Football Friday

Down Low Delanie And The Only Quote That Matters on NFL Anthem Protests

“Down Low” Delanie Walker, as he’s called in some circles (he so pretty, isn’t he?), was catching more than balls this week following a smarmy interview he gave to a local reporter after the Tennessee Titans and Seattle Seahawks agreed to disrespect the country:

“Fans that don’t want to come to the game? OK, bye. If you feel we’re disrespecting you, don’t come to the game. You don’t have to,” Walker said. “No one’s telling you to come to the game. It’s your freedom of choice.”

Given all of the empty seats I’ve seen at the Titans game this year, clearly the Titans are aiming for a more selective audience. But following his dissing of the flag and the fans, now he’s catching some heat:

“The death threats that my family and I have received since my comments are heartbreaking,” he wrote. “The racist and violent words directed at me and my son only serve as another reminder that our country remains divided and full of hateful rhetoric. “

You don’t want to receive threats? Ok, bye. You feel you’re being disrespected? Go play somewhere else. You don’t have to play here. It’s your freedom of choice.

Like abandoning your babymama when she pregnint. She white tho’, Mr. Black Unity.

Down Low got his SJW talking points following Eric Reid’s NYT editorial this week where they try to move the goalposts and say that spitting on the flag, the anthem, and the fans is really just about their amazing “dialogue” outreach program to Raise Awareness(tm) that millionaire blacks will complain about anything.

It baffles me that our protest is still being misconstrued as disrespectful to the country, flag and military personnel. We chose it because it’s exactly the opposite. It has always been my understanding that the brave men and women who fought and died for our country did so to ensure that we could live in a fair and free society, which includes the right to speak out in protest.

I’m sure there are a great many subjects baffle Mr. Reid. But no one is misconstruing his or Colin Kaepernick’s intent in flag and anthem protesting. He’s lying to himself or he’s lying to public about that.

Here is what Colin Kaepernick said about why he protests the flag and the anthem:

After the game, during an interview with, Kaepernick explained that the move was a protest over how the country treats black people and people of color.

“I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses Black people and people of color,” Kaepernick said. “To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”

So there you have it. Straight from the ungrateful son of a bitch’s dicksucker. He is protesting the flag. He is protesting the anthem. It’s a racist country and he’s not showing it any respect ‘cuz “bodies in the streets” or some made-up bullshit.

And so the fuck is all of the NFL. You can try to massage the PR because of the blowback but we know exactly why you’re doing it, when you’re doing it.

All police should boycott NFL events. All military flyovers should be cancelled. The IRS should revoke the NFL’s tax status. And that’s just for starters. It’s my feeling that a lot of games have been rigged over the years.

Now reports are circulating that the Raiders offensive line threw the game because QB Derek Carr didn’t kneel for their anti-american anthem protest. So because Carr didn’t protest with them, the O-Line didn’t protect him and his receivers intentionally dropped balls.

As a source inside the Raiders lockerroom reported an offensive guard told him, “He wants to stand alone? He can stand alone on the field.”

So much for that “team unity” I keep hearing about. NFL, the check engine light on your multi-billion dollar car is flashing.

UT’s Miracle Between The Hedges (Hail Mary Answered in UT vs. UGA)

Why so serious?

With 10 seconds left in the 4th quarter, UGA received an unsportsmanlike penalty for celebrating a go ahead touchdown that stabs the Vol Nation in the heart. If only Dobbs and Co. had been able to get one first down before having to punt the ball with a little over a minute left and a four point lead. If only a corner hadn’t hesitated before getting burned on a go route down the sideline. If only the safety had pickup the coverage and tried to jump the route.

If only everything.

The cameras panned hoping to find somebody crying or dejected. Hands cupped over their mouths. Girlfriends looking to boyfriends. Boyfriends texting on their cellphones.

The stadium roared and the fans were jumping up and down. We did it again!!!

The announcers laughed and chortled. As if waiting 15 years for this moment, CBS starts playing the video and “legendary” Larry Munson’s commentary from UGA’s 26-24 last play victory, the Hobnail Boot, over UT from 2001.

Larry Munson: We just stepped on their face with a hobnail boot and broke their nose. We just crushed their face.

Until, one of the greatest final plays and improbable final 10 seconds in college football history happened.

Ah yes, the hobnail boot. The boot appears to be crushing the other face this year. Stay classy, ya’ll.

Luck doesn’t last forever but you have to still be hanging around for luck to happen. Way to go guys.

UGA played with a lot of heart and left it all out on the field though. We’ll pour a little moonshine off the back porch for our friends to the south.

Football Friday


I am re-posting this Football Friday Flashback from September of 2008. Our brother Nigel and I had a bet over the UCLA/UT game (one in which UCLA humiliated us on national television), after which, Nigel sent me a UCLA shirt to post on the blog. We found out this weekend that Nigel passed away after a battle with cancer and though we are heartbroken for his wife and boy, we know the example that he has set as a man of God means that he has been called home. Our prayers go out Nigel’s family.

Where all the people have went?

It was a mysterious week last week at Neyland Stadium. The family and I had a good time, but home-opener attendance had to be in the low 80K’s. Even in the dark days of 2005 I don’t remember seeing this many empty seats. I had a feeling something was up when we kept walking by scalpers offering “buy one, get one free”. Not a good sign for the UT A.D.

Unfortunately, after this week’s slaughter, scalpers will be paying you to take the tickets off their hands. Gaytors 44 Vols 21. Some folks are still convinced that Fulmer has one more rabbit to pull out of his hat, but I believe that the rabbit he’s going to pull out is going to have been dead for weeks and will be covered in maggots.

Last week I did pretty well, going 4/5, but was dead wrong on ND/Michigan. Didn’t see that coming.


  • LSU 22 Auburn 14Auburn looked a lot worse than I expected against Mississippi State. Expect an LSU victory. This will give Auburn something to be pissed off about next week when the Vols crest the hills of Opelika.
  • Sun Devils 27 Georgia 24Stafford is not the horse that Kelley Washington was. Overrated Bulldaggas go down in the desert. Or possibly not.
  • Alabama 28 Arkansas 17It’s the battle of the SEC teams with exactly the same uniforms. I can never tell who has the ball in this one so I’m not watching.
  • Ole Miss 19 Vandy 14Ole Miss still has the hottest – and dumbest – chicks in the SEC. Oh, and they’ll win this one.

When Jeff Fisher announced last week that we’ll be staying with Kerry Collins into the forseeable future, I thought it was the right move. Once VY spends a few weeks in therapy and learns that he’s not the center of the universe, we can move him back up to second string. The Titans’ defense is looking better than I expected – particularly up front – and even with Collins, I’m starting to smell playoffs.

Luckily, we have a week off this week – Titans 27 Texans 14.

I sucked out loud in last weeks pro picks – 2/5. Hopefully this week will be better.

  • Dallas 34 Packers 31That Cowboys/Eagles game Monday night was excellent. This one should be just as good.
  • Denver 24 ‘Aints 17I’m starting to think that Jay Cutler may indeed be the second coming of Elway. Or at least Craig Morton.
  • Nigel’s Chargers 29 Jets 14If the refs don’t interfere in this one and try to fix the game for Brett “Golden Boy” Favre, the Chargers should roll.
  • Eagles 31 Steelers 21The Steelers were underwhelming against the Browns last week and the Iggles actually looked pretty good. Steelers go down in the battle of Pennsyltucky.


In fine Six Meat bet-losing tradition, I am making good on my promise to our brother Nigel. UCLA beat us down fair and square three weeks ago (and then lost to BYU 59-0, doesn’t that make us look even better) so it is my duty to don the UCLA colors. Thanks to Nigel for sending me the shirt.


Breaking: Football Players Are Stupid

Well, not all of them, just a very healthy percentage.

Three freshman Vols arrested, two charged with armed robbery.

KNOXVILLE – Three University of Tennessee football players this morning face attempted armed robbery charges

Janzen Jackson, Michael Edwards and Nu’Keese Richardson, all 18, were charged this morning after an armed robbery attempt at a Pilot station on Cumberland Avenue, according to the Knoxville Police Department.

Each player faces three counts of attempted armed robbery.

UT Athletic Director Mike Hamilton released a statement this morning about the episode.

“At this time we are currently evaluating the circumstances surrounding an incident involving Mike Edwards, Janzen Jackson and Nu’Keese Richardson,” Hamilton said. “Any decisions or comments regarding their status will not be made until the evaluations are complete.”

Both Richardson and Jackson are coming off a week in which they faced discipline from Vols coach Lane Kiffin, the former for missing a practice and the latter for a violation of team rules.

Kiffin has touted the discipline in his program and a clean arrest record as recently as Wednesday’s SEC teleconference.

Well, CLK, now’s your chance to make an example of these thugs. Your predecessor, the Great Pumpkin, would find some reason to keep these three on the team – at least, that is, if they were going to contribute. Kick these pieces of trash of the team and off campus and set the right tone for this program going forward.

Jackson was going to be the next Eric Berry, what a stupid asshole. What a trio of stupid assholes.


If you want a peek into the intellectual firepower of this trio, check out Edwards’ Twitter page. Warning: Not Safe for Brain Cells. via Tony B

Football Friday

It’s time again for Florida week. Things are not coming up roses in Big Orange Country, primarily due to the jackassery of the previous Vol regime.

First of all, and let’s face it, The Great Pumpkin left the UT football program in a state of disarray with marginal lower-level SEC talent and no discipline. When your best option at QB is Crompton, who, by all accounts is a good kid, you’re just not ready to challenge the Floridas, Alabamas and LSUs of the league. You’re not even ready to challenge the South Carolinas and Ole Misses of the league. Crompton simply can’t get it done and if Stephens can’t beat him out, we’re left with few options. (And shave that ridiculous facial hair, Crompton. You are not a member of N’Sync or NKOTB, no matter how much you fantasize about it.)

However, on the bright side, this coaching staff is taking no prisoners (heh, pun intended) when it comes to recruiting and we are looking at a serious SEC contender when 2011, 2012 roll around. Unfortunately, by then our entire economy and society will have collapsed and we won’t even be playing football, but I digress.

Speaking of the Great Pumpkin, he went down to the Daytona Beach QB club and showed what a classless, narcissistic turd he really is. Apparently he is still “P.O.’d” at what the meanies at UT did to him by giving him 6-freaking-million dollars to just go away. And he can’t even get that done. Look up classless in the dictionary and you’ll find Fulmer.

It was just two years ago that Fulmer, who posted a 152-52 record in 17 seasons as the head Volunteer, was given a contract extension by his alma mater.

Less than 10 months ago he stepped down as Tennessee’s head coach, but not necessarily willingly. UT fans and administration had become restless, and in early November he agreed to step away at the end of the season.

“I’m still PO’d to say the least. There’s probably a couple of people there that I’m not going to invite to Christmas dinner any time soon,” Fulmer said. “I’ve chosen the best I can to take the high road. I really love Tennessee, so let there be no doubt about that. It’s very much a part of me.”

Yeah, he’s chosen to take the high road by hanging around and bitching about how hard it is to decide how to spend that 6-million while sitting on his ass. Is taking the high road taking shots at Kiffin through every possible media outlet and bragging about what “great” shape he left the program in? Me no thinky so.

In fact, just five days before new coach Lane Kiffin brings his Volunteers to “The Swamp,” Fulmer said he could relate with the plight that faces Florida’s Meyer.

“(Meyer’s) doing something that I did,” Fulmer said. “You create something that’s unachievable every year. That’s certainly what he’s done from that point.”

Um, there’s another example of his complete inability to grasp reality. Meyer has dominated the game for the last several years. UT won one national championship – in spite of, not because of – its coaching staff. Al Wilson was the coach of that ’98 team and anyone paying attention understood that.

It’s time for Phil to head off into the sunset – perhaps coaching at New Mexico or even Wyoming, the school he couldn’t beat last year. Let us enjoy the excitement of rebuilding the program that you ran into the ground.

Speaking of the GATA, it’s time to take another look at that brilliant Congresswoman from the Gainesville area, Corrine Brown. She is a shining example of GATA greatness as well as one of the reasons our government is a gigantic shitpie. With representatives like this, maybe you don’t WANT them to read the bill. Go Gata!

The cupboard is bare, but I believe this coaching staff will get this team to sell out on Saturday. It won’t be enough, but as long as we smash them in the mouth a few times, that works for me. Gata 31 Vol 14


  • Texas 38 Texas Tech 28Texas will take revenge on the Red Raiders after what happened last year. Plus they have those cool looking longhorns on their helmets. Is Marshall Applewhite still their QB?
  • Georgia 29 Arkansas 14My dad once told me (well, more than once) that the only good thing to come out of Arkansas was an empty Greyhound bus.
  • Kentucky 27 Louisville 24After the game, all the players will get together and smoke some bluegrass.
  • Nebraska 24 Va Tech 22Vinnie’s Cornhuskers look to be on the rebound. I like them to continue Va Tech’s early season misery.

If you watched the Titans/Steelers game last week, you were treated to an epic battle of superior defensive play and blood and guts football. I wasn’t too disappointed to lose a close one to the Super Bowl champs – hopefully this will give the Titans some early inspiration to work even harder to improve going forward. I like the Titans to rebound this week over the Texans, 28 – 17.


  • Giants 24 Cowpokes 20It feels like the late 80’s/early 90’s again with meaningful Giants/Cowboys games. I like the Giants D to squash Romo and Co.
  • Colts 34 Fish 10You would be surprised at how many people around here are Colts fans just cuz ol’ PAAAAAAAAAYTON plays for them. That only makes me root against them on principle. No luck this week.
  • Minnesota 44 Detroit 2Brett Favre is currently the leading douchebag in all of sports (with Michael Jordan a close second). I hope Detroit at least gets some good shots in on him.
  • Steelers 24 Bears 14Da Bears will be pounded down like so much tenderloin by the Steelers’ defense. There will be blood.

And, no, Nigel, I haven’t forgotten our bet. I’ll make good next week.

Football Friday

It’s a glorious new day on Rocky Top. The Great Pumpkin’s regime has finally been shown the door. It should have happened at the end of the 2005 season, but we’ll take what we can get.

We now have a coaching staff that is actually coaching players and demanding accountability. No longer will a high school player come in and leave the program a crappier player. That was the Fulmer system – bring in a bunch of thugs, coach ’em down and send ’em on to the county lock-up or head to Shoney’s to cover up their off-the-field activities. I wouldn’t even be taking shots at Fulmer if he would have gone gracefully into the history books, but he continues to rear his head in the local media and the douchebags at the Knoxville News-Sentinel and on the Sports Animal keep carrying his water and running down the new staff. Keep it up, losers. The new regime’s train is leaving the station tomorrow and you Fulmer apologists are about to get run over.

Speaking of thugs, did anyone see Oregon player LeGarrette Blount sucker punch a Boise State player last night? Video is here. That turd should be kicked out of school, period – especially after he tried to go into the stands and assaulted some cops in the process. That’s the Oregon Ducks for you, though. Nothin’ but class.

Back to the Vols, a visit from Western Kentucky is the perfect way to ease into the season. This will be a glorified scrimmage, as WKU is just plain awful. Vols win, 44-10.


  • Bama 28 Va Tech 21Unless VA Tech can score 21 points on special teams, Bama should handle the Hokies fairly easily.
  • Oklahoma State 38 Georgia 28Georgia is not going to enjoy this road trip. They lost an over-rated QB and an over-rated RB from last year’s team, so they may actually be better this year. Should be a fun game to watch.
  • Ole Miss 33 Memphis 10Is Ole Miss as good as their hype? We’ll find out soon enough. This contest has traditionally been a close one, but not this year.
  • LSU 34 Washington 17I love those late night west-coast games when I’m almost passed out from spending Saturday drinking an entire bottle of hooch. John Chavis’ LSU defense is going to put the hammer down on UW.

Breaking: Fulmer Out At UT


Phillip Fulmer, who a decade ago brought Tennessee its first national championship in 47 years, will not return as the Volunteers’ coach next year, multiple sources told

An announcement is being planned for later Monday at Neyland Stadium. The Vols (3-6, 1-5 SEC) have lost four straight games and are in danger of suffering their second losing season in the last four years.

Fulmer, who has won 150 games at his alma mater and is the dean of SEC coaches, met with Tennessee officials Monday morning, and they reached a mutual agreement that it would be best for all parties if Fulmer was not back next season.

The sides also agreed that Fulmer would coach the remainder of the 2008 season.

We’ve given the Great Pumpkin a lot of crap, but he has given his all for the Orange, so the least we can do is say thanks for the memories and best of luck. Now we must go on the hunt for the Bruce Pearl of Pigskin.

Adios, Great Pumpkin

And on Halloween too.

I’ve gotten word from two different reliable sources that the straw has apparently broken the camel’s back and this will be The Great Pumpkin’s last year as head coach of the Vols.

Obviously none of this is confirmed by the “legit” media, but I’d put at least five bucks on it. For a five dolla foot long.

My friend Patrick GhostofNeyland (sorry, Ghost) sums it up well…

I don’t know how I feel right now. This is exciting news. It’s also sad news. Phillip Fulmer is a bonafide Tennessee legend. If it’s true — and I believe it is — the change, the complete change and rebuilding phase is upon us. Keeping the recruits we’ve got committed this year, or as many as we can, will go a long way in determining the immediate future of the program. Building blocks such as Jerod Askew, David Oku, Jarvis Giles, Je’Ron Stokes, Edwin Herbert, etc. , etc. and big-name players still on the board such as Morgan Moses, Taj Boyd and Peter White (all three we possibly lead for) would go a long way in the next coach having near-immediate success upon taking over.

We loved you, Phil. But all good things must come to an end.

Fulmer gave his all for the Vols, but it’s time for some fresh blood. The old guard has been stale since 2005.

Football Friday

No lack of focus on this offense!

Times are as bleak as can be up on old Rocky Top. We can’t decide on a quarterback. The Great Pumpkin is muttering incoherent things like “we’re a field goal or two away from 3-1”. Recruits are cancelling their plans to come to UT. This normally Vol-football-crazed town could care less about the season at this point. I’m even pulling for Northern Illinois this weekend just to get the pending coaching change going in earnest.

When Big Orange football is in the crapper, this town is dead. Businesses lose money. People don’t go out to dinner or to get sloshed. There will probably be between 60-70K people in Neyland this weekend. We don’t need a economic bailout, we need a football bailout.

Though I am torn about this weekend’s game, I’m afraid the Vols will find a way to win, 28-17. It will be a nice break before getting beaten down like a dog by Georgia next week. Enjoy one of this season’s rare victories this week, Vol fans, because this may be as good as it gets.


  • Vandy 26 Auburn 18Vandy has come out of nowhere to start pounding people. How the hell did this happen? They will sneak past Auburn this week, only because Auburn’s offense sucks.
  • Ole Miss 31 South Carolina 24Coming off their big win down in the swamp, the Rebels will have the swagger necessary to beat the ‘Cocks.
  • Alabama 42 Kensucky 14Alabama is the real deal. Kentucky will find this out first hand this weekend.
  • Florida State 28 Miami 24This used to be a marquee game back in the day, but now it’s just four quarters of ugly.

While things are crappy on Rocky Top, things are much better down in Titantown. They’ve been able to keep Vince Young off the field and from killing himself, and as a result, we’re 4-0. The defense looks absolutely awesome this year, which is giving Collins and Co. a chance to work out the kinks and it’s working well. After beating down the Vikes last week, they have a tough test against the Ravens this week. I’ve hated the Ravens since 2000. Always will. Titans 21 Ravens 17.


  • Steelers 21 Jaguars 20The Steelers’ offense has sputtered but I believe they will get it together enough Sunday night to pull one out.
  • Cowboys 31 Bungles 20Will the lover’s quarrel between Tony Romeo and Ocho-Uno be enough for viewers to tune in? Probably not.
  • San Francisco 33 Patriots 23Unless the Pats figure out a way to cheat their way to victory for the rest of the season, it’s going to be a steady string of losses for those over-rated clowns.
  • Broncos 27 Bucs 24Though they’ve been a pleasant surprise thus far, the Bucs will be gasping for air in the Denver altitude.

And one parting comment on the current state of the Big Orange…


Football Friday

Crompton overthrows yet another receiver

Back by unpopular demand for 2008, it’s Football Friday! Vegas bookies now officially have pee running down their legs – not unlike Chrissy Matthews from PMSNBC.

As all of us in Big Orange Country try and figure out the logic behind the Fulmer raise/extension, the team has been workin’ like heck getting ready for UAB. But we can’t steam forward without acknowledging the catastrophe that took place out at UCLA a few weeks ago.

The Vols’ game plan was to come out throwing and trying to get Crompton into a rhythm, which never happened. The offense looked like absolute crap. The defense, however, looked good for a half.

True to the traditions of the Great Pumpkin, the only adjustments we made at halftime were to change the things that were working and continue trying the things that weren’t. So we backed our defense – particularly our excellent secondary – off the ball and allowed Kevin Craft to pick us apart underneath. Additionally, when we decided we were finally going to focus on the run, we put together the only good drive of the night, which ended in a Foster fumble deep in Bruins territory.

Since Fulmer was once outcoached by a bag of peanuts thrown onto the sidelines by a Vanderbilt fan, it’s no surprise that he was light work for Norm Chow and Rick Neuheisel.

Lucky for Fulmer, his talent will carry him this week against UAB… Tennessee 37, UAB 17..


  • Southern Cal 33, Ohio State 14I would have taken USC in this one even before OSU RB Tookie Williams got hurt.
  • Auburn 29, Mississippi State 10Auburn is working out the kinks, but will have little trouble against Sylvester the Cat’s woeful Bulldogs.
  • Georgia 38, South Carolina 20If SC can drop their drawers for Vandy, Georgia will slap them silly. Silly! Sorry Steve, looks like another rough year for your visors.
  • Michigan 24, Notre Dame 21I used to dig this game, back when both teams didn’t suck out loud. Michigan will suck slightly less than the Irish and squeak out a win.

Poor Vince Young.

He’s spent his whole life as a pampered, ultra-coddled star athlete and now that he’s run into a little adversity, he’s run off and tried to hide from Coach Fisher down at Printers’ Alley.

A little booing and the media starts hitting his mom up with questions like “what’s wrong with your baby boy?”

If VY doesn’t grow up real soon and grow some thicker skin, he’ll need to head up to play for the Toronto Argonauts where nobody gives a crap. Just think if he’d been drafted by a team in real sports town like NYC or Philly?

With Kerry Collins at the helm this week, the Titans will squeak by Ocho Dumbass and his Cincy Bungles – Titans 24 Bengals 21.

Elsewhere in the big leagues…

  • New York Jets 23, New England 14I can’t stand Favre and his over-inflated ego and grandstanding, but he’s damn good. And now that Tom Brady will be off the field brewing up some more outside children, it’s going to be a rough season for the Pats. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.
  • Cowboys 27, Iggles 24This should be a good one. I’ll be tuned in just to see if Donovan McChicken and T.O. get into a scrap. That would be sweet.
  • Minnesota 27, Indianapolis 20The Colts got a wake-up call last week and I don’t believe Minnesota is going to let them up off the mat quite yet. Could it be that Peyton’s diminished surrounding cast of characters is finally coming home to roost? I guess you’ll have to axe Rev. Wright about that one.
  • Browns 22, Steelers 19I may only be picking the Browns because I want to see the upset, but I always love these old AFC Central rivalries. The Browns have enough in their tank to pull off the upset, but the Steelers could just as easily stomp them. It’s picks like this that demonstrate why I don’t have a 1-900 betting hotline.

Have a good weekend, freaks. I’ll be down at Neyland Stadium tomorrow. I’ll be wearing orange so look for me.

Let The Season Begin

Nigel from TGT11 has made a very serious mistake. He has bet against the Big Orange in tonight’s season opener. But since he’s one of those limpwristed UCLA types, we’ll cut him some slack.

He also reminded me that I missed Football Friday last week. I totally forgot. I’ll pick it back up for this week’s NFL season opener and full slate of college games. I know you need to know who to bet against, and I’m here for your bad gambling habits.

Let me know what shirt size to get you, Nigel. I’ll go ahead and pick it up this afternoon.

UPDATE: Bruins prevail, 27-24. I’m sure glad the Great Pumpkin got that contract extension.

Kudos to Kevin Craft, though, for a hell of a second half. Nigel, I’ll take than in an XL, please. And please cook the crow before I have to eat it.

Football Friday

Vols repeatedly piledrived throughout 2007 season

I realize that many of you have been unable to place regular bets with your bookies over the last few weeks due to the lack of Football Fridays here at the Buffet. Never fear, gambling addicts, we’ve returned this week to help you rake in the dough through reverse prognostication.

It’s been a pretty depressing season for my beloved Orange. This weekend could be the final nail in the Fulmer coaching coffin. If Spurrier’s Gamecocks come in and do what I expect them to… which is win, then it’s going to be time for the staff to start cleaning out their lockers, just like Randy Sanders did two years ago. Three gangland beatdowns from Cal, Florida and a crappy Alabama team points to a staff with serious problems, no matter what happens this weekend.

Last week Fulmer was outcoached – this week, Fulmer will be outcoached for the umpteenth time by his longtime nemesis Steve Spurrier. Will the players rebound and play for their coaches and their pride and overcome the Gamecocks tomorrow night? I don’t think so. South Carolina 31, Tennessee 25.


  • Gaytors 33 Georgia 17Georgia probably won’t even keep it this close. There is a reason that Tennessee beat the living stew out of the Bulldogs and it’s not because Tennessee is that good.
  • Ohio State 27 Penn State 24This one should be good – I’ll miss it because I’ll be down at Club Neyland for the ‘Cocks game, but you should tune in.
  • Texas 33 Nebraska 30Vinnie has given up on ‘Huskers football, but they should hang in with Texas for at least three quarters or so.
  • Oregon 24 USC 21SC is down and out, it’s time for the rest of the Pac 10 to pile on.

My Titans have had a good run so far this season. I didn’t get to watch the end of the Texans’ game last week – typical stupid me.

One of my favorite memories from the old Adelphia Stadium was a Thursday night game with the Raiders (back in 1999) where the boys in blue repeatedly sacked Rich Gannon and beat the Raiders much worse than the 21-14 score indicated. I like the Titans this week against the Raiders as well – Titans 27 Raiders 17.

Elsewhere in the big leagues…

  • Indianapolis 37 Carolina 20Carolina will suffer the indignation of a Manning thrashing and will likely send hundreds of fans home in tears after their poor performance.
  • Steelers 24 Bungles 17The over-rated Bengals are going to be yet another victim of the rise of Big Ben from the football ashes.
  • New England 34 Washington 14Doug Williams continues to play well for the ‘Skins, but they’re just another log going through the Patriots’ sawmill. Heh. Log.
  • Denver 19 Pack 17This will be a fun one Monday night in the Denver snow. I just hope the Broncos put on the old orange jerseys with the vintage “D” 80s-era helmets. Favre will throw 9 interceptions.

Happy weekend, superfruits.

Football Friday

Better late than never, I suppose.

It’s a tough time to be a Volunteer fan, ladies and gentlemen. Last week, the Gaytors put on their finest skirts and gave us a beatdown the likes we haven’t seen in ages. I wasn’t sure we’d be able to stay within two touchdowns and it was a hell of a lot worse than that.

This week we try to rebound against Arkansas State. Before the season started, it looked like this one was a gimme. Not anymore, chum. I still think that Tennessee will knock State off, but I’m afraid it is going to be closer than anyone would like. In addition to that, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Vols went down in flames, Notre Dame-style. But I predict the Vols will triumph, 31-21.


  • Red Tide 24, Mary Katharine Bulldogs 17Carl Sagan’s team shocked me last week with their handling of Arkansas. I’m becoming a believer.
  • Penn State 21, Michigan 14Michigan has bounced back a bit after its rough start, but Penn State is going to bitch-slap them back to reality this week.
  • Washington 30, Nigel’s Bruins 10UCLA has begun a downhill slide that rivals even that of my beloved Big Orange. Sorry, Nigel.
  • LSU 34, South Carolina 24Carolina will keep this one close – and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a Spurrier upset here, but LSU is simply too good, I’m afraid.

I’m pleased as punch with the way the Titans played against Peyton’s Punks last week. They were in it until the last play, which says a lot about the character of Fisher’s young team. I expect the Titans to travel down to the Rape Dome on Monday night and knock off America’s team – Titans 27, Aints 17. Yeah, I know I’m supposed to fawn all over the Saints and pretend that they’re not one big sack of crap, but I ain’t gonna play that. They’re Nagin’s boys, and all that means is that they’re losers.


  • San Diego 26, Green Bay 17The Pack has had nothing but good luck so far. They’re luck is running out.
  • Colts 27, Texans 20The Texans are another young team who are showing signs of life. I like them to give the Colts a run for their money.
  • Denver 22, Jacksonville 14The Broncos will keep winning ugly. All that matters is a W, baby.
  • Dallas 34, Chicago 21I’m pulling for Chicago, but they’re looking horribly overrated this year and Dallas has some surprising firepower.

You can take this to the bank with a roll of pennies and get two shiny quarters.

Jesus Rumbles Through the Secondary…

.. and he’s in for the score!!

After the horrific beating my Rebels took at the hands of the Vanderbilt Commodores, I offer this inspirational statue.

Jesus Is My Coach

If football isn’t your sport, there is no need to worry my friends. Luckily, a wide variety of inspirational sports statues are available.

To quote my co-worker:

The next time that I’m shopping for a young Catholic athlete, I’ll know just what you get them. I realize that “Jesus is Lord” is a difficult concept for many young minds. Something like “Jesus Is My Coach”, the tiny Caucasian man that I can tackle while playing football in the front yard is much more approachable for young Catholic athletes.

Have a terrific day!

Football Friday

Cranky is right. Friday is for frivolity and football. So on we go to this week’s Football Friday.

The news ain’t too good for us Vol fans, though, heading into Gaytorville. As a local sportstalk host told me over a bowl of gumbo earlier in the week, he thinks the Vols will lose by two touchdowns tomorrow in Gaynesville. I hope we can keep it that close. It will likely be in the neighborhood of Florida 38 Vols 28 or something to that effect.

Ainge and the Orange offense have played pretty well thus far, but the Tennessee defense has been woeful, despite the one good half played against Southern Miss last week. Unfortunately, I just don’t see us outscoring the Gaytors with a defense like ours. I’m not happy about it, either.


  • Huskers 27 Trojans 24Vinnie’s boys will upset Rusty’s over-rated Trojans. Take it to the bank, Shackleford.
  • Arkansas 27 Alabama 21Carl Sagan has turned the Tide around in light speed, but not enough to overcome the Hogs.
  • Louisville 75 Kentucky 73These two basketball schools will continue to light up the scoreboard as neither team has an actual defense.
  • Notre Dame 23 Michigan 17In a game that would ordinarily be big-time if both teams didn’t suck, Casey’s little brother will have his coming out party and the Irish will pull one out of their ass at Michigan’s expense. Just as it should be.

I’d love to predict that my beloved Titans will be knocking off the defending Super Bowl champs this weekend, but it just isn’t in the cards. The Titans’ defense isn’t ready, though I expect Chris Brown and Vince Young to keep us in the game for 3 quarters or so. Colts 34 Titans 24.


  • Green Bay 24 Giants 20Poor Eli got a boo boo. Giants lose.
  • Denver 19 Oakland 11This used to be one of my favorite games in the 80’s and 90’s when Elway used to beat the hell out of the Raiders twice a year.
  • San Diego 31 New England 24The Pats won’t be able to cheat this week.
  • Dallas 33 Miami 19When did Dallas get good? Who is this Romo guy? it’s all very confusing.

Happy Friday, all you faggots!

Football Friday

It’s that time of year. There’s a smell in the air. And it’s not just the usual smell of feet. It’s the smell of pigskin flying through the air, end-over-end and through the uprights. It’s the sound of necks breaking on gridirons from coast to coast. It’s the time of year for Senators to leave the glory holes of Summer behind and get back to Washington to rob us of more income and freedom.

It’s also that time of year when it gets cooler in the mornings and the wasps crawl around on the ground because it’s too cold to fly, which gives me the opportunity to stomp them to death without the possibility of being stung. I love that.

Anyway, back to football season. Vol fans everywhere are filled with the anticipation of yet another season under the guidance of the Great Pumpkin. Will we win the East this year? Will we finish 4th and lose to Vanderbilt again? Both of these are plausible. Will we be able to run the ball this year, or will we continue to suck at the line of scrimmage? Will Erik Ainge be hampered this Saturday by his broken finger?

One thing is certain, our front seven on defense will be solid, but the secondary is up for grabs. If our tailbacks can stay out of prison long enough, we may have a running game – but our receivers are a big question mark.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a good feeling about tomorrow’s nationally-televised battle with Cal. It will be close, but the Gay Bay Bears will squeak out a victory, 22-17. Take heart, though, Vol fans, I’m usually wrong about these things.

Elsewhere in the NCAA….

  • Ga Tech 22 Notre Dame 17I like the upset here. Notre Dame has lost too many players and little Jimmy “The Pickle” Klaussen is likely out for the season, so they’re starting over.
  • Georgia 31 Oklahoma State 20I’m picking UGA in this one because (1) they’re playing at home and (2) Cristi at work is wearing a tight-fitting Georgia shirt. That’s enough for me.
  • Florida State 2 Clemson 0Is everyone as sick as I am of the Bowdens? I wish all of those Bowden bastards would get out of coaching. They’ve done enough damage to the pristine image of College Football for one generation.

Last but not least, Ole Miss will knock off the Memphis State Tigers, 13 – 10. This game is always bizarre – and it’s shocking to me that Brent Schaeffer got knocked down the depth chart by a walk-on, but that’s how it goes when you don’t do your homework. The Rebels will win because every chick I’ve ever known that went to Ole Miss was hotter than hell and dumber than a stump. Evidence:



ESPN Gameday is broadcasting from Virginia Tech this morning, in yet another politically correct move meant to curry favor with the gun-grabber lobby. They could have gone to a location where there was an actual game, but better to keep the “tragedy” story going as long as possible.

Stream of Consciousness Thoughts While Watching the BCS Championship Game

refresh for updates

Florida driving again and I’m tired of typing. I’m going to go enjoy this game without the trappings of a laptop. Good evening to you, ladies and gentlemen. May you avoid the fate that these birds suffered. Plenty more birds where those came from anyway.

OSU defense holds Florida and forces puntage. 9:39 to go in the 2nd and the tide could be turning. Additionally, here is an editorial by a tree.


Football Friday (Night)

Yeah, so it’s late. Again, I ask, what do you want for nothin’?

I’ve been a little depressed this week, what with losing congress to the socialists and having to work tomorrow. A double layer shit sandwich this week and I’m gulpin’ it down.

Luckily the Vols don’t play tomorrow until 7 pm, which means I’ll get to see the game even though I have to work. That’s the spicy mustard on my shit sandwich. And why am I excited about seeing the game? Because it’s going to be Johnathan Crompton’s official coming-out party. The Vols will roll, 33-17. We’ve got nothing to play for but pride at this point, so we’ll throw caution to the wind. Arkansas will run the ball, we’ll pass the ball, it will be ugly, but good will prevail over evil.


  • Auburn 31 Georgia 21Poor Bulldawgs. Where’s that pic, MKH?!?
  • South Carolina 31 Florida 30The Ol’ Ball Coach will vanquish his old school.
  • LSU 41 Alabama 20A bad year just keeps getting worse for Shula’s boys.
  • Notre Dame 25 Air Force 24This will be a good game if the same Air Force I saw earlier in the year shows up.

In the steroid leagues, we’ll see if Pac Man will be able to get some time off for good behavior and make the game. It won’t really matter, because McNair, Mason and the boys will come back to Adelphia and lay the smack down on the out-manned Titans, 35-14. A little revenge for Stevie? Elsewhere…

  • Colts 33 Bills 10Peyton will play games with the Bills’ secondary, and his center’s nether-regions.
  • Chicago 27 NY Giants 24The Bears got the bad week out of their system last week, now they can go back to playing football instead of reading their own press clippings.
  • Minnesota 28 Green Bay 10Brett Favre will throw 8 interceptions.
  • Chargers 25 Bengals 24Cincy started strong but will continue their downward spiral.

That’s it for this week – place your bets – call your bookies – you know the drill.