Kids Are Funny

Democracy Came With A Trigger Warning Built In

A gentle reminder for our totalitarian wannabe snowflakes.

Our Constitution enshrined the original trigger warning against all future tyrants.

I demand the outgoing President to order his violent rent-a-mobs to cease and desist their terroristic threats immediately lest we start pulling it.

You “protesting” doesn’t include vandalizing property, impromptu interstate shutdowns, or assaulting people with more valid, better informed opinions than yours.

Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Since I’m all about solutions and bipartisan compromise, when Trump visits Obama he should agree to fix Syria by implementing Charlie Rangel’s “bring back the draft” bill and fill it with the permanent child soldiers in America’s undergraduate college system.

We all saw that terrible picture of the dead boy from Aleppo. It’s time America’s Movember beard sporting, GSA loan backed, bedwetting, college know-it-alls got some of their tattooed skin in the game.

You want to fight an injustice you say you supported? I know just the place.

Come on, guys cisgenders. You’ll get more SJW poon or mangina than you can shake your selfie stick at once you’ve established Operation: Safe Space in Raqqa.

#GrandmothersKnowBest Investor Edition

First, son-to-a-Nigerian prince, Marc Mezvinsky married Chelsea Clinton. *St-rike!*
Then, he gets her pregn’int. *St-rike Two!*

Now this? *You’re out!*

The hedge fund co-founded by Bill and Hillary Clinton’s son-in-law suffered losses tied to an ill-timed bet on Greece’s economic recovery, according to documents reviewed by The Wall Street Journal.

Say what you will, he can spot a dog. But maybe #GrandmothersKnowBest when it comes to making risky investments pay off.

However, when it comes to getting vaccinated for communicable diseases, I’d trust that #GrandpaKnowsBest in this case.

I Demand UN Observers On The Ole Miss Campus

Aren’t a few of them still around after monitoring our elections anyway?  After all, I wouldn’t want them to not be around for The American Spring.

If these protests on the Ole Miss campus were in Egypt or Libya, Obama would already be ordering drone strikes and funneling weapons to them:

JACKSON, Miss. — A protest at the University of Mississippi against the re-election of President Barack Obama grew into crowd of about 400 people with shouted racial slurs as rumors of a riot spread on social media. Two people were arrested on minor charges.The university said in a statement Wednesday that the gathering at the student union began late Tuesday night with about 30 to 40 students, but grew within 20 minutes as word spread. Some students chanted political slogans while others used derogatory racial statements and profanity, the statement said.

The AP, of course, goes on to deride the protesters as being the youth movement of the KKK.  Presumably because none of them sexually assaulted any of their reporters or called for an Islamic caliphate.

Kids, you know what you’ve got to do.  Burn that mofo to the ground and occupy the administration buildings.

When Obama calls out the National Guard on you, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Springsteen will be singing songs about tin soldiers and Nixon coming.


Freddy Quimby Acquitted of Murder (The Chicago Way Edition)

The poor man’s Kennedys strike again.  And the Chicago Thugocracy’s version of Michael Skakel is allowed to prowl the night once again free from consequence:

For the first time, the Chicago Police said Friday they know who hit David Koschman and knocked him to the ground in a drunken confrontation in the Rush Street area, leading to his death from a brain injury 11 days later — but they’re not telling.

They said they are closing Koschman’s 2004 homicide case without asking the Cook County state’s attorney’s office to charge anyone because they concluded the punch was thrown in self-defense.

Police reports made public Friday black out the name of the man who detectives concluded threw the lone punch at Koschman. But the descriptions they provided and accounts given by witnesses and others to the Chicago Sun-Times make clear it was Richard J. “R.J.” Vanecko, a nephew of Mayor Daley and White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley.

This is where the civil trial should come in and rob Vanecko of his life and future earnings.

Vanecko, 36, has refused to speak to the police on the advice of his criminal-defense lawyers, including Terence Gillespie, according to the police.

He refused to talk to the police but they determined, without his input, that it was self-defense.  That, my friends, is amazing.  Usually when someone claims self-defense, they actually at some point assert that they feared for their life.   The police generally don’t make up your alibi for you.

Fearful for his life no less, in this case, from an outnumbered and unarmed man with no history of violent behavior.  Let’s look at that “fear for his life” argument:

In interviews with the Sun-Times, Koschman’s friends acknowledged that he was yelling but said he never ran at the other group and that he never physically threatened anyone. The 21-year-old from Mount Prospect stood 5-feet-5 and weighed 140 pounds. Vanecko was 6-feet-3 and 230 pounds at the time.

Guilty as hell, free as a bird.  Notice a theme with these people yet?

A 6′ 3″, 230 lbs. 29 year old was terrified for his life (while being backed by several friends of comparable size) by a 140 lbs. 5′ 5″ 21 year old.

A state or federal prosecutor and internal affairs should immediately open an investigation into this miscarriage of justice.  Or, Koschman’s family and friends should take matters into their own hands.  The Chicago police have abdicated their moral and legal authority to do what is right.




Palin Hacker Prepares To Run Backwards Through A Cornfield Naked

If it makes you feel any better, 99% of those corn cobs vote Democrat.

Don’t worry, Li’l Davey.  The state’s going to provide this Kernell all the butter and salt he needs.

A federal judge has shot down a former University of Tennessee student’s bid to have tossed out convictions in the illegal access of Sarah Palin’s personal e-mail account during the 2008 presidential election.


Davies argued it was nothing more than a college prick prank by a rank assbag computer amateur. Federal prosecutors assigned a more sinister motive, arguing Kernell, the son of long-time Memphis Democratic state Rep. Mike Kernell, went searching for politically damaging information but came up empty-handed.

The feds slapped Kernell with four felony charges. At his trial in April jurors rejected a wire fraud charge outright, reduced a felony illegal e-mail access charge to a misdemeanor, deadlocked on an identity theft count and convicted Kernell of the felony charge of anticipatory obstruction of justice.

It’s always the “cover-up” that gets you.  It has dibs. But after the cover-up gets you then Jamal does.

Riddle me this:  If Li’l Davy gets his ass kernel popped in Cell block 6 will it make a sound?  I’m guessing yes.  First a wimper, followed by some open weeping before Big Bear’s squeaky bed springs gently rock him to sleep.  Maybe that will be more “his type”.

Night, night ya jag.  It’s a real shame that a few of your unscrupulous supporters can’t go with you in a show of solidarity.

Palin Hacker Gets The Death Penalty

A guy can dream, can’t he? It was either that or Kernell Cornhole Goes To The Clink.

This case has been entertaining for so many reasons.  The celebrity, the hypocritical Leftists, the Internet, the hypocritical Leftists, the politics and, most importantly, the hypocritical Leftists.

When is breaking into someone’s e-mail, changing passwords, posting private messages all over the place, bragging about it, then half-assedly covering your tracks followed by insulting the victim’s daughter at trial acceptable?  Why, when you’re a Democommie and the object of your diseased attentions is a hot conservative governor whose ass could easily produce three pints of french vanilla ice cream an hour.

The felon doesn’t fall far from the bastard.  He and his father had a good laugh I’m sure.  They retreated to the bunker because they knew what he did was a felony.   Aiding and abetting a felon should at least get you kicked off out of the legislature.  He learned it from somebody.

Now Goldilocks is going to get to know some of his father’s constituents up close and personal with a get-out-the-vote drive in his cell until his ass porridge is – too tight (!), too loose and finally just right.

There is no defense for Kernell.   Now the people who have no problem convicting people who never did anything wrong like, say Sarah Palin, will defend someone who has been found dead guilty in a court of law.

Not to worry, Davey.  They can take away your iPod, your internet connection, your voting rights and your manhood but as a Democrat you didn’t need half of those anyway.

Doing Blow Off Ashley Biden’s Chest and The Only One Who Gives Orders Is Boss

There are quite a few reasons to highlight the story of Biden’s daughter’s alleged flakefest instead of playing this magnanimous “I wouldn’t want it done to me and my kids” card being trotted out by The Chivalrous Knights of the Center Right. And I’m reposting my comment from another site but we all have our reasons.

First, let me second Dan Riehl’s observations here.  The scolding Miss Manners of Centrism have gotten our asses handed to us the last two election cycles.

A. That luxury has not been afforded to the Bush twins over alcohol when they weren’t 21. Mary Cheney’s gayness being brought up during the VP debates.  They put Pattie Davis in Playboy to piss off Daddy didn’t they?  Andrew Sullivan’s conspiratorial stalker-lite snoopings around Bristol Palin’s nether regions and attacking a baby of all things.  Etc., etc.

B. Joe Biden is a big Drug Warrior. That’s a terrific CATO podcast link to Timothy Lynch’s comments about Biden’s selection. Now’s the time to even out that crack vs. coke sentencing disparity. Otherwise, we’ll think that white people getting caught doing cocaine is no big deal but black people doing cocaine in crack form gets them sent up the river. Take one for the team, Ashley. Dad’s Team. Dad’s team kicks your door in at night. Shoots first and asks questions maybe.

C. She’s 27 years old. How long do you get to be a kid in this country? The tape is evidently of her joking that the lines aren’t big enough and from within the year.  Sorry, but when Dad’s running for the big job and you’re out tooting it up like the whistle on the Chattanooga Choo-Choo you’ve got to know these no longer youthful indiscretions are going to bite you and Dad in the ass.

D. In light of the President’s plan to continue raiding pot dispensaries and the increasing drug violence along the Mexican border, Hillary Clinton is in Mexico this week condemning Americans for doing the drugs that have the cartels holding daily bullet festivals. Coincidentally the same kinds of drugs her Brother tries to sell pardons for and Brother-In-Law has been convicted of.  Drugs her husband admitting doing and not inhaling.  Drugs the current President engaged in freely.  Drugs the last President did before Jesus became the ultimate high.

Let’s clean our own houses first, eh?

It’s a story whether you want it to be or not. When did Pajamas Media get to be the filter that tells us what we are and aren’t allowed to talk about. You can reason. You implore. But the only one who gives orders is Boss.

Biden’s helped write the laws that have sent millions to jail. If he can’t stop his own daughter then how the hell are we?

Dad’s running around thanking Spain for all of their help in Iraq.  Spain hates us.   They cut and ran so fast I was afraid that their mothers were going to switch them to safety scissors lest they trip and land on them.  Maybe he should get drug tested too.

Maybe they should all get drug tested.  If it’s good enough for our welfare recipientson government assistance, it’s good enough for our welfare recipients in Congress who just voted themselves another fat raise while millions are getting laid off.

Breitbart’s Conservative Manifesto:

The Huffington Post, Daily Kos and other left-leaning sites benefit from the right’s belief that there are rules and decorum in political debate and civic engagement. Of course, every now and then, a curious right-winger will go in and engage in discussion at a left-wing site, but rarely under purely disingenuous and mass coordinated means.

David Brock, John Podesta, am I missing something?

As a prolific consumer of online content, I value nothing more than the sincere expression of opinion that differs from mine. Sometimes I am even moved or swayed from my dogma. But that was not the type of communication that got Mr. Obama elected.

The American right is in a heap of trouble in a media age that doesn’t shun the goons and liars that have poisoned the political process and won the American presidency by breaking the rules of fair play. It is time to fight back, but it won’t be easy. The enemy is willing to do and say anything in order to win.

And our side simply is not.  Even when we are completely in the right and have non-nefarious motives for doing so.

Kids Today

Always with their Xboxes and Playstations and Nintendo DSeses. Maintaining an increasingly sedentary lifestyle void of meaning and substance. I wish they’d pay more attention to what’s going on in the world, you know? Get involved. Do something with their life.

Like this kid:

HAVANA, Cuba (AP)The Cuban boy at the center of an international custody battle eight years ago has joined Cuba’s Young Communist Union.

Elian Gonzalez said he will never let down ex-President Fidel Castro and his brother Raul Castro, according to the Communist youth newspaper Juventud Rebelde.

Because so many 14 year olds want to get involved in politics and defend murderous dictators. Who does Elian Gonzalez think he is the average commenter at Digg or something?

Juventud Rebelde says in its Sunday edition that the boy was among 18,000 people who joined the group Saturday.

That’s one hell of a “Vote or Die” campaign F-Diddy has got going on down there. I don’t think that Miss Cleo or possibly Whoopi Goldberg could have seen a future where little Elian would be used as a tool for Communist propaganda for the rest of his life. I refuse to be that cynical.

Ah, the 1990s. It was a simpler time. The world was at peace. Everywhere an American traveled abroad the local peasantry tossed rose pedals at our feet. The French always sent us this most excellent cheese sampler every Christmas. The Chinese were only putting antifreeze in the cat food instead of the dog food too. The Russians were charging the Venezuelans retail for AK-47s. I made a million dollars a year at the Cotton Candy factory, myself.

And damn it, the government knew how to deal with illegal immigrants.

Tell those bigots to shut up!

After all, we don’t have the money to go after every illegal alien with a fully locked and loaded SWAT team. Only the 6 year old ones.

Don’t Hate The Playa, Hate The Game

While driving past a house under construction at the corner of Ebenezer and Northshore earlier today, Preston Jr. noted that that’s the house he’s going to live in when he marries his school friend Katelyn. When the house is finished of course, he added.

So I had to ask him, what about the cute girl Avery he likes from his swimming lessons? His response?

“Well, I’m going to marry Katelyn, but I’ll just play with Avery.”

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Already a playa at 5. I must be doing somethin’ right.

Note To Self: 4-Year-Olds Don’t Speak in Metaphors

The other night, Preston Jr. was very concerned and kept getting up after being put to bed. This is unusual. He’s usually out like a light soon after prayers.

He came downstairs and with great despair, said that his piggy bank was gone. Where was he going to put his quarters (for gumballs) with his piggy bank gone? Due to the fact that we’re in the process of moving to a new house, nearly everything had been packed up, including the piggy banks.

Being the incompetent parent that I am, naturally, I assume that what he’s really upset about is the transition into a new house from the only house he’s ever known. Seemed like a logical conclusion to me. It’s not really about the piggy bank – the piggy bank merely represents his anxiety about moving to a new house and a new neighborhood. The piggy bank is just a metaphor for his pending upheaval.

He later woke us up around 1:30 am, still worried about his piggy bank. I tried to reassure him by letting him know that he’d have his piggy bank at his new house.

Demonstrating far more parental competence and understanding of child psychology, Mrs. Holmes got up, unpacked the piggy bank, put it back in his room (precisely where he demanded) and off he went to sleep. When I brought it up later, she emphasized, “he really wanted his piggy bank.”

Sometimes a piggy bank is just a piggy bank.

Preston Jr. And The Sony Walkman, Volume One

While driving home from getting our haircuts this weekend (yeah, we usually go together), now-four-year-old Preston Jr. found my Sony Walkman™ brand radio and headphones in the back seat of my car and decided to put them on and listen. As I usually have it on some form of talk-radio, he was immediately enthralled. This discussion followed:

Preston Jr.: Someone is telling me something on the radio.

Me: Really? How interesting. What are they telling you?

Preston Jr.: (Pause) I guess they’re telling me something dangerous.

Me: Well, let me know so I’ll be ready.

Preston Jr.: Now they’re telling me something about basketball.

Me: Really? Hmmm…

Preston Jr.: Now they’re telling me something about baseball.

It was at that point that even he was bored with the sport and tossed the headset back into the floorboard of the back seat.