Politics

What The Hell Did I Just Watch?

Well, that was disappointing. Be honest. For anyone who is DVRing the Presidential Debate and doesn’t want their independent judgment polluted with my observations, the door is the little back arrow on your browser.

For those pressed for time, Hillary won it. Not that it matters. And not that it was by much. If you’re a Trump supporter, you still support him. If you’re a Hillary supporter, you still support her. No one mortally wounded themselves. Lester Holt leaned towards Clinton in that he didn’t go after her on anything and did on a couple of pointed questions to Trump.

I keep hearing the first round of people saying Trump wasn’t prepared. I think anyone who watches this should arrive at the opposite conclusion. He looked like someone who was overprepared and because of that did not act like himself. Someone belt fed him information for the last week and he looked like someone struggling to remember what somebody told him was a good talking point but instead kept reverting to repetitious generalities.

Clinton, far too often, was able to get him on the defensive by talking about him personally or about his business practices. He couldn’t not move on and felt the need to get mired in the minutiae of his tax statements, financial disclosures, how he settled lawsuits from forty years ago, how he didn’t discriminate in hiring people at his Palm Beach resort, etc., etc. which played right into her wrinkly hands.

On far too many occasions, she lobbed big fat softballs right across homeplate and he sat staring because he was too busy trying to defend some previous accusation. Whether it was about charitable contributions, whether he was for the Iraq War, “healing the racial divide”, or a half dozen other questions – Trump came up short. Hillary stuck her glass jaw out on everything from trade deals, the Iran deal, taxing “the rich”, revoking gun rights over the terrorist watchlist, or how Trump treats women – he just didn’t fight it. In fact, he agreed with her on a couple of those points.

That whole series where he kept demanding someone to call Sean Hannity about how they argued about Iraq – where he said it about ten times (not hyperbole) – was the low point. Immediately after the debate he was back in Hannity’s loving echo chamber to complain. That’s not the sign of someone who won.

I’m wanting him to clean her clock and while he had a couple of good jabs there was nothing he said that rocked her much less sent her to the canvas that she is physically inclined to collapse on and have a seizure on if it’s a balmy 77 degree day. The part about releasing his tax returns when she produces the 33,000 e-mails she deleted was his high point and then he just dropped it.

She claimed she took full responsibility of the e-mail and the server which is total bullshit. Her staff plead the 5th and if Florida had half the immunity from Zika that the FBI gave her inner circle then I would be sitting on a beach right now. No one was fired. No one imprisoned. There is no taking responsibility if there are no consequences.

Too be certain, she was no peach either. Animatronic and rehearsed. Flailing about and throwing wild accusations about how he’s hiding something very, very bad in his tax returns. I fully expected him to hit her with the only charity she donated to is her own but it never happened. Or how she was “broke” in 2000 and worth $300MM by giving speeches filled with so many rhetorical rubies and diamonds that she can’t release them to the public.

Hitting her on her ritual abuse of women for the last 40 years. Never happened. Demanding to know what trade deal she put together to help Americans in her time as Secretary – Never happened. Asking her if Mitt Romney was right in 2012 about Russia now that she thinks they’re the world’s boogeyman and we need the 80s foreign policy back.

He went off on some tangent about “cyber”. You know, cybersecurity. And that his ten year old is so good with computers but that cyber is a very, very big deal that we need to be tough on. Not his best moment.

These debates likely aren’t going to change anyone’s mind who was already made up but the Donald Trump of tonight is not the guy his supporters have been used to seeing for the last year and a half. He wasn’t in command. He was defensive and completely out of his element.

So now that he’s going to be cornered, I’d expect the negative ads to start rolling out. Not a good performance. Clinton is predictable though and he needs someone to debate with who has her act down but can keep him relaxed, on point, and above it.

Cruz knows her arguments. I’m not saying to copy Cruz’s style. I am saying to bring him in for a couple of practice sessions so that the next time she gets sent to the mat early and stays down.

She had the nerve to say he called one of his beauty contestants Miss Piggy and he couldn’t bring up that she setup a warroom to destroy the lives of the women her husband raped or had affairs with for the last 30 years. Who was it who called Monica Lewinsky a stalker again? That glass chin is begging for fists of stone.

Better Late Than #NeverTrump

So, what should have happened four months ago finally happened yesterday. Cruz endorsed Trump. Trump accepted his endorsement. EverTrump/NeverCruz hates Cruz and rubs his face in it. NeverTrump/EverCruz is disappointed or having a sad about a sell-out. People in the middle are either glad this is out of the way, already gotten on board the Trump train, or decided to hold their nose because of Hillary.

Me? This is what I was holding out for.

Other than the timing, this is exactly what I said should have happened for the last few months. For all of the “art of the deal” bullshit talk, Trump found a way to nurture an acrimonious split of a not-insignificant portion of the Right’s base for the majority of the last six months.

Are those people going to forgive each other? The ones engaging in rhetorical knife fights in comments sections all over the internet since it got down to two candidates? I’m skeptical.

Thanks are due to Mike Pence for hammering out whatever peace there was to be made several weeks ago. That’s what he’s there for. To bury the hatchet with someone his boss lied about with relish for months on end. Who couldn’t be bought off with chicken nuggets like Mike Huckabee or plane rides and endless hors d’oeuvres like The Goodyear Christie?

An apology would do. A promise to consult on issues of importance.

Now that the marriage is complete – how do you consummate it? Hopefully by christening a champagne bottle across Hillary’s face and fucking The Left silly by taking out our pen and phone after November 8th to erase and mark through every illegal action, alphabet soup agency written law, signing statement, and Treaty-Not-Really-A-Treaty that the traitors have been running wild with since 2008.

And then prosecuting them until they’re destitute, incarcerated, or commit suicide. I’m good with all three though I do have my preferences.

Rodney Dangerfield For President

Rather his creation Al Czervik from Caddyshack, in actuality, being played to type by veteran character actor Donald Trump.

How better to describe GHW Bush gargling out his dying words intent to vote for the wife of the guy who beat him:

It’s one thing to object to Trump based on policy differences and a general belief that he toxifies the conservative message. It’s another thing to do it because he doesn’t belong in the toney company of the blue bloods. The Bush Family feels like American royalty, and they appear to see Trump as a nouveau riche blowhard. That feels elitist rather than principled. Nobody was surprised that the person who reported H.W. Bush’s voting choice was a Kennedy. That’s how the Bushes roll.

I’m reminded of a long forgotten article from Suck.com called “Caddyshack Culture” that could stand alone as an epitaph for the Republican Party. The gauche real estate developer crashing the intentionally named Bushwood Country Club with Trump voters rushing to the swimming pool for the hour a year they’re allowed to use it:

Caddyshack is about the way a new establishment replaces an old one, it’s not about the long tradition of golf. In this scenario, George W. is the WASP retard Spaulding (“Are you gonna eat your fat?”), grandson to Ted Knight’s patrician George Senior character. The country club in Caddyshack is named Bushwood, after all.

Trump is Al Czervik. The only difference is he does build golf courses. He speaks in generalities about his great business deals. Yea, we bought land near the Great Wall – on the good side! And they paid for the wall. He insults everybody and makes cutesy little nicknames for them.

When Bill Murray blew up the gopher holes and destroyed the old golf course, he blew open the doors for everyone to come in and play on the new one.

Suck.com may have been 16 years premature.

Dispatches From Early Adulthood

Today in history, Mike Pence set about the business of mending fences with the candidate who won over 550 delegates during the primary process about 4 months too late:

Mr. Pence sat down with Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who lost the Republican presidential nomination to Mr. Trump but whose endorsement could help boost the Republican nominee’s standing with conservatives. Mr. Cruz was famously booed at the party’s convention in July after he declined to endorse Mr. Trump.

As I said repeatedly, this should have been resolved long before the convention. Trump didn’t give a shit because he’s not a conservative and didn’t care what Cruz had done since he’d been in office. Trump and Stone were eyeball deep in the wrong and didn’t GAF that there would be blowback.

Stone probably heard “blowbang” and made way for the nearest gloryhole.

Now that it’s a close race, it comes into focus that you need every vote you can get and constantly sticking a middle finger in the eye of a core constituency might not have been such a bright idea. Rocket surgery, ya’ll.

The only question now is – is it too little, too late?

Mr. Cruz didn’t respond to questions about whether he was any closer to endorsing his former rival. But he did lend a hand to the Republican nominee by echoing his attacks of Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s recent description of some Trump supporters as a “basket of deplorables.” Mr. Cruz said: “That level of contempt from a candidate for the people is really disappointing. It’s a level of condescension.”

Or as a Trumptard would say, “A full-throated endorsement of Hillary Clinton, Mr. Irrelevant!!111!@2!”

Of the meeting with Mr. Pence, Mr. Cruz said: ”It was a very very good meeting. Mike Pence is a good man. He’s a friend. He’s a strong conservative. I was grateful for his strong leadership and his strong support. We had a good and productive conversation.”

This would have been a great story a week or two after Cruz dropped out of the race in May. Instead, it’s been allowed to sit around a fester. People hardening positions on both sides. Trump bandwagoneers in a constant contest to see who can outdo each other with their TrusTED, BusTED, DisgusTED, Cubanadian-otherizing insults and me for seeing some duplicitous fuckfaces for what they really were.

We’ll see if Trump can keep his fat mouth shut long enough for his VP to do what VP’s do and broker a peace deal without blowing it up.

In related news, Rick Perry appeared on “Dancing With The Stars” and the NeverCruz pipedreams of him taking his Senate seat will disappear like Perry behind a sequined curtain masked by armpits drenched in flopsweat.

He’s an Executive ™ not a lowly legislator, dontchaknow?

Maybe a staunch conservative like Cornyn not endorsing him will still work. Fuckfaces.

If You Enjoy A Free Internet, Thank An Ineligible Cubanadian, Serial Adulterer/Killer, Son Of JFK’s Assassin

You lying, bearing false witness, fake Christian cocksuckers.

From the WSJ:

The good news is it appears congressional leaders have agreed to rescue the internet in time to prevent the Sept. 30 expiration of U.S. oversight. Sen. Ted Cruz, who has pushed hard against the plan since it was announced two years ago, told me last week he’s “cautiously optimistic” legislators will block it through a rider to the federal budget: “The basic proposition of keeping the internet free has united Republicans across the spectrum and should also unite Democrats with Republicans.”

Yep. Still fighting the good fight against The Globalists and The Establishment, of which I’ve been assured that he was one of them all along.

Meanwhile at this weekend’s Values Voters Summit:

Ted Cruz may have won the Values Voter Summit straw poll three years running, but attendees at this weekend’s social conservative gathering in Washington, D.C., weren’t happy with the Texas senator’s refusal to back Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

Quite a departure. Winning their Summit three times in a row versus choosing a Bush Lied, anti-Iraq War, married three times Democrat.

Careful now. Your malleable “values” are showing.

Originally a supporter of Mr. Cruz, Mrs. Hawley, 61, said the senator’s personal feud with Mr. Trump was “very childish.”

“He’s a Christian, and Christians need to forgive,” Mrs. Hawley said. “I know Donald Trump offended him and his wife, but I think your country’s more important than holding onto those grudges.

Good thing Trump doesn’t hold grudges. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.

Forgive someone who asks for forgiveness.

The certain Christian needs to forgive unsolicited but the Baby Christian of Convenience need not humble himself in such a way as to ask for it.

Trump, Gayway Trumpette, Free Republic, and Breitbart news continue to lie about Cruz to this day.

This is like forgiving the person who is stabbing you in the chest while his friends rape your wife as it’s happening.

“I wouldn’t support him anymore,” she added. “That’s childish, and he needs to put our country first.”

Really. Was Trump going to support anyone who beat him? Never. Considering Trump’s recent road to Damascus conversion from Childish to Adult, I’d watch where you point your diaper finger.

“I was very disappointed in Ted Cruz, because he originally pledged that he would support the Republican candidate, and I was a supporter of Cruz, but then he came around and said it’s a matter of principle, and he can’t support Trump,” said Mr. Parker, 76. “But, wait a minute, you promised to support the candidate and now you won’t, because they said something about your family?

Yep. That is exactly why. And if you think that’s a BS excuse, go fuck your ugly, whore mother.

And I still expect your vote in naming me Blogger of the Year.

“I wouldn’t trust Cruz, because if he can change that quickly that easily, how can I know he won’t change again going down the road?” he said. “I think it will hurt him when he comes up for re-election.”

Think or hope it will hurt him?

He didn’t change. That’s your problem. He has values. He has principles. They didn’t break under the weight of every Establishment Republican blaming him for the government shutdown.

And they didn’t bend under pressure from the fairweather conservatives, fake Christians, or closet Populists masquerading as the “alt-Right” to endorse a fraud who gleefully attacked his wife and family and never apologized.

So much for being the adult in the room.

Enjoy your Internet Freedom, ingrates.

Tomorrow Is The Big Day (Part 2)

Has it been three weeks already?

Despite a Sumner County coward Judge giving Timothy Batts almost a month to get all of his Daddy Helping Powder (read: Cocaine) out of his system, tomorrow we will actually see if his $500k bond will be revoked for accidentally failing a surprise drug test after bonding out of jail for “accidentally” killing his daughter.

I say “accidentally” because how could a father not accidentally shoot his own four foot tall, preteen daughter in school clothes by mistaking her for an armed home invader at three in the afternoon on a sunny first day of school? And then lying about it.

Instead of being with her as she’s dying, he’s attending to hiding the weapon he never should have had as a felon.

As a sidenote, not one local media outlet has published a single story or interview regarding this trial since the Judge became Batts’ defense attorney. Last post I see is a WSMV blurb from August 29th.

Does the mother not have a say? A teacher? Friend of the family?

The quality of news in Nashville is less than pathetic. They’re too busy plumbing the depths of the unconcious racial bias by way of which spicy fried chicken joint you frequent rather than to expend any of their unlimited minutes or gas money to find out what happened to this little girl.

And why her father lied about it.

The Crack of Massah’s Whip

I get it now. Low watt lemming Kaepernick didn’t go full blown Kunta Kinte over the crack of massah’s whip.

No, it’s so much simpler than that.

He’s throwing his career on the funeral pyre because he’s just pussywhipped.

Before beginning his relationship with Diab, Kaepernick’s Instagram mostly consisted of photos of him playing football or hanging with friends — about 128 of Kaepernick’s 170 posts, according to Fox News. Since dating Diab, Kaepernick’s social media focus has shifted toward black nationalist and Black Lives Matter-related messages.

“31 of his last 42 posts have strong social justice connotations, often featuring quotes from radical Nation of Islam leader Malcolm X, Black Panthers founder Huey Newton and cop killer Assata Shakur,” according to Fox News.

Let him suck a few more of Aldon Smith’s creampies out of her and Kaepernick will be wearing a bowtie, handing out fliers for The Final Call, and selling bean pies at the intersection.

She didn’t accidentally get good in bed, chump. I’d say “Bros before Hoes” but there were quite a few more bros in that DJ Sloppy Seconds ho before you decided to start watching reruns of Good Times and becoming a Light Beige Panther.

What I’m saying is she didn’t go from screwing the linebacker to the QB because you are such a charming fella and scintillating conversationalist.

Clearly, she has given you “your opinions”.

Remember that in a few years once you’re traded to Detroit and arrested outside of Dearborn for buying bombmaking materials from an undercover FBI agent.

And food stamp Kim Kardashian is onto the next sucker with half of what’s left of your money following your career ending knee injury in front of a cheering Military Night crowd.

I’m Sure An Apology Is Forthcoming

I’m shocked. Shocked I say to find out that people who make their living running political ads are running political ads even though the candidate they supported is no longer in the race.

Less surprising is that the miserable, shithole licking liar who helped knowingly spread false and defamatory rumors of up to eight adulterous affairs against one particular candidate – made up out of whole cloth – demands that someone honor their pledge made prior to said shithole licking liar attacking his character, wife, and father in an attempt to destroy his family and to help his preferred candidate.

Take it away Gayway Trumpette:

On March 3, 2016 Senator Ted Cruz told the FOX News debate audience he would support Donald Trump if he was the Republican nominee.

Bret Baier: Senator Cruz will you support Donald Trump if he is the nominee?

Senator Ted Cruz: Yes, because I gave my word I would. And what I have endeavored to do every day in the senate is do what I said I would do.

But Ted Cruz is not a man of integrity.

From Wrestlemania to Sodomania, the ideological lurchings of Trump supporters notwithstanding, tend to conveniently ignore that some things (plural) happened between March 3rd and the RNC convention.

Was it that Cruz was a Cubanadian Latin Lover with up to 8 mistresses published at Donald Trump’s personal request in the National Enquirer? Was it Trump tweeting out that he thought Cruz’s wife was ugly? Was it Trump continually accusing Cruz’s father of helping to assassinate JFK.

Serious, James. Take off your wooden leg and go fuck yourself with it.

You insulted his wife, tried to destroy his marriage and send his kids into divorce court to pick which parent they wanted to live with based on complete and utter lies and then expect him to just to shake Trump’s hand?

Maybe when you find the right fella and settle down after suing a baker who refuses to bake your wedding cake, the gravity of what you did will dawn on you.

Doubtful. But maybe.

LYIN TED CRUZ refused to endorse Donald Trump at the RNC Convention.

And now his supporters are running anti-Trump ads in swing states.
They are openly campaigning for Hillary Clinton.

Oh, boohoo. When they write a check to Hillary’s campaign the way Trump did for all of those years, maybe then then you can accuse them of “campaigning for Hillary”. Or even when the words come out of his mouth and say that Hillary would make a wonderful President.

Until such time, do continue throwing yourself upon the fainting couch and wrenching the pearls around your neck.

Wasn’t it Trump who said he was going to pay $20MM of his own money to start a SuperPAC to go after Cruz’s and Mike Lee’s seats and you’re flapping your dicksucker about a “five figure ad buy” by a former Cruz PAC?

Wasn’t it Trump who said that not only did he not want Cruz’s support but that he wouldn’t accept it if it was offered?

How do you support someone who never stopped attacking you. It’s rhetorical. You don’t.

I’m used to seeing such rampant hypocrisy from Leftists and Communists but for someone who, for some reason, still has a reputation on the Right to pretend like Donald Trump has been some kind of angel through this process and that Cruz’s scorned ego prevented him from endorsing Little Lord Fauntleroy is a little hard to take.

Trump and his supporters really shouldn’t have burnt the bridge with constitutional conservatives before they crossed it. They need everyone they can get since they’re still sputtering against the most corrupt, unlikable candidate to ever run for President less than 75 days out.

But, newwwwwww. Trump had to go full-blown Obama and play the “I Won” card and expect everybody just to kiss the ring despite running a dishonest, scorched earth campaign against someone ideologically preferable to him in every way.

I get to sit out this election. Maybe there is a groundswell of LoFos, the poorly educated (who Trump loves by the way), blacks with nothing to left to lose, women who weren’t born stupid, and non-raping hispanics to somehow hoist him on his golden throne over the stink of Clinton corruption.

It should have been a cakewalk.

There is one way I’ll vote for Trump. If he apologizes to Ted Cruz, I’ll vote for him.

It can be public or private. It could be in a luxuriously appointed Trump-owned resort or down on all fours with his nut-gobbling bib on – in case you needed a visual stimulus. Cruz can signal that he supports him or that they came to whatever understanding was needed.

I don’t think that’ll ever happen. Trump’s an arrogant fuckface and his supporters think they have a right to be ones by proxy.

But that is the only way. And until then, just keep repeating:

“President Hillary Rodham-Clinton, President Hillary Rodham-Clinton” and comforting yourself with the idiocy that Trump’s number of Twitter followers and Facebook “likes” translates to votes on Election Day.

She’s cutting her ad buys in what should have been battleground states.

You’re complaining, not unlike a little bitch, about some lint in their pockets, leftover PAC buying an ad so you can start laying the groundwork for your failure.

Success may have a thousand same-sex fathers, but failure’s a little orphan fanny.

Mr. Switzerland Has Stockholm Syndrome

Pollutico, yes – I know, has a story out this morning providing named sources for once by those at the state levels of the Republican Party expressing concern over the down ticket loss that’s coming if Trump doesn’t get his loose shit together.

Spoiler Alert: It’s not going to happen

Though a campaign source dismissed it as a “typical” gathering, others described it as a more serious meeting, with one calling it an “emergency meeting.”

“They want to patch up a rift that just keeps unfolding,” one source said. “They finally realize they need the RNC for their campaign because, let’s face it, there is no campaign.”

Less than 90 days to Election Day and “there is no campaign”.

And Florida GOP veterans say Trump is well behind previous GOP presidential campaigns when it comes to building infrastructure in the state.

“In Florida, usually by this time, we’d have 10 field offices set up, but right now, there is only one,” said Al Cardenas, a former chairman of the state’s Republican Party.

Who needs all those offices??? Trump packed 12,000 people into an Ag Expo Center off I-95 last month so that easily translates into a 3,000,000 person get out the vote drive.

Screw how state by state, county by county party politics works. Trump’s got a Twitter account and more Facebook likes than Hillary.

Or so Sean Hackity tells us.

Yesterday, I was called “whiny and puerile” by someone who had just discovered dictionary.com because I suggested that Trump make a genuine effort to win over his rivals and these state level people who will lose their party jobs if they have Trump 2016 on their resumes.

In actuality, here is what whiny and puerile looks like:

Trump on Thursday night challenged reports that the RNC might shift resources down ballot, warning in an interview on Fox News “if it is true, that’s okay too because all I have to do is stop funding the Republican Party.”

A suicide pact it is then.

Congratulations on your hostage crisis, Mr. Priebus, er, I mean “Mr. Switzerland”. Trump likes to joke that Priebus is Mr. Switzerland because he’s so neutral.

In reality, it’s because he’s got Stockholm Syndrome.

Perot Again

It’s deja vu all over again. Don’t anyone schedule any speeches to the NAACP in the next two months. A billionaire populist upends the RNC stuffed shirts but he wants to grind personal axes rather than play the politics that it takes to win.

And on the cheap too!

Barack Obama paid off Hillary’s campaign debt to bring her into the fold so she wouldn’t be fragging him through the 2008 general election.

It’s “polls, polls, polls” until the polls turn against you and now the system is rigged.

This is a fucking nightmare. Like Groundhog’s Day. and I hate to say I told you so but you never listened anyway.

This campaign is in such disarray you’d think Ed Rollins was running it.

Start prepping The Downfall videos. Georgia??? Whaddaya mean we lost Georgia?!? Except Trump and Eva will just abscond back into luxury.

First time with Clinton was a farce, this time will be a tragedy.

Update: I honestly thought about taking this post down. That was, until I saw a “Breitbart Exclusive”!!!! *Screeeeech* Stop the Presses. STOP THE PRESSES!!!!

Texas Senator Ted Cruz visited the Laredo Sector of the U.S.-Mexico border and did not contact Border Patrol agents to discuss their needs.
According to the agents, Senator Cruz has yet to contact them through his freshman term in the U.S. Senate. The Border Patrol agents reached out to Breitbart Texas and rebuked the Senator for what they say is a pattern of having tough rhetoric while taking little action.

That’s right. Trump’s house organ – Breitbart News – is running breaking stories today – August 11th, 2016 – almost four months after Ted Cruz suspended his presidential campaign (May 4th, 2016) that the Border Patrol union that endorsed Trump seven months before on March 30th, 2016 is still mad at him. Complete with ugly blurred photo. Even though they praise John McCain in the story for his commitment to border security.

Baffling. But then I remembered, Trump just endorsed McCain a few days ago so the marching orders must have went out.

My definition of Breaking News is a little different than Not-So Breitbart’s. Much like my definition of what a winning campaign looks like.

Trump and his allies are still fighting a fight that was won – unfairly -and letting Hillary off scot free. Which may have been the goal all along.

Foreign Policy For Faggots

Phillipines President Rodrigo Duterte is a murderous lunatic and a tyrant in the making.

And if anyone can define the Obama Foreign Policy better than “middle fingers for friends and tugjobs for tyrants” I would like to hear it.

Knowing this, it sounds like our Ambassador to the future genocidal island nation had his homo-vertures rebuffed in a very public fashion:

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte called the US ambassador to his country a “gay son of a bitch” in a speech, prompting US diplomats to raise the issue with their Filipino counterparts in Washington.

Perhaps my ideas on diplomacy differ from the prevailing wisdom. I thought Ambassadors were to be artful emissaries of US interests abroad and not antagonizing, affirmative action SJWs. That or Pay-To-Play campaign contributors.

But the reaction from Secretariat of State Lurch McKetchup has been as swift as a wire transfer:

“Kerry came here, we had a meal, and he left me and Delfin $33 million. I said, OK, maybe we should offend them more, so this crazy will just give more money, just to make peace. So, it’s all about the money.”

No. It’s all about wasting our money. They think everyone is just looking for a bribe because they are.

Prepare for Comrade Kerry to mischaracterize this entire exchange and spin it as some great leap forward in 3, 2, 1….

“We have asked the Philippines chargé to come into the State Department to clarify those remarks,” she said at a briefing.

Seems pretty clear to me. The gay son of a bitch has an idiot boss with more money than sense.

You need that notarized and apostilled ya dumb cunt?

Make America Ohio Again

John Kasich is milking his 15 minutes again. Which is my preference to the 4 years Trump was going to give him to ruin our country with his Big Government ultraliberal interpretation of Christianity:

Kasich told CNN’s Jake Tapper that he didn’t receive a call himself. But he said one of his aides confirmed to him a New York Times report last monthsaying Donald Trump Jr. tried to entice Kasich with a position as the most powerful vice president in history — putting him in charge of all domestic and foreign policy — was accurate.

“That’s what one of them has told me, yes,” Kasich told Tapper in an interview aired Sunday on “State of the Union.”

This isn’t a new story as it’s been around soon after Kasich dropped out. This is how it’s done isn’t it? Some back channel note passer like you’re in the 5th grade asking, “Do you like me?” with Yes, No, Maybe checkboxes on it?

I see this two ways. Either Trump was perfectly willing to sellout his supporters with the milquiest toast of them all who expressed nothing short of condescending sneers and smug superiority for a position that less than 3% of Republican primary voters wanted to hear.

Or, Trump ritually makes promises he doesn’t intend to honor to quell his critics. Is that the Art of the Deal? Floating the VP slot to whichever vanquished wheel is squeaking the loudest at the moment in exchange for virtue or goods and services?

And once you’re done, like Chris Christie, you can get your fat ass back on the plane.

I realize Kasich is so proud of himself that when goes to the bathroom that he is compelled to fan his hands towards his face to get the full satisfaction of his own filth but floating the idea that our country’s domestic policy should be handed over to him while Trump plays figurehead has left me wondering. Would a VP Kasich scare off any of his supporters before the convention?

Is Kasich the liar or Trump and Don Jr.?

I don’t want a Hillary presidency and there is only one thing that’s going to prevent that. Trump needs to go through whatever back channels available to him and get his vanquished foes to support him. You don’t win the primary and then tell everyone to go fuck themselves and I’ll win without you. Which is exactly what both he and his supporters have been doing and even the Hannitards beat their puds to the notion that Independents are going to make up for losing so many traditional Republican voters.

How are you going to build a wall if you can’t mend a fence with the people you need to pass it? It will take humility, swallowing a little pride,and probably apologizing to some degree. If he can do that, he will likely win.

I don’t think he’s capable of that. Offering, asking for, or receiving forgiveness from others is a Christian trait and he’s no more a Christian than Obama is. A politically expedient “conversion” for appearances. To someone who thinks they’ve never done anything wrong that is something that is never going to happen.

Exit Video: Negotiating with a psychopath 101 from Deadwood between mining magnate George Hearst and up-and-comer Alma Ellsworth.

“Your proposal offends completely. It mistakes my Nature, absolutely. Will you hear my counter-proposal?”

Similarly, how one with such wealth and power views the utility of those who can help him or those that would impede his Will. And those who might reject the promise he brings.

Fox News Should Indefinitely Suspend Sean Hannity

It has been clear for the better part of the last six months that Sean Hannity has been angling, auditioning, and ass-kissing Trump to be his Press Secretary. Though it is doubtful Fox plans on doing anything about him, this latest feud between him and Bret Stephens at the WSJ appear to be part of a disturbing pattern:

On Thursday night/Friday morning, Hannity responded to Wall Street Journal columnist Bret Stephens, who called him “Fox News’ dumbest anchor.” Hannity had already started blaming Republican operatives for a potential Trump loss in November. He later applied this specifically to Stephens.

Wsj genius. Where were u when Boehner punted on the power of the purse a added nearly 5 trillion in new debt? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
Hannity responded to the same tweet five times!

Where were you when R party refused to use the power of the purse to defund Obamacare ? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then he started using profanity.

Where were you dumbass when in 2014 R’s said the would stop Obama’s illegal and unconstitutional exec amnesty? https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS — Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016
He dragged Stephens through the mud.

It’s arrogant, elitist, enablers like you that never hold R’s accountable that created the opening for Trump!! https://t.co/oaH1b92PFS

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 5, 2016

Then said that if Hillary Clinton won the election in November, people like Stephens would be to blame.

Right. Stephens is to blame for Trump. Not the guy who’s been his unquestioning sycophant since before April and who never misses an opportunity to kiss his son’s ass. What a great job he did raising him by the way. Trump the Elder should be more like him!

I don’t hold any affinity for Stephens. Sometimes he’s insightful and other times he is so incredibly offmark that I have to question if he’s a Putin stooge. But this Hannity character…I just don’t know.

I try to never listen to him but drivetime radio is awful and sometimes the dial lands on him. What is always consistent are the following:

1) Constant Trump cheerleading.

2) Constant reminders that he has a hotline to the Trump campaign

3) Daily reminders that he’s surrounded by ten foot tall bodyguards who shoot ninja throwing stars out of their asses and who are training him in the dark arts of the Samurai.

He doesn’t want to have to permanently disfigure you if you ask him a question in public but he clearly means to convey to his listeners that he can kill you seven different ways before you hit the ground.

He’s just warning you. He’s just warning you that you’re going to get hurt. And he doesn’t want to see that happen to you. Because that’s what’s going to happen, punk. You’re a little punk, you know that? You wanna say that to my face?

Don’t touch me!

4) But to all those naysayers, saying “nay” as they do, you can’t hurt him. He’s skin is tough as Hillary’s naughahyde pastrami flaps. Which is a little odd since he moisturizes twice daily with Chamonix and you should too! Karate man may bruise on the inside but his exterior is silky smooth thanks to Genucel and Dollar Shave Club’s Duck Butter.

5) Insert incessant recitals of what he imagines are devastating statistics that must be rolled out at least 10 times an hour (ex: the number of people out of the workforce, the #BLM protesters say to “fry pigs up like bacon”, ad nauseum) like some broken record payola DJ.

His act is older than Donald Trump’s next wife but the issue is that he is more in the tank than Dukakis.

If Fox wanted to maintain any semblance of of being fair and balanced, Hannity should be indefinitely suspended so that he can help Trump run for President.

Sure the establishment Republicans and conservatives (read: not the same people), who make up the 60+% of Republicans who did not support Trump in the primary, are keeping their distance but what’s the real reason for the Trump drop?

Maybe it’s because he’s been less concerned with running against Hillary Clinton than he has been about running against Republicans in Congress that he would need to enact what he’s campaigning on.

Maybe floating that he’s going to donate $20MM of his own money to launch a SuperPac to unseat Ted Cruz in 2018 (that’s over two years from now by the way for those counting on what a petty fucking asshole Trump intends to be) and Mike Lee or throwing elbows against insufferable and longstanding shitbirds like John McCain, Paul Ryan, and Kelly Ayotte or engaging in his mano-a-mano fight with Khizr Khan instead of having a surrogate do it is a little premature.

I haven’t seen anyone this needlessly self-destructive since Marty McFly got called chicken in “Back To The Future”.

Maybe it was Vice President Gingrich, oh excuse me, that didn’t happen. That same Gingrich who, Hannity heavily lobbied Trump to name as his VP, came out and said they needed to stage an intervention to save this maniac from himself last week. I guess Newter didn’t like being cast aside once Giuliani gave his kinda sorta stirring, raspy call-to-arms at the RNC convention and took his and Christie’s place as lead buttboy. Mike Pence is unavailable for comment since he appears to have gone into the Witness Relocation Program.

I expect no better from the thin-skinned, control freak, ADHD candidate with a complete inability to delegate since no one is as smart as he is, but if we want Trump to win then we’ve got to let Hannity strap on his helmet. Have him put his clipboard down and get him in the game, coach! I mean Boss, sir. Mr. Trump. My Liege.

Surely, you all can live without him for 11 weeks.

And just as an exit note, if you come out and say you’re “probably going to spend $20MM to setup a SuperPAC” against my candidate two years from now because you’re butthurt that he didn’t kiss your ass after you lied about him and his wife and father like a dog – you can, in fact, fuck off and die. You can’t say that Trump must respond to Khan because this offense cannot stand and not think Cruz has no right to stand against Trump for what he said about him.

You can. But you’re a hypocrite.

I didn’t #NeverTrump. Trump Never Me’d.

The Atheist Elephant In The Room

Wikileaks released their hacked DNC messages exposing an effort by some in the Clinton campaign planning on smearing Bernie Sanders as a, yuck, atheist:

The Democratic National Committee – a supposedly neutral organisation – apparently hatched a plan to try and undermine Bernie Sanders’ campaign against Hillary Clinton by getting someone to claim he was an atheist.

An email from May 2016 and sent from DNC CFO Brad Marshall suggested that they should “get someone to ask” Mr Sanders his views on religion.

“It might may no difference, but for KY and WVA can we get someone to ask his belief. Does he believe in a God. He had skated on saying he has a Jewish heritage. I think I read he is an atheist,” wrote Mr Marshall.

“This could make several points difference with my peeps. My Southern Baptist peeps would draw a big difference between a Jew and an atheist.”

Set aside the complete appearance of impropriety between the DNC and Clinton’s campaign colluding to take out a candidate which has already resulted in Debbie Wasserman Schulz getting the ugly old (heave) ho. Who thought they’d ever see the day that Democrats would smear one of their own as an atheist?

Hey Bernie, if you really are an atheist, just run as a Republican. They have no problem nominating an atheist Democrat for President.

Er, excuse me…a “Baby Christian” I mean.

Dobson was vague about the details of Trump’s supposed religious conversion, telling Anthony that while he knows the person responsible for “leading” Trump to Jesus, he would not name the person and couldn’t specify the time or place. “I don’t know when it was,” said Dobson, “but it has not been long.”

Who, I ask, who can doubt the sincerity of a Road To Cleveland conversion to Christianity after worshiping at the altar of money and mail order pussy for 70 years?

“CT: Every president has called upon God at some point. Lincoln spoke of not being able to hold the office of the presidency without spending time on his knees. You have confessed that you are a Christian…

DT: And I have also won much evangelical support.

CT: Yes, I know that. You have said you never felt the need to ask for God’s forgiveness, and yet repentance for one’s sins is a precondition to salvation. I ask you the question Jesus asked of Peter: Who do you say He is?

DT: I will be asking for forgiveness, but hopefully I won’t have to be asking for much forgiveness…

As Hillary Clinton would say, “sigh“.

The bar for calling oneself a Christian is already pretty low. Believe Jesus Christ is the son of God or in the Holy Trinity or whatever and acknowledge your sins / ask for forgiveness as there was only one perfect person and they died on a big “T” over 2 corinthians ago. Maybe get baptized. Living as a Christian obviously being more difficult than just calling yourself one because you hate awkwardness at dinner parties.

But ferchrissakes, does nobody else talk about the elephant in the room? Because I see Daniel Plainview’s confession.

For the record, any casual reader of this site would know that I’m an atheist. I have no problem with electing one. I do have a problem with fakers and frauds lying about what they are to ingratiate themselves with a key voting demographic.

But again, who am I to judge the man who has read the Bible more than anyone?

Oh, that’s right. I’m exactly the person to judge because I’m Judgey McFuckinJudgerson. All it takes is some intrepid reporter to tug at this thread for a second and his unmitigated hubris will not allow him to be humble before any fake God or man. Like those rubes. Believe me.

I’m going to need these before November.

Trumptards Face The Puppy Blender

It’s been kind of entertaining watching Insty veer to the right during the Obama years.

He’s sat out a lot of the feuding following his addition of a comments section especially during the Rise Of Trump. But this morning’s troll of Trump’s statement criticizing the US on civil rights as an excuse to not condemn Erdogan’s violent purge of the remaining secularists in Turkey is sure to produce 300 comments:

Well, it’s a standard lefty talking point — those tend to come, ultimately, from Soviet propagandists whether the talkers know it or not, and usually they don’t — and it’s one that’s been echoed by President Obama with his reminders to Americans not to get on our high horse (the Crusades, you know) and his disparaging of American exceptionalism.

The big news here is that a Republican candidate is saying it, but then, Trump spent most of his life as a Democrat.

He’s not just been a lifelong Democrat. He’s repeating Soviet propagandist talking points Democrats have been using for years. Perhaps some salt on that wound will help?

It’s ok though because Wall ™ and America’s going to be great again or something.

Reynolds isn’t wrong. It’s just odd that he’s deciding to take this tack so soon after the RNC convention given how many of his readers and commenters are still rolling around in the post-coital Cleveland cuddle puddle.

Ooops…Spoke Too Soon

Update: The Mike Pence – Trump Hostage Video

I guess a cocksucker’s gotta cocksuck.

Turns out, I spoke too soon about being able to support Trump:

Trump said this morning that Cruz will “come and endorse over the next little while. It’s because he has no choice. But I don’t want his endorsement. What difference does it make?”

“Ted, just stay home, relax, enjoy yourself,” Trump said to laughter from the crowd of supporters and convention volunteers.

That would be delivered in his patented Smarmy Fuckface ™.

So, I’m glad we’re clear on this. I’ve gotten tired of Trumptards claiming that if you show inadequate enthusiasm for Hillary’s former benefactor that you are, in fact, supporting Hillary.

Now, I’m off the hook. My support and my vote is neither needed or wanted. Nor would it be accepted were it to be offered.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of those Bernie Bros, and Diamonds & Silks, and Progressive Peter Puffers are so disaffected that they are switching sides.

Either way, I’m free to kickback and watch this shithouse go up in flames.

Sweet Meteor of Death, deliver me from this twirling mudball of fucking retards.

Never Compromise. Not Even In The Face of Armageddon.

That’s always been the difference between us.

Watchmen is the most underrated, unappreciated, and overlooked of the superhero adaptation movies in the last decade.

I couldn’t help but think of that Rorschach quote watching Ted Cruz’s speech to a hall whose enthusiasm has been tepid, at best, over the last three days of the Republican convention. And anyone who has seen that movie knows how it ended for Rorschach when he refused to go along with the lie agreed upon:

I congratulate Donald Trump on winning the nomination last night,” Cruz said 20 seconds into his speech. He went on to add — in a line that wasn’t part of his prepared remarks — that, “like each of you, I want to see the principles that our party believes in prevail in November.

Was it the right place and the right time to do this? Probably not. When is the right time? After the general?

The main takeaway is not the lusty booing from the peanut gallery or fuming partisans who demanded Cruz grovel before their Dreamsicle colored deity.

The point is that Donald Trump had two months to make things right with Cruz after he threw every manufactured smear his bisexual swinger of a campaign manager could throw at him.

There was nothing “fair and square” about his victory.

He had two months and he chose not to close those ranks and tie up Cruz supporters because he’s an egomaniacal, petty tyrant incapable of humbling himself when he is clearly in the wrong.

Lyin’ Ted. The Cuban Mistress Crisis where Stone invented eight extramarital affairs out of whole cloth that has never been retracted. Calling Cruz’s wife ugly. Accusing Cruz’s father of helping Oswald assassinate JFK. The CubaCanadian non-citizen. Mr. GOPe Establishment bought and paid for by Goldman Sachs.

A private apology would have likely solved all of this but no. Cruz had no path to endorse Trump unless he sold out his principles and lose the respect of his supporters.

They all can’t be conservative stalwarts like Christie, Rubio, and Huckabee can they?

Good ole Lyin’ Ted broke his pledge. But let me ask you, if you pledge til death do you part and your wife becomes an adulterer or drains your bank account to zero, are you obligated to honor that till death vow?

Once again, the apoplectic Trumpettes at Free Republic and other sites reveal that they are neither conservatives or Christians but have been driven mad by eight years of Obama rubbing an ineffectual GOP’s noses in it. So much so that they viciously attack everyone incapable of ignoring the stretchmarks, excessive body hair, bird legs, tramp stamp,colostomy bag, and bacne of their would-be Emperor’s New Clothes.

So, will I vote for him? Probably. But my lack of a choice doesn’t make me see things in a man that are not there or ruin relationships with good people because they don’t share my desperation and delusion.

Pat Smith Ruined An Otherwise Lovely Evening Of Divisive Hate Speech

So says the same people who sucked Cindy Sheehan’s dick for five years:

Being the out-of-control pundit that he is, Matthews went as far as to rule that Smith’s speech soured the evening:

It’s manifestly not true she had anything to do in that case, even if all of the arguments about what she said afterwards or Susan Rice said afterwards on Meet the Press are true and anybody who thinks about it for a second knows it’s not true and I think it’s wrong that they ruined their evening with this.

There goes Sissy again. Quite a departure from several years ago when he asked Saint Cindy of the Ditch Diocese to run for Congress.

I’m so old that I can remember when the mother of a slain soldier was imbued with Absolute Moral Authority ™.

The Obama’s Open Hearts Update: A writer for GQ tweets that he doesn’t care how many kids Smith has lost and that he would like to beat her to death.

Followed quickly by a non-apology apology.

Sometime in the late 90s, GQ changed from Gentlemen’s Quarterly to Grouchy Queers. Violent leftwing political fantasies mixed together with homoerotic features on Justin Bieber’s surprisingly simple workout routine, the $15 accessory that just made Ryan Gosling’s suit, and the top ten most fabulous sunglasses you won’t dare lose this summer.

Gravitas, you pansy assed cock yodelers.

Obama Wipes His Bloody Hands On America’s Coat

It’s so predictably funny. The Great Bigot. Ayatollah Obama The Pious repeatedly holding court on local criminal court cases without a shred of evidence. Also predictably, when his supporters ambush and murder cops following pep rallies at the White House he suddenly becomes the model of Blind Justice.

Confronting another killing of police officers, President Barack Obama on Sunday urged Americans to tamp down inflammatory words and actions as a violent summer collides with the nation’s heated presidential campaign.

Obama said the motive behind Sunday’s killing of three officers in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was still unknown.

Everyone’s innocent until proven innocent in a court of LoFo public opinion following months of a false media narrative. Hands up, don’t shoot. Pictures of Saint Skittles, who could miraculously turn cough syrup and Arizona Iced Tea into Purple Drank, as a 12 year old eating birfday cake. And by the time Baton Rouge is through, Alton Sperling will be a world famous DJ who donated his time to helping little kids and not molesting them.

“We don’t need inflammatory rhetoric. We don’t need careless accusations thrown around to score political points or to advance an agenda. We need to temper our words and open our hearts … all of us,” Obama said.

He’s talking about Trump and the Associated Press emphasized that Trump uses “heated rhetoric”. In case you were confused about a motive for the dozen cops assasinated over the last two weeks, Ayatollah and the bathroom attendant that is the AP are helping him wipe his and BLM’s bloody hands off on Trump and Americans writ large.

He’s setting the stage to blame next week’s violence in Cleveland on Republican rhetoric at their convention. Their “careless accusations” will be the reason for violence. Not him. Not Lynch. Not Clinton. Not the BLM or whatever iteration of the Black Panthers or their fellow Nation of Islam mujahideen.

Republicans better be prepared. Hussein has worked his entire life towards agitating for a moment where he can turn 2016 Cleveland into 1968 Chicago. He’s killing cops right now and blaming it on you.

He’s not telling Black Lives Matter, Farrakhan, or Al Sharpton to tamp down the rhetoric after they’ve assasinated a dozen cops. He’s telling you.

Palate Cleanser: Don Lemon cuts off Sheriff Clarke and goes to commercial when he tells him what BLM is to his stupid face.