People are Stupid

100,000 People Forced At Gunpoint To Buy Unaffordable, Catastrophic Health Insurance

JournOList 2.0 continues unabated.

After a stunning defeat on Tuesday, the partisan Unimedia all decided this morning that 100,000 people forced to sign up during the open enrollment period for Obamacare, under threat of fine or imprisonment seizure of a nonexistent tax refund, is what a stunning success looks like.

To counter this propaganda, I ask that everyone who wants to repeal this law to drive with their headlights on tonight.

Democracy Came With A Trigger Warning Built In

A gentle reminder for our totalitarian wannabe snowflakes.

Our Constitution enshrined the original trigger warning against all future tyrants.

I demand the outgoing President to order his violent rent-a-mobs to cease and desist their terroristic threats immediately lest we start pulling it.

You “protesting” doesn’t include vandalizing property, impromptu interstate shutdowns, or assaulting people with more valid, better informed opinions than yours.

Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. Since I’m all about solutions and bipartisan compromise, when Trump visits Obama he should agree to fix Syria by implementing Charlie Rangel’s “bring back the draft” bill and fill it with the permanent child soldiers in America’s undergraduate college system.

We all saw that terrible picture of the dead boy from Aleppo. It’s time America’s Movember beard sporting, GSA loan backed, bedwetting, college know-it-alls got some of their tattooed skin in the game.

You want to fight an injustice you say you supported? I know just the place.

Come on, guys cisgenders. You’ll get more SJW poon or mangina than you can shake your selfie stick at once you’ve established Operation: Safe Space in Raqqa.

If You Enjoy A Free Internet, Thank An Ineligible Cubanadian, Serial Adulterer/Killer, Son Of JFK’s Assassin

You lying, bearing false witness, fake Christian cocksuckers.

From the WSJ:

The good news is it appears congressional leaders have agreed to rescue the internet in time to prevent the Sept. 30 expiration of U.S. oversight. Sen. Ted Cruz, who has pushed hard against the plan since it was announced two years ago, told me last week he’s “cautiously optimistic” legislators will block it through a rider to the federal budget: “The basic proposition of keeping the internet free has united Republicans across the spectrum and should also unite Democrats with Republicans.”

Yep. Still fighting the good fight against The Globalists and The Establishment, of which I’ve been assured that he was one of them all along.

Meanwhile at this weekend’s Values Voters Summit:

Ted Cruz may have won the Values Voter Summit straw poll three years running, but attendees at this weekend’s social conservative gathering in Washington, D.C., weren’t happy with the Texas senator’s refusal to back Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

Quite a departure. Winning their Summit three times in a row versus choosing a Bush Lied, anti-Iraq War, married three times Democrat.

Careful now. Your malleable “values” are showing.

Originally a supporter of Mr. Cruz, Mrs. Hawley, 61, said the senator’s personal feud with Mr. Trump was “very childish.”

“He’s a Christian, and Christians need to forgive,” Mrs. Hawley said. “I know Donald Trump offended him and his wife, but I think your country’s more important than holding onto those grudges.

Good thing Trump doesn’t hold grudges. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.

Forgive someone who asks for forgiveness.

The certain Christian needs to forgive unsolicited but the Baby Christian of Convenience need not humble himself in such a way as to ask for it.

Trump, Gayway Trumpette, Free Republic, and Breitbart news continue to lie about Cruz to this day.

This is like forgiving the person who is stabbing you in the chest while his friends rape your wife as it’s happening.

“I wouldn’t support him anymore,” she added. “That’s childish, and he needs to put our country first.”

Really. Was Trump going to support anyone who beat him? Never. Considering Trump’s recent road to Damascus conversion from Childish to Adult, I’d watch where you point your diaper finger.

“I was very disappointed in Ted Cruz, because he originally pledged that he would support the Republican candidate, and I was a supporter of Cruz, but then he came around and said it’s a matter of principle, and he can’t support Trump,” said Mr. Parker, 76. “But, wait a minute, you promised to support the candidate and now you won’t, because they said something about your family?

Yep. That is exactly why. And if you think that’s a BS excuse, go fuck your ugly, whore mother.

And I still expect your vote in naming me Blogger of the Year.

“I wouldn’t trust Cruz, because if he can change that quickly that easily, how can I know he won’t change again going down the road?” he said. “I think it will hurt him when he comes up for re-election.”

Think or hope it will hurt him?

He didn’t change. That’s your problem. He has values. He has principles. They didn’t break under the weight of every Establishment Republican blaming him for the government shutdown.

And they didn’t bend under pressure from the fairweather conservatives, fake Christians, or closet Populists masquerading as the “alt-Right” to endorse a fraud who gleefully attacked his wife and family and never apologized.

So much for being the adult in the room.

Enjoy your Internet Freedom, ingrates.

Colin Kaepernick Is The Cat Stevens Of The NFL

The transition was really so subtle that I didn’t notice Islamic Rage Boy’s face peaking out of that 49er helmet.

Ooh, baby baby it’s a white world:

It’s been three years since I started 5 and 2,
You say you want to trade me to somewhere new,
And it’s breaking my heart to be leaving,
Taqiyya deceiving.
But since I’m gonna leave I’ll clear the air,
Hope Blaine Gabbert won’t follow me there,
St. Louis sure sounds nice this time of year.

Ooh baby baby it’s a white world,
It’s hard to get by on a hunnit million when you’re black.
Ooh baby baby it’s a white world.
I can feel Roger Goodell’s whip upon my back.
(more…)

Foreign Policy For Faggots

Phillipines President Rodrigo Duterte is a murderous lunatic and a tyrant in the making.

And if anyone can define the Obama Foreign Policy better than “middle fingers for friends and tugjobs for tyrants” I would like to hear it.

Knowing this, it sounds like our Ambassador to the future genocidal island nation had his homo-vertures rebuffed in a very public fashion:

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte called the US ambassador to his country a “gay son of a bitch” in a speech, prompting US diplomats to raise the issue with their Filipino counterparts in Washington.

Perhaps my ideas on diplomacy differ from the prevailing wisdom. I thought Ambassadors were to be artful emissaries of US interests abroad and not antagonizing, affirmative action SJWs. That or Pay-To-Play campaign contributors.

But the reaction from Secretariat of State Lurch McKetchup has been as swift as a wire transfer:

“Kerry came here, we had a meal, and he left me and Delfin $33 million. I said, OK, maybe we should offend them more, so this crazy will just give more money, just to make peace. So, it’s all about the money.”

No. It’s all about wasting our money. They think everyone is just looking for a bribe because they are.

Prepare for Comrade Kerry to mischaracterize this entire exchange and spin it as some great leap forward in 3, 2, 1….

“We have asked the Philippines chargé to come into the State Department to clarify those remarks,” she said at a briefing.

Seems pretty clear to me. The gay son of a bitch has an idiot boss with more money than sense.

You need that notarized and apostilled ya dumb cunt?

Fox News Should Indefinitely Suspend Sean Hannity

It has been clear for the better part of the last six months that Sean Hannity has been angling, auditioning, and ass-kissing Trump to be his Press Secretary. Though it is doubtful Fox plans on doing anything about him, this latest feud between him and Bret Stephens at the WSJ appear to be part of a disturbing pattern:

On Thursday night/Friday morning, Hannity responded to Wall Street Journal columnist Bret Stephens, who called him “Fox News’ dumbest anchor.” Hannity had already started blaming Republican operatives for a potential Trump loss in November. He later applied this specifically to Stephens.

Wsj genius. Where were u when Boehner punted on the power of the purse a added nearly 5 trillion in new debt? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
Hannity responded to the same tweet five times!

Where were you when R party refused to use the power of the purse to defund Obamacare ? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then he started using profanity.

Where were you dumbass when in 2014 R’s said the would stop Obama’s illegal and unconstitutional exec amnesty? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
He dragged Stephens through the mud.

It’s arrogant, elitist, enablers like you that never hold R’s accountable that created the opening for Trump!! https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then said that if Hillary Clinton won the election in November, people like Stephens would be to blame.

Right. Stephens is to blame for Trump. Not the guy who’s been his unquestioning sycophant since before April and who never misses an opportunity to kiss his son’s ass. What a great job he did raising him by the way. Trump the Elder should be more like him!

I don’t hold any affinity for Stephens. Sometimes he’s insightful and other times he is so incredibly offmark that I have to question if he’s a Putin stooge. But this Hannity character…I just don’t know.

I try to never listen to him but drivetime radio is awful and sometimes the dial lands on him. What is always consistent are the following:

1) Constant Trump cheerleading.

2) Constant reminders that he has a hotline to the Trump campaign

3) Daily reminders that he’s surrounded by ten foot tall bodyguards who shoot ninja throwing stars out of their asses and who are training him in the dark arts of the Samurai.

He doesn’t want to have to permanently disfigure you if you ask him a question in public but he clearly means to convey to his listeners that he can kill you seven different ways before you hit the ground.

He’s just warning you. He’s just warning you that you’re going to get hurt. And he doesn’t want to see that happen to you. Because that’s what’s going to happen, punk. You’re a little punk, you know that? You wanna say that to my face?

Don’t touch me!

4) But to all those naysayers, saying “nay” as they do, you can’t hurt him. He’s skin is tough as Hillary’s naughahyde pastrami flaps. Which is a little odd since he moisturizes twice daily with Chamonix and you should too! Karate man may bruise on the inside but his exterior is silky smooth thanks to Genucel and Dollar Shave Club’s Duck Butter.

5) Insert incessant recitals of what he imagines are devastating statistics that must be rolled out at least 10 times an hour (ex: the number of people out of the workforce, the #BLM protesters say to “fry pigs up like bacon”, ad nauseum) like some broken record payola DJ.

His act is older than Donald Trump’s next wife but the issue is that he is more in the tank than Dukakis.

If Fox wanted to maintain any semblance of of being fair and balanced, Hannity should be indefinitely suspended so that he can help Trump run for President.

Sure the establishment Republicans and conservatives (read: not the same people), who make up the 60+% of Republicans who did not support Trump in the primary, are keeping their distance but what’s the real reason for the Trump drop?

Maybe it’s because he’s been less concerned with running against Hillary Clinton than he has been about running against Republicans in Congress that he would need to enact what he’s campaigning on.

Maybe floating that he’s going to donate $20MM of his own money to launch a SuperPac to unseat Ted Cruz in 2018 (that’s over two years from now by the way for those counting on what a petty fucking asshole Trump intends to be) and Mike Lee or throwing elbows against insufferable and longstanding shitbirds like John McCain, Paul Ryan, and Kelly Ayotte or engaging in his mano-a-mano fight with Khizr Khan instead of having a surrogate do it is a little premature.

I haven’t seen anyone this needlessly self-destructive since Marty McFly got called chicken in “Back To The Future”.

Maybe it was Vice President Gingrich, oh excuse me, that didn’t happen. That same Gingrich who, Hannity heavily lobbied Trump to name as his VP, came out and said they needed to stage an intervention to save this maniac from himself last week. I guess Newter didn’t like being cast aside once Giuliani gave his kinda sorta stirring, raspy call-to-arms at the RNC convention and took his and Christie’s place as lead buttboy. Mike Pence is unavailable for comment since he appears to have gone into the Witness Relocation Program.

I expect no better from the thin-skinned, control freak, ADHD candidate with a complete inability to delegate since no one is as smart as he is, but if we want Trump to win then we’ve got to let Hannity strap on his helmet. Have him put his clipboard down and get him in the game, coach! I mean Boss, sir. Mr. Trump. My Liege.

Surely, you all can live without him for 11 weeks.

And just as an exit note, if you come out and say you’re “probably going to spend $20MM to setup a SuperPAC” against my candidate two years from now because you’re butthurt that he didn’t kiss your ass after you lied about him and his wife and father like a dog – you can, in fact, fuck off and die. You can’t say that Trump must respond to Khan because this offense cannot stand and not think Cruz has no right to stand against Trump for what he said about him.

You can. But you’re a hypocrite.

I didn’t #NeverTrump. Trump Never Me’d.

Ooops…Spoke Too Soon

Update: The Mike Pence – Trump Hostage Video

I guess a cocksucker’s gotta cocksuck.

Turns out, I spoke too soon about being able to support Trump:

Trump said this morning that Cruz will “come and endorse over the next little while. It’s because he has no choice. But I don’t want his endorsement. What difference does it make?”

“Ted, just stay home, relax, enjoy yourself,” Trump said to laughter from the crowd of supporters and convention volunteers.

That would be delivered in his patented Smarmy Fuckface ™.

So, I’m glad we’re clear on this. I’ve gotten tired of Trumptards claiming that if you show inadequate enthusiasm for Hillary’s former benefactor that you are, in fact, supporting Hillary.

Now, I’m off the hook. My support and my vote is neither needed or wanted. Nor would it be accepted were it to be offered.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of those Bernie Bros, and Diamonds & Silks, and Progressive Peter Puffers are so disaffected that they are switching sides.

Either way, I’m free to kickback and watch this shithouse go up in flames.

Sweet Meteor of Death, deliver me from this twirling mudball of fucking retards.

Professional Outsider Seeks Career Insider

Pretzel logic from the carnival barker:

Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump said he is “95 percent” sure he would pick a veteran politician for vice president if elected.

He said he would choose “somebody that can walk into the Senate and who’s been friendly with these guys for 25 years, and people for 25 years and can get things done” in an extensive interview with The Washington Post published Saturday.

How does one stay in Congress for 25 years and not be an establishment sell-out? Or the scumbag lobbyist who pays people off for quid pro quos? I’ve been told that Ted Cruz had been there for half a term and that all-of-the-sudden it’s his GOPe ™! If there’s one thing we don’t want it’s that “insider” Cruz who no one likes.

We want that for real insider who can harness his legendary compromising skills that got us 19 trillion dollars in debt in the first place.

Who would this be? Gingrich? Sessions? Kasich? Grassley? DeMint? DeLay? Hatch? Boehner? McConnell? Barbour? Alexander?

Who are these great, elder statesmen of the Republican Party with 25 year, highly overrated track records for “getting things done”? If they’re older than Trump, they’d leave no succession plan in place in the event he won.

Because I can’t think of one that is worth a damn and would shore up skeptical conservatives or not bring on more baggage. None from that list strike me as a game changer.

No former Congressmen turned Governors would seem to fit that description. Pence, Brownback, Snyder, Hutchison, Scott.

Obviously, this would be guided by Black, Manafort, Stone, and Kelly at this point. So someone on their roster that they’ve been lobbying during the last two decades. A known quantity.

Unfortunately, that would be everybody from Bush loyalists, to John McCain, to Jack Abramaoff, to a number of African dictatorships, and a slew of other questionable clients.

And the intellectually dishonest can continue to pretend that Roger Stone wasn’t working for Trump when he was peddling smut on Cruz to the Enquirer when Stone’s own firm was hired as Trump’s delegate counter a week later.

I’d say Trump drafting some old Republican bull to work out some magical deal would be a non-starter for supporters so wed to being an outsider but cults of personality don’t require intellectual consistency.

In other words, what a great idea! This all presupposes that he’s talking about bringing on a Republican as a VP.

It’s Called Mempiss For A Reason

So I guess Kellogg’s can change their Frosted Flakes mascot to Tony The Tinkler:

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A video has surfaced on the Internet of a man urinating on a Kellogg assembly line.

It happened in 2014 at a facility in Memphis, Kellogg spokesperson Kris Charles said.

The video was uploaded by worldstarhiphop.com. Its content is highly graphic.

Kellogg is looking into the incident, and the FDA has started a criminal investigation.

The video was shot during the same time the company and the workers union fell into a nasty labor dispute and those employees were locked out.

At least it wasn’t the pipelayers union.

But if you’ve eaten Rice Krispies in the last year and a half, chances are they were impacted by the pouty union’s tinkle tirade. Not that they’re going to have jobs anyway when that plant closes and they’re put out on a permanent bathroom break.

Thanks again, Mempiss for living down to your reputation and up to your name.

John Boehner’s Kotex Caucus

There are only a couple of scenarios where a man is allowed to cry in public.

A funeral, your dog dying, while singing the national anthem, and the like.

But crying to a reporter over someone bowing out of a political race? These aren’t grown men as much as they are grown mensies.

This is what killed Glenn Beck’s career. Blubbering like a mentally unhinged basket case over something trivial.

In response to the Establishment GOP’s snail trail of tears on the path to irrelevancy, I invite everyone to send a box of tampons to Peter King, Charles Dent, Boehner, and the rest of these pussies.

If we’re going to stop the bleeding in this Republican Civil War, the RINO establishment is going to need a lot more bandages to plug their specific wound. Period.

The Haunting Of Joe Biden

The Pollutico ran this tragic headline today in consideration of the late, almost-too-incredibly great Beau Biden heroically imploring his stroke victim monkey of a father to bet what’s left of his bananas on a presidential run:

Exclusive: Biden himself leaked word of his son’s dying wish
The vice president is mourning. He’s also calculating.

How many fingers and toes does that take?

I don’t mean to belittle the tragedy of the loss of Joe Biden’s only son.

Wait? Are you telling me Biden has two other kids who are both grown adults?

One who made news for about five minutes after Biden was elected VP after a youtube video surfaced of her riding more rails of cocaine than CSX has, er rails, and another one who Biden pulled strings to get him in the Navy when he was fucking 42 years old and who, this exact time last year, wait for it…..was kicked out of said US Navy for testing positive for cocaine.

Hunter Biden, who is married with three kids, issued a statement Thursday evening through his lawyer, saying: “It was the honor of my life to serve in the US Navy, and I deeply regret and am embarrassed that my actions led to my administrative discharge. I respect the Navy’s decision. With the love and support of my family, I’m moving forward.”

Biden was commissioned in the Navy Reserves in 2012 as an Ensign and was pursuing a public affairs track. He had to get a waiver because of his age at the time of his commissioning.

Way to polish that turd. “It was the honor of my life”. Being dishonorably discharged.

Oh. You didn’t hear about that? No one remembers it? No one remembers the media harping on the Vice President pulling strings to get his deadbeat, cokehead son a spot in the Navy when he was 42 so he could get kicked out for cocaine when he was 44?

This might not be as big a deal if you weren’t, oh…I dunno, the dickhead who claims to have coined the term “Drug Czar” and promoted laws that have destroyed the lives of millions while covering up for your shitstain of a family for doing the exact same thing. Liberals are always so big to shout “Hypocrisy!” except when they’re being the biggest hypocrites of all time.

Listen to Beau, Joe. Using your Sixth – maybe even your Seventh Sense. The one who didn’t get caught doing the cocaine he was he was probably doing.

Something tells me that Beau’s insightful and inspiring communique from before the Great Beyond is the “Heaven Is Real” of the campaign season. Sort of like Roosevelt’s “Fireside Chats” except that the fireside is in Hell.

Future excerpts from The Continuing Adventures of the Ghost of Beau Biden:

Episode 2:
And before he gasped his last breath, he pulled me in close and whispered, “We need to pass sensible gun control laws…everyone’s already onboard. You just have to have the courage to fight the terrorists at the NRA. I would have wanted it that way.”

Episode 3:

Beau: *cough*, *cough*. Dad?!? Dad???? Are you still there?
Joe: *sniffs* I’m still here, son. I’ll always be here.
Beau: I know, Dad. You’ve always been there for me.
Joe: I know I have.
Beau: One more thing.
Joe: Anything, son. Just name it.
Beau: *cough* It’s important that newspapers and tv shows quit allowing climate denialists equal time on the air. *cough*

Episode 4:

Joe: Hey, Nurse Ratchet. Bring that sweet ass back in here. Your titties make me want to stand on my hind legs and beg for buttermilk.
Beau: Dad??? Are you still with me??
Joe: Of course, son.
Beau: Hold my hand.
Joe: *rubs his upper thigh*
Beau: I don’t have much time.
Joe: You’ve got to hold on, son.
Beau: I had a vision. A premonition.
Joe: Are you sure you didn’t get into Hunter and Ashley’s cocaine again?
Beau: No. They hid it from me. *cough*, *cough*
Joe: What is it, son?
Beau: Like some ancient mystic, I saw the night sky littered with stars. As I panned down, I saw a teepee and a signal issuing from the embers of an eternal fire…
Joe: You always did have the soul of a poet.
Beau: Then, Elizabeth Warren came out of the teepee with a 21 point plan to tackle income inequality. Go with her, Dad. Be with her.
Joe: I won’t let you down, son!
Joe: *abruptly jumps up and his foot trips over the life support cord before he runs out of the room*
Joe: Stops at the first vending machine he sees and starts digging through his pocket for a dollar to buy some Skittles.

Israel RIP: 1948 – 2015

The Hope and Change is weak with this one. An unfortunate turn of phrase from the candidate that Obama is using US taxpayer money on to overthrow Benjamin Netanyahu:

Chairman of the Labor-Hatnua list Yitzhak Herzog has once again refused to rule out joining a coalition led by Binyamin Netanyahu, instead insisting that he will be the one to form the next coalition government.

Herzog vowed that, if elected PM, in his first 100 days as prime minister he would focus on three issues in particular: solving the housing crisis, “renewing relations with the US and the (political) process with the Palestinians.”

“If need be, I will travel to Ramallah and present to the Palestinian Parliament a vision of hope,” he declared.

So, he won’t work with Netanyahu but will go surrender to whatever Hamas wants. There are no more “Palestinians”. There is only Hamas.

“I am the only one who can replace Netanyahu and therefore I am prepared to face him and discuss Israel’s burning issues.”

The only “burning issues” that Israel will be facing if Obama successfully overthrows the Israeli government is who is going to put out the nuclear fires in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem when Iran drops the bomb on them.

And if they vote for Herzog, they will have voted to destroy themselves after being unduly influenced by the Hamas in America – namely Ayatollah Obama and the Leftwing Jews who support their destruction. How could this even be a contest?

Some Yidiot goes around parroting Hope and Change after the destruction our country as suffered under that monosyllabic pablum and supposedly educated people fall for it.

Courting Controversy

I am utterly baffled by what gets people happy these days.  Why should liberals be excited that the same 5-4 margin of victory as Citizens United just went the other way in favor forcing businesses, churches, religious-based hospitals and people who have voted overwhelmingly the other way to accept gay marriage?  Oh, for Citizens United it’s wrong.  But for this it’s right.  Striking down part of the Voting Rights Act is wrong.  But this is right.

It’s always right when it’s something you want and it’s always wrong when it’s something you don’t.  Some consistency would be nice.

Let’s just get something out of the way – I do not believe that being gay should be a protected status.  It is a lifestyle choice.  Just like being straight.  Just like using drugs.  Just like wearing a pink mohawk and a leather jacket.  People get judged for lifestyle choices.  By their families, friends and employers.  Whether or not you feel you are born that way and how you choose to live your life is a personal choice.  Embrace the personal responsibility for how you have chosen to live your life.  That’s not a judgment against it.

Presumably, you are a person.  Presumably, one rich in spirit and capable of many thoughts and feelings above those of primates.  I myself am an amalgam of a wide-ranging and sometimes contradictory set of personal beliefs and actions.  However, I would never seek to only define and identify myself but what I prefer to stick in my asshole, mouth or what genital I prefer to lick.

To define yourself solely based on your sexual behavior is a perversion whether you are homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual or asexual.

I don’t fully know what to think about the Supreme Court rulings today.  My personal belief is that government has no right regulating marriage – period.  The only way conservatives can preserve marriage is to have the federal government end giving tax credits, incentives, etc. to one group of people and not to another.  Otherwise, Big Government with it’s all crushingly clumsy boots are going to step all over your steeple.

Everyone can still get married in their church.  If your church recognizes same-sex marriage well good for you.  But everyone should enter a civil union if they want the state or federal government to recognize legal implications from your religious ceremony and eventually there will be standardized nomenclature for asset distribution and in the event of death or marital dissolution.  It can automatically renew based on a negotiated timeline with an auto-renew clause unless notified in writing 90 days in advance.

I know.  I’m a romantic.  But tax credits and government incentives are what have given the government the wink and nod to jam the tips of their gangbanging 5-4 Supreme Court strap-ons into the tender orifices of the historical institution of marriage and the only way to preserve it is to quit taking their welfare.

Exit question:  So, the historically anti-samesex marriage Obama can call up gay activists congratulating them on a judicial victory like they just won the Super Bowl with a sense of urgency he doesn’t reserve for his Ambassador in Benghazi crying for help as he’s being raped in the streets and murdered?

Priorities, people.  Priorities.

Blissfully Unaware

I remember before September 11th.  It wasn’t that long ago.  Airport lines were shorter.  Not necessarily pleasant but they didn’t involve a prostate exam by a person selling nude body scans of you on the Internet.

What I remember most was the feeling the morning before everyone knew.  The not having to care as much.  The enemy is over there.  Sure, we all have to worry about the criminals among us but the truly damaging threats are somewhere on the other side of a sea.

It’s why North Korea bothers me so much now:

The photos appeared in the state-run Rodong newspaper and were apparently taken at an “emergency meeting” early on Friday morning. They show Kim signing the order for North Korea’s strategic rocket forces to be on standby to fire at US targets, the paper said, with large-scale maps and diagrams in the background.

Move along.  Nothing to see here, right?  Just more Bellicose Rhetoric ™ from a young dictator wannabe trying to show his military experience is what they keep telling us.   Obama’s in Charge!  What could possibly go wrong with such a experienced statesman like that at the helm?

Let’s just poo-poo these comments and see the continuation of Clintonian State Departmentalizing.  We’ll say his comments are “unhelpful”.  Maybe when the rockets are fueled and you see the blood-raging in his eyes you can upgrade them to “deeply concerning”.

“He finally signed the plan on technical preparations of strategic rockets, ordering them to be on standby to fire so that they may strike any time the US mainland, its military bases in the operational theatres in the Pacific, including Hawaii and Guam, and those in South Korea,” the state-run KCNA news agency reported.

Huh?  Wuh?  I’m sorry.  I wasn’t paying attention.  The family’s coming over Easter and I’ve been busy with trying to do my taxes.  I got this new tablet and you won’t believe all the crazy shit it does.

Kim “convened an urgent operation meeting” of senior generals just after midnight, signed a rocket preparation plan and ordered his forces on standby to strike the U.S. mainland, South Korea, Guam and Hawaii, state media reported.

How long are you suppoesd to thaw a turkey?  I’m probably just going to get a ham from Honeybaked or something.  I’m sure we don’t have enough chairs.  It would be easier if we just went out.  And cheaper too.  Nashville is growing so much.  We’re absolutely certain that we’re the next big thing.  So many new places to choose from in Midtown and The Gulch and all the right people are moving here.

Kim said “the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation,” according to a report by the North’s official Korean Central News Agency.

Later Friday at the main square in Pyongyang, tens of thousands of North Koreans turned out for a 90-minute mass rally in support of Kim’s call to arms. Men and women, many of them in olive drab uniforms, stood in arrow-straight lines, fists raised as they chanted, “Death to the U.S. imperialists.” Placards in the plaza bore harsh words for South Korea as well, including, “Let’s rip the puppet traitors to death!”

Now, to the untrained eye, this type of thing is just what they do over there.  Little children that they are.  Banging their highchairs for attention.  Pat them on the head.  Tell everyone to calm down and quit being so sensitive.  We went from being the World’s Policeman to the World’s Wet Nurse in five short years.  In another three we’re going to be it’s bitch.

Experts believe the country is years away from developing nuclear-tipped missiles that could strike the United States. Many say they’ve also seen no evidence that Pyongyang has long-range missiles that can hit the U.S. mainland.

Lucky for us – experts are never wrong.  It’s not like Little Un has painted himself into a corner here that if he doesn’t do something that he’s going to look incredibly weak.

So where are we? What changes if:

A nuclear missile flies and gets shot down by an iron dome rocket.  Do we call that a mulligan and schedule tea with the Ambassador?

A nuclear missile flies and misses its target.  Another mulligan?

A nuclear missile flies and it hits an ally, a US territory or our mainland.  Then what?

What changes?  The world, chico.  The world.

You can almost see the Army manuals being written now.  When your transgendered platoon leader conducts door-to-door introductions with environmentally and ethnically sensitive gift baskets you should introduce yourself with your head bowed so as not to offend.

As on that same morning before the crisis, we remain unprepared and unwilling to acknowledge the threat in our faces.  It’s over there somewhere.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel *shudder* said on Thursday that North Korea‘s provocative actions and belligerent tone had “ratcheted up the danger” on the Korean peninsula, but he denied that the United States had aggravated the situation by flying stealth bombers to the region.

We have to take seriously every provocative, bellicose word and action that this new young leader has taken so far” since coming to power, Hagel told a Pentagon news conference, referring to Kim Jong-un.

Ah, yes.  The “young” leader.  Good thing he’s not a woman.  She’d probably just be on her period or something.  The U.S. has to take North Korea seriously.  At least we have to say we do.  Else we lose the optics.  Perhaps we can push through some gun control legislation because of this.  Or maybe some gay marriage bills.    Or perhaps some more laserlike focus on Priorty Numero Uno – Yobs!  You know the problem that’s solved already.

I don’t know about ya’ll but I am taking my money out of the bank.  Remember, we financed two wars we didn’t need on a credit card so they say.  How do you think they’re going to pay for the one they are going to let happen to us?  Get Alec Baldwin to transfer our balances to a new, low-interest rate Capital One Card?

Come to think of it – what am I worried about money for?  An arsonist is fleeing the scene of the shithouse moments before it goes up in flames.  Sure he’s in a 600 ton bulletproof limousine that doesn’t run on diesel and if Trayvon had a father it would probably look like him but that is somebody else’s problem.  Hopefully Austin, Texas.

And the money?  I never missed what I never had.  I can leave it in my 401k and the Dow will jump 200 points once the first missile lands.  Now, about that turkey.

From the Wayback Machine:

Slack Ops

On Wii, Ennui: Will Obama be able to finish 18 holes in time to hold the 38th parallel?

Use pitch, draw and don’t forget SPIN to turn what is traditionally a lazy, rich man’s pastime into your foreign policy legacy.

Realistic gameplay lets you be the POTUS. When North Korea launches a sneak attack on an ally’s civilians, you are forced to reckon with 18 Holes to avert Nuclear Holocaust starting off with a brutal par 5 where you must negotiate a harrowing sand trap after the first dog leg.  If we can’t get back to the clubhouse by nightfall, a tersely worded letter to the U.N. won’t get drafted in time!

So Real Even Your Ratings Will Plummet: Use the crowd control feature to whip-up or settle down a fawning press corps.  Camo’d cameo announcers Chris Mathews, Andrea Mitchell, Katie Couric and Brian Williams report from the rough (terrain of their New York /D.C.studios) to give you the play-by-play commentary and your Wii controller’s leg adapter unleashes our patented vibrating Tingle ™ Technology.  Don’t get distracted by how awesome you are. You’ve still got to compose that meeting request with your Cabinet so you can draft that letter!

Unlock hidden missions! It’s a game inside of the game.  After being rebuffed from Chinese diplomats, you are forced to enter into a deadly game of pick-up basketball.  Will Robert Gibbs get picked last?    Use Obama’s natural tendency to bow as you reach in to steal the ball and hog it until the shot clock runs down.  You only have minutes left before you can draft that text message to your assistant so she can schedule that meeting request with your Cabinet and hold a quorum on that letter you were thinking about writing when everybody was still mad about that thing that happened – before The Final Buzzer.

 

 

 

Egyptian President Morsi Touts New “We Can’t Wait” Initiative

Fresh off a ringing endorsement by half of our country’s President, the dangerous idiot Barack Hussein Obama, Egyptian President Muhamed Morsi has crowned himself the next Mubarak.

Youths clashed with police in Cairo on Saturday as protests at new powers assumed by President Mohamed Mursi stretched into a second day, confronting Egypt with a crisis that has exposed the split between newly empowered Islamists and their opponents.

A handful of hardcore activists hurling rocks battled riot police in the streets near Tahrir Square, where several thousand protesters massed on Friday to demonstrate against a decree that has rallied opposition ranks against Mursi.

Following a day of violence in Cairo, Alexandria, Port Said and Suez, the smell of teargas hung over the square, the heart of the uprising that swept Hosni Mubarak from power in February 2011.

Meet the new boss.  With a slightly more violent Islamist streak than the old boss.

Not to worry you 47 percenters.  We won’t let these “unhelpful” distractions detain your thoughts for even the slightest moment from fighting to the death over flat screen tvs and discount yoga pants in honor of the birth of Jesus Christ – the renegade ahead-of-his-time union delegate who bestows paid time off from work every December 25th and supporter of socialized healthcare.

Please don’t ask me why He didn’t create it in those first seven days if He wanted us to have it.

In typical limp dick State Department fashion, Hillary Clinton meekly asks if Morsi needs a back rub so that he’ll remember the true goals of Obama’s Arab Spring :

The decisions and declarations announced on November 22 raise concerns for many Egyptians and for the international community. One of the aspirations of the revolution was to ensure that power would not be overly concentrated in the hands of any one person or institution. The current constitutional vacuum in Egypt can only be resolved by the adoption of a constitution that includes checks and balances, and respects fundamental freedoms, individual rights, and the rule of law consistent with Egypt’s international commitments. We call for calm and encourage all parties to work together and call for all Egyptians to resolve their differences over these important issues peacefully and through democratic dialogue.

Firm but tough?  More like flaccid and vacillating.  Or, “Smart Diplomacy” as they call it.

Morsi’s declaration that he is now and forever above question and the law “raises concern” and Hillary naturally treats the democratic protesters as being equally responsible for the unrest as a result.

If only Morsi were a Republican she could have sicced her lapdog media on him and call him a racist, homophobe or misogynist.  You know?  Things he actually is.  After all, where could Morsi have even gotten the idea that he could just elect to ignore those who check his power?

During a lengthy speech at the University of Yangon in Burma, President Obama signaled the important traits of American democracy, particularly his limited powers as president.

“As President, I cannot just impose my will on Congress — the Congress of the United States — even though sometimes I wish I could,” he stated. “The legislative branch has its own powers and its own prerogatives, and so they check my power and balance my power.”

Thank you for that 3rd grade Civics lesson, Mr. Helper as you embolden the Butchers of Burma and everywhere.

Of course, like many duplicitous, two-faced liars and tyrant sympathizers Obama says one thing in public and often does another at 5 o’clock on a Friday afternoon before a long weekend.

Hopefully, the Egyptian protesters will have more resolve than the pathetic excuses who now call themselves “American”.  They’ll be wiggling their fat asses into those yoga pants just fine in the next year when they’ve lost their jobs and the price of food skyrockets.

The rest of us should begin to plan according if you have not already done so.  We Can’t Wait ™ to begin preparing when we see smoke smoldering in the vicinity of the shithouse and Obama’s economic arsonists are fleeing the scene while blaming Bush for five years of their own policies.

IRS To Begin Offering Free Colonoscopies

Never before has inter-governmental agency cooperation been higher thanks to the incontinent leadership of Vice President Poopy Pants:

During his speech, Biden reminded the audience that some of their Republican friends would distort Obama’s record on Medicare.

“Everyone knows, everyone in this room knows that President Obama has increased the benefits available to people on Medicare by the action he took,” Biden said. “You are now able to go get a wellness exam, and guys, if you conclude you need a colonoscopy because you feel like you have a little too much weight in your wallet then the IRS is more than willing roto-root your pooter.    Or let’s say you need a breast health examination by your’s truly or any one of our highly qualified TSA agents, then you don’t have to pay a co-pay for that.  You’re welcome, America.

Personally, I’m looking forward to the synergistic possibilities of mandatory urine donation for drug screening with it being recycled for offensive anti-Christian art projects.

The AARP Is Just Media Matters With A Colostomy Bag

Forward Comrades!

But don’t let the bag fool you.  They’re still full of shit:

The 71 pages of emails show an AARP management taking orders from the White House, scripting the president’s talking points, working to keep its board “in line,” and pledging fealty to “the cause.” Seniors deserve to know all this, as AARP seeks to present itself as neutral in this presidential election.

The emails overall show an AARP leadership—Policy Chief John Rother, Health Policy Director Nora Super, Executive Vice President Nancy LeaMond, Senior Vice President David Sloane—that from the start worked to pass ObamaCare, before crucial details pertaining to seniors had been addressed. This crew was in constant contact with Mr. Obama’s top aides, in particular Nancy-Ann DeParle and Jim Messina.

As early as July 2009, Mr. Sloane was sending the administration—”as promised”—his “message points” on Medicare. Ms. DeParle assured him “I think you will hear some of your lines tomorrow” in President Obama’s speech—which he did. Mr. Rother advised the White House on its outreach, discouraging Mr. Obama from addressing seniors since “he may not be the most effective messinger [sic] . . . at least to the McCain constituency.” Better to manage these folks, he counsels, through the “authoritative voices of doctors and nurses.”

Knowing this, why did Paul Ryan mistakenly pitch his plan to repeal Obamacare to this cadre of soon-to-be crypt bound commies?  And why again is the AARP tax exempt?

They are the wrinkledy, old strongarm of the Democrat machine that threatens wheelchair bound blue hairs that their strategic reserve of tapioca pudding will be cut off if their candidate doesn’t get elected.  That’s a nice Jazzy you’ve got there.  It’d be a shame of something happened to it.

The AARP is a bedsore on the ass of our comatose economy.

They need to be lectured not sought after.  Once the coordinated boos start, its time to drop the facade of the “I have a realistic chance to court your vote” and swiftly transition to a “it’s about time you turned up your hearing aids and started listen to some hard truth you selfish, old bastards”.   The American Association of Retired Persons has seen to it that no other generation will ever be able to afford to retire.

If Romney wins, I’d like to nominate myself to be Chairman of the death panel.   Like Obama said, forget that pacemaker.  I’ve got a budget saving pain pill with your name on it and an AARP junkmailing list that should keep the lines at Hell’s gates about as long as the lines of traffic behind your Buicks.

 

The Nauseating Conclusion To North Carolina’s Cavalcade of Commies

I am a glutton for punishment.  Having caught an eyeful of Lurch McHorseface’s rhetorical road apples, I am not sure that my living room has adequate ventilation for the weapon’s grade horseshit that permeates the air.

The lecherous traitor who made his name lying to Congress about his fellow soldiers killing innocent people in Vietnam for fun in the manner of “Jenghis Khan” having the stones to brag about the foreign policy accomplishments of  President Frank Marshall Davis Jr. was almost too much to bear.

Success, as he defines it, is the US unilaterally making nuclear weapons reductions in a new START Treaty while Russia reduces their arsenals by ZERO much to the delight of Czar Putin.  He claims that the rightwing Prime Minster of Israel supports Barack Obama’s policy towards his country and considers him a passionate ally somehow:

Again and again, the other side has lied about where this president stands and what this president has done. But Prime Minister Netanyahu set the record straight – he said, our two countries have ‘‘exactly the same policy.” – ”our security cooperation is unprecedented…’’ When it comes to Israel, I’ll take the word of Israel’s prime minister over Mitt Romney any day.

I really do hope someone decides to interview Netanyahu about this assertion because this report casts an incredible wet blank on Sweetback McSadwidow’s inventive interpretation of the day’s events:

Rogers, speaking to WJR radio host Frank Beckmann, painted a very different picture. He said the meeting, originally scheduled to be a discussion of intelligence and technical issues between himself and the prime minister, spun out of control when Netanyahu began lambasting Shapiro over the Administration’s Iran policy. When Beckmann asked Rogers to describe the tenor of the meeting, he said: “Very tense. Some very sharp… exchanges and it was very, very clear the Israelis had lost their patience with the (Obama) Administration.” He went on, “There was no doubt. You could not walk out of that meeting and think that they had not lost their patience with this Administration.”

Kerry is, after all, bucking for a Secretary of State gig in the event of a calamitous 2nd term.  Kerry being the wise judge of character who, in an attempt to embarrass George Bush, threw a hijab over Nancy Pelosi and drug her along in tow to Syria in 2007 to stand in solidarity with Bashir Assad and lobby for the U.S. to re-open our embassy and give credibility to this wonderful leader who had just recently ordered the assassination of Lebanon’s prime minister.

Of course, now Assad is a tyrant who murders his own people which is hyped on the nightly news by the same media that covered up Saddam Hussein’s crimes.  He wasn’t then though, right?  Kerry wasn’t taking his traveling road show of commies and kleptocrats a half dozen times to undermine US security abroad and prop up tyrants for political points.  Because that would mean he was a traitor or something.  No.  A celebrated war hero like Kerry?  He couldn’t be a traitor.

The only alternative being that he’s just an incompetent buffoon who shouldn’t be anywhere near a negotiation table on our behalf.

Exit Question:  Has anyone noticed how much Fox News has been licking the DNC’s ass this week?  Brit Hume looked like he was ready to blow a hobo to get a Clinton interview after his speech last night.

Local Merchants Pay Their Fair Share ™

Something tells me if some of these people were standing in line looking for a job and not sitting outside of a mall waiting for some Chinese made sneakers with a multi-hundred millionaire’s name on them that their families would be considerably better off:

Louisville, Ky. (WDRB) – Witnesses say Louisville Metro Police had to break up a fight early today at Jefferson Mall over the release of a new style of sneakers.

Officers were on the scene where witnesses told WDRB that 75 to 100 people were reportedly in a fight over pairs of the new Air Jordan Eleven Retro Concords.

One witness claimed that a security guard was trampled by the crowd waiting for several shoe stores to open early. That claim could not be independently verified, as WDRB News was not allowed inside the mall.

At least eight police cars were on scene. Sources with the mall claim they were already there to provide security.

From the Keynesian / Krugmaniac  perspective, look at all of the jobs this melee helped to create or save.  The riot police called in to maintain order and make arrests (plus overtime!), the booking agents who would log them into the jail, the ambulance drivers who would pick up the wounded, the therapists who could counsel them,  the locksmith to prepare new fences for the stores and the janitors to clean up the blood.  And, of course, the welfare office who cut the checks that allowed these folks with such misplaced priorities to use their cash on hand for something this important to begin.

This riot is probably the greatest thing to happen to this particular strip mall since October 2008.

“I got the love for the ‘Js,’ you feel me?” said Brandon Betts, a customer who purchased the shoes. “Look at the box! The box is cold!”

“Man it’s crazy in there: people getting run over and security guards getting trampled and stuff,” he added. “They almost tried to arrest us!”

Sources with the Mall deny that there was a fight and say no police report was made out.

Correction:  No jobs were created for booking agents logging anyone into a jail for these various felonies.  And from North Carolina:

PINEVILLE, NC (WBTV) – Dozens of police officers had to break up fights and restore order at a local mall while shoppers were waiting for an overnight sale of a popular tennis shoe.

WTF is it about tennis shoes?  They don’t make you jump any higher or run faster.  Michael Jordan retired from basketball almost a decade ago.  Now, this could just be the cracker in me talking, but are tennis shoes important enough to add another candle to the Kwanzaa menorah?

You’ve got Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumbaa, Imani and Air Jordans.  Air Jordans being the last candle.  The highest.  The culmination of all of your race-based collectivist couch-sweating labors.

In a related story, Eric “We’re Cowards On Race” Holder brought a federal lawsuit against South Carolina today for daring to ask voters to show some form of identification in order to vote:

The Justice Department on Friday entered the divisive national debate over new state voting laws, rejecting South Carolina’s measure requiring photo-identification at the polls as discriminatory against minority voters.The decision by Justice’s Civil Rights Division could heighten political tensions over the new laws, which critics say could depress turnout among minorities and others who helped elect President Obama in 2008.A dozen states this year passed laws requiring voters to present state-issued photo identification, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Just how is this related to a story about people rioting over Christmas tennis shoes?  Maybe because if showing some form of official ID to vote was such a hardship that all of these people standing in line to pay $200 for a pair of tennis shoes could, I dunno, take their Granny or Auntie to the DMV to get a $15 driver’s license.  The wait would be less too as well as not being out in the cold.

Voting with Their Feet:

Do Blacks care more about tennis shoes than their right to vote?

 In Tennessee, we have to show a government issued photo ID to buy 8 tablets of Sudafed and enter our names in a DEA Registry if we want to effectively combat allergy season.  Yet, somehow, exercising your right to vote – the ultimate franchise – shouldn’t require anything more than showing up at the poll of your choice several times a day and show nothing save the cartons of cigarettes and “walking around money” that Eric Holder gave your preacher.

Taking time away from his busy schedule of murdering border agents, funneling illegal arms to and money laundering for Mexican drug cartels, AG Holder had these comments earlier this month regarding those who have an entire year to figure out a way to get a Photo ID in between their hectic tennis shoe rioting schedule:

Holder expressed concern about the new laws in the Dec. 13 address, saying: “Are we willing to allow this era – our era – to be remembered as the age when our nation’s proud tradition of expanding the franchise ended?’’

At the same time, Holder vowed to not let politics affect his department’s review. “We’re doing this in a very fair, apolitical way,’’ he said in a recent interview with The Washington Post. “We don’t want anybody to think that there is a partisan component to anything we are doing.’’

Of course, not.  Politics plays no part whatsoever in  suing those racists in red states for affirming the identity of their voters and preventing fraud at the polls using the same standard as buying a six-pack of beer or cigarettes.

And if you believe that, I have some Black Panthers standing outside of a voting station  in Philadelphia to sell you.