saying this about America’s college system for a while now. How do we teach our children to hate our country and charge them $150k at 6% interest to do it. I don’t think that’s what he meant.

But again, this is the funeral for a slain pastor. He wasn’t shot because of churren living in poverty or not having jobs.

Perhaps it softens hearts towards those lost young men, tens and tens of thousands caught up in the criminal-justice system and lead us to make sure that that system’s not infected with bias.

… that we embrace changes in how we train and equip our police so that the bonds of trust between law enforcement…

… and the communities they serve make us all safer and more secure.

So the minister was shot by poorly trained police infected with the bias America’s original sin? No, that wasn’t it.

Maybe we now realize the way a racial bias can infect us even when we don’t realize it so that we’re guarding against not just racial slurs but we’re also guarding against the subtle impulse to call Johnny back for a job interview but not Jamal…

If only he’d said “nigger” he could have brought the house down instead of the euphemism of “racial slur”. As we’ve also learned this week, the President saying “nigger” is pretty much the bravest thing anyone can do ever.

But the shooting is because of racial inequality in the workplace? I don’t know what world this is that he’s living. This is just pure race hucksterism and strawman construction. Johnny’s getting the call but Jamal isn’t?

Fucking horseshit. José is getting the call. Neither Johnny or Jamal are getting that call thanks directly to this motherfucker.

… so that we search our hearts when we consider laws to make it harder for some of our fellow citizens to vote…

A free voter ID makes it harder to vote? Again, bullshit. Everyone can vote. Some vote multiple times. That’s the problem. He’s using this funeral to pander to racial paranoia in an attempt undermine the integrity of our elections. Because pandering to racial paranoia just wasn’t enough.

Then, he’ll lecture you out of one side of his mouth about “honest, sincere people on different sides of an issue” while calling you a bigot trying to hinder someone’s franchise out of the other like the Yasser Arafat of America. One speech for the cameras and another one for the Arab Street.

For too long…

(APPLAUSE)

For too long, we’ve been blind to the unique mayhem that gun violence inflicts upon this nation.

And here we go. When Republicans lose an issue once, they just give up. Communists and Liberals don’t. They just keep coming back and coming back regardless of whether you agree or not. The shooter passed a background check. He jumped through all the hoops and he’s going to be punished for what he did.

We don’t hear about shootings in this country when they happen? Ok. They must not print those things in the paper he reads where he learns about all the things he doesn’t know about until they’re printed in it.

Sporadically, our eyes are open when eight of our brothers and sisters are cut down in a church basement, 12 in a movie theater, 26 in an elementary school. But I hope we also see the 30 precious lives cut short by gun violence in this country every single day…

(APPLAUSE)

… the countless more whose lives are forever changed, the survivors crippled, the children traumatized and fearful every day as they walk to school, the husband who will never feel his wife’s warm touch, the entire communities whose grief overflows every time they have to watch what happened to them happening to some other place.

30 precious lives. Suicides and gang shootings included I’m certain. Precious, gentle little angels that they are. Not feeling their baby’s mamas touch to be sure! The community grief that the neighborhood drug gangster won’t be there to sling dope in the morning. Lawdy, Amazin’ Grace! How sweet the sound?

The vast majority of Americans, the majority of gun owners want to do something about this. We see that now.

And I’m convinced that by acknowledging the pain and loss of others, even as we respect the traditions, ways of life that make up this beloved country, by making the moral choice to change, we express God’s grace.

This motherfucker. He loves to put his words in your mouth, doesn’t he? I’m surprised he took time away from Ramadan to speak to the kaffirs but you expressed your interest in agreeing with him to repeal the settled law of the Second Amendment. I have your buy-in on Executive Action, correct? The majority of you agree with me based on nothing more than me being an amoral, lying bullshitter.

And if you don’t agree with my gungrabbing ways then you’re denying God’s grace.

We don’t earn grace. We’re all sinners. We don’t deserve it.

(APPLAUSE)
But God gives it to us anyway.

(APPLAUSE)

And we choose how to receive it. It’s our decision how to honor it.

He attended Revvum Wright’s church so he knows the rhetorical fencing that gets the black church applause lines. We don’t deserve your grace, Lord knows, we don’t deserve it! But he’s not talking about the people in church. They’re sinners, we’re all sinners, blah, blah, blah – but this about gun owners. You are separate. You are The Other. So if you don’t support the furthest tip of leftwing gun control, you are not just denying God but probably pissing him off.

It sounds better than you’re falling out of grace with Godhead Obama who brooks no dissent on the subject and isn’t quite as forgiving.

None of us can or should expect a transformation in race relations overnight. Every time something like this happens, somebody says, “We have to have a conversation about race.” We talk a lot about race.

There’s no shortcut. We don’t need more talk.

Has it been overnight already? 150 years since the Civil War. 146 since blacks got the right to vote 50 Years since the passing of the Civil Rights Act. 20 years since O.J. Simpson got off. 7 years into the term of the first Halfrican-anti-American President. It won’t happen overnight because it won’t happen ever as long as it can provoke racial animosity and get some more old ladies in the church van on election day.

If everyone woke up liking everyone, the scales of racial bias lifted from their eyelids, this scumbag would have no arrows in his quiver.

None of us should believe that a handful of gun safety measures will prevent every tragedy.

It will not. People of good will will continue to debate the merits of various policies as our democracy requires — the big, raucous place, America is. And there are good people on both sides of these debates.

Whatever solutions we find will necessarily be incomplete. But it would be a betrayal of everything Reverend Pinckney stood for, I believe, if we allow ourselves to slip into a comfortable silence again.

People of Good Will who deny God’s grace by not supporting “a handful of gun safety measures”. And there is the slip.

Why will “whatever solution we find be incomplete”? Because without abolition of firearms ownership, it will be incomplete. Now wave that bloody fucking shirt and say if you don’t do it then you are betraying the memory of the slain man in the casket. The photonegative version of the Paul Wellstone Memorial realized.

It’s almost comfortable to forget that the gunman is captured, awaiting trial, and bound to be punished up to the ultimate price.

But it’s not about him. It’s never about him. It’s about taking your rights away and Obama draping himself in Clementa Pinckney’s skin to do it.

(APPLAUSE)
Once the eulogies have been delivered, once the TV cameras move on, to go back to business as usual. That’s what we so often do to avoid uncomfortable truths about the prejudice that still infects our society.

I thought we were talking about gun control. Oh, we’re switching gears and talking about racism again.

(APPLAUSE)

To settle for symbolic gestures without following up with the hard work of more lasting change, that’s how we lose our way again. It would be a refutation of the forgiveness expressed by those families if we merely slipped into old habits whereby those who disagree with us are not merely wrong, but bad; where we shout instead of listen; where we barricade ourselves behind preconceived notions or well-practiced cynicism.

The absolute chutzpah of this lying, conniving cocksuck. The lack of self-awareness would be stunning if you didn’t know that he knows he’s lying too.

Reverend Pinckney once said, “Across the south, we have a deep appreciation of history. We haven’t always had a deep appreciation of each other’s history.”

What is true in the south is true for America. Clem understood that justice grows out of recognition of ourselves in each other; that my liberty depends on you being free, too.

(APPLAUSE)

That — that history can’t be a sword to justify injustice or a shield against progress. It must be a manual for how to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past, how to break the cycle, a roadway toward a better world. He knew that the path of grace involves an open mind. But more importantly, an open heart.

And Obama has neither. He’s really sowing his oats right now. This has been the most disastrous week for law, personal freedom, and the religious underpinnings that have held this country together for 220+ years in a long time. In other words, a really great week for Obama.

Everything is coming apart. The wheels are coming off. An economy still in the shitter. Inflation abounding. Worldwide terrorism striking simultaneously all over Europe and the Middle East. A nuclear Iran. Russia threatening the world. Illegal alien sex offenders raping 30 people a day in North Carolina alone. The Commie Pope writing love letters to Hamas.

But the media is too busy wiping the cum from its eyes from a gay marriage decision to do anything but cheer the guy who is going to allow their same-sex partners to take half their shit in the divorce.

As he said in his interview on noted journalist Marc Maron’s show What The Fuck, he’s “fearless” right now. And for that, everyone else needs to be fearful of what’s coming next.

As Maron commented after the interview:

But to really be in the presence of somebody who is the president and has been for eight years … and to feel the incredible charisma and ease at which this guy handles himself. … I was a bit of a nervous wreck and he immediately put me at ease. I don’t know how, I’m not easy to put at ease. I’m a nutbag.

Indeed. Obama puts leftwing nutbags at ease. So what does that say for everyone else.

UPDATE: If this doesn’t make you jump out of the pew and dance at your dead pastor’s funeral, I do not know what will. Loretta Lynch Mob and Obama showed up to the AME church with a government check for $29,000,000.00 dollars to give to the surviving family members of the shooting out of what apparently is a government run “victim compensation fund”.

They looked at their skin color and determined it to be close enough to their’s so – $29 Milly. Boom. Now get out that vote.

How much did the Ft. Hood families get? Benghazi family survivors? Their kids? Families of soldiers killed in Obama’s wars? Veterans still languishing in the VA Hospitals?

No word yet on how much of that slush fund for his race-based, ideologically based constituency will go to the people murdered or violently raped by the illegal aliens he’s secretly shuttling around all over the country and refusing to deport.

These people are subhuman filth operating this vote buying drive with taxpayer money.

Looking up the rules for this VOCA program, it is clear that Obama and his DOJ are ignoring all legal requirements for disbursement of any funds for his race-preferred recipients. Anti-American Express – don’t leave home without it.

I’ve worked with these ARRA grants from the so-called shovel-ready jobs act before and they take months and some times years to go through.

Services under this grant program are defined as those efforts that (1) respond to the emotional
and physical needs of crime victims; (2) assist primary and secondary victims of crime to
stabilize their lives after a victimization; (3) assist victims to understand and participate in the
criminal justice system; and (4) provide victims of crime with a measure of safety and security
such as boarding-up broken windows and replacing and repairing locks.

Umm, yea. I guess you can board up some windows on your new mansion and replace the locks on your new Lamborghini Aventadors with $3.2MM dollars per family for doing nothing but being related to somebody who got shot in a local crime story.

A veteran dies on a waiting list at a government run hospital for two years and a family member of a shooting victim gets Preezy DownLow showing up at his eulogy with a check for $3.2MM per family less than 10 days after it happens because his skin tone his right.

Just disgusting, disgusting people we are dealing with here. Who else has ever received this victim grant money and in what amount? This is special treatment on its face. That’s not victim compensation – it’s reparations.

The Supreme Court of Sodom and Gomorrah

For what seems like the millionth time in the last 7 years, I’ve never been less proud of my country. Pick a topic. For this exact moment, it is going to be the tyranny of a 5-4 majority of unicorn riding mystics cloaked in psychobabble and schmaltz making up laws, rights, and divining the intentions of legislators as they go along. The con-artists formerly known as The Supreme Court.

The Breitbart reconstituted Ben Shapiro makes Scalia look like My Little Pony:

In the end, Kennedy’s case is simply that to be against same-sex marriage is bigotry: “It demeans gays and lesbians for the State to lock them out of a central institution of the Nation’s society.” With breathtaking arrogance, Kennedy concludes:

The limitation of marriage to opposite-sex couples may long have seemed natural and just, but its inconsistency with the central meaning of the fundamental right to marry is now manifest.

For thousands of years, everybody got it wrong. For hundreds of years, every American state got it wrong. Today, the vast majority of the planet’s population gets it wrong, and so do hundreds of millions of Americans. But their wrongness is “manifest.” Why? Because Kennedy says so.

But he goes even further: he explains that rights emanate not from God or nature, but from the wise oligarchs of the government, who can reinterpret rights as they see fit:

[R]ights come not from ancient sources alone. They rise, too, from a better informed understanding of how constitutional imperatives define a liberty that remains urgent in our own era.

Better understanding by whom? By the government, of course.

The Lead-From-Behind Executive. A Beclowned Congress. The Lawless Judiciary. All know better than the tens of millions of voters who spoke out on this issue across the country. “Goddamn their franchise!!!!”, condemns the self-righteous and godless government.

And as “The Free” Press has determined: There has always been Gay Marriage in Oceania.

The Current Squirrel is trying to ban the confederate flag. Nevermind that the government and courts have seceded from the will of the people under a rainbow flag.

There is no end to the Left’s anti-American agenda unless it is the end of an America that believes it has a right to defend itself. It’s the Communist’s long march through the institutions. Next they’ll come for you in your churches. They already demand to know the contents of your prayers. Your religious thoughts will be hate crimes. Your children will be placed in a foster home if you make the mistake of expressing them in public.

The marauding Left does not allow you to remain silent or neutral so there is no safety in merely not participating in The New Normal. Formerly, the Old Abnormal. The same abnormal opinion on gay marriage that Obama held until 3 years ago. You won’t ratify the new federal holiday celebrating this 5-4 decision. What? You didn’t want a day off from work? Homophobe! Homophobe Alert!!! Check Facebook. Where does he work?!?!?! Perhaps poverty will change your doubleplusungood wrongthink.

Today it’s this and tomorrow it’s that you’re a bad parent because you don’t send six-year old Johnny to school in a mini-skirt and you’re stifling his being able to bloom into full womanhood. Do you really want to live in a world where a father is ashamed to have a conversation with his son about how to use a tampon when he gets his first period?

If you don’t realize where the Gaystapo is going with this, you seriously need to wake the fuck up. Sodom and Gomorrah’s Supreme Court just gave them the green light to buttfuck you in the steeple of your church at high noon on Sunday in front of a cheering crowd of leftovers from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and demand you to say you like it or be crucified by The New Romans.

On Lacking The Will To Fight

And this post could be about so many things, couldn’t it? Senate Republicans for instance.

But no. This is about the Iraqi army forces turning away from fighting ISIS as they have been criticized by US Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter:

The current U.S. plan for defeating the terrorist group ISIS hinges around building up the Iraqi Army’s fighting capability.
But according to U.S. Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter, the Iraqi Army still has a long way to go.

“The Iraqi forces just showed no will to fight. … We can give them training, we can give them equipment, we obviously can’t give them the will to fight,” Carter told CNN.

Trust me, dear Secretary. When it comes to knowing who doesn’t have the will to fight, I know any Obama appointee speaks from first hand experience.

When people in the US see the Iraqi army turning and running, it may be instinctive to think “Cowards! Stand and fight and die for your country!”

But is that right? Where does one find such men? Are they cultivated in a test tube somewhere? Perhaps a US bootcamp where they get the triage version of basic training and a uniform when not being infiltrated by suicide bombers and having all of their and their families information fed to ISIS by former Saddam Hussein henchmen looking to regain some of their lost prestige or revenge.

Anyone who was brave or moral enough to stand against Saddam Hussein was slaughtered long ago which would bring us up to the US invasion during the Bush years. No fathers. No grandfathers. No stock or history from which to pull the kind of courageous men to stand up against the largest, most well funded, most well-armed, non-state terrorist force in human history.

Cowards, I say! Who wouldn’t stand to fight knowing that Obama is leading from behind when the doctor who gave us bin Laden is rotting in a Pakistani prison.

Of course, this follows a consistent theme with Obama administration officials. The same argument they use against Republicans for Obamacare (you don’t like it but what are you going to do to fix it) puts the teetering Iraqi government in a more perilous position. Namely, that Obama will sit on the sidelines until such a time as the Iraqi government becomes more “inclusive”:

As the jihadists shore up their positions, Abadi, a moderate Shi’ite leader, faces an important test over whether he can draw Sunni Arabs away from Islamic State, a challenge he has struggled to meet despite vows of a more inclusive governance. He must also show the ability to control powerful Shi’ite militias tainted by earlier abuses that have stoked Sunni anger toward his government.

“Abadi may be more vulnerable than ever,” one U.S. official said, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And if he’s on the hot seat, we’re being tested too.”

This vaporous promise of help upon the establishment of “an inclusive Iraqi government” is not realistic nor is it intended to be except for the purpose of public consumption. ISIS is a one hour drive from Baghdad. Their agents are already there scouting their next targets with the help of Saddam’s old henchmen.

Is that utopian Shia-Sunni Articles of Confederation going to be drawn up before ISIS arrives in the US military MRAPs and Humvees Obama left for them all of the country? Cleary, not.

Which is to say, what is the end goal? In my opinion, Obama is fine with the slaughter. He won’t miss one lick off his ice cream cone if the streets of Baghdad or the streets of Ramadi paved with the thrown away sacrifices of US troops not so long ago are covered in the blood of beheaded women and children. He won’t miss one round of golf. One fund raiser. One commencement address where he can demand that the Coast Guard fire their weapons into a hurricane, as Caligula would have wanted, to fight global warming.

Ultimately, if you view all of this from the “who benefits” perspective, it is inescapable to see it as anything other than a gift to Iran. The Iranians may be smarter than anyone ever gave them credit for. Their penchant for exploiting elements of the US Left’s grievancemongering and their plaintive cries of racism allowed one of their agents to svengali a Manchurian candidate into the White House in one of the greatest subterfuges in history. Forcing their largest enemy to provide them with billions of dollars in aid, allow them to obtain nuclear weapons, give them the gift of Iraq on a silver platter all while kneeling and groveling before the Ayatollah on the world stage for no reason whatsoever.

But criticizing the few patriots or insane mercenaries left to defend the gates as they’re being overrun by the barbarians Obama initially funded to fight in Syria? It is characteristic of the sharp stick in the eye that Obama likes to jab his enemies with.

And the nerve of criticizing those who have lost everything and have no support after being slaughtered like cattle by the non-Islamic Islamic State as being cowards from a Commander-in-Chief who never served anywhere outside of the Fightin’ Food Stamp recipients of south side Chicago is too much to bear.

More on Ramadi (seen at Flopping Aces) from Michael Totten in the peaceful time before Hussein Al-Obama came to power and consigned the kids on those pictures to a beheading because those ice cream cones aren’t going to lick themselves this Memorial Day.